Stir Crazy
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The Doctor sighed in frustration. He had tried to put up with the Time Lady. He really did. And he was sticking by what he'd said; he wasn't going to abandon her. She and the TARDIS were the only things he had left of Gallifrey.
But it was just so hard when he saw her skipping around just as Rose had. He had read of cases where the Time Lord personality was very similar to the human, but he didn't think it could be this close. Her personality was so similar it was painful. But he knew it wasn't her. Because he would look in her eyes and behind the familiar happiness and cheeky grin he could see the deep sadness that came from hundreds of years of being hurt. He wondered what had happened to her for all those years.
It frustrated him to no end that she hadn't told him her name yet. She was even doing her hardest not to drop hints. All he knew about her was that he had known her for a short time, short by human standards apparently. He didn't know hat to call her. He had tried calling her Lady (just cutting off the 'Time' part of 'Time Lady'… wow he would sound really pretentious if someone did that to him!). But every time he called her something other than Rose, he would get a full on glair, the kind he'd only seen when Rose had been protective of him. The death glare she would give their enemies. It made a shiver run down his spine. He did like being on the receiving end for once. But he still refused to call her Rose. Because she wasn't.
To make matters worse, it had been a full week and they hadn't left the TARDIS. He hadn't bothered to move them from the Time Vortex. He didn't run around the console with his usual ecstatic attitude. Hewould say that 'Time Lords don't mope!'… But yeah, he was moping. And since they hadn't even left the TARDIS, because he was trying to keep an eye on her - find out who she was, he was starting to go stir crazy!
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Rose groaned as she flopped down on her bed. She had tried all week to convince him it was her. She had tried talking to him, but he wouldn't really talk back. She'd never seen him this quiet before, not even in his last incarnation. When he did talk, he called her anything but Rose.
He had changed from what he had been. He wasn't quite so happy and bubbly anymore, and when he was, it was quite clear that it was to cover up the pain. It was like part of him had died with her - Rose's supposed - death.
She could tell that sometimes when she was around, that he was trying to keep down the anger and sorrow. But she could see it. Once when she'd said something that was so her, she was so sure he would finally see… Instead he glared at her with the expression she'd come to know as the Oncoming Storm. She recoiled from the glare, horrified he'd used it on her.
She was glad that he avoided her as much as he could, though. She needed less sleep again now, but she still got in a few hours every night. And every night she would have the same dream, that she was trapped back in the white walled prison of Drall's country home. She would wake up screaming and whimpering. Because she was scared that she would wake up and find that the last twenty-one years had been the dream. She was glad that he wasn't near enough to hear her.
It really didn't help that they hadn't left the TARDIS in a long time. Don't get her wrong, Rose loved the TARDIS. Even before Satellite 5 she'd had an unusually strong bond with her, one to rival the Doctor's. Then after the Bad Wolf incident, it became even stronger. She'd once again become part of the Time Vortex, and part of the TARDIS at the same time. Now that she was a Time Lady again, it was as strong as it could be. If the bond became any stronger, she would actually be able to hear the TARDIS talk!
But staying inside the TARDIS was the last thing they needed at the moment. Being in there so long was starting to drive the both of the stir crazy. They needed to get out. They needed a distraction… And maybe if they were distracted long enough, he would forget that she had changed and see her for who she really was.
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Sensing her thoughts, the TARDIS set the co-ordinates and shook as she sent herself into the vortex.
"What's going on?" Rose cried running into the console room. The Doctor was already there, working furiously on the controls to no avail.
"I don't know," he replied. "She's moving all on her own." It was seconds later that they landed. And they both just stared at the door. Then they looked at each other, curiosity burning in their eyes. Rose grinned at him cheekily with her tongue in teeth grin and slowly backed towards the door.
It seemed to work for a moment. When he looked at her, he wasn't filled with sadness or anger, just a familiar grin of happiness plastered on his face. But the longer he looked at her, the more his eyes clouded over as he remembered what he sometimes all too easily forgot - or chose not to remember.
Rose's smile faded a little, but it didn't deter her. "Come on, Doctor," she pleaded. "You're going to drive us crazy here. The TARDIS is doing us a favour. I love her, and I don't want her becoming another prison to me." At the mention of 'another' prison, the Doctor's head cocked to the side in worry and curiosity. She had to cover it quickly. "Please?" she went on. "I'm already half mad, do you really wanna push me over the edge?" she grinned. "And besides, strange new place… No idea what's out there… only one way to know…" she enticed. She could see by his face that he was slowly succumbing to the curiosity.
"Oh, alright, let's go," he grinned. He ran forward, taking her hand as he pulled her out the door. The second they were outside, he realised what he was doing and dropped her hand.
Rose sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought.
?...DW…?
The TARDIS filled with laughter as the two Time Lords burst back into the console room, having only justnarrowly missed the sticky ball of alien goop that would have pinned them to the ground. As it was, they both had spatters of it in their hair, and wide grins on their faces.
Rose had been right, the deeper into the adventure they had gotten, the more he seemed to forget. At one point he had almost even called her 'Rose'. He had been introducing them to the local aliens… but apparently he'd offended them a few regenerations ago and couldn't go by 'Doctor'.
So he'd said: "I'mJohnSmith,andthisismycompanionRo-"
When he hadn't said anything further for an awkwardly long time, she had to jump in. "Z," she told them. "My name's Z."
"Yes!" the Doctor sprung to life again. "Zee Smith!"
He had intended it to sound as if she were his sister… So you can imagine his awkward, baffled reaction when they had presumed she was his wife. He probably should have introduced her as his companion. It turns out that he really just can't learn, because in his reaction, he'd made the same mistake her had last time. And the next thing they knew they were running from the lady of the house, who had a horrible talent to stick people to walls with her sticky goop stuff. It's a good thing she didn't get them, because she was not happy.
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"And did you see her face!" Rose gasped out through her laughter. She was just too glad that he was acting normally again. So much to the fact that she had forgotten to censor out some of the things that would make him suspect who she really is. "God, she was worse than Matron!"
The Doctor stopped laughing and looked at her quizzically. "Who?" he asked.
"One of the teachers at my school," she said, not lying… just bending the truth. "You know, really strict sorta woman?"
"Yeah, I know the type," he laughed remembering the woman who had looked after Zeta… "Hey, were did the name Zee come from?"
"I had a mind blank… for some reason I could only think of the alphabet. Z was the first letter I thought of that sounded like a name."
"And you didn't think to say R- you didn't say Rose?" he tried again, his voice slightly darker. Rose knew that the reason she hadn't said it was that she was afraid he'd get upset or angry at her. But like always, she was one to look on the positive side.
"We were undercover!" she teased. "Couldn't used my own name." she said this last part under her breath, but the Doctor still heard her.
Instantly his face dropped and darkened. "It's not your name," he said flatly. And then, without another word, he left the room.
"Gahh!" Rose cried in frustration, flopping down in the pilot seat. She had been so close! There were times that she'd been sure that he knew it was really her. But then he turned around and said things like that. And god, did she know how to shut her mouth? Why didn't she just scream 'I'm Zeta' at him!
She was tired and sad and lonely. She dearly loved the TARDIS, but she needed to talk to someone. Someone who could talk back. And she could pretend for just a while that everything was normal again.
Making her mind up, Rose stood and started pressing buttons on the console.
?...DW…?
Yeah, maybe flying the TARDIS wasn't exactly the smart thing. She was feeling really guilty now and quite bad for the Doctor and the TARDIS. She had never had the chance to actually learn how to fly a TARDIS. Sure she'd read the theory back long before her ninetieth birthday - back when she still hoped they may let her out.
It turned out that the theory was quite different to the practical. Especially when the books she'd learnt from were of a much later model than the T40. She'd crash landed in the ally, only just managing to keep them the right way up. The TARDIS was mostly alright, a little ruffled, but understanding. The Doctor, however, was currently lying unconscious in the Library.
She'd made sure to make him comfortable before she'd stepped outside and headed up to her mum's flat.
Jackie had been surprisingly overjoyed to see her. She'd instantly pulled her inside, into a hug and sobbingly apologised for what she'd said last time. She didn't even suspect that Rose had already opened the watch… not that she would know what that was supposed to mean anyway.
They had been talking for nearly an hour now. At the back of her mind, Rose was slightly worried about how the Doctor was. Surely he should have woken up by now. But she loved being able to talk normally with someone who believed it was her. Albeit the fact that they skirted around the subject of the watch. She was so happy to know that Jackie loved her no matter what. And every time she said her name, Rose had to suppress the huge grin that threatened to engulf her face.
Those grins were quickly wiped away when the door banged open and she and Jackie turned to face the Oncoming Storm. The Doctor stood in the doorway, a near murderous glare marring his handsome face. Practically growling, he stormed over to her, grabbed her roughly by the wrist and dragged her from the room, ignoring Jackie's shouts and protests. He all but threw her into the TARDIS and slammed the door behind them.
"What the hell do you think you were doing?" he thundered.
"I was visiting my mother!" she said strongly, refusing to back down or be intimidated.
"She is not your mother."
"Says the man who only a week ago told me that she would always be my mother!" she laughed darkly with incredulity. "She's my mother and I have every right-"
"She is not your mother! She is Rose Tyler's mother!" he shouted at her.
"I am Rose Tyler!" she all but screamed. "Why can't you see that? Everyone else can! The TARDIS can see it; Mum and Pete could see it! I bet that even Mickey would know it was me. Everyone but you! Why are you being so fucking stubborn?"
The screaming match only lasted five minutes before she snapped. She could feel the fog clouding into her mind, the paranoia and the madness, swirling about in her head. This was one of the ways they did it. They would hurt and taunt her till she wanted to retreat, till the Vortex sensed that she needed help. But it wouldn't always just take over like 'that'. It would usually only take her over if she endured the madness first.
"Doctor, stop," she whispered. She wasn't sure if he heard her through the yelling, he didn't stop. Her hands clenched into fists at her side as she began to shake violently. "Doctor, please stop," she said a little louder. He didn't take much notice… and her mind shattered.
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The Doctor stopped shouting when she let out a cry that was too painful and wild to be anger or frustration. He finally stopped pacing angrily about enough to see that she was shaking like an under-clothed human in Antarctica. Her hands were clutched to her head and when he saw her eyes, he saw that they were slowly misting over with gold.
"No, no, noooo!" she moaned. "Please stop. Stop, don't. Help me, help me, let me out!" her sentences were short and sharp and disjointed… like that of someone who had lost their mind. "Hope: red hills, silver tree, turquoise brook. Paints. Theta. Flower. Promise. Escape. Have to get out. Let me out." Her movements were quick and erratic. She didn't stop shaking and the gold mist never left her. All he could do was stare in shock as his friend came undone before him. Slowly, her broken form slid to the floor.
"He promised. He promised. He promised. He doesn't know. Can't find me. Lost, lost, lost. Little girl lost. Theta, Doctor, Theta, Doctor. Love. Safe. Find Theta. Must get back to Theta. Get out, get out, LET ME OUT! Trap, trap, trap. Trapped here. Alone here. Dark here. Dark, dark, white. I am gone. No more me. No one cares. Theta cares. Theta gone."
"No, no, I'm here," he said as comfortingly as he could, considering he was in shock. He knelt down beside her and cradled her in his arms as she muttered. "It's okay. Look I'm here. It's me, Theta. I've got you."
"Must get back. Must get out. Lonely. Trapped. Gone. Gone, gone, gone. Past, present future. Will be. Won't be. Can't be. Stop them. Stop me. Help me! Time and ash. Gold everywhere. Gold, gold, gold. I am gold. I am Goddess. I am Rose. Rose. Flower. Human. Happy. Happy human. Loved human. Love is good. Want it back. Lack. Flack. Pack. Rack. Sack. Tack. Whack. Quack. Hack. Knack. Zack. Jack. Miss Jack. Crack. Crack my hearts. Wrong - break. Break my hearts, break at once. Shakespeare. Death. No more. Don't kill me. No more kill me!"
"I won't let anyone hurt you."
"234 years. Three months. Twenty-two days. Nine hours. Thirty-six minutes. 31.463 seconds. Theta gone. Lost time." She giggled hysterically. "Little lost Time Lady lost time!"
"Theta's here!" he cried, holding back the tears. It was painful to see her like this. "See, I'm here. I've got you now. You're going to be okay."
"He promised. Time lines too strong. Take me away."
"Anywhere you want," his quiet voice cracked.
She looked up at him with wide, crazed and desperate gold eyes. "Theta," she whispered. "Save me."
"Forever," he whispered back.
At that she sagged in his arms. Curled up in a ball. And wept.
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Insanity is fun. Just ask the Master… Though, I don't think Rose / Zeta would agreeeeee. It really was quite fun writing this scene despite the slightly depressive nature of it.
I think at this point the Doctor knows in his hearts that she is Rose, he just won't let himself admit it because it's too painful if he's wrong. Just like he would usually refuse to say he loves her when she's human.
Something a little more shocking coming up. So hold on to your celery sticks!
Reviews. Reviews. Reviews. I like reviews. Need reviews. Reviews keep me sane. We want me sane. Sane is good. Bad. Bad good. Good bad. Neeeeeed reviews! Yay!
