Such a Fool: Chapter 7

His day was made worse by the cretinous, looky Lous strolling past the scene of his accident to point and gawk. It appeared the entire village was taking up space in the waiting area of his surgery to sprinkle salt on his open wounds or offer unwanted advice.

Things overheard while passing between the consultation room and the surgery waiting area, caught Martin's attention, as well as his worry, which was why he stood outside the gate to the school grounds waiting to speak to Louisa. He wanted reassurance that the things being overheard were untrue, that she hadn't told others before she told him. It wasn't like Louisa to do such a thing. Yet, he needed to be certain.

He waited longer than anticipated before Louisa emerged from the school building. Carrying the usual armload of folders and textbooks which became a permanent burden to the hip she rested them on. Martin watched as she walked toward him, appreciative of the feminine, yet purposeful stride of her steps. Something about the way she walked, had a way of consuming the whole of his attention.

"Martin, what are you doing here? You do realize I was serious when I said I needed time to think." Louisa's words broke the trance she unwittingly placed him under.

Gaining his foothold again, Martin held true to form and got straight to the point. "Have you told the village your decision before you told me?"

"What are you going on about, told the village what?" Louisa shifted the load she was carrying to the other hip.

"Have you told the village you were through with me, before you told me?"

"No, I have not. Whatever you've heard has not come from me. I told you I would be by to talk once I've thought things out, and I meant it. It's not anyone's business but our own." She said firmly.

Martin's relief was palpable. "I don't understand why we can't sort this out together. Why do we have to be apart to do this?" The impending separation was not sitting well with him. Nor the possibility that their time apart could last longer than the few days he was prepared to wait. "Why does it have to be done this way? I don't see the point."

"Martin, I can't believe you're seriously wanting to do this here."

He relieved her of the folders and textbooks she juggled, setting them carefully atop the rock wall near the gate. "Yes, Louisa, I do. I need to know why you're so upset with me. It seems there's more to this than what happened between the two of us last night."

Taking hold of the sleeve of his jacket, Louisa pulled Martin through the gate, away from the street, to a place far enough from others not to be overheard. "Do you remember what I said to you last night before I left the car?"

Martin remembered every word she said to him that night, as if they were burned indelibly on the wrinkles of his brain. "You said you were sorry, but you didn't want to see me anymore."

"No, before that, when I said we weren't going anywhere and we never would. Didn't you wonder what I meant by that? Didn't you think about it at all?"

The night before, he lay in his bed and thought of nothing else but those parting words.

"Martin, I feel like I'm the only one who wants this relationship. The only one who is actively participating in it." She said.

"There's no one else, if that's what you're thinking."

"I wasn't accusing you of being unfaithful. It wasn't meant to sound as if I were." Louisa let go an exasperated sigh. "What I'm trying to say is, you don't seem to care whether we're together or not."

"That's not true. I do care; I just don't go about sharing every feeling I have with the world as you do."

Louisa seemed to ignore his self protecting barb. "I'm not criticizing, Martin, and I haven't asked you to share your feelings with the world, just with me."

"That remark was uncalled for on my part. Please, forgive me." Martin searched her face for the mercy which seemed to be a constant there and found it. "Louisa, opening up has gotten me nothing but ridicule and disdain in the past. It only takes a few burns before you realize how it happens and you stay away from the open flame."

"I'm sorry others have hurt you so badly, I truly am, but I'm not those people. I hold no agenda and I don't seek anything from you that every other woman doesn't want from a man." She paused and then looked him straight in the eye. "It comes to this Martin; I need to know I'm not in this alone, that you want this as much as I do. Until you make up your mind to be a participant in our relationship and not just a spectator, we won't be capable of moving forward." Louisa looked away, unable to withstand the look of pain spreading across his face.

"I've never been good with relationships, Louisa."

"That's an excuse, and not a very strong one at that. We are what we let ourselves become, Martin. But, sometimes we're lucky enough to have something come along which makes us want to change. Which makes us want for something more than we have."

"I do want to change; I just haven't any idea where to start."

"I've dropped enough hints to feed half the Chaffinches of Cornwall. It's time you gathered the pieces together and decide if the promise of what we have together is worth your effort."

He stepped toward her, resolute in his want to touch her one last time before their self imposed separation started once again.

Louisa stepped backward. "Please, Martin. Don't touch me. If you touch me I'll lose my resolve and we'll be right back where we started. Me, expecting nothing from you, and you giving exactly that."