So a little change of scene is in order, I think. You may well be thinking my life is always depressing, horrible, angsty. Here's proof it isn't... I went to a party. Yeah, me, party. It was pretty ...good. In fact it was fantastic. It was everything I needed to bring me out of this place I've been stuck in. To think I almost missed it, I almost didn't go because they wouldn't be there (couldn't deal without you), and because you would. (couldn't deal with you)

But I did, And you did, And it was the best. Nothing could have spoiled that evening, not you saying that you don't have emotional attachments, not the weird gathering of people, not .. anything.

You want to know why? Because I wasn't a coward, for once in my life I didn't edit out the words, didn't delete the text I had typed. Because you said yes. Before anyone gets any ideas, no, I didn't spill my soul, it's just not what I do. I asked one simple question, and not the one you're thinking.

"Please, I know this sounds weird but...Can I stay at yours?"

And you said yes. You said yes. I've not quite convinced myself of that yet. Anyone who's reading this will definitely say I'm a complete psycho, and to be honest I can't say I disagree, but everyone has their moments. If you want yet more proof that I'm utterly screwed in the head, I didn't even go. I'm writing this Diary from the blackness of my room, listening to my customary music. Even that doesn't dampen my mood. Obviously I would have loved to have gone. Every minute is precious in my life, and every one spent with the company of my friends, even more so, but its better that I didn't, your not a fekkin' insomniac like me, and you need your beauty sleep ;) (not that you could look any better). But just the fact that you agreed is bliss. If even for one confused, startled, idiotic second you wanted me around then I'm worth more to you than I thought.

So I end this... happy. Yes, happy, cloud nine.
With the worrying thought that my earlier unhappiness may have lifted.


Yeah, partying... often not my scene. But parties just with friends, especially those I love, they're the best.

xMattx