I don't own anything! especially not Xmas stuff. I am a Grinch.
December 10th
Alice threw some tinsel on the back of Victoria's head. It attached to her bushy mess of red curls like glue. Alice giggled like a manic while Victoria continued digging through the box of Christmas ornaments. "Stop it, Al. My hair is not your personal plaything." She warned without looking up.
"Oh, I beg to differ." She wrapped her arms around Victoria from behind and whispered in her ear. Knowing Alice, it was something that could not be said in polite company. I turned away. Rose walked past me and squeezed my shoulder.
"Enough you pervs, let's get this tree done." Rose grabbed her sister's ear and pulled her upright. They were forcing me to bring out the tree and decorate. I had been hoping to spend a quiet Christmas alone, not ready to endure the holiday without Jasper but the Cullen women had a special way of ganging up on a girl. Truthfully, they were missing Jasper, too. Jasper had been Mr. Christmas. He lived for the damn holiday-it wasn't going to be the same without him.
Jasper used to have the Christmas music blaring as we decorated the house, Edward would be half in the can drinking eggnog and if Rose happened to be pregnant, she would be munching on my holiday cookies as she hung decorations. Alice would either be flirting or fighting with whomever she was dating at the time. And I would be never more than a few feet from Jasper's side, along for his wild Christmas spirit ride.
This year…this year there are no cookies, no music. Rose wasn't pregnant, that I knew of. Alice has a date, but I'm positive Alice would have a date for the apocalypse. There was no Jasper, and there was no Edward. I sat on the arm of the couch and rubbed my temples.
The girls continued to trim the tree while I composed myself and the kitten was playing with an ornament. "You should name her Christmas." Victoria mused.
"Yea, maybe," I mumbled. Victoria frowned and glanced at Alice for assistance.
"So, how are things with Edward?" Alice asked hesitantly. "He hasn't been around much lately."
"I don't know. Weird. Awkward." I sighed. "He comes over every day and helps me out: cleaning, baby proofing, running errands but we barely speak and it's really fucking uncomfortable. We used to hang out all the time before we lost Jasper. I miss him. I thought we were over this fighting thing."
"It's not about fighting, though." Rose piped up from behind the tree. "He doesn't know what to do. He never in a million years thought you and Jaz wouldn't be together. Now you're single but it's under the worst possible circumstances. He hasn't exactly been handling Jasper's death well, and with things so fucked up between you two, it's almost as if he's lost both his best friends. Plus you're pregnant and he wants to be in the baby's life since Jasper is gone but he doesn't want to overstep his boundaries, which you haven't clearly set so he's unsure of what is going to upset you. He is a bit of a mess right now."
"How the fuck do you know all this?" Alice demanded, moving the top of the tree to the side to see Rose's face.
Rose shrugged. "He calls me after midnight because he knows Jessica still doesn't sleep through the night."
"He can't call me? We used to tell each other everything!" Alice huffed and Victoria rolled her eyes.
"Well, I am the oldest. I do have a bit more life experience."
"Just because you're old doesn't mean you know anything about heartbreak. Plus you've been with Emmett since you were fifteen. He should be talking to someone that understands a broken heart and stuff."
"You did not just call me old." Rose stepped out from behind the tree. I groaned. Rose had been very sensitive about her age since she turned thirty. "When has your heart ever been broken? You flit from one relationship to the next without even batting an eye. Why would Eddie come to you for relationship advice when you've never been in a serious relationship?"
"That is not true!" Alice yelled. The two sisters squared off, facing each other.
"Oh fuck, let it go, Alice," Victoria called from her spot on the floor.
"You've been through more girlfriends than the twins have been through diapers. You are a twenty-four year old barista that who lives at home and still thinks she's going to grow up to be Tinkerbell."
"I have a Masters Degree in social work! It's not my fault I can't find a job!" Alice whined.
"Oh for the love of God." I stood up and grabbed Victoria's arm as I walked to the kitchen, leaving the two sisters to their bickering. I motioned for her to take a seat. "I figured I should rescue you from the possible carnage."
"Thanks. Are they always like that?" She seemed a little shell-shocked.
"Yes. Would you like some tea? I've been craving it lately." She nodded and I put an old kettle on the stove that had once been Jasper's grandmothers. "Rose is the serious one, Alice is the party-girl and for some reason, when it comes to who knows what's best for Edward they go at each other's throats. But they always make up in the end."
We sat in silence listening to the sister's scream obscenities at each other, waiting for the tea to be done. I set Victoria's mug in front of her and took my seat, hastily propping my swollen feet up on another chair.
Victoria wrapped her hands around the mug and stared into it. "When I was in college I had this girlfriend named Carmen. We met as freshman and were pretty much inseparable. After finals sophomore year we decided to go on a camping trip with some friends. On the Oregon border, you can go whitewater rafting, and being college kids we took a shitload of booze. The third night of our trip, Carmen and her brother James and another friend, Kate, had the brilliant idea that they would do the rapids drunk. The rest of us were too fucked up to really stop them, and they lasted about ten minutes I think, before the raft tipped and they all drowned." She looked up and I expected her eyes to be wet but they weren't, they were surprisingly clear.
"I'm so sorry. I actually think I remember hearing about that." I wanted to give her comfort but her hands were still wrapped around the mug, not exactly inviting touch.
"Yes, you probably did. It was all over the news, then some conservatives made a bigger deal about it and used it as an example of the dangers of underage drinking, and it was very public for a while. I know Carmen and I did not have the commitment you and Jasper did but I still loved her. I miss her every day." She sighed and returned to staring into the tea. "The point of all this is, I did not have an Edward when I lost Carmen. I hadn't come out of the closet to my parents yet and her parents had lost both their children plus they didn't know about me, either. Our little circle of friends fell apart because we blamed ourselves and each other. I think you are very lucky to have him. I wish there had been someone for me to lean on."
"It's not that I don't want him around, well for a while I didn't but it's the fact that I don't feel what he feels and I think it's too soon."
"But what's too soon? Forgive me for sounding harsh but Jasper isn't coming back. Don't you think Jasper would rather you be with his best friend, someone he knows will take care of you and the baby and treat you both as you deserve, than some random guy, who may or may not be good for you?"
"I don't need some guy to take care of me," I said sharply. I didn't like the direction this conversation was taking.
"No, but isn't nicer to have someone around? Especially someone that is going through the same thing as you? I'm not saying you need to jump right into something with Edward but at least try and get over the awkwardness." She shrugged and half smiled at me.
I wanted to be angry, this girl was practically a stranger. I'd only been around her a handful of times, and she was trying to give me advice on my love life? Fuck that. But as I met her gaze, I did see sadness and vulnerability I recognized in myself. Maybe she did know what she was talking about.
"I'm not sure I know how to do that," I said simply, my eyes dropping to my own tea. I wondered if the swirls could give me answers. Maybe I should read up on reading tea leaves, and then buy actual tea leaves instead of the bags. I doubted the bags could open up mystical secrets. "How long did it take you before you started dating again?" I asked without looking up.
"Well, my situation is a bit different because it eventually came out Carmen was more than just my best friend and my parents freaked and kicked me out of the house. But I'd say after about seven or eight months I started dating again. Nothing serious, but ya know, getting out there."
"Edward is in love with me, though, and has been since I moved here. I mean, I do care about him. Once he had pneumonia and I stayed over at his apartment for three days taking care of him because Esme and Carlisle were out of town. And sometimes when I look at him…" I feel like I mixed soda and rockpops in my stomach, I continued in my head. I couldn't admit that out loud. That admission would make things a bit too real for my taste. I could say it in my head all I wanted but actually speaking the words was something else entirely.
Thankfully, my heart to heart with Victoria was interrupted. "Okay, we're done fighting! Let's finish this tree," Alice yelled from the living room.
"I'll be out in a minute. It takes me awhile to get motivated enough to get up off my ass these days." Victoria smiled at my weak joke and placed her mug in the sink. I sat there for a moment and tried to sort through the crazy in my head. I wondered how long I'd been looking at Edward and seeing more than just a friend.
Developments? maybe. stay tuned...same bat-channel, same bat-time!
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