-Alistair-

Silence.

Everyone was asleep. It had to be early morning by now. We would be heading back to Denerim when the sun came up. The fire was still burning brightly, probably due to Shale. I had had my reservations about the golem but he had proven his metal…or rock I guess I should say. It had been two weeks since the darkspawn had dared to attack us in camp, but Shale's actions that night had not faded from my memory. My love would surely have been dead or at the least seriously wounded had Shale not been on his guard. The thought that I could have lost her had made me physically ill. Had I not felt I would vomit on his feet I would have thanked him properly but alas a nod of recognition had been all I could muster. And it had seemed to be enough for the golem. At night he did not stray far from her tent, lurking just far enough to give us our privacy but close enough should he be needed. I was not sure what had caused the sudden loyalty in the golem. Sure I had seen Amaris speak with Shale on numerous occasions but she did not speak of their conversations; and I had not felt it proper to pry.

"No! No, no, no!" she cried, I was at her side in an instant, Shale peering through the tent door. "Leave her alone! Don't touch her. Take me! TAKE ME! Please! I'll do whatever you want!"

"Amaris!" I called grabbing her flailing arms. "Amaris wake up it's just a dream!"

Almost instantly her eyes popped open. My heart ripped apart. I could not even begin to imagine what she was seeing. There was a pain in her eyes that stabbed me like a two-edge sword. I sat down beside her and pulled her to my chest. I could feel her racing heart beat and uneven breathing.

"It was so real." She breathed, as another shudder ran through her body. "I can still hear her screams."

"Shhhh." I soothed, caressing her hair, rocking her gently. "It was just a dream, my love. Everything's alright now. Shianni is safe, so is the rest of your family. Everything's alright. Shhh, go back to sleep."

"Stay with me." She pleaded quietly.

"Your wish is my command." I smiled kissing her hair. She giggled contently resting her head in the crook of my neck. A small shiver ran down my spine, as her warm breath hit my cool skin.

"Le melon." She mumbled.

I distracted myself by listening to Shale move off and I glanced outside. His shadow played at the edges of the tent's door way. There was no denying the golem had feelings for her, and I could not help but feel jealous. I wondered if he was wishing it were him holding her, comforting her from her nightmares. I shook the thought loose, it was absurd. Golems did not hold feelings like we did. Still according to Cariden all golems had been fleshlings once. Perhaps Shale had retained some of his former self somehow? In any case I found myself suppressing the urge to laugh at the ridiculousness of my own thoughts. Whatever Shale's reason for watching over her it was not my place to question it. Amaris loved me and that, I decided, was enough.

I gently shifted myself to lie back against the pile of furs at the back of the tent. Amaris stirred in her sleep, situating herself beside me unconsciously. I pulled one of the furs over her watching her sleep; and there we remained until the sun broke over the mountains.

Woosh! Another arrow whizzed past my head, driving the beast back.

'Andraste, could she shoot!' I thought. 'I swear I felt the feathers on that one.'

I rolled out of the way as the beast attempted to flatten me with his foot. Another arrow flew over head landing squarely into its heal. My armor rattled with his outcry of pain.

"That's my girl!"I cheered mentally, landing another blow into the dragon's hind quarter. The battle was going well, much better than any of us had thought it could. With its generals dead, the archdemon was hard pressed to successfully manipulate his armies. But they flooded towards the citadel in swarms none the less. The band of dwarves that had helped dispatch the last general were keeping the flood back as much as possible, but I did not expect them to last much longer. We needed to end this, now.

"Alistair look out you fool!" Morrigan warned from behind me. I turned just in time to block a stunning blow. One of the larger darkspawn had broken through. I dispatched him quickly only to be pitched into the air, like a rag doll, by the snake's tail. I landed flat on my back a few feet behind it, Morrigan landing squarely on my chest. It took several moments before I could breathe again. Morrigan had sprung to her feet almost instantly, firing off a shield. Only no attack came. I pulled myself to my feet, only to be frozen in place in horror.

The beast had her within its grasp. I watched helplessly as it shook her violently, ridding her of her weapons. It was as if time stood still then, memories flashing uncontrollably through my mind. Fighting off the darkspawn at Ostagar, barely escaping the sloth demon within the Fade, saving the Dwarven city from being overrun by the horde, watching her from across the fire, fiddling with the red rose I had given her. Suddenly the memories halted. I was holding her, chasing away the nightmare she had suffered. The moment was shattered by her screams. The beast was crushing her alive!

"Le melon!" her voice echoed in my mind. "Alistair lou! Drego! DREGO!"

"NOT HER!" I screamed, throwing caution and Morrigan to the side when she tried to hold me back. I charged, diving beneath the snake's tail and jamming my sword into its underside; I slit the beast open from tail to throat. The dragon fell instantly from the blow, blood falling like rain. I did not give the creature pause to consider recovery. I ran forward, driving my sword through its neck. An unnatural light broke forth from the wound and I was knocked back by an unseen explosion. When I came to it was Morrigan's face that greeted me. I sat up much too quickly and everything spun. I staggered forward to where Wynne was knelt down beside her.

I stopped breathing. Her face was covered in what I could only assume was her own blood. Her body was visibly crushed, her armor cracked and broken. I collapsed; my eyes burning with tears. I barely felt Wynne's hand come to rest on my shoulder but her words resonated in my mind.

"I am sorry."

I gathered her into my arms, wiping away the blood from her face. Even in death she was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. I cradled her, like I had done mere nights ago. Burying my face in her fawn colored hair I wept openly. I had never been able to keep what I loved safe in my entire life. I had killed my mother by existing. I had destroyed the only thing I had of hers, in a fit of stupid rage. I had driven Eamon from my life, when all he had wished was to be there for me, as my own father had failed to do. And now I had failed her, I had allowed the demon to catch me off guard.

"Not you, Maker's will, not you." I whispered into her hair, breathing in her essence one final time. "Forgive me…forgive me."

I woke up to the dimly lit stillness of my room. I took in a deep shaky breath. A dream; it was just a dream. I was covered in sweat I realized when I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes. I sat up turning to place my feet upon the cool stone floor, trying to clear my mind. Failing miserably, I snatched up my robes from the bed post, and wrapping it about my waist I headed to the balcony. Dur whined after me but did not follow.

The cool air was refreshing to my hot skin. I took another deep breath trying to calm my nerves. The same dream had been happening nightly for weeks. I didn't know how much more I could take. I groaned in frustration rubbing my face furiously. I was certain it had to do with the argument I had had with Leliana. The fight had of course been about her, it was always about her when we fought. I rubbed my shoulder, it was still sore from where she had flipped over my chair with me still in it.

"You cannot or you will not?" she snapped forcefully pushing me into a nearby chair. The momentum had sent the chair toppling and spilled me into the floor. "It's almost like you are enjoying your self-pity. She's not coming back Alistair you need to move on. This moping about it getting old, and it's not just me that's noticing. Eamon, Teagan, the Queen, the rest of the court. It's been five years, enough is enough!"

"And who are you or anyone else to judge me?" I yelled back, getting back on my feet. "Do not speak of what you do not understand!"

"Alistair please!" she begged. "I…"

Leliana abruptly turned away from me then. I took the lull in attacks to right my chair and plant myself back in it. I was seething with anger but at the same time I understood why she was doing this. Or at least I thought I had. When Leliana turned back to me again, her face was red her eyes swollen. Her brown eyes glistened with the fire light, and for a moment I saw passed the mask that she wore for everyone else's benefit. I had seen this look before, but in the eyes of an emotionless golem. The pit of my stomach grew cold, and my mother's amulet grew heavy once more. I wanted to run, to escape what I knew was coming next.

"Please." She pleaded kneeling beside my chair. "I am no savior, nor warden. But I would be faithful, give you everything she would not. I know one day the loneliness will drive you mad and you will go looking for her. You will not find her Alistair, it is a fool's errand. Stay here…with me. Let me make you happy."

"Leli…" I began, taking her hands in mine. "You have been my friend, someone I could be myself with. You have been strong for both of us. I have wished you only joy, but seem to only bring you sadness. For that I must ask your forgiveness. Leli…I...it is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek." **

She ran from my presence, slamming the door behind her.

"Forgive me." I whispered after her. "Forgive us both."

The sudden pounding on my door pulled me back from the memory.

"Come." I ordered, shuffling back indoors and collapsing into a chair by the fire place. One of the younger pages burst into the room doubled over and out of breath.

What now! I groaned silently.

**my little ode to the greatest work of fantasy ever written; The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien.**