Part 7: Break up to Make Up
'Onegai, Michiru, please answer the phone. I have been-' BEEP
'Michiru, this is Hino, Rei; I was calling to see if you were-' BEEP
'Michiru, please-' BEEP
I gently placed my phone to rest atop of my night-stand and curled back into my awaiting bed. I turned off my phone after almost two weeks of missing school; the constant vibrating and ringing eventually getting to me like a dreadful sickness to a point were it went from being a pestering annoyance to mentally intolerable. I emailed my professors and made up some bullshit excuse as to my absence for the two weeks I have been away and received majority of my homework via email and social-networking. I said I had to go to Kyoto to visit distant relatives for my great aunt's passing and would return after a family grieving; but my professors were a far cry from naïve. They knew the only mourning I would be doing would be from my spectacle with Haruka two weeks ago; which, I am sure they knew everything about. Many of the students that witnessed my public breakup either videotaped the incident and put it online, or took to the internet to write about it on social media sites. With my professors making a habit to befriend their students on sites such as Makebook and Tweeter, I am sure the many status updates and timeline posts about my incident with Haruka was relayed back to them either directly or indirectly.
However, even after two weeks, I still felt like hell. I enclosed myself in a dimly lit bedroom with solemn music constantly flowing throughout the four walls for almost two weeks straight. I lost five pounds because my appetite decreased and I bet anything my physical appearance was horrendous. I barely could get myself out of bed half the time and when I did it was only to use the washroom, bathe, and get the little nourishment I forced myself to consume so I wouldn't make myself feel even more worse than I already was. With my father being in the states for two months for a business trip- and to visit his "unknown" mistress in California- and my mother being in Osaka for a personal vacation for three weeks, I had the house to myself. They called every-so-often to check on me and make sure the house was in order, but never daily. They knew they could entrust me with the responsibility in keeping the mansion clean and orderly while they were away. My mother had an issue with allowing the hired help to clean our home while she or my father were away so assigned me the tasks of light household duties and domestics until either of them returned. With me not leaving my room unless it was to use the restroom or grab a small cup of soup, there was no need to clean or straighten; the house look just as it did when they left- perfect.
I rolled on my side and began snuggling deeper into my fortress of pillows, trying to force myself to fall back into sleep. All I did all day was sleep; it's all my body could handle. I began to listen to the crescendo of the soft violins and pianos coming from my music player and mentally allowed them to caress and soothe my aching mind and heart. All I could think about was how heart-broken I was and what I would say if I ever spoke to the runner again. I kept replaying the scene where she ripped the gold locket from my neck and pushed me away like I was some disease-ridden creature. Inside the locket was a picture of us...engraved with the saying: "My Sea, Your Sky". Every so often I would reach for it around my neck but become greeted with a vacancy in which it could only fill. Tears would begin to weld within my eyes as I would envision the evening Haruka had initially given it to me. It was for our very first anniversary; also the night we first made love. I wore it everyday and for her to rip it away from me so callously was like ripping out my soul.
I sniffled, the memory becoming too much for me to think about. Closing my eyes and beginning to drift back into my depressing slumber, my phone began to vibrate. I only turned my phone back on so my parents could get in contact with me- they made a fuss about me ignoring their phone calls and how they should not have to resort to emailing their daughter in order to get in contact with her-and ever since I have been getting calls and texts left and right. I have yet to read of the text messages but the calls were primarily from the scouts. I am no sure if Haruka had called but part of me would have rather not know. I would hate to ask a question I did not want to know the answer to.
With a small sigh I looked at my phone and instantly held my breath. The caller ID read: Tenoh, Haruka. I panicked and froze until the call went to voicemail shortly after. I was debating in my mind if I should have answered the call or at least called her back. Looking at my call history, I was shocked, yet pleasantly surprised, to see she had been calling me everyday, at least three times a day, for the past eight days. Scattered among her calls were the missed ones from the scouts, a few classmates, and Momoru. I placed my phone back on my night-stand, feeling myself come to tears. Why was she calling me? Did she want anymore of her things back? Did she actually care? Was she concerned about my well-being? I tried to wrap my brain around everything but it was becoming too much. I felt myself wanting to cry and but tears would not come out. Before I could think, my bedroom door flew open and the last person I needed to see entered.
"Tenoh, Haruka!"
She ignored me and flipped on the light switch and walked over to my stereo system, turning off my music. I winced slightly at the newfound light and rubbed my eyes in order to adjust. "Get up, Michiru."
"Why are you here!"
"I began to become worried after not hearing from you. I figured I would at least get a text." She drew open my blinded and allowed rays of afternoon sunlight illuminate my bedroom. "I needed to see you."
"How the hell did you get in here!"
She pulled out her car keys and dangled a lone pink, square shaped on. It was my house key I had given her awhile back. We both decided we were at a point in our relationship that we could give each other our house keys; only mine was revoked. "Get dressed."
I began to fume with immense anger as she began to rummage throughout my closet to find me something to wear. She threw a floral dress, a cashmere cardigan, and some sneakers in my direction. I felt those familiar tears come back in full force. "Get out my house, Tenoh."
Her facial expression was still as stoic as it was when she barged in my bedroom. She took out a brown waist belt from my closet and threw that at me as well. "Get dressed, Michiru."
"Why!" I yelled. "So you can take me to your apartment and have my collect my things so you can make room for someone else? Or is it that you want to fuck me and then drive off with some other bitch because you grew tired? Or do you want me to get dressed so I can help you take your things from my room to your car!"
I finally cracked and allowed those hidden emotions to flow. Hot tears began streaming down my face as I started throwing the clothes she threw at me back in her direction. I couldn't do this anymore. Just seeing her made me want to breakdown. I quickly tried to scramble to my feet to scurry to the bathroom so I could lock myself in there until she was gone but Haruka was too fast for me. She pinned me to the bed and began to hold me. I started kicking and screaming and hitting her with any free limb I possessed. Normally Haruka would either playfully hit back or aggressively tell me to 'stop' when she was not in the mood for my antics, but this time she just held me and didn't let me go.
"Michiru, please…" her voice trailed off.
"Tenoh, you made it very clear you want something completely different than what I do and it is not meant for us to be together."
"That could not be anything further from the truth, Michiru."
"Lies!"
"Please, just get dressed." She released me, slowly getting up from behind and walking towards my bedroom door. "I will be in the living room waiting."
I watched silently as she shut my door behind her, staring at the discarded pile of laundry I had thrown in her direction. I was having a battle with myself over what my next move should be and began debating on if I should get dressed and go out with Haruka to Kami knows where or lock my door and drown myself in my music again and pray she gets the hint and leaves. I sighed and forced myself out of bed and began to shed myself of my pajamas and into the floral dress Haruka and picked out. I needed some air.
It took me only twenty minutes to get dressed and greet Haruka in the foyer. I was dressed in the outfit Haruka had picked with my aquamarine curls in a messy ponytail while Haruka graced grey, pleated slacks, a white dress-shirt with three buttons undone, and a black blazer with a grey Ralph Lauren logo on the right pocket. She was looking handsome as usual and smelled of Calvin Klein 'Euphoria' cologne. She smiled at me and led me outside to her awaiting vehicle. I was surprised to see an all black convertible corvette in my driveway instead of her notorious mustang. It looked brand-new and quite exquisite. Equipped with two doors, two leather seats, and a marbleized interior with state-of-the-art equipment, navigation, and stereo system, I expected nothing less for the infamous racer.
"This new?" I asked.
She nodded, getting in and opening the door for me. "I couldn't drive my mustang so I bought a corvette."
I entered the vehicle and buckled up. "…Is your mustang…ok?"
She put on her Ray Ban sunglasses and turned up the music, putting the car in reverse. One of her favorite Arashi songs "Face Down" began to blast through the stereos as she began to back out of my drive way and into the street. "That is not what I am most concerned about."
I remained quiet for the duration of our drive until we reached one of Haruka's favorite places to think. It was on a quiet lakefront near the beach about an hour out of downtown Tokyo. I fell asleep throughout the hour long drive and was woken up to the sudden drop of temperature. Following Haruka's lead, I exited the car and began to walk towards the lake and watch the sunset. It felt nice to be outside and have the elements softly nip at my skin. With autumn in full-effect, being at the beach was not exactly the best idea, but with today being warmer than usual and the sunset making the scenery look as if it was painted my a divinity itself, I did not mind. I walked towards the water, removing my sneakers and put my feet in the cool sea. I let down my ponytail and allowed my hair to flow freely into the wind. It was a bit chilly, my cashmere cardigan not really doing much to help me stay warm, but I did not care. It felt good to step foot outside after being in my room for two weeks.
I felt Haruka walk up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling my smaller frame towards her larger one. I felt my heart skip a beat as she began to glide her fingertips along the contours of my forearms. She stopped at a small, horizontal, red line on my left wrist- running over it slightly. I pulled away quickly.
She forced me around to face her, her facial expression reading a mixture of horror and rage. "What the hell is that, Michiru?"
"Nothing." I said meekly. I was lying. Truth is, I was in a state of deep depression the first few days of our breakup and contemplated the act if cutting myself. I am far from "emo" and compared to other people in the world, I have no problems worth me trying to harm myself over; but I was curious and desperate. I felt that nothing could hurt more than a broken heart. It was only that one time. After that, I threw away my makeshift razor and stitched up the medium-deep gash in my wrist with my mother's nurse kit. "It was an accident."
"Are you self-mutilating?"
"NO!" I pushed her away. "Why do you even care?"
"Because I love you and I would hate to see you hurt yourself!"
"You don't love me." I spat back. "You admitted you loved Aioke."
She shook her head. "I never said that. I have no feelings for her what so ever. As messed up as it sounds, I just used her to piss you off." She ran her right hand through her blonde tresses and swore softly. "Are you cutting yourself, Michi?"
"It was only one time. I have not done it since and I don't plan to."
Haruka growled and started to shake me. I felt tears begin to form as her eyes began to weld. "Why! Why are you doing this to yourself? Michiru!"
"I was depressed! You tore away my locket…our locket…and pushed me away like I was nothing. You treated me so coldly like I was a stranger and…"I choked on the emotions I was trying to hold back. I fell to my knees and landed on the rough sand. "You slept with Aoike and revoked my key to your apartment and…you broke my heart…"
Haruka knelt down and lifted my chin to meet her gaze. She placed a gentle kiss upon my lips and wiped away the stream of tears that began flowing down my face. "I am sorry, Michiru. I was angry, upset, hurt, and felt betrayed." She sighed. "I wish you would have came to me about how you felt rather than have Rei write up some bullshit contract.
"I tried, Ruka. You just refuse to listen."
"Then tell me now."
"I feel like I am nothing but a play thing to you sometimes. You are more sexual than I am and it hurts to feel like you are only with me because of the sex."
"You don't feel like I love you?"
"Yes…No…Sometimes…"
She breathed, grabbing my hand. "You question my love for you, Michi?"
I remained quiet and pulled away. Haruka stood and walked towards her corvette and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the glove compartment. Pulling out a lighter from her left pocket, she lit one of the sticks and inhaled deeply, exhaling a large cloud of smoke shortly after. Haruka only smoked when she was stressed, really stressed. Normally, a quick drift race around the track would ease her mind and release some of her pent up energy, but at times where the smell of burnt rubber and tar could not ease her she turned to smoking. Judging by the half-empty box she had pulled out, I am guessing she has picked up her habit a bit more severely since our breakup.
"I fucked up, alright? I fucked up. I am addicted to sex, Michiru and I admit I may have a problem but the last thing I wanted was for things to end up this way." She took another drag. "Aoike meant absolutely nothing and that girl I drove off with the evening we officially broke things off meant even less; I don't even remember her name. All I can think about, dream about, all I want is you. I love you, Michiru and now I see how I have been screwing up our relationship. I can't do this alone…"
I stood and walked towards Haruka. I gently took the lit cigarette from her hands and defused it on the grainy sand with my heel. I wiped away the stray tears from her cheeks and kissed her. She held me as I held her; both of us not wanting to let go.
"I will be lying if I said things will go back to normal right away but with time, it will and our love will be even stronger." I spoke. I felt Haruka grin lightly.
"No more contract?"
"I don't know, Haruka. I can't…"
She interrupted me, leaning her forehead against mine. "I vow to refrain from any sexual activity with you for as long as you see fit. Just don't let me lose you, Michi."
I smiled and nodded. Haruka reached back into her glove compartment and removed a red satin box. She opened it and beheld two gold bands; one engraved with "My Sea" and the other with "Your Sky". I was truly at a loss for words as she put the one that symbolized her on my left ring finger and replaced the gold cross that dangled around her neck with the ring that resembled mine around her neck.
"I don't want you to every questions my feelings for you, Michiru. We can go to couple's counseling, therapy, anything. As long as you are mine and mine alone."
I nodded and kissed the racer deeply. "My sky."
"My Sea."
