A/N: Bad day, bad mood, new chapter...guess it's a theme with this story...


Her heart was laying next to her. Just beside her. Where she could feel the warm stretch of bare skin against her own. She was beginning to get used to this. This feeling of fullness that hit her right in the chest. Right where her heart had once existed, the same place that had been decimated before that one phone call so many months ago.

So no, she didn't have a heart. Because it didn't belong to her. What was left of it belonged to the woman beside her. The mangled pieces that had been salvaged and carefully, oh so carefully, placed against one another. And they didn't fit, because there were some hurts that could never be soothed, some chunks that would always be missing, and emptiness that even when filled never settles the same way again. But those edges didn't feel so sharp whenever Holly's lips ran along each suture line with words of love, with passionate kisses, with promises of hope.

Holly, who had shown up when she heard Gail was in trouble, and who had barely left her side since the shooting. It had come at the expense of the doctor burning some bridges in her old job in San Francisco, as she was forced to finish her contract over phone lines and short trips back and forth. But Holly had promised time and again that none of it mattered because it was now in the past and it had meant starting her future-their future- that much sooner. And Gail hoped that the words were the truth, she wanted to believe them, to not feel guilt when all she wanted was to the enjoy having Holly back in her life for good because this time had to be the last time. Her fragile fragmented heart couldn't survive losing this woman again. She couldn't even hope to ever find it again.

She had been home for weeks, healing from heroics that she hadn't meant to perform. Because she had made promises too. Promises to the woman beside her that she would come home to her. But stupid men with guns decided that the solution to their problem was to open fire on people who were just doing their jobs, and those people were her colleagues, some even her friends, and all of them sharing the same blue blood. She hadn't meant to be a hero.

90% luck. 10% timing.

And now she was due to receive a commendation she didn't want, no matter how many people told her she deserved it.

"You're supposed to be sleeping."

Gail smiled despite herself at the grumbling voice coming from the form beside her. Holly's voice thick with sleep admonishing her without even opening her eyes. And it was probably for the best, because if Gail saw those beautiful brown eyes, that ones that warmed every inch of her dark and twisted soul, she knew she'd never sleep, cause she wouldn't want to miss even a second of time that could be spent with the woman who possessed her heart.

And it was thoughts like those that had been pushing Gail towards the next big step they needed to take. Everything had happened so suddenly after she found herself laid up in the hospital. Holly cutting her tenure short and unofficially returning to Toronto, it had made sense that she stay at Gail's place. They had gone back and forth about whether or not they should just live together as soon as Holly returned permanently long before the shooting happened. And they had both decided that it would probably be better if they got used to dating while living in the same country before tackling the same home. But now that she knew what it could be like to fall asleep every night and wake up every morning to see this vision, this unparalleled beauty, to feel this fulfillment, how could she ever be expected to give it up?

But she hadn't said those words out loud yet. Had swallowed them down every time Holly mentioned needing to find a place, looked away every time the brunette opened a webpage, used her lips to distract the doctor whenever she tried to make a phone call to a realtor. She didn't want Holly to leave, she didn't want her own space, didn't want to go backwards. There wasn't time for that shit. Too much time had already been wasted. Too much distance already crossed, it wasn't what she wanted. But Gail knew how cruel the universe could be when she wanted, so she waited.

"Can't sleep."

"I know you don't want to, honey, but we have to go today."

The commendation was that night. Dress blues, badges of honor, speeches, and photographers. Gallivanting, schmoozing, talking to people she didn't know and honestly didn't give a damn about. The spotlight would be on her that night and it was everything she didn't want. She wasn't a hero. She was just doing her job. Doing her damnedest to get everyone home that night, because she knew what it meant to lose an officer, a detective to be more exact, she knew what real sacrifice was and no matter how many lives she saved she'd never be able to bring that one back, to undo that damage. So no she wasn't a hero, she just couldn't take the hurt again.

But that night she still put on the uniform. Dressed to the nines in her formal wear. The crisp blue polyester, the white gloves, the polished belt buckle, the shining shoes. She sat on the edge of her bed, staring down at the hat that completed the ensemble. She was dressed just as she was supposed to be. How many times had she seen her family wear the same outfit, with so much pride? But those days were long past. She wasn't a Peck anymore, maybe she had never been, maybe she never wanted to be.

"She's going to be there."

"Well, yeah you saved Frankie's life, she's going to be there." Holly called out from the bathroom where she was putting the finishing touches on her make-up.

"Not Frankie. Elaine. She's going to be there and probably give some speech."

Bill and Steve had gone down, but Elaine's career had survived wreckage, mostly. She was still Superintendent but that would be all she would ever achieve. There was a concrete ceiling above Elaine's head now and there was no breaking through it. Not after the crimes her family committed, that the whispered rumors suggested she was a part of too. Gail didn't know what to believe. She hadn't spoken to the woman in well over a year, nearing two at that point. But she knew Elaine would be there to put on the show, because no matter what she did, Gail would never escape her name or the curse it held for her.

Holly stepped out to join her in the bedroom and Gail forgot how to breathe. Her girlfriend, her partner, was a fucking vision, long tan legs on display in the black cocktail dress that hugged every curve of the doctor's body. And Gail wanted to enjoy the sight, wanted to spend the night worshipping the goddess before her.

"We'll stay just long enough to get your medal." Holly promised, "You won't have to speak to her if you don't want to."

God, she hoped that was true.

"We could just not go at all." It was a better plan in her opinion.

"Or we can go, make everyone there jealous of us, and then come home and I can give you a proper ceremony."

"Promise?"

"Promise." And the accompanying kiss that sealed the deal was almost enough to make the prospect of the night worth it. Almost.

She survived the ceremony barely. Stomached the speech she had to endure from the Superintendent, her former parent, the same woman who gave her life, and the first person whose ridiculous expectations she knew she never be able to satisfy. But she got through it, even as the empty words of praise reopened old wounds stitch by stitch, by focusing on the one person in the crowd who mattered most. The one who captivated every inch of the soul she thought she lost long ago. It was Holly that got her through the forced smiles, the annoying handshakes, the superficial pleasantries. And with the heavy medal around her neck, she interrupted Frankie giving Holly the third degree about her plans for the future and whether she was staying for good. As surprising as it was to have the detective looking out for her, it was even more surprising when the older officer intercepted the incoming Superintendent long enough for them to escape.

It wasn't until they were home again, the formal blues, the white gloves, the polished belt buckled, and shining shoes littering the floor, accompanied by the slinky black dress, and strappy heels, and newly minted medal that she finally relaxed. Finally felt the stifling weight lifted. With every kiss, with every touch, with every breathless moan she was released from the memories of past hauntings, of the almost happeneds, of nightmares that came to life. A tangled mess of sheets barely covered the warm stretch of bare skin against her own. And with her heart laying right beside her, she decided she couldn't let this go.

"You should stay."

"I told you, honey, I finished my contract, no more trips to the States."

"I know. But I meant here here. Move in with me, Lunchbox?"

She felt the body next to her stir, Holly popping up with wide eyes and surprise written along every inch of that beautiful face. So she waited, on bated breath, hoping the answer would be yes.