Chapter whatever the Hell it is….. Let's just pretend I know, Cuz' I don't…..

Disclaimer: I'm going to take this time now to say that if I ever convinced a judge and a jury that I owned FMA or HP; I would totally deserve to own it. And I would change my name to one of the following: Hatake Kakashi, Roy Mustang, or Lavi Bookman Jr.

The green eyes of a still slightly-miffed-teen glared at Ed from across the desk that he was currently residing at. Despite the voice in the back of his head (or maybe it was just Al again playing the part of his conscience and common sense) telling him not to, and that it was childish, he returned the favor with a military grade glare of his own.

Green eyes glared.

Golden eyes glared.

Green eyes.

Golden eyes.

Green.

Gold.

Green.

Gold.

Gold.

Harry turned his head away in defeat and disgust... he could not believe that he just had and lost glaring contest with an teen/adult(?) like Ed. That or the fact that it had lasted ten minutes... he wasn't sure which...

"Okay Brat, let's get this straight. I'm still pretty pissed off that you make your friend cry." The raven haired boy winced. "However, in light of the fact that you seemed to have been suffering shock at whatever it was, I'll give you a second chance."

After all, that's what we got in some sick twisted way; Ne Al? Ed thought quietly. He continued out loud.

"As long as you've made it up to her in some way, shape, or form then we can start from scratch." He gave Harry a sharp look, "you have made it up to her right?"

"I've apologized and I'm working on it..." Another cringe.

"Good enough for now I suppose... Now the reason we're even talking is because your corrupt, idiotic, sorry-ass, biased and racist, excuse for a government has called you for a trial. I won't even bother teaching you what to do if they give you a fair trial, because they won't."

The Alchemist sighed at Harry's incredulous look. Though secretly, Harry had to agree with Ed's view on the Ministry.

"Yes, Ricky asked me to coach you on what to do during your fucking trial."

"Who's Ricky?"

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore; Wulfric equals Ricky."

"Why do you call him that? Isn't it disrespectful seeing as he's much older and wiser then us?"

"He's 25 years younger than me, and much more naïve then me. He hasn't fought front-lines before, he hasn't won a true war. He doesn't know the meaning of true despair." Ed snorted.

Harry's jaw clicked shut.

"Bullshit! You look the twin's age at most! There's no way you're that old! You would look like Dumbledore! How is that possible?!"

"I have very good genetics."

"Brother!" Yep, definitely Al...

Technically speaking Ed was telling the truth, I mean look at Hohenheim. It took all the patience of his one hundred forty years to keep a perfectly straight face at the look that of shock, disbelief and annoyance; he looked constipated. Just like Mustang when Hawkeye wouldn't let him go on his date and get laid, instead forcing him to do paperwork: without his gloves.

"Anyways, that aside. The first thing you must always remember, is that you cannot afford to lose you're cool. I know at your age being mature is far from easy, but right now your Government has seen fit to make you look like a mad man, and paint you in a negative light. If you act childish at this hearing it will only serve to support their claims about you. They will be actively trying to get under your skin. You must not let them get to you. Politicians are the best mind-rapists out there with the exception of Illusionists... But they are typically Politicians themselves anyways... My point is, that if you go in there calm and collected, acting mature and reasonable; it will be much harder for them to discredit you. On top of that, I can guarantee that there will be press coverage. If you give them a good impression, then the rumors will disappear overnight." There was a serious look on the Xerxesian's face as he spoke his part.

"So in order for me to survive this court hearing I have to pretend I'm somebody I'm not."

"Yes, also you are going to need to retract your statement about Voldemort being back. The public isn't intelligent enough to know the truth."

"WHAT!? NO IT'S THE TRUTH! I CAN'T SAY THAT! HE'S BACK AND IF WE DON'T ACT NOW THEN WE WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP HIM!" The wizard yelled.

"I know he's back Harry. But the fact remains that the public is to blind and stupid to see that." There was a bite in Ed's voice that scared the teen, it was something that no ordinary human could ever have in their voice... It was cold, so very cold.

"Why should I say that I lied? Surely people aren't that stupid...?"

"They are. PEOPLE are stupid; an individual is smart... Have you ever watched a herd of deer?"

The Boy-Who-Lived shook his head quietly.

"Well, if you ever get the chance to, you'll probably see something odd. If one deer begins to run away, the rest of the herd will follow without question, never stopping to analyze the threat themselves, or even seeing if there really is a threat to begin with; for all they know they could be running straight into danger and lose their lives because they were foolish enough to follow the one. A lone stag will always double check and analyze the situation. I believe it's called mob mentality. People do the same thing. Only this time, that first deer is The Ministry, and instead of fleeing; they are turning against one of their own."

The General's eyes never left Harry's.

"Me." The Boy whispered hoarsely.

"You may have never realized it, but you have been gaining power over the years. Those many blood-sucking creatures realize it, they feel threatened by it, they want to be in control; but YOU are standing in their way. They will do anything to take you out of the picture, even if it means lying to the public and throwing away the lives of thousands of innocents." The golden eyes became even more intense, if that was even possible; making a stark contrast to the darkening room.

"No one can be that heartless. It's not human." his voice was small and insignificant in the face of such a daunting realization. Despite his question, his tone betrayed the defeat and acceptance that he felt on the inside.

"You would be amazed..." The statement was so quiet that it could have been mistaken for a breath of air.

Ed continued louder; " Once a long time ago there was a country, this country was led by its military; the military answered to a man called The Führer. Now, The Führer wasn't a good man, he only cared for power. Once in order to keep some of the atrocious crimes he committed under wraps, he did something very similar to what the Ministry of Magic is doing now."

"What did he do?" Harry was almost afraid to ask.

"First he instigated an uprising in one of his country's territories; Ishval, by having one of the native's children shot in public, framing and innocent soldier from his own command; he turned on her and had her executed for her 'supposed' crimes. Then the massacre was ordered. There were only a handful of survivors whom had managed to hide; that is, outside the ones who had disappeared into his top secret labs in order to experiment and find way for Immortality, among other things." He paused allowing the words to sink in with a grim look on his face.

"He led the public to believe that the Ishvalan people were monsters, cold blooded murderers. 'There was no other way' He said. That Bastard didn't give a damn, all he cared about was the power that he wished to keep for himself."

Throughout the story, Harry watched with a morbid fascination as Ed's countenance changed; hunching over, fists clenching, his muscles rippling slightly as his shoulders began to shake violently; but it was the raw emotion that made his naturally flowing speech rough. The Immortal Alchemist made a haunting image in the flickering light of the candles, casting an inhuman shadow behind him. Before he could stop himself the question rolled off of his tongue.

"It's just a story though, right?" Internally he winced at his own question.

"Harry, in a few thousand years, that is what the wizarding world will be saying about you." The golden man's voice was hoarse and tired as he spoke; almost like he had been there, it betrayed the fierce golden eyes that burned into him with scorching gaze as Ed peered at him from beneath his bangs. Ed allowed the heavy atmosphere to sit in the room for a few moments longer before straightening up. He had heard Snape walk away from where he had been eaves dropping, had it not been for the Philosopher's stone enhanced senses, he would have never known. As it was, he knew Snape had been listening the entire time.

"Now this is what you are going to do..."


It turns out Ed was right.

People ARE stupid.

The hearing had been a breeze in the park after all of Ed's training on politics.


The Chosen One had just survived the mob of reporters that had descended upon him like rabid animals following his hearing when a hand grabbed his shoulder. When he tried to turn and face the person he found that he couldn't move. At all. Panic began to fill him.

"Easy now wouldn't want ya' ta hurt yerself." a smooth soft voice drawled, there was a soothing sing-songy accent that the young wizard couldn't place that faintly wove it's way through the stranger's words.

He swallowed before posing his questions to the stranger. "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"Ya wound me lil' man! I jus' came ta see how yer hearing goes an' all I get are cruel accusations!" The Lithing voice was dripping a mock hurt and shock.

He could feel the strange man's breath on the shell of his ear causing him to shiver in fear. "B'sides I think that ya won't somethin' from me."

"What would I want from you?"

"Pay attention 'cuz I'm only allowed to do this once, ya hear me?" Harry nodded

"Good." He could see a thin skeletal hand on his shoulder, he fancied that he could just see the bones. Surprise clenched his stomach when it tightened its grip on him and spun him around... Confronting him with a pale... Teen? Though tall, his appearance was that of a seventeen year old, much like Ed. The black that he wore contrasted sharply with his corpse-colored skin; he had muscles, but they were wiry and lithe; he knew that he was much stronger then he appeared. A mop of shocking white hair with sporadic streaks of black prevented Harry from seeing the eyes that rested above his exotically slanting cheekbones. All in all, he looked like Death.

The mate of the hand on Harry's shoulder glided up to his forehead where his scar lay. He shivered again at his touch- he was cold, deathly cold, hell even Voldemort had nothing on this guy's fear factor. The bony fingers ghosted across the marred skin before stopping. The colorless lips twisted into a smirk. A scream of rage and hate overwhelmed the young wizard's senses as he felt a rush of pain, and yes, it was most definitely there, though drowned out and suppressed- Fear. His knees buckled slightly and vision fuzzy with shadow swimming in his view. He felt like he was gasping for air as everything was wretched away from him. A morbid curiosity kept him from taking his eyes away as the stranger withdrew his hand; with an addition to it now. A shadow wove it's way between the deathly fingers, Harry wouldn't call it black, but it was more of an complete absence of anything really, looking closer he could see a face of sorts- more of a skull, gnashing its teeth and screaming soundless wails. The fingers curled into a fist. The thing vanished. When it opened, shadowy ashes slipped out and faded to nothing, never hitting the ground. The smirk grew.

"What was that?" The young wizard's voice shook.

The answer was a grin filled with inhumanly sharp teeth.

"Ye'll Ed that his favorite Ishvalan did 'im a favor, won't ya?"

For a moment Harry saw under the colorless hair; his insides froze at the sight of the crimson orbs locked with his.

"-Arry! Harry! HARRY! There you are my boy! I thought I lost you back in that mob!" Mr. Weasely's voice broke the spell.

Turning over to where the Master of the Weasely household was waiting, he looked back, the man was gone.

A soft chuckle echoed in his ears, and two faint foreign words seemed to come from the shadows themselves:

"Ja Ne"


Harry approached Ed where the Alchemist was sitting in the corner observing the party.

"Something strange happened at the end of my hearing today. There was a guy with dressed in black who was really creepy and kinda pedophile-ish who wanted to do me a favor and-" Ed cut of Harry's rant by face faulting.

"Ed what's wrong?"

"The guy had white and black hair, red eyes, and looked like a corpse." It was a statement.

The teen's eyes widened. "How did you know?"

"That was Tokala. He isn't that bad normally, he was just trying to mess with you."

"How do you know him? What do you mean? That he's not a pedophile?"

"He's a friend from back home... The reason I know he's just messing with you is because... You know what? Picture this: Take the Twins over there" he motioned to Gred and Feorge. "And make them one person." Everyone in the room inexplicably shivered in fear. ("Must be a draft." the Weasely Matriarch commented in an offhand way) "Now take that person, and give them an extremely morbid sense of humor, and that's Tokala."

The wizard nodded in understanding while Ed winced at his own wording.

"Make them one person... I'm so sorry Nina..."

"Ed you aren't the only one, brother, I could have done something too- or better yet Mr. Mustang, if he wasn't so lazy with paperwork then he would have had time to check on Tucker and caught it much sooner!" Al's voice chirped through the link.

"Hey! Leave me out of this!" the Flame Alchemist yelled.

Click.

"Riza! What was I supposed to do?!"

BANG!

"At least Mr. Mustang is already dead..."

Ed laughed.

He shook out of the link to see Harry staring at him concern flooding his emerald eyes.

"Sorry, I thought of something funny..." The light bulb of understanding clicked on and the boy nodded happily.

"-Esk drawer, second floor drawing room? Yep that's a Boggart." Mad-Eye's rough Speech drifted over to them, from the dining table where he stood.

The General's Head shot up and he called out; "How do you know it's a Boggart if no one knows what a Boggart looks like on its own? You're too far away for it to be showing you your fear..." Alastair's good eye blinked.

The whole room shut up and cheers for him to answer the age old question filled the air.

"Yeah! Come on!"

"What is it?"

"This whole time the Answer was right in front of us..."

"Well truth be told their kinda cute and cuddly..." He admitted with a little shame. "They look like chibi foxes except they have a large gemstone on their head... They are very small..."

"Makes sense." Ed Chirped. "The showing fears is how they defend themselves; seeing as they don't look that fierce, it's much like the Thestrals defense of only being seen by people who have seen death. Their size would explain how they manage to fit everywhere... The supposed gemstone is possibly for legilemency which would explain how they know your fears, and if my theory continues to hold then they are a magical version of foxes, most likely related to the Kitsune, meaning they probably like stirring up a little trouble... The reason they don't let other's see them is either they don't have choice, or they are very timid creatures..." Everyone was staring at him in shock.

"How did you get that from a description?!"

"I'm called a Prodigy back home... That and I have the greatest Taboo in all the political world…"

"And where would that be? And what would this so called taboo be?" Moody asked suspiciously.

"Somewhere, far far away... You wouldn't know it... It was a small town in the countryside... It wasn't even on most maps..." Ed's voice faded out and his eyes took on a distant look before he snapped out of it.

"As for an answer to your second question, it's logic!"

Everyone in the room face faulted before laughing at the honesty.

"Anyways on that note, and before you get rid of the Boggart I want to test my theory... I'll be down in a bit!" His tone was cheery and full of excitement, before he walked out of the room.

"He's an odd one alright..." A certain Ron Weasely said, summing up everyone's thoughts.


Meanwhile Upstairs...


Ed approached the shaking desk cautiously; then in one fluid movement, he yanked the desk drawer open and stepped back simultaneously. He was not at all surprised when a Homunculus version of himself jumped out, laughing at him with the voice of Insanity. The Alchemist was never certain what scared him more, the fact he could be a Homunculus, or the fact he was dressed like Envy. He never had a major fashion sense but really?! Nobody really knew whether or not Envy was actually a guy... I mean the skirt suggested that there was nothing there, but his chest was flat so...? A question Ed guessed he would never know the answer to...

He watched his crazy purple-eyed-self continue to laugh for a little while... It was a reassurance of sorts that he was still kinda human...

The Familiar equations rushed through his head as he felt his body's automatic response of bringing his hands together to complete the human circle, the sharp, rich, clean scent; the crackle against of a Transmutation against his skin, the stone in his chest going wild, Then it was gone. In its place was a small wooden box lined with a bit of metal from the drawer, a smirk of pride on his face as he looked at the Amestrian symbol on top with Flammels on the sides acting as air holes. Hey, who ever said it couldn't be flashy. It rattled in his hand and he saw a small wet nose press itself against an air hole. The smirk changed to a smile.

He deposited the box in his bag before returning to the party.


A/N: TAKE THAT DYSLEXIA! TWO CHAPTERS IN 3 WEEKS! AND I DID THIS CHAPTER WITHOUT SPELL CHECK! Okay happy rant over. Anyways NO Tokala was not suppose to come off a Gin Ichimaru. No he is not always that creepy as Ed said " He was just messing with you..." you should get a more accurate description of him in the next one or two chapters. Yes he removed the Horcrux, HOWEVER! It will be explained how come he can't just destroy them all! also that would make for a terribly boring story.. Ugg... I hate those stories... Anyways the whole Boggart scene, Yeas he's getting a Pet Boggart. Honestly I'm surprised no one else thoght of that first...I always wondered how Moody knew it was a Boggart... As for the location... I don't have a copy of OoP so deal with it. I think that's all...

-Stormphase