Title: Tears on the Runway

Summary: Best friends aren't supposed to hurt you. Best friends are supposed to be there for you, care about you, and love you. What do you do when your best friend starts to twist the meaning of friendship into something much darker and more twisted? With every bruise, Kairi hopes she can fix him. But some people are too monstrous to be fixed. Can she be saved before he goes too far? SxK ; VxK

***Warnings***: This chapter has some EXTREMELY sensitive sexual content at the end, and also some very FOUL language. It will make you cringe, and it is RAW. I have upped the rating to M because of this. If you are triggered by this content, please do not put yourself in a compromising position just to read what I wrote. For those of you who want to skip it, it's at the end of the chapter. Basically, just stop at the part where Vanitas asks Kairi to come with him. You'll understand what I mean. Anyway, there is also drug use in this chapter as well.

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, and belong entirely to Square-Enix and Tetsuya Nomura. The Tales of Graces characters do not belong to me, they belong to Namco-Bandai. The only thing that belongs to me is the events of the plot, and how I have arranged them. Also, the wikiHow article that I referenced in this chapter is a real article that does not belong to me, if you search the words Kairi wrote when she typed it in on the goog, it is the second article that comes up.

Be forewarned, the Tales of Graces characters are really OOC, lol.

Song Used in this Chapter: 'Ice Queen' by Within Temptation.

xxx

When leaves have fallen

And skies turn to grey,

The night keeps on closing in on the day.

A nightingale sings his song of farewell.

You better hide for her freezing hell.

Sometime in the late morning, I finally got around to waking up. The first thought on my mind was the fact that I was totally regretting sleeping curled up in an armchair, and my second thought was, 'Crap, I missed school.' I sat up quickly, my crimson hair a mess about my heart-shaped face, and looked over at the couch. Sora was sitting there, texting furiously on his cell phone.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he greeted.

"Hi," I said, yawning. I stumbled to the bathroom, worried that I looked awful, and prepared to cycle through my morning activities. I still couldn't quite believe what had happened last night, I felt like I was floating on Cloud 9. It almost felt like it was a miracle, the fact that I'd finally gotten the chance to get to know Sora a little bit. And he was sitting out there in my brothers' living room, obviously having skipped school. Was it to hang out with me, perhaps? Or just because we had both stayed up late and as a result, both slept in?

I reached into the make-up bag that I had brought and started my routine, wincing in pain as the foundation-covered sponge touched my tender, bruised flesh. Sometimes it felt like I was directly touching a gaping wound, and it made my eyes tear up. After I was satisfied with my cover-up job, I dusted on some powder and blush, ran a brush through my impossibly long hair, and then headed back out to the living room to get some clothes to wear.

"Hey," Sora said, sounding like he was trying to get my attention.

Half bent over my duffel bag, I looked at him with a raised brow. "Hm?"

"My friends are meeting up at Denny's for lunch," he told me. "Did you . . . Did you maybe wanna tag along?"

I blushed, feeling flattered and somewhat special. Was this my lucky day, or something? I'd practically slept next to Sora all night, he'd lent me his snapback, we'd made plans to dance sometime, and now he wanted me to come to lunch with his friends?

"Aren't your friends at school, though?" I asked before giggling a bit. "The school that we apparently skipped, haha!"

"No, these are some college friends I have. I met them when my dad took me to tour the college campus," he explained. "They're pretty chill."

"Okay," I said brightly. "I'm just gonna change real quick, and then I should be ready."

"Sounds good," he said, and then got up to make a phone call in the kitchen.

I pranced back to the bathroom, feeling a spring in my step that I hadn't ever felt before. I didn't want to think about the fact that I had a boyfriend with a horrible temper and a vicious way of handling his anger, so I simply didn't. I was going to enjoy my day, and if Vanitas called me, then I was going to ignore it. Where Sora was concerned, I didn't care what Vanitas wanted.

I knew I was making a mistake, but at the moment, I didn't exactly care.

Slipping into a pair of low-rise skinny jeans with a dark wash and a long-sleeved off-the-shoulder pink top, I checked myself in the mirror one last time. Simple, but cute. The first time I actually felt good about myself in weeks. I brushed my bangs behind my ears and headed out to the living room to put my combat boots on.

"We're meeting them in like, a half-an-hour," Sora said as he re-entered the living room. He was wearing a pair of light wash skinny jeans cut off at the knees and a white band tee shirt with the words 'Suicide Silence' splashed across the chest in black (it was a band that I personally did not listen to, but I knew that Vanitas listened to them a lot). He went to the couch and grabbed the hat he'd let me borrow before walking over to where I was at the front door.

I held my breath as he placed the hat on the back of my head at a jaunty angle, the bill sticking up. I smiled up at him.

"Cool," I said. I felt a bit intimidated . . . Sora was so tall, he made me feel small. Which was a good thing, since around Vanitas, I felt like I took up way too much space.

"So, uh . . . Shall we?" He opened the front door.

I nodded once, and then we headed out.

When she embraces, your heart turns to stone.

She comes at night when you're all alone,

And when she whispers, "Your blood shall run cold."

You better hide before she finds you.

It soon became clear that Sora's friends weren't exactly the type your mother would want you around because as soon as we got to the restaurant, Sora led me around to the alleyway behind it to where they were all standing.

Smoking weed.

I tried not to cough, not wanting to seem like a loser, and stood quietly next to Sora as introductions were made.

There were two boys and two girls, and they all looked unfazed by my presence. The boys were shorter than Sora, but as handsome as can be, and the girls were drop dead gorgeous. My eyes roved up the length of their thin legs, flat stomachs, small arms, and perfectly sculpted facial structures. I felt jealousy and a desire to lose weight, as if I didn't already feel that way every damn day. I averted my eyes back to the boys, unable to gaze upon the pretty girls any longer.

"What's up, Sora?" One of the boys greeted Sora with a sideways fist bump. He was holding a marijuana-filled pipe up to his mouth while one of the girls clung to his hip and lit it for him.

"Nothin', man," Sora said, his voice changing to a lazy, Devil-may-care drawl. He leaned against the brick wall and gestured to me. "Guys, this is my brother's girlfriend, Kairi."

The second boy raised his eyebrows. "Hanging out with your brother's girlfriend? Dangerous."

"Hello," I said awkwardly. I felt like the girls were giving me snooty looks, but I supposed it was just my imagination.

"'Sup, girl?" The first guy nodded to me. He had messy longish crimson hair and bright blue eyes. "I'm Asbel."

The girl on his side had vibrant pink hair that was slightly bushy and half up in two ponytails. She gave me a small smile. "I'm Cheria. It's nice to meetcha."

The other boy had sultry grayish-cyan eyes hidden behind a pair of narrow, rimless glasses, but he was dressed stylishly to match his electric blue cropped hair. "I'm Hubert, and this is Pascal."

The second girl saluted me, her short, messy hair dyed bright white on top and blood-red on the bottom. She had an eclectic style, and seemed very sprightly. She said something in French, to which Cheria chided her for.

"Ignore her," Cheria told me. "She was an exchange student who decided to stay here, and she doesn't seem to remember that nobody here speaks French."

"Hey!" Pascal cried, her accented voice whiny and high-pitched. "I do it on accident—it just slips out!"

"Yeah, yeah," Hubert said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure that out of the ninety percent of the day, it's an accident."

"Oh, shut up, you!" Pascal threw her arms around his neck from behind and hung on him, causing him to stumble around while they argued playfully. I stifled a giggle. I guess the girls didn't seem all that snooty . . .

"Let me get a hit of that," Sora said, taking the pipe from Asbel and holding it up to his lips.

I watched in muted fascination as Sora lit the pipe and inhaled deeply, as if it were no big deal. I had no idea what it was like to smoke, nor to do any drugs at all. I was a goody-goody. School and cheer were the basics of my life, and besides nightly family dinners, that's all I really knew. No experimentation, no alcohol, no partying, and my first kiss was almost stolen by the boyfriend I didn't even really like. So honestly, I felt like I was rebelling and breaking a lot of rules just by watching Sora do it.

"Want some?" he said after blowing the smoke to the side.

Wordlessly, I shook my head. It was more darkly thrilling to watch than to partake. I listened to Sora laugh and joke with his friends for a while, my eyes continuously studying Cheria and Pascal's bodies to the point that it was a bit creepy. Cheria was of average height with perfect, stick thin legs and a thigh gap to die for. Her smile was gentle when she looked at Asbel, and devilish when she looked at anyone else. Pascal was short, but not as short as me, and I was most envious of the way her sharp hipbones jutted out through her tight V-neck. Every time she lifted her arms to mess with Hubert's face or hair, I could see the prominent stud of her spine at her lower back. I felt my stomach clench in yearning—I wanted to be so painfully thin that you could see my bones like that. Like a delicate lily flower, drifting along the surface of a gentle pond.

Just then, my cell phone began to vibrate in my pocket. Upon seeing that it was Vanitas calling, I ignored it. There was no way I was going to let him ruin my time.

At least, not right now . . .

We all went into the restaurant, everyone but me with excessive laughter and red-rimmed eyes, and got seated in a round booth. The waitress offered to bring us drinks and pointed out where the menus were at the table, her smile bright enough to light up the whole room. I was seated in-between Sora and Pascal, and while I was stoked to be next to my crush, I was also tense. I could feel the heat of Pascal beside me, and I awkwardly wondered if I would get thinner just by sitting next to her.

"So what's everyone feeling like getting?" Asbel asked, looking around at the table full of stoned teenagers.

"I'm not that hungry," Cheria said in her soft voice, looking down at the menu. "Maybe just a couple eggs and one piece of French toast."

"I'm gonna get literally, a huge stack of pancakes," Asbel laughed. "I am so fuckin' blazed."

"Same. Literally same," Sora chuckled, and the two of them fell about laughing like idiots.

Pascal tilted her head up at Hubert. "Huby, buy me some hash browns and eggs."

"Huby?" He pushed his glasses up his nose and looked down at Pascal as though she had sprouted two heads. "What makes you think I've got the money for you, too, leech?"

Pascal made kissy faces until Hubert conceded, and I felt awful for even thinking of getting more food than the girls.

"Get whatever you want," Sora said lowly to me, nudging me in the side.

I flushed and stared up at him in shock. "Oh, my . . . No way. I couldn't . . . I couldn't take your money . . ."

"Nah, it's no big deal," he said with a wrinkle of his nose in only the attractive way he could do such a thing. "I got it."

"You sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. I couldn't help but smile a little bit. Even if there was no way I was going to eat very much, it was still nice of him to offer. Not to mention, it made it feel like this was kinda sorta a hang-out date.

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

I could swear the way he was looking at me was anything but a "brother of my boyfriend" way.

"I guess . . . I guess I'll get an . . ." I had a momentary panic attack in my mind as I pored over the menu items. I looked at it for so long that everyone just started talking again, as if I wasn't really there. Which was fine with me, of course, since I didn't want the pressure of having to choose food while everyone was waiting for me.

The waitress soon came back to take our orders, and I found that I was feeling increasingly distressed by the moment. Everyone was ordering their food lightning quick, and I was still staring at the low calorie menu, trying to be discreet and not freak out. She passed over me twice because I was still deciding, until finally, she could pass over me no more. I stared at her, speechless and embarrassed.

"I told you," Sora said gently. "It's okay—order whatever you want."

"Um . . ." I gulped. "I'll have some egg whites."

"Only egg whites?" The waitress looked surprised. "You didn't want anything to go with it? Maybe a couple slices of bacon, or an English muffin?"

I shook my head, feeling a bit nervous now that everyone's eyes were on me. I felt triumphant—I had ordered less than the other girls, and egg whites had 17 calories per egg.

"Okay, how do you like your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Scrambled," I said quietly. I could feel Sora looking at me, his arms crossed on the table as he leaned forward.

"Very good." The waitress smiled. "I'll go put your orders in."

"Thank you!" Asbel said as she walked off. Then, he turned and started talking to Hubert about some computer game.

"You sure you're not hungry for more?" Sora asked me, looking concerned.

"Yeah," I said, fixing on a shy smile. "I don't usually eat breakfast."

"Don't eat breakfast?!" Hubert cried, having overheard me. "You're delusional! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Cheria rolled her eyes. "There you go again with the know-it-all facts, Hubert."

"I am not a know-it-all," Hubert huffed, leaning back in his seat and putting his arm around Pascal. "I simply state what I know."

Asbel, Pascal, Cheria, Sora and even I burst out laughing at Hubert's statement.

"Hubert?" Asbel said, still chuckling. "Stating what you know is being a know-it-all."

"Whatever!" Hubert said. "In any case, you should really think about eating breakfast more often. Are you active?"

"Yes," I stuttered, a bit taken aback at being directly addressed by one of Sora's friends. They were older than me, so I kinda felt like I was hanging with the "cool kids."

"She's in competitive cheerleading," Sora said, taking a sip of his orange juice. "She flies around and does crazy flips and shit."

"Really?" Pascal's eyes lit up. "I was in competitive cheer back in France!"

"They do cheerleading in France?" Hubert asked, making a weird face.

"Yeah!" Pascal grinned at me. "It's kind-of underground, and competitions were small, but I did it for eight years. How long have you been doing it?"

"As long as I can remember," I said, happy that I had something in common with one of the girls. It helped me cope with the feelings of envy I was experiencing.

"Cheerleading is not a sport," Asbel remarked incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"

I stared at him. If Olette heard him say that, man, he'd be in some deep trouble.

"It is, too!" Pascal retorted before cursing at him in French.

"How is a bunch of girls doing somersaults in tiny skirts considered a sport?" he spluttered.

"It takes a lot of fuckin' core strength and gymnastics," Sora explained. "Which, gymnastics is an Olympic sport, so . . ."

"So you like, go to competitions for this shit?" Asbel asked. "Like, it's like thousands of hot girls doing cartwheels and dancing?"

Cheria slapped him on the arm. "You pervert."

"Whaaaat? I'm just asking questions, Cherr."

"We practice twice a week and go to competitions two or three times a month leading up to Nationals," I explained before taking a sip of my ice water. "But essentially, it pretty much is hot girls dancing and doing cartwheels."

Everyone laughed, and I smiled brightly. Even Sora was laughing at my comment. I felt accepted.

The waitress brought our food, and my feelings of happiness melted away. The plate was small, making the egg whites look more abundant than they actually were. The waitress informed me that she had asked the cook to give me four egg whites, but that she wasn't charging extra, and it took every bit of strength I had inside of me to keep myself from crying.

Four was just too many. Four was 17 times four, and that was 68 calories, and my entire day's net worth was set to be 300 calories. That meant that breakfast was going to take out one-third of my daily allowance, and I needed to eat six times a day if I was going to keep my metabolism going so I could shed the pounds. Which meant that my plan was usually to eat 50 calories per small meal, and these four egg whites were going to screw everything up! I would have just eaten half of the portion, but then that would be rude to Sora, who was paying for it.

'Aissh,' I thought anxiously, my fingers aching from how tightly I was holding my fork. 'Eohttohke, eohttohke?'

During this entire inner monologue, everybody else had been happily munching away at their food whilst talking amongst themselves. Sora was saying something to me, and I just barely managed to catch the tail end of it in time.

". . . I don't know if you really play video games much or not, but judging by how the last Skyrim game was, the sequel looks pretty good."

I did not, in fact, play computer games, or any other games besides Pokemon, but I nodded nonetheless. "Yeah," I said, slowly bringing the first bite to my mouth. It tasted bland. Bland and full of fat.

"I really want to get it, but like, I don't wanna just download it, you know?" He swallowed a mouthful of syrupy French toast. "Like, I actually want the disk. But I need a new computer if I'm going to really get into it. My Macbook just isn't gonna cut it."

"Yeah." Another bite.

"I was thinking of checking Best Buy and some of the other stores this weekend," Sora continued. "I want a desk top this time. A real desk top, like with a huge monitor and a tower. Desktop computers are waaaaay better computers. But like, it's really hard to find everything I want in one for a good price. Really nice gaming computers are thousands of dollars."

"Yeah." One more bite, and I felt nauseous. I didn't want this food inside of me. It felt like a parasite; like it was making me grow fatter by the second. Only three bites in, and I was already wanting to stop.

"Do you know much about computers? Maybe you could come with me this weekend and help me pick one out. Just like, for fun." He inhaled some more food. "Like, as friends."

I paused with the fourth bite of my egg whites frozen near my mouth. I stared at him. He wanted to . . . To hang out? As friends? This was crazy, but in a good way. One day, I was secretly dreaming of him as some unknown creature, and now, I was sitting in Denny's with him, and he was making plans as though it were nothing.

It was just a shame that Vanitas would never allow such a thing, and if I avoided him any longer, Vanitas would behead me.

"I . . . Can't," I said with a guilty expression on my face.

Sora pouted. "Aww, why not?"

I quickly tried to save face. "Well, it's just that I don't know anything about computers, is all. I don't think I'd be much help."

"Well, why don't you come with me anyway? It'll be fun. We'll just be hanging out."

I was tempted. Sorely tempted. But I knew better. What I was doing right now, well that was playing with fire quite enough. Especially since I had plans to dance at Sora's studio sometime next week. If Vanitas found out I was just "hanging out" with his brother, he'd lose his temper and hurt me—badly.

I just smiled at Sora and shook my head. "I'll definitely see you for when we dance, though."

Sora looked genuinely disappointed, and it made me feel bad for telling him no. I wanted to hang out with him more, I really did, but . . . Vanitas . . .

"Well, here," he said in a suggesting tone. "How about we just exchange numbers? That way, if you change your mind, I can come pick you up."

I worried my lower lip between my teeth. I couldn't pass it up. Texting Sora was harmless. If it wasn't, Sora would be suggesting it. After all, Sora seemed like a really good guy. He wouldn't do anything horrible to hurt his brother.

Not that I was thinking Sora liked me, or anything . . . Because that would be way too much lucky for one day.

Right?

So we exchanged numbers, and after we did, the others announced that they were either finished or full, and it was time to get the check. Quickly, I wiped my face with a napkin and set it on my plate, covering the remainder of the eggs I had left before anyone could see (though I thought I saw Cheria giving me a narrow-eyed look, but I think I was imagining it), and felt relieved at not having to finish it. The waitress brought the check, the boys paid, and then we climbed out of the booth. Once outside, Pascal asked me for my Facebook so she could come watch one of my cheer practices sometime, and then we all went our separate ways.

At Sora's Mazda, we got inside and buckled up, and then Sora froze with the keys in the ignition.

"Mweo?" I asked, looking up from Facebook on my phone. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "This is ridiculous. Like, really ridiculous, but . . . And I didn't even want to ask you this, but, Axel is pretty much forcing me to . . ."

I frowned. "Ask me what?"

"Well . . ." He sighed again and looked me directly in the eyes. His vibrant cobalt irises were so unsettling when they looked right at me that I lost my breath. Sometimes I forgot how handsome he was. "Axel wanted me to ask you if . . . Anything was going on with you and my brother."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice catching. I hoped he wasn't asking what I thought he was asking, and if he was, I really wished he wasn't. I didn't want anyone to know what was going on. Not until I found a way to fix it and make it better.

"Like . . . Are you and my brother . . . Fighting?" The last word came out a little clumsily, and he scratched the back of his neck as if to punctuate it.

"Mweo?! I acted affronted. "Anio! Why would he think that? My brother is so stupid sometimes, aissh."

Sora studied my face with unbridled concern for a moment before he cracked a smile. "That's good to hear. Axel was just worried because of your bruises. He said you were anemic, but that he just wanted to make sure that's all it was. Anyway, let's get you back to the apartment."

As we drove, I pretended to be completely absorbed by my phone while Sora listened to some Korean pop music that he said he wanted to learn the dances to. He sang along with the songs mostly, not really seeming perturbed by my quietness. But I wasn't really look at Facebook. In fact, I was looking at my text messages from Vanitas. They were numerous, vulgar, and just plain abusive.

Y r u ignoring me? I thot u liked me . . .

U kno I hate when u ignore me, and now ur not at school? R u avoiding me? I told u I was sry for wut I did at the Library . . .

K, I've called u like ten times now. Where r u?

If ur avoiding me, bitch, ur gonna regret it.

Fuck u. I kno ur fucking ignoring me. I'm gonna beat ur ass if u dnt answer my calls. U fat bitch.

I'm coming to ur house after school, and if ur not there, next time I c u, ur dead, slut.

Hands shaking, I tapped out a reply to him.

Sorry, I've been sick, I told him. And u rly scared me last time . . .

It took a minute for him to reply, and I stared out the window while I waited. I was crying silently, but thankfully Sora didn't notice. I hated that Vanitas called me names, but I hated it even more when I made him angry. It spelled out bad news for me, the fat slut bitch, as he so kindly told me I was. My phone vibrated, indicating that he had replied.

Oh, so now u answer me? I already got a text from Sora. He says ur w him. R u cheating?

No! I wud never, Ani . . . He just wanted me to meet his friends.

Meet his frenz? Y wud u need to meet my twin's frenz? U rly r a slut.

I bit my lip as hard as I could. I was only making things worse . . . God damn, why did Sora have to tell Vanitas I was with him? Not that he could possibly have know what would happen, but still . . .

I'm sry, I'm so sry. I was just hungry, and he offered . . .

Hungry as usual, fatty pig. Normally I'd just breaku being a cheating whore, but I dnt want u 2 get away with it.

? I replied, confused and scared.

I'll pick u up tonite, after ur parents r asleep. Think bout wut uve done, and how badly uve hurt me. U need 2 make it up 2 me.

Okay, Ani . . .

I regained my composure quickly as we pulled into the apartment complex and started weaving our way to Axel and Reno's visitor parking spot. I jumped with fright as Sora reached over and adjusted is hat on my head.

"It was falling off," he said before unbuckling his belt and getting out.

"Thanks for breakfast," I said honestly as we walked up the stairs and went inside.

"Hah, no prob." He shut the door behind us. "Axel and Reno'd be sooo pissed if they knew we left the front door unlocked whiel they were gone."

"Whoopsie," I said, trying to put on the face of someone who wasn't about to pee their pants from fear. All I could think about was Vanitas's ominous text message. What was he going to do to me? How would he punish me for this? This was worse than anything I'd ever done.

I tried to sit down on the armchair, but found that I was too antsy. I got up and went into the kitchen to clean it up, finding that losing myself in the rhythm of cleaning was a bit helpful. The only problem was that once everything was clean, my fears and stress came crashing back down on me. I sat down at the kitchen table, out of Sora's sight, and put my head in my hands for a minute.

What was I going to do? There was no way out of this situation. None whatsoever. My mother and father weren't going to allow me to stay at my brothers' another night, especially with how much trouble I was probably in with them for my temper tantrum yesterday (as my mother had no doubt told him all about it). Vanitas knew exactly how to get in my room at night, even though he'd never actually done it before.

But the real question was . . . What was he going to do once he got into my room? Was he going to beat me? Was he going to strangle me or put a pillow over my face? Was he going to stab me, or cut me in places that wouldn't kill me just to torture me? Or was he going to threaten me? I just had no idea. Maybe I was too innocent, or just naïve, but I was petrified.

"What are you doing in here, Kairi?"

I looked up at the sound of Sora's voice. He was leaning into the kitchen, one hand on the edge of the doorway to keep himself for toppling over. He looked worried.

"I have a headache," I lied. "I was just waiting for it to pass."

"Oh . . ." he answered. "Well, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said, flashing him a smile. "I'm okay. Thank you."

"All right, well . . . Just let me know if you need me to run to the store and get you anything."

I blinked. Wow. Sora was actually . . . Actually a really sweet guy.

"Okay, thank you."

He nodded a bit and then walked back into the living room to keep watching TV.

I sighed heavily and hung my head in my palms again. My eyes still hurt, and numerous bruises on my body still felt fresh. Could I handle more bruises from Vanitas? What if he broke one of my bones, or worse? If he put me in the hospital and anyone found out, he'd go to jail and never get the help he really needed. I knew it wasn't my responsibility to fix him by default, but I wanted to make it my responsibility. I remembered how great of a friend Vanitas used to be, before he started to change . . .

I remembered what their cousin Xion had told me in the hallway, and I took out my phone to do some research. She had said that Vanitas had Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn't know very much about it, but maybe there was a few things online that could help me with dealing with Vanitas?

I typed in the first thing I could think of that made sense to my situation.

'How to deal with Borderling Personality Disorder in a Relationship.'

I picked the second one, a wikiHow article with four ways to deal with someone who was afflicted. The first part was about understanding the disease, which had a small list of traits such as fear of abandonment, narcissism, and mood swings—all things that reminded me of Vanitas. The second part talked about knowing where BPD came from, and I learned that it was inherent in some, and usually was classified as something else for men, but there was no word for it in the article. The rest of it just highlighted things having to do with medical help and therapy, but overall, I felt like I had a good understanding for now.

I didn't think I was ready to say anything to Vanitas about it just yet, though. I needed to do some more research. I wanted to make completely sure that I knew what I was talking about before I tried to sit him down and talk to him about getting help. I sighed heavily and set my phone down. I placed my elbow on the table and rested my chin in my hand, gazing out the balcony window.

What would my parents say if they knew what was going on? All they seemed to care about lately was the fact that my grades were bad, and it was going to make my fathers run for Senate look bad if anyone found out how poor I was academically. I still saw paparazzi around our house daily, but they had yet to find out anything about our family. You'd think they'd have something by now, though . . . Oh, well.

My phone began to ring.

'Speak of the Devil . . .' I thought, pressing the answer button on the screen.

"Appa, yeoboseyo," I said in as respectful a tone as I could muster, and then I prepared to be scolded.

"Where have you been, young lady?" he was yelling in Korean. "Your mother and I have been worried sick! First she says you destroyed your mirror and cut your hand, and then you yelled at her, and then you stormed out to go stay at your brothers'? Unacceptable! Your grades are abhorrent—I spoke to the school and they said you didn't even show up today, either. You skipped a cheer practice and your competition is tomorrow, and I hear that you're skipping that, too? How could you do this to us, to our family? How could you embarrass us? You know I'm running for Senator. You know what's going on, and yet you choose to act like you do not? Well? Do you have an explanation?"

"Mianhaeyo," was all I could manage to whisper through my tears.

"That's all you say? You're sorry?" He scowled. "Get home immediately, and when you do, go straight to your room to work on your missing assignments. You are grounded to the house for the entire weekend, and I expect to see that you've turned n every single one on Monday, or else you're grounded for the rest of the quarter. I don't want to hear about anymore of this childish nonsense—your mother can't bear it, and neither can I."

He hung up, and I couldn't hold it back anymore. I started to cry, covering my mouth with one hand as the soft sobs left my mouth. I hated upsetting and disappointing my parents. I knew I shouldn't have treated my mother like that, but she could just be so overbearing sometimes.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Somehow, Sora had snuck into the dining room without me noticing, and now he was sitting down in the chair across from me at the small, round table. His eyes washed over my face, my tears, my reddened eyes . . . He looked like he was genuinely concerned for my well-being, and I had never experienced such a thing.

I wiped my eyes hurriedly and tried to smile, though my lips quivered.

"Just school stuff, and my parents," I informed him, though it was only half the truth.

"Aw, that's shitty," he said. "Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. "That's really nice of you, but no . . . It's all right. I . . . I think I need a ride home, though."

He nodded in understanding. "My parents get on me about grades and graduation, too, so . . . I get it. I'll take you home, though."

I smiled briefly in thanks, and then went to gather my things.

On cold wings, she's coming.

You better keep moving,

For warmth you'll be longing, nightingale.

Come on, just feel it.

Don't you see it?

You better believe it.

Nightfall came sooner than expected, and with it came all the stress, trepidation, and fear. I had been berated by both of my parents as soon as I had gotten home: my mother at the front door, and then later at the dinner table when my father came home. Luckily, my crying had given me an alibi for not wanting to eat, so they'd told me to just back upstairs and keep working on homework. My stomach remained empty, the only thing I'd eaten all day being the three bites of egg whites at Denny's.

And I had been working on homework. All day. It had taken me three hours just to finish all the missing assignments I had for AP English, and I still hadn't started on my AP History, my Trigonometry, my Economics, or my AP Anatomy assignments. My head was pounding in agony, and my vision was blurring from pure tiredness. Still, it did feel kind of good to throw myself back into schoolwork and not think about all my other troubles, at least for a little while.

But now that I was done and it was time to brush my teeth and do my nightly weigh-ins, there were no more walls, and all I could think about was Vanitas. He had texted me once to ask if my parents were asleep yet, and they were, so now he was on his way. I had picked out the baggiest pajamas I had, so that he couldn't see my body and make comments on my weight. I didn't think I could bear it.

I brushed my teeth slowly and watched myself in the mirror. Why did it feel like these were my last moments? Was I really spending my possible last moments brushing my damn teeth?

I began to wash my face as gently as I possibly could, careful not to hurt my bruised eye socket. Was I going to receive more bruises tonight? I sighed. I had a feeling that tonight was going to be one of the worse ones.

Trudging back to my bedroom, I closed the door and locked it. Then, I went to my closet to weigh myself, expecting the number to be bigger due to the eggs I had eaten.

101.

I frowned. I was . . . Disappointed. I placed my hand flat on my stomach beneath my over-sized shirt. I felt nothing but mounds and mounds of fat, piling in folds on my bones. Bones that I yearned to see, to feel and touch. Vanitas had called me fat, and he was right. I was failing.

I left my closet in a hurry, as if closing the door on a monster, and ran to turn off my bedroom light. I dashed over to my bed, leapt into it, and bundled myself in the blankets. I faced away from my window and curled up to wait.

Fifteen minutes later, as I was just about to doze off, I heard a gentle tapping at my window. I turned over and saw the top half of Vanitas outside. As fast as I could, I rushed over and slid the glass up.

"Long time no see," he said, smirking deeply. His eyes were piercing, even in the darkness.

I felt unsettled. Why wasn't he asking or trying to come in?

"I'm sorry, Ani," I whispered in a rush. "I swear, I didn't mean to make you mad . . . I promise, I—"

His smile grew wider, and it was eerie the way that it didn't reach his eyes. Behind him, I could see that the night was still with not a single cricket chirping nor breeze blowing through the island's palm trees.

"Come out to my car with me—I wanna take you somewhere," he said.

"Come with you . . . ? Ani, it's almost eleven! What if my parents wake up and find me gone?" I asked, feeling scared.

"Fine," he said. "I'll come in there. But I've got to go back to my car and get something."

Pale-faced, I nodded and watched him climb back down the rain gutter. He ran across the street to his car and grabbed something out of the passenger's side. It was a bottle of something, rectangular, and didn't look like water. I clasped my hands at my chest, worriedly wringing them.

Vanitas came back up and clambered into my room, standing up to his full height, over six feet tall. I looked up at him, waiting with bated breath for him to say something. He just looked at me, unstopped the bottle he'd brought up, and tossed a few swallows back with ease. He pulled a face and then held it out to me.

"Drink," he ordered in a monotone.

"Wh-What is it?" I asked, hesitantly taking the bottle and holding it up to my nose. I took a whiff and gagged.

"Fucking drink." His voice had lowered dangerously.

I did as I was told. It burned my throat and I immediately spit it out on the carpet. His answer was to snatch it back, slap me across the face, and then take another swig of it himself. I was careful not to touch my face, even though it stung. Vanitas didn't like it when I acted shocked. He wanted me to understand why he punished me when he did so. He wanted me to feel guilty for making him angry.

"You know what, Kairi?" he said hoarsely, his voice slurring a bit. He turned to shut my bedroom window and turn the latch. Then, he took another drink of the alcohol. "You seem to be fucking up a lot lately."

"I . . . I know," I stammered, my voice tiny. "M-Mianhaeyo . . . Mianhaeyo . . ."

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time, I'm afraid," he responded in Korean. He stood there, still facing my window, lifted the bottle to his lips, and downed the entire rest of the bottle. I looked on in a mixture of horror and disgust. I had never seen Vanitas get drunk before, and I didn't even know how an eighteen-year-old had gotten access to it, whatever type of liquor it was.

"Ani—"

He held up a hand for silence and then set the empty glass bottle on my dresser. He ran his fingers through his ebony spikes, an I watched as they bounced back into place, sticking up in all sorts of random directions like his twin brother's hair did.

"I thought for a long time about how to truly make you understand how much you fucked up," Vanitas said, slowly looking back at me over his shoulder. His expression was devoid of emotion, revealing nothing. "You thought it was okay to not only ignore me for hours, but to skip school without telling me, aka avoid me. But even worse than that is the fact that you spent the fucking morning with my brother. Which meant that he must have been at the apartment last night. A-k-fucking-a, bitch, you slept over with Sora." He was walking toward me now.

I looked up at him, my shoulders hunched and my hands held up defensively at my chest. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Is there something I should worry about, Kairi? Huh?" He was keeping his voice lowered, but it still felt like he was screaming at me.

I kept shaking my head, even as he grabbed my upper arms hard enough to leave bruises and shook me violently. Tears had already started to prickle at the corners of my eyes, but I wasn't ready to let them fall just yet.

"You know I love you, right?" He cocked his head to the side and his eyes studied me almost predatorily. "I've loved you for so long that sometimes, I think about taking you away with me so it can be only us."

Petrified, I could only stare at him with wide eyes.

He continued, "I want you to be with me forever, Kairi. I want a part of your heart, and I want you to have a part of mine. I . . . I don't think I could live without you."

Finally, I found words. "Y-You're drunk, Ani . . . You . . . You don't know what you're saying."

His grip on my arms tightened and he moved forward, causing me to move backward. The backs of my knees hit the mattress, but all I could do was wonder when the punishment was going to come. When was he going to start raining blows down? When was going to start hurting me?

"The thought of you with anyone else, especially my brother . . . It makes my skin crawl," Vanitas whispered into my ear, causing shivers to creep down my spine. When he pulled back, it wasn't far enough. Our noses were brushing, and I couldn't stop a small whimper from escaping me. I didn't want him to kiss me. I didn't want him to be my first kiss. I wasn't ready for him to kiss me, or anyone else.

"I like you," I tried to assure him, even though it was a lie.

"No, you don't." He sounded weepy now, as though he was in despair. He shook his head rapidly, left and right, back and forth. "If you did, you wouldn't be hiding and sneaking and . . . And . . . And lying." The rage flared in his gaze like wildfire.

"So I decided what to do with you," Vanitas said finally, and he dropped his hands from the vicelike grip he'd had on my arms. I refrained from rubbing the newly-forming bruises. "I was gonna do it outside the house, out of respect to your parents, but you said to come in, so . . . You'll have to be quiet."

Oh, God . . . The beating was coming . . .

"Wh . . . What are you gonna do t-to me?"

Vanitas smirked again and it was bone-chilling.

"Mark you. Since you want to be a slut so badly, I'll make it easier for you to do that."

My brows knit together and I stared up at him, my mind working to figure out what he meant. I opened my mouth to speak, to ask questions, but Vanitas shook his head once. I closed my mouth.

"Take off your shirt," he instructed, the monotone having returned.

It clicked in my mind as soon as he gave the order, and I immediately began to protest. I shook my head slowly, and then faster. Was he . . . Was he really going to do this to me? This couldn't be happening. This just wasn't real. It had to be a nightmare . . . Didn't it? I wanted it to be a bad dream so badly that it hurt.

The tears were finally ready to fall.

"Ani, no," I whispered desperately, reaching up to clutch the lapels of his leather jacket. "Don't make me do it."

"Take. Off. Your. Shirt," Vanitas said, wrapping his hand around my throat without squeezing. His fingers massaged my skin, as if to let me know how simple it would be to kill me.

"I don't want to," I whimpered.

"Fine." He smiled quickly and it was full of wickedness. He let go of my throat and shoved me onto my bed. Knowing what was coming, I immediately rolled over and tried to crawl off the side. Without a word, Vanitas grabbed my leg and dug his fingernails in to stop me. He turned me back around so that I was flat on my back, and swung his leg over my so he could straddle me. The weight of his body solidified the fear, and I opened my mouth to scream for my mother and father.

Vanitas slammed his hand over my mouth and leaned closer.

"If you scream even once, you disgusting whore, I will kill you," he hissed before nuzzling his nose against the swell of my ear. He started kissing my neck almost hungrily, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I believed him. He would kill me. I struggled with all of my might, kicking my legs and scraping the soles of my feet against the sheets in defiance form beneath him.

"A-Ani, please," I begged as I felt his hand squeezing my breast roughly. This was too much, too much . . . Why had I angered him? Why had I been so stupid? I just wanted to go back to the day before and do it all over again. I never should have broken my mirror, never should have called Reno to come pick me up. This was all my fault, and now I was paying the price.

"It's okay," Vanitas soothed, though his voice made me want to cringe. "It'll feel good."

"Stop!" I cried, squirming beneath him as he continued to fondle my chest. It hurt. It didn't feel good at all. "Please stop!"

"I just want to touch you," he groaned, sitting up so he could heavily run his hands up and down my sides, pulling my shirt up. I gasped as my nude chest was revealed, panicked inside at the thought of my stomach being visible, and began to fight harder.

I wailed like a small child when he brought his lips to one of my breasts. I felt like I was covered in dirt and slime. I felt low and disgusting, that something like this would happen to an innocent girl like me. It was wrong. This whole situation was all wrong.

Vanitas sat up again and started to beat me about the head and face, and not lightly. I coughed and choked and cried, pleading with him to stop. He snarled at me to shut up, and the pain was so acute that I did as I was told. He went back to pressing dry kisses all over my torso, and I couldn't help it. I tried to push him away, pounding my fists against his chest in desperation, but it was useless. He grabbed both of my wrists with all of his strength and wrenched my arms behind my back, leaning forward so that I was virtually unable to move. It felt like my arms were being torn out of my sockets, and sweat began to bead at my temples from it.

"I swear to God, you fucking bitch," he nearly yelled. "I will shove a knife in-between your ribs and watch you fucking die if you don't just lie there and fucking take it. You brought this on yourself. You act like a slut, and you're just asking for it. So I'm going to give you what you're asking for."

Tears all but pouring from my cerulean eyes, I kept shaking my head. "Anio," I sobbed. "I don't. I'm not."

"Yes, you fucking are." He grabbed my face, his fingers digging into my bruised flesh and slammed his lips against mine. I screamed behind the barrier of his lips and he shoved his tongue into my mouth. It tasted like liquor, and was traumatizing.

Just like that, my first kiss: gone.

But Vanitas wasn't wasting any time. This was about dominance, discipline, and utter control for him. He bared his teeth in an almost feral grin as he placed one hand on my left shoulder to hold me down against the mattress; his other hand found its way down my pajama pants. I could feel his fingers wriggling like worms against the crotch of my panties, and I felt my stomach lurch and the taste of bile filled my mouth.

"Please, please, don't!" I begged, squirming and trying to escape those wormlike appendages. I didn't know anything about this stuff, but I knew it was special stuff that you didn't do with just anyone. You did it with the person you loved, and I did not love Vanitas.

This was wrong.

He was all but manic now, breathing raggedly. He pushed my panties aside and without warning, shoved his fingers inside of my tiny body. I trembled from the pure invasion of it, and his mouth swallowed my screams, his teeth clamping down on my tongue. I tasted blood and dissolved into gut-wrenching sobs.

I wanted my mother . . . I just wanted my mother . . .

"Omaaaaa," I sobbed my mother's name when he finally let my mouth go, and blood spilled from my mouth. "Omaaaaa . . ."

"Stupid, fat baby," Vanitas said, pumping his dry fingers in and out of my body. "Quit your crying. Just relax, and I promise you'll like it."

"It hurts," I whined. "Please . . . Please stop . . ."

He slapped me again, and then wrapped his fingers around my throat. He pulled his fingers out of me and lewdly licked them right in front of me. I could see him through the darkness, the moonlight illuminating our activities, and I shuddered.

"If you don't cum, I'm going to take you," Vanitas purred after a second of staring at me.

Confused, scared, and severely traumatized, I could only cry softly. I didn't know what he was talking about. I had no idea what he meant. How was I supposed to do anything if I didn't know what he was saying?!

He suddenly reached down again, his fingers wet from licking them, and stroked me once in a much gentler way than he had before. I felt something forbidden lance through me, and my eyes went wide.

He smirked for the millionth time. "There. That felt good, didn't it?"

"No," I protested. "No, it . . . It didn't . . . Ani, please . . . Please just let me go!"

"Not gonna happen," he chuckled darkly, evil glinting in his irises. He began to touch me again, slowly and in circular motions. Everything was wet down there, and it felt electric.

It felt disgusting, and my body was betraying me.

"Stop," I sobbed, my hands clutching at his shirt weakly. "Just . . . Please stop."

"I'll stop when you cum," he moaned into my ear. "God, you're so tight . . . I can feel it."

I wept bitterly. I didn't know what his words meant, but they sounded awful. I couldn't believe that my best friend was doing this to me. The boy I'd grown up with. The one who I'd played with on playgrounds. The one who had saved me from bullies and once, from drowning in the ocean. I continued to sob, covering my tear-soaked face with my hands as Vanitas pulled my panties down and began to use his other hand. He slipped one inside me, two fingers only, and used the other one to rub the outside of my most sacred area. I was shivering and twitching, and I didn't know what was going on. I just kept my face covered and cried.

"This is supposed to be your punishment," Vanitas said. "But it's more of a torture for me . . . I want to be inside you so bad."

Suddenly, in one fluid movement, Vanitas took his hands away from my lower body, used them to spread my legs apart, and then pushed his face against my womanhood. I nearly lost my mind, feeling completely and totally invaded. Violated. I tried to push myself up to the headboard, away from his squirming tongue, but it was no use. He grabbed my hips and broke the skin with his fingernails, firmly holding me in place while he tasted my flesh.

I tangled my fingers in my hair and curled my toes inward. I didn't know what was going on with my body. I was scared. All I knew was this was a punishment, and I was having these special things taken away from me because I was being punished. Something was coiling in the depth of my stomach, and my entire lower body was on fire. His tongue lashed against me; he was moaning and it was making me gag.

And then, like lightning, something crashed into me and I saw dark, evil stars spinning in front of my vision. I cried out and arched my back, my hips bucking against Vanitas. I twisted to the side again, sobbing into my pillow. I didn't know what had just happened, but everything was sensitive now, and everything—everything —was upside-down.

I shrieked as Vanitas viciously grabbed my hand and brought it to the outside of his pants. I snatched it back and began to struggle anew, twisting away from him and pressing my feet into the mattress to try and escape his hand. He was making me feel something I didn't understand or want to feel.

"Vanitas, anio!" I whined hysterically as he tried again to force me to touch him. I felt like I was fighting against a rock wall miles thick—he was pure muscle. "Anio!"

"Touch me, or I'll fuck you right now."

I just shook my head. I didn't know what he meant.

"Do you understand me, bitch?" He grabbed a fistful of my hair and tilted my head back at a painfully awkward angle. "I will put my dick so far up inside you that it comes out of your fucking mouth if you don't do as I say."

So, like the worthless piece of trash I was, I did as I was told. I lay there and cried as Vanitas took my hand and forced me to pleasure him until he shuddered and twitched the same way I had. Strange liquids came from him that didn't smell like urine, and sprayed all over my hair and face. I finally was able to shove him away from me, and I rolled off of my bed and onto my floor to retch and cough.

I continued to sob, feeling the disgusting stuff sliding down the side of my bruised cheeks. Vanitas knelt beside me, using one of my blankets to wipe my hair and face clean of blood and . . . Whatever that stuff he'd put on me was. I looked at him through swollen eyes, silently pleading with him to spare me another second of the torture he'd inflicted upon me.

"I had to do it," he said softly, caressed my cheek tenderly. "This is the only thing that will work. It's the only way I can keep you from leaving me."

"H-How . . . How could you?" I choked out in a strangled whisper past my bone-aching sobs. "What did I ever do to you?!"

"If you hang out with other guys, you'll leave me," he said, sounding distantly crazed. "I can't have you do that, Kairi. If you leave, I'll . . . I'll die. I can't live without you."

I collapsed in his arms, not because I wanted to, but because my body was too weak and abused to hold itself up any longer. He held me close on the floor, and I could still feel him touching my insides, feeling and searching for my innocence and purity. My virtue was the only thing I had left, and who knew when he was going to take that, too.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, kissing my temple. "I'm so sorry, Kairi . . . I had to do it . . . I had to . . ."

I pushed him away after a tense moment and cowered against the side of my bed, squeezing my fingers in the duvet. I squeezed my eyes shut and continued to weep unashamedly.

"Just leave," I begged. "Please . . . Just leave!"

Vanitas got up and walked to the window, still saying apologies, and reiterating that he had to punish me, and then he was gone.

As soon as the window shut, a fresh wave of emotions overcame me and I began to scream silently and panic right there on the floor. My mind was unable to process what I had been through. I wanted to forget that it ever happened, but I knew that wasn't possible. And the worst part was there was nobody I could tell. If I told, Vanitas would probably kill me or lie and say I wanted it. I was trapped and broken, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I cried myself to sleep on the floor, knowing that for the rest of my life, nothing would ever be the same again.

Whenever she is raging, she takes life away.

Haven't you seen? Haven't you seen?

The ruins of our world.

xxx

Author's Note: Speechless. That was the song of the previous chapter, but that's currently how I feel. I stayed up all night to write that, until 6 AM. It was cringeworthy and tough to write, but it was necessary for where the plot is going. Vanitas wants her to be completely and utterly under his spell because with his BPD, he literally thinks he will die without her. She he had to claim her, in his mind this was valid. Of course, you the readers know that this is wrong, wrong, and more wrong . . . Poor Kairi . . . Anyway, I hope you guys liked the happy parts, at least, and please, send good thoughts to Kairi as if she is not fictional. –goes to cry in a hole for innocence lost-

PS, if you have any questions about what the Korean words I've been using, just ask me in your review and I'll explain in the next chapter, or in a review reply!

As usual, thank you to all my readers, reviewers, hits, and visitors ~ I love you guys!