Matt's POV
I knew I had made a mistake hanging up on Jeff. He was probably not taking it well at all. But honestly, I didn't know what else to do. My own home felt like a prison because all I could see was him. The night we spent together (the most recent one because that was the one I remembered) kept replaying itself over and over again in my head. And every time I thought about it, I got so damn hard that I could barely stand it.
My only saving grace was that Evan wasn't home. My cousins Tina and Dorothy were helping him shop for silverware for the reception. I had done that with him in the beginning, but I hated it so badly that he took pity on me and decided he would do all the boring stuff like that. I sighed. Evan was a complete sweetheart. He didn't deserve an idiot like me who fucked his own brother.
I heard a car pull up in the driveway. Even though I knew it had to be Jeff, I peeked out the window anyway. My suspicions were confirmed by Jeff storming out of his car and coming to my doorstep. Now if I had any brains at all, I would have just hid and not let him in. But I effectively proved my own stupidity by going to the front door and opening it. "You can't be here," I said uselessly as he let himself in. "I can't see you right now."
"Shut up," he snapped. "I'm not leaving until we settle this."
"There's nothing to settle," I insisted stubbornly. "We made a mistake Jeff. It's a mistake we can never make again."
"A mistake? A mistake? No Matt, what we did was not a mistake!" Jeff was trying to keep his cool but he was failing miserably. "I was there and it did not feel like a mistake! Fuck, nothing ever felt so right in my life!"
"Then you have a pretty sick and twisted sense of right and wrong," I said cruelly. I didn't want to hurt him, but I needed to end all of this before things got even more confusing and complicated.
He glared at me defiantly. "I know you're just saying that to hurt me. And it's not going to work. I love you and I'm not letting Evan take you from me."
"Me marrying Evan is not your decision!" I yelled angrily. "I want to marry Evan and you're not going to stop me!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Well ask yourself this Matt: do you want to marry Evan because you love him, or do you want to marry him because he's everything you're supposed to love?"
Ugh! He was pissing me off so badly! And the sad part was, now that everything that was happening, I couldn't answer that question. "Why are you doing this to me Jeff?" I asked quietly. "What happened between us was wrong Jeff. Why can't you accept that?"
"Why can't you just accept that right and wrong are completely subjective concepts?" Jeff countered. "Some people think being gay is wrong, but we don't let that stop us. Love is love Matt. I don't care what everyone else thinks about it."
I shook my head. "I can't do this Jeff. I'm your brother and I can't let this go on. I'm sorry."
He looked down at his feet. "You're supposed to protect me," he whimpered.
"What?" I was cut off guard by that change of tactics.
"You're the one who protects me…the one who makes sure I doesn't get hurt." He looked up and I could see tears behind his eyes. "But you've been hurting me every day for thirteen years. Just looking at you hurts."
"Jeff…"
He grabbed my hand and placed it on his heart. "It hurts here Matty, and I just want it to stop."
I swallowed heavily. I didn't know what to do right now. This was a completely new experience for me. "Jeff--"
"Matty please--"
I lost control of myself and began kissing him. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but I didn't care. Or hell, maybe it was the right thing to do but I didn't want it to be. I didn't have the answers. I wasn't even sure I knew the questions. All I knew was that Jeff was kissing me back feverishly and his lips tasted so damn good. They were better than I remembered and I wanted more. I needed so much more.
"Matt," Jeff whimpered as I lifted him up and carried him up to my bedroom. "Don't do this if you don't mean it."
I didn't give him an answer to that. I just kept kissing him, knowing I was probably only going to be making things worse. Someone was going to get hurt and they were going to get hurt badly. Maybe all of us were going to get hurt in the end. But at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to care. I needed Jeff too much to care about anything but having a repeat performance from the other night.
I put him down by my bed and we undressed ourselves. He was shaking and I could barely breathe. I knew that my world of denial was crumbling before me and it was my own damn fault. I couldn't blame the booze this time. I had to come to terms with the fact that I harbored some sort of attraction for my own brother. But that would come later. Right now, I was just focused on acting out that attraction. I wanted him so badly that I could barely stand it.
"Matt," he whimpered as I pulled him into my embrace. I kissed his neck and collarbone as we fell on to the bed. "Don't marry Evan. Please--"
I silenced him with another kiss. I didn't want to hear Evan's name right now. I would have to figure out what I wanted to do about him later. Right now, I just needed to do be with Jeff.
Jeff pulled away from the kiss and just stared at me. "Matty?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell me you love me."
I just stared at him. I knew he wasn't talking about love in the brotherly sense. "I can't," I said quietly.
"Why?"
"Because I don't know how I feel right now."
He looked at me sadly. "You can just say it so I can hear it. You don't have to mean it."
I shook my head. "I can't do that. You're going to throw it back in my face later when you get the chance."
"I won't, I--"
I entered him swiftly and without warning, knowing his promise was a false one. He cried out and clawed at my back, but I kept going, too horny to stop now. He was so damn tight that I could barely stand it, and every ounce of me felt like it was on fire. This was so damn wrong and twisted…at least that's what I tried to tell myself. In reality, I was starting to see the truth in Jeff's words. Nothing had ever felt so right in my entire life. Being here with Jeff made me feel complete in a way I never had before, and that scared the shit out of me. My own brother wasn't supposed to make me feel this way. If people found out, we were both going to be screwed. Our lives would be ruined, and then what would we do?
"Matt…harder…oh God…fuck," Jeff moaned sweetly. He was kissing every part of me that he could reach. He was probably intentionally trying to leave a mark that Evan would question, and I pulled his hair for it.
"Would you be careful?" I managed to groan out between pants and moans. "You're going to get us both in trouble."
"Evan can't do shit to us," Jeff managed to snap. He pulled me closer to him and clung on to me tightly. "He's…oh shit…Matty…"
I felt him cum on my chest and the way his walls tightened around my dick was too much for me to take. I came hard, filling him to the brim and even getting some on the bed as I pulled out. I didn't get off of him immediately. I just stayed somewhat on him and looked at him. He was looking at me with a confused look on his face.
"What are you going to do now Matt?" he asked quietly. He didn't sound angry; he just wanted to know what I was going to say. "Who are you going to choose? Me or Evan?"
I took several deep breaths and just stared at him. I knew he what he wanted to hear, but I couldn't give it to him. Not now, maybe not ever. At least not until I sorted my own shit out. "I don't know," I confessed. "I really don't know."
I saw the hurt look in his eyes. That hadn't been what he wanted to hear. He pushed me off of him, got his clothes on and then left. I laid back on the bed and just cried for awhile. Damn it, why did my life have to be so complicated? Now what was I going to do?
