AN: I still don't own anything and it seems pointless to keep saying as much...however here it is I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.
Now to my actual note. For those of you who have been reading I thank you for doing so. I will also take this time to say I am sorry for not posting in a very long time. My work schedule is this side of painful and actual free time is rather limited. I haven't had any fun in months or a real day off for that matter. Now that I do have a moment and a mini vacation due to the holidays I wanted to post a couple of chapters. I think I will post three since a portion of this story is already written and with this little vacation I might actually be able to add to it. I know for sure I won't be finishing it this year. So this is for all of you who have been following. Thank you very much and thank you for taking the time to review.
Walking through campus I spot Tara and smile. Changing directions slightly I make my way over to her. We've been dating for three weeks and though we haven't had the supposed talk I've been told is necessary for dating to turn into a relationship I feel it is on the horizon. I actually think I'm ready to commit. Our relationship as I've come to think of it in my head is comfortable. We've been moving slowly, not even pass second base and I'm actually happy about that. Coming up to Tara I give her a slight hug and a kiss on the cheek. I want to kiss her soft lips badly but we are in public and PDA's have to be kept on a tight leash.
Releasing Tara I can't help but smile again. "Hey we still on for tonight?" I ask since tonight I plan on having said talk. I don't know if Tara is ready for sex and honestly I'm not sure I am either. I just know before our relationship moves any further that I need to be honest about certain aspects of my life.
"Yup, you never said where we are going?" She asks softly and I feel a little guilty for what I have planned.
"It's a bit of a surprise." I tell her with a sad smile unable to hide my anxiety.
Tara stares at me and I feel her eyes boring into my very soul. "Why don't we just spend the day together?" She asks and I wonder if she has a feeling about what I have planned or an innate understanding that my plans might ruin everything between us. I'm tempted to shake my head no and instead I find myself nodding. I want to treasure the time I have left with her.
"So what would you like to do?"
"Why don't we go back to my place? We can watch a movie, talk, or just hang out until it's time to go."
I nod my head and follow her like a lost little puppy back to her room. I stay silent as I walk up the stairs and Tara opens the door and motions me in. Walking over to the bed I take a seat and Tara soon follows me. I feel her sitting down and my melancholy begins to set in. I decide it might be better to prep her before doing what I plan to do.
"What is it?" She asks before I can say anything.
"Tara, I….I have something I have to tell you." I start hesitantly.
"You know you can tell me anything." She says softly.
Strangely our relationship has become so comfortable that I do in fact feel that I can tell her anything. That however is part of the problem. I want to tell her everything. I want to expose every part of myself to her and bask in her understanding. Tara see's me, like Cor sees me. She doesn't judge and she has actually taken the time to try to understand me. No one but Cor has bothered to in a very long time. I didn't realize how lonely I actually was until I had to move again and realized that I had no other connections except for Cor.
"There is a lot about me that I haven't told you and I need to tell you, no I want to tell you. It's kinda hard to say these things out loud and I'm not sure how to even say them so I'm just going to start with the easy one." While I'm talking Tara is patiently looking at me her expression understanding of what is obviously a difficult topic. "You see I joined the ROTC in Cleveland and if everything goes right I will be returning to Cleveland to finish up my education." Tara's face falls a little and I can tell I've hurt her.
"So when the summer ends you are going back to Cleveland?" She asks as if seeking clarification. I nod slightly unable for a moment to speak. "So is this your way of telling me this is just a summer fling?" She asks very softly as if she is sadden but willing to accept such a relationship.
I shake my head no and nod yes and then shake my head no. "It's a bit more difficult than that Tara and no I do not want this to be a summer fling." I tell her emphasizing the fact that I want more than just a fling. "I was recruited by a secret government agency that I am not supposed to tell you about. I'm telling you because I trust you and I don't want to lie to you. I want more than a fling, than a summer romance, I want a real relationship. Unfortunately, there might be some constraints and I want you to go into a relationship knowing what you are getting into. Part of the restrictions will be in PDA's since the military kicks out homosexuals. The other part is that you can't tell anyone anything that I tell you about the secret agency. It's asking a lot and if you want to walk out now or stop what is developing between us I will do my best to understand."
"Do you want to end our relationship?" She asks.
"No, no I don't." I shake my head happy to hear her say 'our relationship' out loud.
"I don't either and I'm willing to keep PDA's to a minimum, as long as I don't have to in private." She says while reaching out and clasping my hand. It makes me smile and want to kiss her for being so damn understanding. I can't resist the impulse so I do kiss her. It starts off slow but my desire and fear of abandonment build and I deepen our kiss. Running my tongue gently across her lips I moan as she gives me access to her mouth. I plunder deeply tasting every inch of her, reveling in the flavor of her mouth. Moaning deeper as the flames increase I push her gently back down onto the bed. Lying next to her I continue to kiss her my hands refusing to be idle have to begun to explore her body.
Tara is pliant, no she is more than pliant, she is eager. Her arms wrap around me pulling me closer. Our bodies are touching at every important interval. My leg slides between hers of its own volition and I hear her moan softly. It's like an aphrodisiac and a balm to my soul. I move my leg, rubbing her core gently, teasingly and Tara clutches me tighter. Moving away from her lips I slowly kiss my way down her neck pausing to breathe in her scent; lavender and roses. I hear Tara cry out and begin to rub herself against my leg, her need building slowly. My hands travel up her back first over her shirt and then back down. I pull out the hem of her shirt and slide my fingers under her shirt reveling in the sensation of skin on skin. I rub her back while I move my lips up her neck and on to her ear. I kiss her softly listening to her body waiting for it to tell me what she likes. My lessons of the flesh have made me very adept at giving pleasure.
Slowly I shift my hand from her back to her stomach. I keep kissing her ear but I wait for her to react. Instead of stiffening she continues to gyrate against my thigh. I take that as the go signal. I slide my hand back and forth across her stomach before sliding slowly up to her soft sweet breasts. Gently I rub my fingers along the underside of her breasts, Tara moans pulling me closer still. Taking the clear invitation she has just sent me I smile and let my finger slide over her nipple, lightly encircling it. I feel it perk up to greet me and I wish I could give it a hello kiss. Instead I resign myself to the sweet pleasure of touching only.
I continue playing with her breasts and I can feel she is getting closer to her own release. Tara's moans have increased, her breath coming out in rapid little pants, her hips shifting harder and faster against my thigh. I curse all the articles of clothing stopping me from touching all of her. Our clothes are an impediment to my pleasure but I don't dare remove them. Tara is too far gone in her own pleasure to stop me. And as much as I desire at this moment to move our relationship to the next level I don't want to ruin it by doing so. There is still so much Tara doesn't know about me and she needs to know before we move forward. I let Tara push along towards her own release and I encourage it, milk it, and drag it on sweetly.
I feel her shudder, her light moan caressing my ear as she clutches me tightly. Holding her I caress her breast feeling light shudder wrack through her body. I kiss her neck, her cheek, her eyes, smiling as I move to each feature of her face. She is perfect and the look of pure bliss that covered her face as she came was a slice of heaven for me. I continue caressing her, my hands moving down her stomach and then her back, cradling, caressing as she slowly comes down from her climax.
"Wow that was… I mean wow." Tara breaths out into my ear snuggling into me, I wrap my arms around her and nod. I don't feel a need for words at this moment. Even without finding my own release I feel warm and satisfied.
The minutes tick by and the silence stretches on. My eyes grow heavy and the steady breathing coming from within the circle of my arms slowly lulls me to sleep. I realize before I slide into the land of dreams that I am happy.
I wake up to a darkened room and a hand caressing my stomach. I know its Tara without even having to thinking about it. My happy glow sheds away as the sleep is wiped out of my eyes. It's dark and the vampires and demons are now free to roam the streets searching for prey. It's time I revealed to Tara the other half of my secret life. I can't help but worry. She was rather accepting of my secret soldier life with all its restrictions. How accepting can she be when she learns the truth about the world? It is something of a shock. Will she be willing or able to accept it? I don't know and I have only one way to find out.
I smile at Tara, pulling myself up onto my right elbow. She smiles back at me a look of pure satisfaction in her eyes. "I have something I want to show you tonight." I tell her keeping my face blank. Pulling away from Tara I get up and straighten my clothes. She follows suite and I can see a look of consternation forming on her brow. Sadly I don't have much in the way of reassurances. The art of comforting people is one I had very little practice in.
I watch as Tara straightens out her clothes and I move to the door to open it. Tara walks out and I can tell she wants to ask me a couple of questions but doesn't know where to begin. I lead us down to the first floor and to my room where I pick up some supplies. Tara stares at me as I pick up a two stakes, two crosses, a large knife, and some holy water. I hand Tara a cross and the bottle of holy water and she stares at both blankly. Without offering an explanation I walk out of my room and Tara follows still staring at her hands in confusion. Locking up my room I lead Tara out of the Hall and into the campus night. A couple of students are still out and I stay clear of them. I lead Tara towards town and in turn to the closest cemetery.
We've been walking for ten minutes when she finally gets a hold on her wits. "Faith, why did you give me these things?" She asks holding up the holy water and cross. "Why are you carrying a knife and a sharpened piece of wood?" The confusion and curiosity are clear in her voice.
"Tara there is another part of my life that I need to explain to you. I would normally have just told you but honestly I don't want you thinking I am insane. Really I am impressed that you were able to handle the idea that I work for a secret underground agency. I don't think you will be able to accept the next part of my life so easily. So I figured the only way for you to understand would be for you to see it. Of course there is the problem of finding proof. That is why we are going where we are going." I tell her and see her face cloud over with, if possible, even more confusion.
"Faith I am going to need a little more than that if I am going to continue following you into the night." She says and then stops when she sees the gates to the cemetery. "Especially if you expect me to go in there." She says pointing at the cemetery.
"Well alright I suppose that's fair." I tell her understanding her objection. "You see….well really I've never been in a position to explain all this so I'm honestly not sure where to begin." I pause giving myself a couple of minutes to think it all over. "Alright well the big speech usually goes along the lines of one girl in the entire world chosen to defeat the darkness and forces of evil but honestly I never thought that to be a satisfactory explanation." I pause again seeing her look even more confused. "Well the reality of the matter is that vampires and demons and werewolves and witches exist. I know it's a little hard to believe but it is the truth. Now the thing is a long time ago a bunch of wise guys picked out a girl and sacrificed her to the essence of a demon. The essence filled the girl and made her stronger than a human, able to heal faster, able to fight the 'supposed forces of evil', they called this girl the 'the Slayer'. Now you see I am the slayer." I finish my speech to see Tara staring at me in bemused bewilderment. Instead of explaining everything again or trying to clarify the situation I just grab her arm and lead her into the cemetery.
We wander around for a while and the look on Tara's face has not changed. I keep waiting for her to say something but I think I might have broken her with my speech. Unfortunately the vampires and demons aren't cooperating either. I had expected at least one to show up and help me out a little. Damn nothing here but Tara and I and pretty soon I think it will be just me. I can almost feel Tara gathering up her wits and I know, I just know that it won't be good for me.
I feel resistance and finally I stop and turn to look at Tara. Her face has gone from bemused confusion to angry confusion. Like I figured the following talk won't go well for me. Damn those vampires for not coming out when I need them to.
"What is this Faith? What are you playing at?" She asks me but doesn't give me a chance to respond. "What am I just a joke to you? You kiss me, you touch me, you tell me you are leaving, and then you promise commitment and now this? Is this your get out of jail free card? Are you looking for a good way to break up with me? Honestly all you had to do was say you didn't want to see me anymore. Why did you feel it was necessary to go through all this? Why do you want to hurt me?" She asks, her eyes becoming red and a flush working its way up her neck.
I stare at her blankly unable to form rational thought. I can only imagine I look like a fish out of water with my mouth opening and closing. There is so much I want to say. I want to reassure her; at least I think I want to. Yet…yet the words refuse to come out. Is this my way of getting out of a commitment? Am I subconsciously destroying my own relationship? No! Am I? I shake my head and I don't know if I am answering Tara or myself. I look at Tara and then I look at the ground trying to get my brain to start working. This had seemed like an okay idea yesterday.
I hear Tara scream and I look back up, seems like the vampire population has finally taken pity on me and decided to show up. Now the question is why did they decide to show up while I was in the middle of a mental brain fart? The vampire in question has Tara. He's grabbed her and is forcing her neck to the left to take a bite. Stepping up I yank the vamp off of Tara and hold him by the cuff of his suit. I finally have a vampire to demonstrate on.
"Now Tara this is a vampire." I tell her and watch as she continues to grab her neck making me wonder if the vamp was able to nick her. "You can tell this is a vampire by the ridges on his face and the fangs obviously." I say pointing to both. "However, unless they are in what we like to call 'game face' vampires look like everybody else." I shake the vampire roughly and tell him to shift back. The dumb animal does and I make sure Tara takes a good look. She nods slightly and I continue my lesson. "Now vampires cannot enter a home unless they are invited. They are also harmed by crosses, garlic, and holy water. Touch the evil vampire with your cross." I tell her getting an even firmer hold on the vampire. Tara shakes her head but I encourage her a couple more times before she agrees. The second the cross touches flesh the skin begins to sizzle and burn. "Sunlight and fire can kill a vampire but the best way is a stake in the heart." I tell her while I stake the vampire.
Tara watches the dust float off into the night and then turns her attention back to me. It's obvious that she is shocked and when she doesn't say anything I decide I've shown her enough for one night and that it isn't worth the risk wandering around any longer. Sliding my hand into hers I lead her out of the cemetery and back to her dorm. My senses are on high alert along the way but all is quiet much to my own personal amazement.
Getting Tara back into her room I begin to worry as she still hasn't said a word. I guide her to her bed and encourage her to sit down. I remove her shoes and socks. I consider getting her out of her clothes but figure that might be too big of a violation at this moment. I have no clue how she feels and I don't want to over step my bounds. So I settle for making her comfortable. Picking her up I pull back the covers and lay her back on the bed. She looks up at me and I can see I've managed to surprise her again. Yet she doesn't say anything and I begin to worry even more if that is possible.
Not sure what else to do I stare down at her trying to think of what to do next. I'm not tired quite the opposite I am wired and excited. That pitiful vampire was the first I've had since I arrived in Sunnydale and I feel long overdue. Yet I don't feel that I am able to leave Tara. Clearly I have managed to traumatize her and it might be very unwise to leave her at a moment like this. So I release a frustrated breath and take off my own socks and shoes. I slide in to bed next to Tara. When she doesn't shy away from me or make a sound of distress I take it as a sign that I am welcome. Wrapping my arms around Tara I wait patiently for the sleep I know isn't coming any time soon.
Regulating my breathing I slowly calm my over excited body. I want release and clearly I am unable to achieve it at the moment. I don't know what it is about slaying but it gets the blood pumping and sadly that blood tends to pump right between my legs. I've always been curious if it's been the same for Buffy. Then again searching through my memories I am pretty sure it is. The episode with Spike definitely screams unsatisfied slayer. Wow what a terrible thing to think about.
I take several deep breaths and try to clear my mind of thoughts of Buffy. Yet they refuse to leave. It feels wrong to think of Buffy with Tara wrapped up in my arms but it seems impossible to stop thinking about her. I still want her but the more I think about it the more I realize that the desperation to possess her is gone, not all the way but it's mostly gone. I do occasionally feel a twinge of deep painful desire but they aren't as frequent as before. She doesn't occupy nearly as many hours of my day. Now Tara has moved in taking up the time I had once spent contemplating Buffy. Now I spend more of my time trying to figure out how to plan a good date. I finally have a life that isn't centered on THE CHOSEN ONE.
Overall the more I think about it I have a very satisfying life. The only way to make my life better at this moment would be if Cor was here to meet Tara. I suppose that can be arranged. We can go to Malibu for a weekend and Tara can meet Cor and vice versa. I've spoke to Cor about Tara and all the feedback has been very positive. Cordy of course was surprised that I took the leap and found myself a girlfriend but she is very happy about the whole thing. She's asked for us to come down for a weekend but I wasn't ready. I wanted to cement my relationship with Tara before introducing her to my only friend.
Stopping for a moment in my mental planning I realize I've made assumption and plans that I might not even have a chance to fulfill. By morning if Tara is even able to speak she might just tell me to get the hell out of her life. She might reject me. It's a blood curdling thought and it makes me stiffen up immediately. Deep in my very core I feel the desire to leave begin to curl its way through my veins. It grows louder in its demands that I run before I am hurt, before I am rejected. Pulling away slightly from Tara I pull back the covers unable to resist the call.
An arm wrapping itself around my waist stops me. I look at Tara and in the dark I can only make out her outline. I don't know if she is awake or still asleep. Either way either subconsciously or consciously she wants me to stay. Releasing a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding I slowly shift my body back into bed. I can't leave her and I can't run. I made the decision to show her the real world and the different me's that exist in this one body. I made those decisions because I want to be with her. I want to be honest with her. Most importantly I don't want her to get hurt by being with me. Dating a slayer, even being friends with a slayer, seems to put a bull's-eye on people. I remember the things that have happened to Buffy's friends and I don't want any of those things to happen to Tara.
Thinking of Buffy's friends a thought starts to wiggle in my brain. It's there like a word that's on the tip of your tongue but you just can't say it out loud. It's an unformed memory or thought but it lingers like a bad after taste in my mouth. There is something about Buffy's friends that I should remember; something dark. I lie back down and wrap myself around Tara again and the thought seems to float to the surface only to sink back into the depths of my brain. Releasing a sigh of frustration I pray for sleep to come and close my eyes again knowing very well that I will probably get very little.
