From: KirkJT

To: SpockX

Subject: I think we can do this friend thing

Time written: 8/3/2258 22:59:24

Time send: 8/4/2258 00:00:01

Tonight's chess game went a lot better than the game the other day. There was no yelling or throwing of chess pieces. I also did not have to beat the hell out of my pillow once you left my quarters. I may actually still be smiling as I write this. Sometimes, you actually make me happy. You have this tendency to make me act like a schoolgirl with a crush, not that I actually have a crush on you. I just think about having sex with you occasionally. That is perfectly normal for a healthy 25-year-old human male. You are hot.

Thank you for completely avoiding any talk of my mom, stepfather, or Sam without me actually needing to tell you to avoid those subjects. You are getting good at knowing exactly what I need from you without me telling you. It is as if you are reading my mind.

Don't you actually have that ability, sort of? You are a touch telepath. Have you been taking little peaks at my mind every time our hands accidentally make contact? Even I think our fingers brushed against each other a little too often during tonight's game.

I understand accidents do happen. Just in case, I promise to think happy thoughts like Starfleet giving us something to do besides diplomatic ass kissing missions or the occasional supply run. If I did not have you to argue with on the bridge occasionally, in a playful way, I think I would fall asleep from sheer boredom. Why won't the bureaucrats in charge give us something interesting to do?

I felt so comfortable with you tonight that I actually brought out my digital photo album to show off my brilliant baby brother. At least that is what I was trying to do. I had no ideal my supposed best friend tampered with my photo collection.

Could you please forget about all the shots of me doing very stupid things under the influence of various 'substances' including making out with random girls and boys that I don't actually remember the names of? Bones somehow managed to put those images in there without my knowledge. I do not need you to think that I am a drunken fool or a slut. I think you are just getting to the point where you believe I can actually be a good captain even if Starfleet is keeping us on a short leash.

First, every single one of those pictures was at least a year old. I didn't exactly have time for drunken revelry when I was trying to figure out how to beat your test or deal with my suicide schedule course load my final year. I haven't had more than a couple of shots after the last extremely uncomfortable conversation with a certain admiral who is a complete asshole.

Also, most of those particular images were from my 24th birthday party. I tend to get completely smashed and do very stupid things on my birthday, even if I don't celebrate it on my actual birthday. You may just want to hide all the alcohol on the ship when I turned 26. If I do anything extremely stupid on January 3, 2259 please ignore it and help me cover it up from the Admiralty.

Contrary to popular belief and whatever your girlfriend says about me, I will not fuck anything in a skirt. (Apparently, she is convinced that I only talked to her that very first time just to sleep with her.) First, I am pansexual; therefore, a skirt would not necessarily be required. I am attracted to the individual not that individual's gender.

Second, my reputation is greatly exaggerated. I have not slept my way through the intergalactic rainbow. I have never been involved in an orgy with an ambassador, a priestess, and several unnamed diplomats from various Federation planets. I do not have sex with farm animals. I blame your girlfriend for that particular rumor. Nothing happen on that last mission when Prime Minister Mecome gave me a private tour even if he was a little grabby. (Thank you for reminding me not to include that in my report. It is a lot easier to deal with the paperwork and necessary reports now that we are working on these together.)

In addition, any rumor about me having sex with various female members of the crew in the captain's chair is a complete lie. Do you have any idea how much trouble I would get into for sleeping around with a subordinate? You probably do since you have kept your relationship with you know who a closely guarded secret. It's like you guys are not really dating but just really good friends that kiss sometimes. Actually, it was only the one time. Also, you and Uhura hardly even eat lunch together anymore. Maybe that is because you have been spending your lunch time with me lately. I am sure that's only because I'm awesome like that. I think you are starting to like me as a friend in a Butch and Sundance sort of way and not in a boyfriend sort of way.

(Although do you know that you are the only person I can date on the ship without severe consequence as long as we get Starfleet's okay first? You have to love Pike and his wonderful wife Number One for forcing that policy change.)

Not every sexual encounter I have had has been a one-night stand. I have had a few relationships that have lasted longer than breakfast the next morning although not many. I have trust issues. In the five years I have been sexually active, I have slept with nine individuals, and only three were females and not all were human. It would have been 10 but your girlfriend walked in on me before anything happened with Gaila.

I don't think anything was going to happen anyway because I kind of freaked out when Gaila said the L word. You should never respond with 'that so weird,' when someone says that she or he loves you. After a childhood as screwed up as mine, it's hard for me to believe anyone can really love me.

My trust issues have pretty much screwed up my sex life. I usually don't trust anybody enough to go beyond kissing and heavy petting. Not that heavy petting can't be very pleasurable. I have not even met a guy yet that I trust enough to bottom for. I think I would make an exception for you if you were willing and available.

However, you are in a relationship with someone that I respect and I don't break up other people's relationships. As long as you are with my favorite communications officer, I'm going to keep my inappropriate thoughts to myself and concentrate on being your friend. I am also concentrating on not screaming at you in front of the crew. I'm getting better. Most of the arguments are mental exercises now.

Even though it couldn't be farther from the truth, everybody thinks I am the biggest slut on the ship even if I have not had sex since long before this mission began. Just because I enjoy flirting with an individual doesn't mean I want to screw her or him. I still flirt with your girlfriend just because it pisses her off even though I don't really want to sleep with her. (Unless, you're willing to do a threesome because I think I want to sleep with you.) It is a mental exercise. I actually like her as a friend and do not want to piss her off by lusting after her boyfriend. You obviously know it is just a game because you never seem that upset.

I wish you had let me explain what you saw in my digital album instead of changing the subject to whatever experiments your department is working on at the moment. Not that I'm not interested in what your department does. I think science is sexy and I think it's adorable when you go into lecture mode. I just don't want you to see me the same way everybody else does. I want you to like me and just maybe respect me.

I also want our chess games and lunches to become more than just extensions of our work hours or the two of us trying to get along for the sake of the ship. I want us to be more than colleagues, even if it means we are just going to be friends. I would rather just be your friend than nothing at all.

I think we are starting to get there. You actually told me about playing chess with your mother whenever you were sick as a child. You even talked about her horrible attempts at making that weird Vulcan vegetable soup that you really don't like. I'm guessing your mom's cooking skills were as bad as my mom's.

This is what I want. I want us to be able to share silly little stories with each other about the craziest things. I want you to be able to tell me about the illogical things your mom did for you and I will tell you about the things Sam did to cheer me up when we were kids. Do you think we can get to that point in our relationship? I hope so.


Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I am still amazed at how many reviews I have been getting for each chapter. Thank you