Uuhgggg! Writer's block is the worst. But the best thing to do is plow through it! You know what I really love doing? Writing about Christmas in April. Love iiiit. ( ick ) So anyway, here goes nothing!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally nothing. I steal the air I breathe!
Warning: Some parts may include Male/Male. It's only gunna get worse from here, guys!
Chapter 7
Self Discovery
A blaring noise woke Byakuya from his slumber with the taste of pennies quite strong in his dry mouth. He slapped the vicious machine several times before it turned off. He groaned as he flipped around in bed, coming face to face with a sleeping red head. Had he not been sporting a tremendous headache, he would have shouted at the sleeping man and kicked him, literally, onto the floor. Instead, he glared angrily through squinted eyes.
"I'm going to kill you..." he growled low while he attempted to rise out of bed without vomiting. He laid back down after feeling sudden vertigo and glared at Renji some more. The young man started to feel the weight of the angry CEO's gaze on him and his eyes slowly opened. He shot up in panic as the first thing he laid eyes on that morning was the grumpy glare of his master.
"Gahh! ...umm...good morning?" He asked, rubbing his eyes after a moment. Byakuya sat up in bed, holding his head as it pounded with every word he uttered. This would be an awful day.
"You are breaking the rules...big time." He hissed. Renji pouted.
"You said during Christmas, those rules didn't apply!" He wined. Byakuya narrowed his eyes, the bags underneath making him look particularly menacing.
"No, Renji. Christmas Eve. That ended at midnight. You have been breaking the rules now for seven hours. You'll have to be punished." He said calmly, sliding out of bed. He needed some water or he would defiantly throw up. Renji groaned and slid out of the bed as well, padding softly behind the raven haired man as he went to the kitchen.
Trying to make as little noise as possible, Byakuya started up his coffee and cracked some eggs into a pan, not caring if the yolk were to break or if there were shells in it. Renji cowered in the corner. As the black haired man continued to make breakfast, his memory of the night before, particularly the end of the night, started very slowly flowing back into his brain. His face got hotter and redder with each second he remembered. Before he became so enraged that he tossed the mutt out entirely, he remembered the last few seconds. Renji had stopped. He had no doubts in his mind that in the state he was in the night before, he probably would have done anything at all. He'd never been in that sort of state with anyone before. The only one who ever saw him even a little intoxicated was Yuroichi, and that was just after Rukia had run away. It had been an entirely different experience for him.
He knew that it wasn't truly Renji's fault for what happened, and he'd even had the decency to stop when he realized that it wasn't right to go on. It gave Byakuya a sort of trust in his companion that he'd never realized he could have for anybody. Renji would look out for him. This much, he knew. Renji would not hurt him or take advantage of him. Had he truly wanted the man to stop, he would have said something and he was sure now that Renji would have obeyed. But that didn't stop him from wanting to take out his frustrations on him.
As soon as breakfast was finished, Byakuya walked over to the trashcan, staring at Renji the entire time, and dumped it immediately. Renji's eyes were wide with horror as he watched his potential breakfast be dumped down the garbage. Just for good measure, Byakuya then dumped an entire cup of coffee into the trash, just in case the idiot was hungry enough to go rooting through it.
"What! Why would you do that?! It was smelling so good! Why are you so cruel to me?!" He sobbed. Byakuya ignored his wining and stomped over to the fridge. He pulled out a carrot and tossed it to the annoying creature on his floor.
"Here, you won't go hungry." He said as Renji looked sadly at the offending vegetable, nibbling on the end.
"I hate it." he groaned. Byakuya poured himself another cup of coffee and sat down at the table, looking at the newspaper. Somehow, bullying his pet had made his stomach and head feel much better.
"Welcome to your punishment." He mumbled, starting to read the paper. As he took a sip of coffee, he nearly spat it out as a doorbell chimed directly into his pounding head. Renji shot up from the floor, dropping the carrot and rushing to the front door. Byakuya held his head.
Renji swung the door open, a startled Rukia standing on the other side as his smile turned wide.
"Jelly Bean!" He shouted, engulfing her in a huge bear hug. Rukia was holding several gifts which all got squished between them as she tried to breathe between Renji's strong arms.
"Renji...stop!" She wheezed. He dropped her gently and looked at the gifts in her arms. She was holding several. It had then occurred to him that on their shopping trip the day before, they hadn't bought anything as far as Christmas gifts were concerned. He wondered just how Byakuya was going to react when he realized that he hadn't gotten anything for his precious sister.
The little woman ran into the kitchen on her tip toes, dumping the presents on the table and hugging the older brother she found there almost as fiercely as Renji had just done. Byakuya tried to play off his sudden pain and discomfort for the girl, not used to being jumped with love besides Renji's daily greeting.
"Thank you Big Brother! I can't wait to see what gift you got me!" She gushed into his ear. Byakuya stiffened when she said that. He'd completely forgotten. He had been out just yesterday, and he'd still forgotten to get a gift for Rukia!
Before he could apologize profusely, she grabbed one of the gifts that she had on the table. The gift wrap was dazzling and bright. Snowflakes adorned the silver glowing paper. She squealed as she held it in her hands. Byakuya was thoroughly confused. Renji sat in a chair, looking interested. He could have sworn Byakuya hadn't gotten anything.
"I'm sorry, I should open the card first!" She suddenly gasped. Byakuya's eyes widened as a red card was pulled from the bottom of the pile. She sat excitedly at the table and started tearing it open. Byakuya had never been so confused in his life. Surly he couldn't have been so drunk that he didn't remember buying, wrapping, and shipping a present and a card to his sister? He looked at Renji who shrugged his shoulders, just as lost.
She pulled the card out of the envelope and hurriedly read the contents. A little slip of plastic fell out of it, which she dutifully ignored in favor of the message.
"Dear Rukia!" she read enthusiastically. "I know I haven't always been there for you, but I promise to try harder and be the best brother I can be! You make me proud and I hope to be a part of your life for it's entirety. If you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. Merry Christmas. Love, Byakuya."
It certainly sounded like something he would write to her. Rukia then squinted her eyes. "What does this last part mean?" She asked, handing him the card. Byakuya was amazed. It even looked like his handwriting. As he skimmed the message, he noticed at the very bottom there were the letters YOM and a smiley face drawn next to it. Byakuya smiled as he realized what the message said.
"You owe me." He thought in his head. Yuroichi. He would have to call her and thank her. It troubled him that she knew he would be so forgetful that he undoubtedly would neglect to buy Rukia a gift. Suddenly, Rukia squealed again, forgetting the last part of the letter and looking at the little card that had fallen out of it.
"A two thousand dollar debit card for clothes! Oh my gosh!" She cried. She leaped from the chair, hopping up and down with glee as she threw herself back to her brother, kissing him on his cheek.
"I really needed this! But this is so much! Thank you Big Brother! Thank you so much!" She giggled. Renji looked at him with an amused smirk. He was well aware that this extravagance had not come from him. He could tell that Byakuya was just as surprised at the gift.
The CEO cleared his throat, patting the excited girl on the head and pointed to the present that had also apparently come from him.
"Let's see what else there is." He said, curious himself. Rukia put the card on the table and looked at the gift, gingerly unwrapping it. When it was unwrapped, the real confusion settled onto Byakuya. A box of crayons. Every color there was, it seemed. Rukia looked at the box with a huge smile.
"I'm surprised, Big Brother. How did you know?" She asked, hugging the box to her chest. Byakuya stared at the strange gift.
"I...really don't know." He mused. Rukia set the box down, hugging Renji softly around his neck.
"You must have helped him, thank you Renji." She cooed. Renji patted her on the back.
"Yea, sure, anytime, Jelly Bean." He chuckled, looking directly at Byakuya. Rukia quickly went back to the rest of the gifts at the table. She shoved several towards Byakuya and a couple at Renji who smiled. He stood up and left the room, returning with two small wrapped boxes. He handed one to Rukia and one to Byakuya.
"I know it isn't much, but I got these for you two. I wasn't figuring that I would actually be able to hand this to you in person, Jelly Bean, but it looks like things worked out after all." He grinned. It was a little more than unsettling to know that he also hadn't really given Renji anything for Christmas and yet the boy had actually gone out and gotten him something. Byakuya was suspicious.
"Renji, you don't have any money. How did you afford this?" He asked. Renji smirked.
"I have a job. Just open it!" He tried to redirect the conversation. Rukia glared at him.
"Did you buy this with your blood money?" She asked. Byakuya looked surprisingly at him. Renji laughed nervously at the comment.
"Why do you call it that? My job isn't that bad."
"If you can even call it that. Anyway thank you." She smiled, tearing open the paper. Byakuya nervously opened his package as well. Rukia smiled as a box of pop tarts came into view. She tore it open and went straight for the toaster and popped them in. Byakuya was stunned by how easily she was made happy by the simplest of gifts.
As his present came into view, he noted a few slips of paper fall onto the table. The gift itself was a bottle of whiskey, one he had currently in his collection. He placed it on the table and looked at the little strips of paper. He frowned. They were coupons for a "special Renji sensual massage". They even had expiration dates on them.
"I don't know what to say." He mumbled in irritation, as if his soul had left his very body. Renji beamed at him.
"And on the backs of all of those, you could even trade it in to make it a special Byakuya sensual massage! In case you feel like being a giver!" He exclaimed. Byakuya glared at him.
"That's even worse!" He shouted.
Rukia slowly pushed her gifts towards him with her finger. She apparently wanted his attention now, which he gladly gave, trying his best to ignore the ruthless Renji whom he would have to punish doubly now.
000
Christmas passed with the mood having lightened once Rukia's presents were opened. It was mostly candies and inexpensive casual clothing. Renji showed Rukia the clothes Byakuya had bought him the day before, the two of them chatting in what was supposed to be Renji's bedroom as he showed off each item, allowing Byakuya a much needed moment alone. He decided to give his secretary a call.
"Good Morning," He said into the phone as she happily answered him.
"Merry Christmas!" She shouted into the phone, raking up his previous headache. He grunted before taking a breath.
"Thank you for what you did. What would you like for a belated present?" He asked. Laughter was heard on the other line.
"Well, since I used the credit card you gave me to get those items, I just bought myself a lovely new outfit to wear to work, with matching shoes of coarse. Thank you so much for the gift, boss, it's exactly what I wanted." She giggled. Byakuya had forgotten that he'd given her a company credit card for business expenses. The money was taken out of an account he had especially for his own personal projects. Money from his actual paychecks were put into those accounts. He smiled.
"Your welcome then. I hope it's not too...distracting." He warned. More laughter rang in his ears.
"Oh, just distracting enough. I'm sure you'll hate it." She giggled again. Byakuya sighed.
"Quite. Have a good holiday and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Merry Christmas Byakuya!" Click.
The CEO ran his thin fingers through his hair. He honestly didn't know what he'd do without her sometimes. And other times he wanted to strangle her.
000
As Byakuya stared at his fireplace, he felt for the first time that he didn't wish to go to work the next day. He sat cross legged on the floor, sipping a glass of his new whiskey, though he already had some still in the cabinet. It was kinder to Renji this way.
Said young man came back from the front door after seeing Rukia out. He sat down next to him, his hands behind him as he leaned back, looking at the flickering fire.
"Are you still mad at me?" He asked. Byakuya snorted.
"I wasn't really ever mad at you. It was just the only thing I could think to do. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to be feeling." He said softly, sipping his drink again. He wasn't too keen on even having one glass of this stuff after the night before, but it needed to happen. It was Christmas after all.
The entire day had been spent watching Christmas movies, letting Rukia bake various sweets and talking with her. He wanted to know her after not being a part of her life for so long. Renji had shied away from him most of the day, not wanting to be punished farther. But now, he sat right next to him, boldly close, in fact.
"You don't have to be ashamed of it, you know. Besides, it's not like anyone but the two of us know about it." He tried to reason. Byakuya sipped from his glass again.
"That's just it. I know about it. It's unnatural. Men don't kiss other men, Renji. I thought you liked women, anyway, you dated my sister." He said, not looking at him. Renji brought a knee to his chest.
"Men, women, they're both the same to me. Love is love, sex is sex, no matter who you get it from or give it too. Why should I care about someone's gender if I like them? If I want to kiss someone, it's because of who they are, not what they are or how they look." He thumbed his knee. Through the entire conversation, neither of them looked at each other.
"It's still unnatural." He grumbled. Renji snorted.
"So is sacrificing yourself for someone else. Or putting chemicals into our bodies. Or wearing clothes for that matter! Who cares what's natural? That's what's so great about being human." He smirked.
"I think it's more unnatural to deny what you truly feel than to pretend like you don't feel at all. I've always known who I was and what I want. I won't let anyone tell me how I should or shouldn't be." Renji continued.
"It still bothers me. It's just...weird. I don't know if I could ever do it again." He breathed. Renji finally looked at him. Byakuya couldn't help but glance over at the young man. The fire played at his eyes, making them a dark crimson. His blazing hair was even more startling in this light. The soft shadows licked at his arms and muscles, giving him a sort of unearthly beauty that Byakuya couldn't help but appreciate. He was a very handsome creature, male or otherwise.
"So you're saying," he whispered, leaning closer, "that if I were to kiss you, or touch you, it would be wrong? You would tell me you don't want it or punish me again?" He huskily asked. Byakuya felt his body heat up. His cheeks grew hot and his hands started to shake slightly. Was this really the effect Renji had on him? Was this honestly how he felt? Would he give into the temptations he felt so strongly or would he cower in fear at his own wants? These newly unearthed feelings frightened him. He honestly didn't know anything about himself, despite all the time he'd spent alone.
"I promise I won't hurt you. You can trust that, can't you? Why not try it? Experiment? Just to see what happens?" He whispered softly, mere inches from Byakuya's face. His breath was sweet to the senses, just as before. His scent was soothing and wafting pleasantly into his nose, calming him from his fears. He couldn't help but be seduced this way, allowing these feelings to sweep him away into an ocean of uncertainty, waiting to swallow him up at any moment. Byakuya didn't stop him. He didn't protest or shout. Not even a little turn of the head in disinterest. He allowed it. He allowed Renji's lips to be pressed lightly onto his. He allowed the slow, sweet movement of his mouth on his own. He allowed Renji's strong fingers to run gently through his hair, pressing him closer, breathing the heat and passion.
The kiss was not urgent. It was not sloppy or rushed like the one before. It was tender, exploring, experimenting. Renji allowed Byakuya to do as he wished, moving the way he wanted. He allowed his master to use him this way, to dig up long buried secrets to his own desires. Byakuya reached up and felt Renji's face, detaching his lips from the red-heads. Both their eyes still closed, he gently touched his cheeks, running feather light trails down to his nose and lips.
"How are you doing this to me?" He asked in an almost silent whisper. Renji smiled warmly at him, both their eyes opening to look deeply at one another.
"I'm not doing anything at all that you don't already want me to do." He chuckled lightly. Byakuya lowered his head in embarrassment, but Renji scooped his lips back up with his own. He slowly moved forward, pushing Byakuya to lay on the ground. Shakily, Byakuya complied, feeling the young man's weight on him yet again, this time with a clear head. It was so much more tantalizing this way. One of Renji's hands was pushed underneath Byakuya's head, weaving through his hair. His other hand rested at his master's side, not wanting to frighten him with overenthusiastic groping.
Byakuya reached around Renji's neck, letting Renji nip at his lips, chin and neck. This all seemed so familiar, yet it was totally different from before. When he felt Renji lay between this thighs and was alerted to just how much Renji was enjoying the kiss, it didn't frighten him nearly as much as suddenly being aware of his own obvious arousal. He placed his hands on Renji's shoulders, suddenly too uneasy to continue.
"I-I can't. Stop Renji, that's enough." He stuttered, his voice cracking a bit. He wished he had sounded a little more stern, or at least calm. Renji did as he was told and sat up, relieving Byakuya of his warmth and weight. Byakuya sat up as well, grabbing his whiskey and taking a rather inflated gulp. He pressed the glass to his lips firmly, his brain rushing through what he had just done.
Was it really as wrong as he thought? It hadn't felt that way. He stared at the fire, trying to pretend that Renji wasn't there. The young man sighed and stood up, grabbing a blanket from the couch. He then sat back down next to Byakuya and wrapped it around them both, sitting closely side by side. Somehow, this came as much more of a comfort than Byakuya had anticipated. He leaned his head against Renji's shoulder.
"What's happening to me?" He questioned. Renji chuckled.
"I believe it's called, 'self discovery'."
DONE! Thank god! This chapter took forever! Next chapter, he goes back to work and the plot can start up again. Yeesh. Love you, please please please review!
