A/N: Oyyy, it's been a while since I last updated. Almost 5 months! I had a really rough time this summer and writing wasn't my priority. But I'm back. And my inspiration is back. Thanks to Valerie for helping me start this chapter!
"How are you doing today, Aria?" Jennifer, her therapist asked, looking up expectantly.
"Good."
The therapist raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yes." Aria answered. "Honest. I think I'm doing a lot better."
"That's good to hear."
And it was good to hear, especially given their rough start.
"It's my fault. It's all my fault."
"And do you think you feel this way?"
"Because he's dead. And it's all my fault." Aria insisted.
"But why?" The therapist pressed. "Why? Would it be your fault if I got up, walked out of this room, and got hit by a bus?"
"No."
"Why?"
"What kind of a question is that?" Aria knew, she just knew, that therapy would be a bad idea. Why had she agreed to this, speaking with some old crackpot?
"You'll see in a minute. Please answer my question. Why wouldn't it be your fault?"
Aria sighed. "Because I didn't do anything to cause it."
"And there you go. My hypothetical getting run over by a bus has nothing to do with you. So therefore it's not your fault."
"What does that have to do with-"
"It's the same thing. What happened to your baby had nothing to do with you."
"I was his mother!" Aria insisted; she could feel her hands beginning to shake. "I was supposed to, I don't know, protect him. And I failed."
"No, you didn't. If you knowingly allowed your kid to go a party where you knew there'd be drugs? Then yeah, you failed to protect him. But this was not like that. It was pure biology. His body was not strong enough to survive, and you had nothing to do with that. Listen to me," the therapist said gently. "You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened. You owe it yourself to do so."
Before they knew it, the timer went off, indicating the end of their session. Aria had to admit that going to therapy for the past month had been very helpful and she almost didn't want to leave every time the timer would go off.
"Well, our times up." Aria spoke.
Jennifer smiled and nodded. "I'll see you next Friday"
"Next Friday?"
She nodded. " I think you're ready. I'm glad to be helping."
Aria smiled back. "Thank you. See you next week."
Aria grabbed her purse from the couch and walked toward the door.
"Oh. I almost forgot." Jennifer called behind her. "Happy Birthday, Aria."
"Thanks."
"Babe, I'm home!"
Aria set her keys down on the coffee table, along with her purse and jacket.
"Ezra?" She called again. No answer. "Babe?"
She headed upstairs figuring he must be taking a nap. Fridays were always the most tiring for him.
"Hey, I'm home." She said as she headed into their bedroom. "Ezra?"
Suddenly, she felt two strong arms wrap tightly around her. "Hey."
"You scared me." She giggled, leaning up to kiss him.
"How did it go today?"
"Great. Though I'm glad I'm down to weekly sessions."
"That's great. You don't know how proud I am of your improvement."
"Thank you." She said sincerely. "I don't know how I would've gone through this without you. I love you."
"I love you, too, babe." He kissed her nose then her lips. "Now go into the bathroom. The bath is ready for you. We leave in two hours, so just relax."
She nodded. "Okay."
"I told you I didn't want to do anything today." Aria grumbled as she watched Rosewood's streets fly by. "And no," she said in response to the worried glance Ezra threw her way before flashing his eyes back to the road. "it has nothing to do with you know what. You know i'm getting better. I just don't really want to celebrate the fact that I'm getting older."
"Don't think of it as a celebration, if that helps. This is simply a dinner with your closest friends."
Inside Tuttabella, the girls and their respective significant others were already seated.
"Nobody say the h-word." Aria said as soon as she stepped up to the table.
"Happy birthday." Ezra stage whispered to clarify. "And I don't see what the big deal is. Twenty-"
"So should we order?" Aria said loudly, much to everyone's amusement as they all knew how old she (and everyone else) was.
"Where's Ali?" Hanna looked around the restaurant as though she expected Ali to just materialize. "Did you see her when you came in?"
Ali. Right. Ezra had invited her too. She'd spoken to her a few times in the last month, but Aria hadn't seen her in person and still felt incredibly embarrassed and sorry for what she had done. But she couldn't not invite her. It would only make things worse. Besides, Ali forgave her almost instantly claiming she could understand what she was going through at the time.
She didn't think she would bring Isabelle, as it was already eight, and probably the baby's bedtime, but a part of her worried. Although she was mentally ready to see both Alison and Isabelle, a small part of her worried there would be a repetition of the previous time. It was silly and she knew it. Everything would be okay.
"She just texted and said she's running late." Spencer answered, always ready with the answer.
As if on cue, Ali came breezing in. "Sorry I'm late. I had a bit of trouble getting Izzy to sleep."
"Don't worry about it. We just got here too." Ezra assured.
"Aria." Alison pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy to see you again. Happy Birthday."
"Thank you, Ali." She responded by hugging her tighter.
"Shall we order?" Hanna asked. "I'm starving."
They each placed their orders, and while they waited for their food, caught up on each other's life.
"So Aria has some good news." Ezra announced.
Aria nodded. "Yeah. Well as you all know, the past four months have painfully difficult for us. But therapy for the past month, has helped me more than I could've ever imagined. My therapist says I'm healing quickly. And now, I only have to go to therapy weekly instead of four days a week."
"That's great, Aria." Spencer smiled. "We're all happy you're learning to deal with this."
She gave them a small smile. "Thank you."
"Alison," She continued. "I can never apologize enough for that day, but I hope you do know how sorry I am. I really am.
"Aria." She spoke softly, placing her hand over her's. "I've told you this many many times. Don't worry about it. Please stop worrying. That's in the past. You were dealing with a lot. So please hear me when I say that you have nothing to apologize for. Honestly."
"Thank you, Ali."
Alison smiled. "There's actually something I want to talk to you about. Well more like two things. I already spoke to Ezra about it, and he agreed. I just hope you'll want to agree too."
"What is it?"
"First, the most important question out of the two. Would you and Ezra like to be Izzy's godparents?"
Surprise filled her instantly, but so did happiness. Was it the right decision to say yes? Of course she wanted to.
"Y-yes. Of course. I'd love to, if you're sure that we are what you want."
"I'm positive. I want Izzy to have godparents like you guys. I feel like it's meant to be."
"We'd love to." Aria assured.
"The second thing is. I'm getting tired of depending on my Dad for all my expenses, so I've been looking for jobs. I had an interview on Wednesday and I got the job. I guess what my question is, is that if you'd be willing to watch Isabelle while I'm at work."
Okay, this she wasn't sure about. Could she do this? She knew she'd said therapy had helped, but was she truly ready?
"I-i-"
"I trust you, Aria. I know you're a lot better now. Ezra talked to your therapist and she agreed with this. She actually said it might help you. I want Izzy to grow up close to her godmother, Aria. I want and trust you to do this."
Spencer gave her an encouraging hand squeeze, while Ezra did the same. The others, shot her encouraging looks too.
"Of course, if you don't want to, you don't have to do it. I understand."
"N-no no. I want to." She assured. "I do."
"Really?" Ali asked, happiness lacing her voice.
Aria nodded. "Yes. Like you said, Isabelle has to grow up with her awesome godmother." She smiled.
"It's set then." Ezra affirmed. "Now who's ready for dessert."
As the others munched on their slices of cakes and pies, Aria couldn't stop smiling. Words couldn't describe how excited she was to spend time with Isabelle. She'd only seen her once, and wasn't sure what she looked like now. Surely she was beautiful. But no matter how excited she was, a part of her still worried. But maybe they were all right about this. Spending time with Izzy would be great, and she couldn't wait until Monday to start watching her.
A/N: Will Izzy do Aria good? Or will watching her best friends child, when she lost her own make it worst? Anyway, please please review and I promise to update sooner next time.
