Chapter 7
We landed as soon as it felt safe again.
…That's so not true. We landed on a hilly suburb where the city was almost overrun by trees in places. We landed because I was holding on so hard not to fly at super speed just to dry my tears, maybe try to escape reality too. I couldn't leave the others alone at a time like this. So I couldn't fly any further – most certainly NOT because we felt safe; I wasn't sure I'd ever feel safe again.
I looked around, checking for threats without taking much notice of the scenery. The sun was hot and the air was still and humid but I didn't really feel it. I felt cold. Angel hadn't left my side once during our flight and she didn't now, landing neatly beside me and taking my hand as she folded her wings. The others crowded in around us, huddling together as if around a fire.
Iggy stood directly in front of me, deathly pale even for his fair colouring, his hands were clenched in his pockets – I could see the muscles standing out on his arms for the effort – and he didn't move at all, statue still, jaw tight. I looked away, unable to bear his pain as well and found myself staring at Fang. His eyes were distant and focused at some point over my head. He met my gaze after a moment and a felt tears well up as my own grief and horror was mirrored in his eyes.
I didn't dare look at Nudge but I could hear her sniffles and the occasional gasped sob. Angel's small hand rested trustingly in mine and I felt a whole new wave of guilt. She shouldn't trust me. I was meant to keep them safe. I had failed. Again and again, I'd failed them. Just because we got out okay the other times didn't make me deserving of their trust. I had failed them. Permanently.
There was no saving Gazzy; no amazing rescue to plan, and, like a normal, everyday, wingless human, my mind turned to revenge.
"It had to have been this new Itex,"
"Max…" Fang started.
"We have to destroy them, find who put out the order and wipe them from the face of the planet,"
"Max." he said again, his voice filled with resignation.
"We can… we can…" I swallowed hard, trying to fight the tears that were pressing against my throat, constricting my voice… I let out a sob and gasped for breath, the pain that I might never see The Gasman, hear Gazzy singing some wildly inappropriate song, had become too much to bear stoically.
Strong, warm arms wrapped around me, pressing me to a familiar chest. Fang, comforting me again, taking care of me again, what kind of leader has a second-in-command more in command than she was? I thought as I sunk to my knees. The flock followed though, Angel and Nudge burrowing against me as Fang and Iggy's arms encased us.
I cried out my grief until I felt even more hollow and worn out than before. And, between the hiccoughing broken sobs, with no tear left in me to cry, I screamed. Long and loud and filled with every bit of pain, grief, anger, shock and rage that I could force out.
My scream faded to nothing and I gasped to catch my breath, a heartbroken sob escaping me as I looked for Fang, crouched behind me. He watched me levelly and I stared back, meeting his eyes with determination. His mask slipped. I watched as the steadfast, strong Fang's mask finally slipped up – and saw utter hopelessness.
