Sorry I wasn't updating all week, my mom took away my laptop for the week because I wasn't reading enough and then I went for a camping trip over the weekend.

Thanks for your feedback guys! :D most of you guys told me to use Sam's POV, which seemed like the best idea, so here ya go!

I just realized I keep forgetting to do the disclaimer :O

Disclaimer: I don't own Nick or iCarly or lotion


Sam POV

Stupid Gibby. The nub just got up, took his shirt off, which really wasn't all that unexpected, then ran over and ripped the ribs out of my hands. What the chiz? Shouldn't that stupid nub know by now that he should never touch mama's meat? I screamed the battle-cry I use before I beat up people, then sprinted up after him. I could almost see Carly behind me wincing, like she does every time she knows I'm gonna hurt someone.

He ran into Carly's bedroom, past the Cuddlefish poster, and turned around. Surprised I was that close behind him, he stumbled backwards as I retrieved my beloved rib. Ignoring the shirtless potato on the floor who was groaning with tiredness, I hungrily gnawed at my rib.

I walked back down the familiar stairs of Carly's apartment, only to find Griffin on the couch, with Carly and Freddie each clutching a Pee-Wee baby (to be more specific, Peter the Penguin and Willy the Walrus), while Spencer was distracting himself with more cucumber lotion.

"What- what is going on here?" I stuttered, speechless at the odd scene frozen in front of me. Carly and Freddie both met my eyes ashamedly, guilt plastered all over their faces, while Griffin looked just as confused as I was. Spencer, finally looking up from his stupid lotion, noticed the awkward situation in front of us, and slowly walked to the front door to escape, muttering something about visiting Gibby, which was obviously a lie, because seconds later Gibby came running down behind me.

"Sam," Carly began, "we were just—we're not trying to—me and Freddie didn't want you to—" she was trying to pick the perfect way to explain the peculiar scene in front of me. If I hadn't known any of the people in the room, this would have been the funniest thing ever. But I did know these people. And they weren't giving me an explanation. I was getting mad, wanting to punch someone again.

Freddie's eyes suddenly left my face, and he looked down at Griffin. "Were you using Sam or not?" he demanded. Was that what this is all about? And now Freddie's got Carly and Gibby in on it too? This was getting ridiculous—just because I leaked a couple tears, doesn't mean he had to go through all this trouble just to prove his false theory.

Griffin looked between Carly and Freddie and then looked back to me. He was hesitating, and I was beginning to believe that Freddie might have been right.

I marched down to the couch. "I repeat: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" I screamed, mainly in Freddie's face, clutching the collar of his shirt and tugging on it violently, demanding a proper answer.

Freddie, so frightened that I would punch the lights out of him, dropped the Pee-Wee baby he was holding in his hand, shaking from the fear of the pain he believed I was about to inflict on him.

"MY PEE-WEE BABIES! [A/N: Credit for that line goes to twilightcrazed999]" Griffin cried out, as though he was the one suffering from a torturous, internal pain. Everyone ignored him as he frantically wiped the little penguin toy with a wipe he had in his back pocket. This guy has a problem.

"Sam, let go of his shirt," Carly said, sounding so much like what a good mother would say to me. Reluctantly, I released Fredhead from my vicious hold on him.

"Look," Carly said, trying to have control over the situation, "we were just trying to prove to you that Griffin doesn't really like you, and that he preferred me, but was just using you to make me jealous," she explained. So she thinks that no boys can like me either? The expression on my face probably gave away how I was feeling, because a second later, Carly realized the wording of her sentence, and it's double meaning, and tried to reword it.

"No, no Sam, I didn't mean it like—" she frantically scrambled for the right words. I stormed out of the apartment furiously, like in one of those cliché movies where the girl is angry at her boyfriend.

I passed Spencer on the way, who was unsurprisingly squirting (what else?) more lotion onto his hand.

"Hey Sam! How goes it?" he asked, unaware of my current temperament.

"Great!" I snapped at him angrily, deciding to get out of Bushwell Plaza before I snap at more people.


Carly POV

I had no idea what to do. I seriously didn't mean to tell Sam that way, but now she was even angrier, with not only Freddie, but me too (and possibly Gibby).

Griffin looked between Freddie and me cautiously, as though he was afraid we were going to take more of his Pee-Wee babies.

"So let's just recap," Gibby says, breaking the silence. I inwardly roll my eyes at him, but at the same time, admire his courage to speak up at such an awkward quietness. "Griffin was using Sam to make Carly jealous, so-" he stopped abruptly as Freddie glared at him for attempting to retell the dramatic events that had taken place today. Gibby just gave us all a weird stare, as though we were the ones obsessed with taking our shirts off, and headed on upstairs, probably to access more lotion.

Freddie and I both turned to Griffin, who was now fidgeting on the couch, anxious of our reactions. "So, you guys found out," he said casually, although it was obvious he was just trying to hide his discomfort and nervousness.

"No," Freddie replied sarcastically. "We went through all this trouble because we thought you loved Sam and wanted to be with her for the rest of your life," he said bitterly, as though the thought disgusted him. It disgusted me too, pictures floating through my head of Sam and Griffin in wedding attire, smiling mushily at each other with lovey-dovey eyes.

"But," Griffin said seductively, drifting his eyes over to me, "I think someone was a little jealous of my 'crush' half an hour ago in my room when she attempted to make out with me," he raised his eyebrows, as if to say, "want some more Griffin?"

"Okay, first of all, I only kissed you so Freddie could steal your stupid Pee-Wee babies, and second, I did not enjoy that kiss whatsoever. Thirdly, I remember someone kissing back" I said to him, but I think he stopped listening after "stupid Pee-Wee babies," insulted by the offending comment.

Shaking off the insult, he stood up, and took a step towards me. He wouldn't try to make a move on me while Freddie was standing not five feet away, would he? And even if Freddie wasn't here, Spencer was probably still lurking outside the apartment, wondering whether the situation inside here was safe enough for him to be present in. I never forgot the time Spencer walked in on me and Griffin making out on the couch- it was probably one of the scariest moments of my entire life.

"C'mon, babe," he said, still trying to lure me into the trap of his lips, "remember the awesome relationship we had?"

"I'm fairly sure the key word there was had," I shot back, stepping away from him. Freddie stepped between us. I'm fairly sure he didn't have feelings for me anymore, and I had none for him (especially after the whole him-saving-my-life fiasco), but we were like Harry and Hermione. We were like brother and sister, best friends who defended each other against other people. Making that comparison felt odd- if we were Harry and Hermione, who was Ron? Although the obvious answer was Sam, I remembered how in the books, Harry's two best friends fell in love with each other. But, that could never happen between Sam and Freddie, and it would definitely never happen between Sam and me, so who shared the romantic relationship in our trio of friends?

I must have been blanking out, because I was startled as I snapped out of my deep thoughts. Freddie and Griffin were starting an argument, which I really felt embarrassed listening to right behind them.

"What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? What kind of dude steals another guy's Pee-Wee babies to interrogate him on his social life? That just disrupts the guy code, man!" Seriously? The guy code?

"I was doing it for a- friend," the last word seemed hard for Freddie to get out.

"Are you sure Sam is 'just a friend,' Benson? Cuz it seems like someone's a little jealous!" I had to admit, Griffin was right. I'd never seen Freddie this angry before.

"Sam is way too good for you!" Freddie fired back.

"Oh, then who would you suggest as the "perfect boyfriend" for Sam, Benson?"

"I dunno, just not you! You don't deserve Carly or Sam! So why don't you just leave before I make you?"

Griffin burst out laughing, and it was evident he doubted Freddie could beat him up. Unfortunately, I had to agree with Griffin, again. Luckily, Freddie's freakish mother walked into the room before the argument became physical. "Freddie," she said, in the tone she usually used before she was about to embarrass him in public, "you forgot to apply your pimple ointment," she reprimanded him. Even though there was only one other person who could learn of Freddie's humiliating secrets in the room besides me, I still pitied him. Who wants to live with a mother who doesn't believe a fifteen year old guy can't even have a bath by himself?

"Mom," he whined, his face changing colors rapidly, from pink to crimson. She blew the whistle she had acquired a couple months ago, before I found out Sam and Freddie had kissed, which signaled his curfew times. He moaned, knowing he couldn't say no to the whistle unless he wanted to do an extra puzzle and take two more tick baths this week.

I was somewhat scared now, that Freddie was leaving the room- what did Griffin want from me? Freddie angrily stomped across the carpet and into the hallway, but not before sending me a concerned glance that said "be careful with this guy."

Before I could turn my head back to Griffin to deal with him, I felt a pair of lips connect with mine. Trying to rip myself away from the jerk, he held onto me closer, idiotically thinking I wanted to deepen the kiss.

Right at that moment, Sam walked in on the unusual scene- again.