As soon as the darkness hit Merlin felt his pulse quicken, his breathing become ragged. He looked around the room, its once familiar contours now twisted, evil, mocking him with their shadowy recesses. The coloured bottles that lined the shelves near the bed seemed to glow with an inner light, taunting him. And at the end of the room, the small door that led to the little room slowly creaked open.

Merlin found his gaze darting from one area to the next, his mind frantically trying to figure out why someone was hurting him like this. He reached out and grabbed the candle that had blown out, pulling at the wick, looking for something, anything to light it and finding nothing. With a whimper he held it close to himself as he slumped down to the floor. At least if he was on the floor, if anyone was looking for him they might not see him.

He stayed there for only a moment when the small door slammed shut, and with a small cry he moved forwards as quickly as he could, under the bed, pulling tightly into a ball, his eyes shut, his mind waiting for the rough hands he knew would soon find him to grab him and drag him away again. He didn't even realise he was crying, even as he continued to hug the useless, dark candle.


Gwaine was becoming impatient for the meeting to end, but forced himself to listen to Arthur droning on about patrol schedules, Bandit sightings and other things, however Arthur finally finished the meeting, dismissing the knights. They all bowed, and left the room, Gwaine moving swiftly from the room, towards the pharmacy, he became aware a moment later that Arthur was behind him, so paused briefly, the two making their way up the stairs in companionable silence, passing the guards at the top of the stairs.


The first inkling that something was wrong was the lack of light as they opened the pharmacy door. The room itself looked relatively untouched, bar the chair that was on its side. The second thing that told them something was wrong was Merlin's frantic sobbing, even though they couldn't see him.

"Merlin?" Arthur called softly as he walked forwards. The sobbing stopped suddenly and there was a shuffle from by the bed.

"Merlin" he called again as he moved towards the bed. Behind him Gwaine slowly knelt down.

"Merlin mate, it's me, Gwaine" he said

"No!" Merlin shouted. "It's him again!" Merlin yelled from his hiding place.

"Who Merlin? Who is it?" asked Arthur as he knelt down. Merlin refused to reply, but Arthur saw his booted foot just near to the edge of the bed. Slowly, without thinking he reached out, putting his hand on the boot.

"Arthur no!" Gaius yelled from the doorway, having just entered and taking everything in. Arthur's hand closed around Merlin's boot and all hell broke loose.


Arthur, Gwaine and the bed were thrown away from a terrified Merlin, who's eyes were glowing gold, who's hands were outstretched. Gaius rushed forwards, picking up the discarded candle, and lighting the wick with the aid of one of the torches outside. Slowly he moved back into the room, lighting the other candles as he moved slowly towards the crying Merlin. Merlin looked up, his eyes red as he looked over at a shocked Gwaine and an even more shocked Arthur.

"What the hell was that?" Arthur demanded.

"Was that magic?" asked Gwaine. "Did Merlin… Did he use magic?" he asked, looking not at Merlin, but at Gaius. Gaius was lost for words. He'd been afraid that something like this might happen, but for it to have happened in front of Arthur… Slowly he took a deep breath, realising his king was waiting for, and expecting an answer. Merlin for his part was sat up against the shelves, his head buried in his legs which were drawn up to his chest.

"It would seem I have some explaining to do" said Gaius softly. "But perhaps it might best wait until morning?" he suggested. Arthur glared at him, then at Merlin who was looking at him expectantly. Slowly Arthur stood, nodding and rubbing his back.

"Art'er?" asked Merlin, "I'm sorry" he said softly. Arthur shook his head as he looked at Merlin.

"Not sorry enough" Arthur snarled as he stormed out. Merlin watching in confusion, before looking at Gaius and Gwaine, slowly he stood and, wiping his eyes, moved to the bed, pulling it over gently with Gwaine's help.

"Merlin what happened?" asked Gaius as Merlin slowly sat down on the bed, shaking.

"I made us dinner, I was looking outside then it went dark" he said. "What's up with Art'er?" he asked.

"Arthur is…. Just dealing with something at the moment" Gaius told him.

Merlin nodded and then looked at Gwaine.

"It's not your fault Merlin, what happened" Gwaine told him. Merlin shook his head.

"I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be hated and confused and hurting all the time" Merlin said.

"Merlin we'll find a way to help you" Gwaine told him. "Gaius and me, we're not giving up on you" Gwaine told him. "So you, you're not giving up on us okay" Gwaine told him. Merlin looked from him to Gaius, then nodded.

"k" he agreed, with a sniff as he laid down. "Does he hate me now? I didn't mean to hurt him" Merlin said breaking into tears, Gaius pulling him into a hug.

"No my boy, he'll be fine in the morning" Gaius assured him. "now, try to get some sleep" he said. Merlin nodded and Gaius looked at Gwaine, indicating his head over to the corner of the room. Gwaine frowned, but moved with him.

"Gaius?" he whispered.

"Gwaine, as much as I appreciate your helping him, I wish you had not told him we could make him better" Gaius hissed quietly.

"But-" Gwaine began.

"Gwaine, I cannot treat this, The body is easy to heal, but the mind… Gwaine, I have never lied to Merlin, and I will not do so now. I do not know if he even can be treated" Gaius said.

"So you're giving up?" asked Gwaine, anger tinting his voice.

"No, but I am also not about to give the lad false hopes" Gaius whispered. "And if you respected him, neither would you" Gaius stated.


Merlin looked over at the corner of the room where Gaius and Gwen were speaking quietly. The look on their faces however showed neither of them were very happy. Merlin slowly turned over in the bed, biting down on his lip so they wouldn't hear him crying. They were arguing over him, he knew that. He'd annoyed Arthur, and now, Gwaine and Gaius, and all he'd been doing was trying to make dinner. And again he'd been punished. He jumped slightly as he heard the door close, then shut his eyes pretending to be asleep.

"Merlin?" Gaius's voice was soft as he heard the chair scrape softly on the floor. Merlin didn't reply, but did listen as the old man sighed, feeling his gaze on his back.


Gwaine was fuming, having left pharmacy, just to get some air. He moved through the corridors, out onto the battlements, where he looked down into the courtyard below, feeling the rage boiling up inside him. Merlin had magic, so what? Had ever hurt them? No, had he done anything to endanger those he called friend? No. Yet with one little act, Arthur had gone from being caring and concerned to outright scornful in one fell swoop. But that hadn't annoyed Gwaine, what had was the fact that Merlin was hurting, he was hurting, he was alone and he was scared, and he might never recover. No one deserved a fate like that, especially Merlin. So it was with a roar Gwaine suddenly turned and slammed his fist into the stone work, feeling the skin break on his knuckles, feeling bruises instantly beginning to rise. Feeling stupid, he winced and waved his hand.

"It didn't help me either" said a voice from the small doorway to his left. Gwaine looked over as Arthur emerged, joining him.

"Sire, I'd like to… just be alone right now" Gwaine said. Arthur stepped up next to him, placing his hand on the stone.

"So would I, but I don't think it would do either of us any good" Arthur told him. Gwaine sighed and turned to move away, Arthur holding a hand up to stop him.

"Gwaine, I know my action's back there were reprehensible, and I'm sorry" he said.

"Am I really the one you should be apologising to?" Gwaine snapped.

"No.. I just… I was a little surprised. Okay, a lot actually" Arthur admitted.

"Well if its any consolation, you won't need to worry about Merlin planning to kill you"

"I never thought that, I could never think that" Arthur said, then he caught on. "What do you mean?"

"Seems like Gaius doesn't think he can help Merlin, so the poor sods going to be like that for the rest of his life" Gwaine said. Then suddenly it hit him, everything from the past few hours, from the woods earlier in the day, and the dam broke. "And its not fair! He was a good, kind person, and yet look at him, look at what serving you has got him! You know what he was trying to do tonight when the candles went out? Make us bloody dinner!" Gwaine said as the tears flooded forth.

"And if I could do anything to ease that guilt I would Gwaine, but I can't all I can do is to deal with what's happened, move forwards and hope that someday I can help him!" Arthur snapped.

"Even with his magic?" asked Gwaine.

"Yes! Magic be damned, I don't give a hell about it! And you know why Gwaine? do you know why?" Arthur asked, his own voice becoming faster and faster. "Because I can finally admit it, my father was wrong! About Magic, about a hell of a lot of things! But its not what's important here, what is is making sure we get Merlin back Because…" he suddenly stopped and took a deep breath. "Because I miss him. I miss him being stupid and clumsy and that irritating grin of his… and the fact he's not there anymore, because despite the fact he's a servant, I love him as I would any blood brother." Arthur said so softly Gwaine hardly got the words. Silence hung between the two men for several heartbeats, then finally Gwaine nodded.

"Arthur I didn't mean-"

"It's forgotten Gwaine, all of it" said Arthur. Gwaine nodded, and looked up towards Gaius's window.

"Is Merlin asleep?" asked Arthur gently.

"I don't know" Gwaine admitted. Arthur smiled and turned away.

"Gwaine"

"Sire?"

"We'll get him back, someway or somehow, we will get Merlin back" Arthur said, then walked back inside. Gwaine stared after him for a long moment, then with a deep breath he also re-entered the castle.