A/N: Hello lovelies I hope your life is well! My life is hectic right now we have a lot of testing coming up. The next chapter of my main story will be up soon, hopefully by next weekend. I hope everyone is enjoying Shadowhunters. I'm obsessed, Harry is a perfect Magnus and, Matthew is everything I could want and more in Alec (except for blue eyes but ya know genetics suck). This story has remained halfway done for months now so this is the perfect time to wrap it up before it drives me insane.
Title: Goodbye For Now
Rating: T (For angst)
Summary: Death is the only sure thing in life. Unless you're Magnus. Then you have to watch the love of your life die, and you just keep going. And with every decade that passes the pain never dulls, but your memory starts to fade. With his family gone, he feels alone. Until Alec manages to cheer him up from beyond the grave.
The first one to die was Jace. And if he was being honest it didn't come as a shock to Magnus. The blonde was always pushing himself beyond his limits, it's like he thought he still had fire running through his veins. The things was that even when he did have it, he wasn't invincible. He never had been and never would be.
Alec had just walked into the living room after putting Max to bed. He was going through the stage of his life where his magic was really starting to develop. It was like a special form of puberty for warlocks, except it happened when you were around five years old. One of the side effects was that it made you extremely hyper because of all the energy coursing through your body. Which meant bed time wasn't really a priority.
He was supposed to be with Jace that night. In fact if he hadn't been up late with Max that night, he would have been fighting side by side with him, and they would have been buried the same way.
Magnus had seen many parabatai bonds severed in his lifetime, and he always thought that the closer the two people were; the more it hurt. When Alec collapsed on the ground, hands clutching his chest, he knew it was true, because he had never seen anyone react that way. Despite all the agony he was obviously in, he was desperately trying to crawl to the door, as if it would somehow make a difference. All Magnus had been able to do was crouch down next to him and wrap his arms around his waist and pull him against him. The worst part was that. He had no idea what to say, so all he did was whisper "I'm sorry", as Alec sobbed into the fabric of his shirt.
Clary and her daughter came to stay with them for about a month after that. Apparently everything in the institute reminded her of Jace. She completely shut down, she couldn't even hold her daughter, who had no idea what was going on. The only person she was talking to was Alec. The two of them had never been close, but they had locked themselves in that guest bedroom for that month. Leaving Magnus to take care of Ada. He supposed that it was a good thing that she was only one year old at the time, she probably didn't even notice her father was gone.
Clary's era of mourning stopped after exactly one month, and not a day more. She simply emerged from the guest bedroom, picked up her seraph blade in one hand, and her kid in the other, and left. Without a word. She just went back to the institute, back to Simon and Izzy, like she had never had to witness her husband's funeral.
He always admired her for that, the way she carried herself. At the time, he had no idea what he was going to do when Alec died, he always did his best to push the thought out of his mind. But the whole ordeal with Jace had brought all those hellish thoughts to the surface, and he found himself holding Alec's hand even tighter, not wanting him to slip through his fingers.
Eventually she left the New York institute, she couldn't stay there, and who could. Part of him wished they had stayed, because he cared for Clary more than he did for most people, and he'd even grown quite fond of little Ada, who would eventually grow up to be the spitting image of her father.
About a year later Simon called them. He was breathing heavily, and it was like he couldn't bring himself to speak. All he could say was "something is wrong."
They'd all seen Clary before it happened, it hadn't been like she had cut herself out of their life. She came back on holidays and birthdays, and there were a lot of birthdays since Isabelle and Simon had two kids, with a set of twins on the way.
She had a beautiful service, one not typical of most shadowhunters, because Clary Fray had and would never be just a shadowhunter.
Magnus had wanted to say bye to Jocelyn before he and Alec went home, and when he found her she was screaming at members of the Clave, as she held small little Ada who was hiding her face in the crook of her grandmother's neck.
"Magnus, Magnus they won't let us take her," She sobbed, tears streaming from her eyes. "Since Luke and I aren't shadowhunters they won't…they won't let me take my own granddaughter, she's all I have left of he-"
"Ada Herondale will be well taken care of in the Berlin Institute-," A Clave member interrupted, at hearing that Jocelyn started crying hysterically.
"You can't take her to Germany her family is here, in New York. It's where her parents are buried," Alec protested, suddenly appearing next to Magnus.
"Berlin is where her mother was when she died, and they are going to need more nephlim to train there, after the incident," The man said flatly.
Next to him, Alec was clenching his fists. Nobody was talking about what happened in Berlin yet. The city had been completely overrun with demons, and nobody knew where they had come from. But Clary and many others had been slaughtered protecting it. Everyone knew that the real thing Clary had been defending was Ada, she didn't care about anything or anyone else.
"That's why we have the cup now," Alec said through gritted teeth. "You can't bring her back there, it still isn't safe in Berlin."
"I'm afraid we have no other option," The man insisted and tried to reach for Ada, but Jocelyn had been faster, sidestepping him without missing a beat, and shoving the girl into a shocked Alec's arms. Then she clutched Magnus' hands.
"You two have to take her," She pleaded. "Please, I would ask Simon, but that would mean she'd be at the institute, and that means I won't be able to see her as often. And you loved Clary right, and Alec I know you loved Jace he was basically your brother, this your niece. If she has to be a shadowhunter can't she live with you, please?
"Of course," Alec answered burying his nose in Ada's curly blonde hair. Magnus knew that there wasn't going to be a discussion, not that there needed to be. And as he kissed the top of Ada's head he was certain that they had fallen in love with that little girl a long time ago, and neither of them were ready to let her go again.
So they adopted Ada, and the whole process took about three weeks of convincing the Clave it was the best option. It didn't take Max long to warm up to the idea of having Ada around. By day three he had magicked up a crib for her, which Magnus had promptly replaced when Max wasn't looking, seeing as childhood magic was extremely unstable.
When she was little, Jocelyn would come over whenever she could to watch her, so that he and Alec could do their job, and more importantly spend time together. When she turned eight, Alec started taking her to the institute with him so she could start learning, and Magnus was busy teaching a 12 year old Max how to control his powers.
"They are all going to die someday," Max had said one day, blue fire flickering on his fingers. "Dad, Ada, even Uncle Simon and Aunt Isabelle…my cousins, they are all going to die and I'll just keep on going. We keep on living until one day we can't even remember what they looked like. Is that how it works?"
Magnus sat his book down on his desk and looked back at his son. His little boy who was supposed to be so innocent, had somehow become so aware of the world, and Magnus hadn't noticed. Maybe he should have when Max stopped wearing graphic t-shirts, and switched it out for all black. Or maybe when his black nail polish had started disappearing from his bathroom drawers, and he had just assumed it was Ada. He should have known, his little tomboy had shown very little interest in makeup.
"When I was just a little younger than you, my step-father tried to drown me, after my mom hung herself because I was such a burden," Magnus told his son.
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" Max asked.
"There are two things that you will always remember, the times you almost died, and the people you loved. And while my parents grew to hate me, they loved me once, and I loved them. And I still think of them everyday," Magnus said. "So Max, you will never forget any of them. You just have to remember to love with all of your heart, and never stop being open to the idea of love. Or else, what's the point of being immortal?"
"But they're still going to die someday, maybe it will be easier to just forget them," Max choked out.
"Yes," Magnus tapped his finger against his chin. "We can't help that. And honestly the best thing for you to do is not to think about it."
That's exactly what the both of them did. They pushed it out of their mind for the next ten years. The older Alec got, the less hunting he did, as was typical with Nephlim. He took his role as correspondent between Downworlders and Nephlim very seriously. But every once in awhile he would go hunting with Isabelle and Simon, to remind themselves of the old days, and as a way to honor Jace and Clary. Sometimes he would even take Ada out. Magnus imagined it reminded him of hunting with Jace. Ada had become a carbon copy of her dad. Except with shorter hair, and an even bigger ego.
"Can't Simon and Izzy's kids take care of it," Magnus had asked Alec that night. "They live for this stuff."
"I called Jonah and he isn't picking up," Ada said as she slipped a blade into her combat boot and grinned at him before kissing his cheek. "Calm down dad, I'll keep this old man safe."
"I am not that old," Alec protested, grabbing his bow off the table.
"For a shadowhunter you are," Ada teased him. "Now come on, demons high on cocaine wait for no man!" Ada ran out the door, probably half expecting her father to be following her, but Alec never left without saying goodbye to Magnus.
"We'll be home in a few hours," He said and cupped the back of Magnus' head with his hand, and kissed him softly. Everyday, he'd wished he'd relished that kiss. Maybe made it last just a little bit longer, and things could have been different.
Five hours later, Magnus had given up on Alec and Ada getting home anytime soon, and fallen asleep. Alec had a habit of taking her out for drinks every time they went hunting, not wanting the adrenaline rush he'd get to end. He was sure that by tomorrow morning his husband would have an enormous hang over, and he would be more than willing to wait on him hand and foot.
His phone started ringing at 3:28 am, the time was forever etched into his brain, and every time he so much as glanced at the clock at that time he wanted to throw up.
"Hello?" He said groggily. "Alexander I swear to god if you are going to make me come pick you up-"
"Daddy," He heard Ada crying on the other line. She hadn't called him daddy since she was eleven years old."
"Darling what's wrong?" Magnus sat up in bed, and he was already reaching for the pants sprawled on the ground.
"I don't know…there is so much blood," She said and her voice trailed off and she stopped talking into the phone. "Dad no, wake up, please wake up, dad is coming you'll be fine."
Magnus knew he was supposed to do something, supposed to go to them, but he was frozen. All he could hear was Ada crying, and more importantly he couldn't hear his Alec at all.
"It's so dark daddy," She was screaming now. "Please, please help."
He couldn't complain. He had gotten more time with Alec than most shadowhunters got in a lifetime. And he had loved every minute of it. Every late night talk, every kiss in the rain, every Friday night in, and even every fight, every time one of them stomped out of the loft, every apology.
After Alec died Isabelle came and stayed with him for awhile. It wasn't for the same reason Clary had, Clary had needed them, and Isabelle was one of the strongest people he'd ever met. She was there for him, and his family. Magnus couldn't bring himself to do anything for weeks, and Isabelle would just sit there with him, telling him stories of her brother that he had heard a billion times before, but still found oddly comforting.
"I have something for you," Isabelle said as she hugged him the day she left.
"Isabelle Lightwood-Lovelace you have done enough," Magnus assured her.
"Oh trust me I know, you're a slob when you're depressed. Seriously Chinese food boxes everywhere, use a trash can," Isabelle rolled her eyes, but she was smiling at him. Next she was reaching into her back pocket, and she pulled out a flash drive. "Alec gave this to me awhile back. He said if he ever…if he ever died before me, he wanted me to give it to you."
Magnus took the piece of plastic from Isabelle's hand. "Did you look at this?"
"A little bit last night," Isabelle admitted. "I really miss him."
"I understand," Magnus promised, he could never be mad at someone for missing Alec. No one understood that like he did.
"I stopped after the first couple minutes," Isabelle mentioned. "The video seems really personal."
"It's a video?" Magnus asked and he could feel himself getting excited at the prospect of hearing Alec's voice.
"Yeah, but Magnus if you want my advice, I would wait awhile to watch it," She offered and she must have been able to see the confusion on his face because she continued. "I know you always say you won't forget Alec, but let's be honest, you will forget the small stuff. So if you ever find yourself forgetting his smile or his blue eyes watch it then."
He missed Isabelle more than he thought he would. The two of them had grown close these last few years after Alec died. Her and Simon lived for a few more years after, Isabelle dying within a few months of Simon. After that everyone's children seemed to scatter. Last he heard, the twins were in Indianapolis, Jonah was preparing to take over the Berlin Institute, and their other daughter Sadie appeared to have dropped off the face of the earth. Rumor was that she had fallen in love with a mundane, and ran away with him, to scared of being stripped of her marks.. Some people believed that Jocelyn helped her since she was the only one who had ever managed to do it, but the point was that nobody was looking for her.
Technically Ada was a part of the New York institute, but she and her fiancé traveled so much it was like she was rarely here. She was a lot like her parents in the sense that she didn't listen to the Clave, and would often pop in whenever she felt like it.
Max on the other hand, rarely came home. It had been a year since he had last seen him, and Magnus was fairly certain that he didn't plan on coming back until everyone was dead; until his sister and every one of his cousins were gone. He was cutting himself off from everyone because he thought it would make it easier when they died, when in fact it would just fill him with regret.
He did get a post card from Peru. It wasn't signed but the message was clear, Max had gone to the only place Magnus couldn't get to him.
Whenever Magnus had thought about forgetting Alec, he imagined it taking hundreds of years. And even then he imagined it only being insignificant little details. The thing was, that there was nothing insignificant about Alec. Every tiny detail, was something he wanted, no, needed to remember. Yet it seemed like his brain was reacting in the way he had trained it to, centuries before Alec had even been born. He'd had his heart broken so many times, and it was easier to force himself to let go of the memories of his lovers, than hang onto them when all it did was cause unnecessary pain. Sadly, his mind had become conditioned to the response without him realizing it. It was a defense mechanism, one he didn't need, not for Alec. Remembering Alec was the only good thing in his life right now.
He missed Alec with every fiber of his being. Every morning he would wake up without him, and it felt like it was reopening a wound. The picture he had of the two of them on his nightstand probably didn't help. Keeping it there probably wasn't the most healthy thing in the world, but he couldn't bring himself to put it away. After all these years, Magnus still wanted to wake up to Alec's face.
That is what made the mornings the hardest. For just a brief a moment everything would be fine, but then it would all wash over him in one big wave. His Alec was gone. The love of his life, his immortal life, was never coming back.
This morning he woke up, and it was like every other morning. He was hungover, and alone. He sat up in bed in rubbed his face, squinting because the sunlight gave him a headache.
There was an empty bottle of white wine where Alec used to sleep.
Magnus glanced at the nightstand and had to do a double take. The picture that brought him so much comfort, was on the floor, the frame the two of them had picked out was shattered. He couldn't imagine a part of him, even in his drunkest state, that he would do that.
He could replace the frame, and even reprint the photo if need be. Somehow though, this was his breaking point.
The flash drive hadn't left the top drawer of his nightstand since Isabelle gave it to him. Having it there always tempted him, but having it nearby was comforting.
It only took him a second to rummage through the drawer before he found the drive, and then grabbed his laptop where it sat at the foot of his bed.
Plugging the flash drive into the USB port felt strange to him. It was like Alec had been living on through this video, and watching it would be like losing him all over again. He wasn't even over the first time.
Yet he needed to see Alec. Needed to hear his voice because he was already forgetting what it sounded like.
There were many files on the drive, but the dates were time stamped, and he clicked on the earliest one. Waiting for the video to buffer was agony, and Magnus was a very impatient man.
Then there was Alec, he was just sitting there smiling like an idiot, and Magnus had to pause the video before he started it. He had to take him in, take it all in. Magnus actually reached his thumb out to touch his cheek, and was surprised when the computer screen. Like a sixteen year old obsessed with a tv show, he'd forgotten that this wasn't real. This was the past. And it was time to let go. With one last deep breath, he pressed play.
"Hey so this is really awkward," Alec started, and he looked as uncomfortable as he always did when he was being filmed. "I feel like I'm losing my mind talking to a camera at two in the morning."
At the same time he laughed so did Alec, and he hadn't realized how much he had missed that until now. Being one of the only people that could make him laugh.
"I don't know when you're watching this. For all I know it's hundreds of years in the future and you found this behind your bed while you were cleaning, buried under receipts for glitter or whatever you're wearing now," Alec shrugged. "I mean you probably do remember me, right? Well just in case my name is Alec Gideon Lightwood, except you always called me Alexander even though I hated it."
Of course Alec never knew it, but Magnus always thought of him as Alec. The only reason he called him Alexander was because he was the only one who did.
And of course seeing Alec get angry at tiny little things was the most adorable thing in the world.
"Also we have a kid, Max. We named him after my little brother, who you never met by the way, so don't feel bad if you can't remember him," Alec tried to assure him. "Although I suppose Max may have changed his name. You always said he might."
The corners of his lips curled up into a small smile. It was just Alec to try and over explain everything, preparing for every circumstance. Like he could forget the father of his child was.
"Anyways, let's just back up to present day," Alec said running his hands through his raven colored hair. "You just had a party to celebrate…something. You'd think that having a two year old would deter you from partying, but I think you're actually throwing them more. You're really lucky my parents love watching Max or else babysitter bills would be through the roof."
Once again he found himself laughing at Alec's attempt at making a joke. Sure Alec hadn't been the funniest person in the world, he was more witty and sarcastic, a very acquired taste. There was just something about Alec being happy that made everyone happy. Possibly because he spent a large part of his life doing everything that didn't make him happy.
"Do you know what time it is?," Alec accused him pointing to at what Magnus assumed was a clock that used to be hanging on the wall to his left. "It's 3 in the morning. It's easier to get Max to go to bed than you. I had to put sleeping pills in your water, honestly it's a miracle I got you to drink water. You went down half an hour ago. I wasn't sure how many pills to use. You should be fine…I think…hold on one second." With that Alec stood up and walked out of the camera's view. He could hear his footsteps walking towards what was probably their bedroom. Knowing himself though, he could have passed out anywhere.
Unlike Alec, Magnus wasn't a natural father. Being centuries old had caused him to become accustomed to a certain lifestyle, he'd never been responsible for another human life before. As years went by he got better, but Alec had been perfect right off the bat. He'd always been great at taking care of people. Whether it was Isabelle, his little brother, his parbatai, and even Magnus himself. And Magnus did remember that party. More importantly he remembered that he hadn't slept in days, and Alec had been doing everything to try and force him into bed.
"Okay good news, you are alive," Alec said as he sat down. "Hugging a bottle of tequilla like a teddy bear, but you are alive, which is fine by me."
Magnus eyed his empty bottle of wine guiltily. This wasn't what Alec wanted for him and he knew that. It was just that this life, was the only one he knew how to live without Alec. The only one he'd had, before that blue eyed boy had walked into his party.
"Look I'm going to keep this short because I know you're probably busy, but I just, I just want to say how much I love you," Alec said, his voice got serious but his voice was shaking. "If you're watching this it means I'm dead. We both knew it was going to happen eventually. I hope I got to watch Max grow up. And I hope that you and I finally got married because it would mean that you and I got the stubborn ass clave to change their minds about something. And most of all I hope we got to do things that even you had never done."
At some point Magnus must have started crying, because the eyeliner he'd forgotten to take off last night had gotten even more smudged; and it was supposed to be waterproof.
"If I'm being honest part of me doesn't want you to move on, a very large part," He said shyly, and Magnus was almost taken aback. "But there is a larger part of me that just wants you to be happy. I always only want you to be happy, and I know that eventually you'll have to find that happiness without me, with someone other than me. And whether that means moving on in a year, or ten, or god forbid a hundred, I just want you to take care of yourself. To love yourself as much as I do. You can join me when you're ready, Love."
For the first time in his life he felt like he couldn't breathe. Funny how even from beyond the grave Alec still managed to take his breath away. There had been nobody since Alec, and he wasn't sure there ever would be. Alec had been that one great love. The one that people wrote stories about and strived to achieve.
"I'm going to go to bed," Alec sighed, and Magnus could tell he was exhausted. "But I'm going to try and make more of these, if only for my own sanity. It will probably just be ramblings, but I can't imagine a world where I don't get to talk to you a lot."
Magnus remembered the many other files he had supposed were just clutter. All of the late nights Alec must have spent making them, because the two of them had spent every spare waking moment together.
"I love you so much Magnus Bane. More than I ever said, and I should have said it more," Alec said and then did something that he wasn't expecting; and blew him a kiss. "Say hi to Max for me, and anybody else who might still be alive. Well, I guess this is goodbye for now."
Goodbye for now. Magnus liked that. He liked it a lot.
"Vloek deur!" He heard someone shout in Danish, followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut. He'd been meaning to get that fixed, for some reason it had been hard getting it to open recently. "Dad get your hungover ass out of bed, we're going shoppping!"
Ada. He scrambled for his phone and then saw the reminder on his phone. For the first time in forever, his daughter was letting him take her dress shopping. For her wedding day. She claimed that it was her wedding present for her fiancé, Emilie Blackstark. One of the few mundanes to survive ascension, and work her way up through the ranks. Ada had become captivated with her the instant she'd seen her at her ascension ceremony. She dyed her hair silver, and it brought out her golden like she had brought out the best in Ada, and it reminded him of a certain red head changing a certain self obsessed blonde.
In her typical fashion, she barged in without knocking, and Magnus silently thanked god that he was wearing his clothes from last night. Ada either didn't notice that he was a complete mess, or she didn't care. All she did was jump on to the foot of his bed.
"Where am I going to buy a golden dress," She said as she flopped down on her back and stared at the ceiling, the blonde waves in her pixie cut sticking up. "Plus it's going to be freezing. I don't want to be cold. Do you think Em would be mad if I wore my leather jacket."
"Ada honey if you wearing a that black monstrosity with any dress you are obviously not my daughter," Magnus said. Honestly the jacket itself was plain and simple, and Magnus had never been one to protest to leather. However when you watch your daughter wear the same article of clothing her whole life it can get quite tiring.
Her lip bent back into a pout, and she crossed her arms, reminding Magnus of her as a toddler. Stubborn and unamused by most things around her. Except now she had a finely shaped eyebrow raised, and a glimmer in her eyes that all Nephlim got when they knew something you didn't.
"Well just for that you're not getting your present," Ada stated getting off the bed.
"Ada," He said and he flicked his finger and a gold necklace appeared. "Anything you got for me I can very easily get myself."
She squinted her eyes and furrowed her brow, "Dad always said that when you use your magic like that whatever you conjure up is taken from somebody."
Magnus just shrugged, "Well I haven't got arrested yet."
Ada sighed, and then grinned, "Well I went all the way to Peru to get you my gift. And trust me it was very hard to track down. Em hated it since she's from Denmark and absolutely despises heat."
"What the hell is it with you two and dramatic entrances," Max said suddenly stepping into the room, and then turning to his sister. "You told me to wait out there in case he was asleep. Not for a spectacle."
It took Magnus a second to process who was standing in his room. Max was wearing a red plaid shirt, and jeans. Not typical warlock attire, but Max rarely used his magic after his father died, only taking on the occasional client to make ends meet, or so he was told.
The blonde stomped over to him, and let out a loud groan of frustration. "You are a complete idiot," She complained and punched his shoulder, but he could tell that it was in a loving way. The two of them always fought as children, but they couldn't have been closer. Which is why it broke Ada's heart when he left. Apparently, it was also why she started traveling more after he got the post card from Peru. "This was supposed to be my moment. What's next, are you going to marry my fiancé in three weeks.""
"You're wedding is in three weeks and you are just buying your dress now?" Max chuckled. When Ada's face got bright red it was obvious to everyone that that was the wrong thing to say.
"Do want to know why I'm just buying my dress now," Ada exploded poking the much larger boy in the chest with her finger. "Because you decided to go run off to Peru where nobody could find you. And then you had the nerve to send a freaking post card. So yes my bride to be and I were a little busy looking for you, so that I could bring you back here and kick your ass."
"Would the two of you be quiet for a second," Magnus asked, pressing his fingers to his temples. "I haven't seen siblings bicker like this since Isabelle and your father."
Max frowned, while Ada forced smile, more likely for his benefit. There was something in Max's eyes that told Magnus he was thinking about running. Mentioning their father so casually was something he was not ready for.
When it came to comforting their children, Alec had surprisingly been better. This is not to say that Magnus was a cold and distant parent; but when you wanted a pat on the back you went to Alec. And when you wanted a life lesson you went to Magnus.
Which is why it probably took Max by surprise when this father, had gotten out of bed, and ran across the floor in giant strides, to hug him. The way he should have hugged him when it was obviously he was hurting, but didn't because he was to busy shutting himself down. Max was stiff in his arms, and didn't even hug his father back, but Magnus could practically feel the weight being lifted from his shoulders.
"Dad says hi," Magnus whispered loud enough for both his kids to hear. Maybe he could find a way to manage without Alec. Unlike every other time he lost someone he loved, this time he had a family. And family never dies, it goes on forever, living through different people.
If there was one thing he knew, it was that he'd see Alec again, beyond his computer screen. Just not yet. For now it was just going to be…goodbye for now.
A/N: Wow that was some unnecessary angst with an abrupt ending. Anyways I'm off to keep working on I Can Still Recall Our Last Summer. Yes, I am still working on that. For those who do read it, here is a sneak peek of the next chapter:
"Kissing Magnus was like walking on air. Alec felt weightless, and it was like the sun, the moon, and the stars were within his reach. In the last few weeks, Alec had lost track of how many times he'd kissed him. Every time they were alone, it seemed like one of them was pulling the other against them. All of it was passionate and casual. Something Alec never thought he would enjoy as much as he did."
