Dr. Timothy Frey had put on a mask of optimism, ridiculing the pessimistic orthopedic surgeons as "quacks" but not really knowing if Kelly Severide would in fact be able to talk. Ever. It was too soon for him to strip that mask away and get to the task of helping a man come to terms with lifelong disabilities. That word never entering into his conversations with the lieutenant. One sided conversations with him talking, Kelly listening.

Now, he was thrilled things were beginning to swing his way, the fireman's way. The pendulum loved to arch over to the dark side, often crushing victim's and family member's hopes with recovery limits being reached. Every once in a while it swung over to the side that was the stuff of miracles. The M word didn't mesh with Dr. Frey's science background and beliefs, but sometimes a patient's progress surpassed what charts and test results said was possible.

"Lieutenant, they're telling me you won't shut up," teased the neurosurgeon, pointing that too familiar light in Kelly's face. This time he had the fireman open his mouth, peering down his throat while feeling the sides of his neck.

"That's a lie. Shay never lets me get two words in," rasped out Kelly. The voice was weak but the words were formed so clearly, Dr. Frey had a hard time believing articulate speech was already back.

"Can we just intubate him again. He's so much easier to deal with when he doesn't open that pretty mouth of his." Shay was by his side, holding his hand, relishing the tight grip she felt on hers. She rubbed his arm up and down also liking the way the muscles tensed and moved.

"Ladies, ladies, can't we all just get along," Casey joked positioning himself next to Shay. The last phone call he made to Chief held something precious in it… good news. He could imagine the cheers and comments from his brothers at 51 that followed. Hermann probably saying he called it. Severide would be out in two days. Gabby thrilled, not just for Kelly but also for her blonde best friend, and her guy.

The immobilizer holding Kelly's head had been removed leaving him feeling more in control than he had since his leap down that cliff. Talking, grasping something with his hands… he vowed he would never take those simple things for granted ever again. He wanted to forget that hell of being trapped in his body without being able to move. He also wanted to never forget. He'd be the first to admit he wasn't a "deep" thinker worrying about the meaning of life, the reason why things happened. People were injured every day, some died. No rhyme or reason to it. But that feeling of being powerless, so foreign to him. No, he would never forget.

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"What do you say we get you back home Kelly?" asked Casey stationed in "his" chair by the side of his friend's hospital bed. Shay had claimed the other one, so the second chair was his by default. Every day they filed into Kelly's room and sat in their assigned seats. Their purpose...keep Severide's spirits up, and keep him on track physically.

"Not till I can walk," Kelly said flatly. He didn't want anyone seeing him like this. It was a huge improvement...he was trying to stay positive. But the guys, his guys couldn't see him like this. No way in hell.

"Kelly, everyone wants you back. We'll get you walking, but we gotta get you back home first." Matt knew he was gonna face this fight. A rock, paper, scissors face off with Shay making the decision on who would breach the subject first. Casey lost.

"Shay's done her research and Northwestern Memorial Hospital is one of the best in the nation. We'll get you moved in there by next week. How does that sound, bud?" Matt could see the furrow in Kelly's forehead get deeper, a line that looked as if it was never smoothin' out.

"What does Tim say about this?" Dr. Frey insisted the lieutenant call him by his first name. He didn't do the same, always sticking to lieutenant. He didn't want Kelly to lose sight of his goal, to that big part of himself waiting at 51.

"Did I hear my name being used in vain?" asked the doctor who'd been outside knowing this talk was happening.

"So you're in on this kicking me out?" asked Kelly, trying to reach for his glass of water.

"I am. Everything I was going to do next can be done at Northwestern. I've already talked to Dr. Salter, their leading neuro, really good guy. Time for you to go home."

"Sounds like it's a done deal then." A done deal that I'm going back to Chicago, that I'm going in a wheelchair, that I have no say in any of it, seemed like giving up… he worried that this was as good as it was gonna get.

Shay walked in with three strawberry shakes, anything fattening she could get down her best friend she considered a victory. He'd lost considerable weight, Dr. Frey said inevitable with the non-spinal injuries he sustained. Those were healing but had been enough to sideline the strongest of men, broken leg, ribs a mess, internal injuries. The initial surgery had been a success, trauma surgeons repairing slight tears in a lung and the liver. They debated briefly about seeing if the bleeding stopped on its own as it often would. After the CT scan, the doctors went in knowing they had to get the immediate injuries under control. The spinal swelling would need to come down soon if there would be any chance of a full recovery.

"Who's up for strawberry deliciousness," Shay swung the three shakes around the faces of Casey, the doctor, and down to Kelly before setting them on the tray in front of her best friend. No one amused.

"What'd I miss?" Shay went to Kelly's side noticing the long looks for the first time.

"I'm going home."

Shay looked at Casey wordlessly conveying her confusion at the sadness hanging in the room so heavy she thought it was melting the shakes.

"That's great?" she waited for some response. Something. Anything.

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Boden gathered everyone into the common room, the heaviness in his heart lifted a little. It had been a rollercoaster ride of emotions for Chief. Severide's dead one minute, alive the next. The news of him being paralyzed, whole damn body, left Chief numb all over. He knew it was a hell where death would have been a welcome release.

Each man, all like sons or brothers really, playing such a integral role in the heart of the house. His family had all its members fitting together like one big puzzle.

Hemann always good for a laugh in the darkest of moments, but also with an integrity unmatched by any one else, Mouch curmudgeony to the core but needing this group of men perhaps more than anyone else, Cruz would do anything for his fellow firefighters, his loyalty knowing no bounds, Otis always searching for his place, wanting nothing more than acceptance and accolades from his friends, Clarke, their adopted brother who went from mole to bro in fifteen seconds, one who would remain family no matter what house he was serving at, Mills with a heart so big, how it kept finding room in it to care about yet another person, a mystery to Boden, and his two lieutenants, Casey and Severide, the lights would all but go out if one of those were not running their crews.

Andy Darden was a blow that dimmed those lights permanently. They couldn't take another hit like that. He hoped they wouldn't have to.

"I just got a phone call from Casey. A damn good phone call," boomed Boden flashing one of his genuine smiles with a brightness they hadn't seen in a couple of months. "Severide is comin' home."

Cheering, hugs and back slaps rose up from this group of men not accustomed to showing emotion so openly with each other.

"He heard I broke his 'saves in a month' record and had to get his ass back here quick," Clarke high fived Hermann, the two sharing a rare non-ball-busting moment.

"He's getting transferred to Northwestern on Tuesday. It's supposed to be one of the best," Boden knew this wasn't the news they wanted...that he wasn't comin' back on shift. Silence settled in as each man took this in.

"He's doin' better, but he's gonna need us." Chief looked around the room knowing it was going to take a village. There were rough seas ahead for his lieutenant, but they would get him through.

"He's got it," said Pete thinking about how Severide stuck his neck out for him in an epic 'make up for my dad being an asshole' move in helping him get on squad.

"He's gonna be back in here before you squad guys get any softer. I think old jarhead's gettin' fat over there, eatin' Mills' cookin…" Hermann just had to go there.

"You're callin' me old? You're like a founding member of AARP… hell you got your platinum membership, and you're callin' me old?"

This had been missing, thought Boden looking around at his guys. The back and forth, the picking at each other that was part of their house. It was back. Hopefully, their lieutenant would be soon enough.

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Kelly lay in his new room in Chicago feeling more humiliated and as far away from home than he had ever been in his life. The entire trip was an exercise in helplessness and hopelessness. The plane trip, the transport to the new hospital… him trying to help using his arms, but everyone telling him to "just relax," they'd do the "heavy lifting."

"I don't wanna see any of the guys." Kelly said watching the team of nurses hook up all the IVs, tubes, monitors.

"They all wanna see you," said Casey knowing there was no way in hell they weren't coming.

"Not yet. Let me get settled in," he said lamely, not looking forward to the guys seeing him so weak.

"Don't be an ass. They're coming soon, if they're not already parked outside." Shay pushed his tray closer, pouring a glass of ice water for her friend.

Kelly slammed his hands on the tray toppling the glass, almost tipping the small table over.

"I ain't seein' anyone right now!" Severide sounded more like the old Severide, barking orders at his men.

Casey got a towel from the bathroom, drying the tray, Kelly's bed.

"Goddammit! Just stop doin' for me. Both of you." Those pitiful looks always so sad. Poor pathetic Kelly, they must be thinking lookin' down at me.

He'd been teetering between a high of the small steps he was makin', arms working better, could eat jello without spilling it all over himself and the low of fearing he would never actually take a small step again. The legs were immobile, feeling nothing, moving nowhere.

Kelly'd been defined by his physicality his entire life. From peewee football, a three sport letterman in high school, first in every physical test at the Academy, to his role as lieutenant at 51, the physical prowess was what made him Kelly Severide. The cockiness that came with it a natural extension of excelling at almost every physical challenge.

Now, that was all gone. Who the hell am I without it, Kelly began to wonder.

"The guys want to see you, no matter what, Kel. They need to see you," Shay said softly, contrasting harshly with his outburst.

"You know how to make me out to be the asshole, Shay, thanks."

"Part of my charm," the blonde answered, giving him her goofy smile. He had no choice but to return it.

Our job's getting harder, thought Casey. He knew some of the frustrations Kelly was feeling. His head injury left him with the knowledge that he wasn't back to normal, his old self, and maybe never would be. But his 'new normal' was nothing like this immobile Severide. He'd wanted to hit something or someone every time he forgot a mundane part of his routine, locker combination, hell, the name of a damn tool he'd used since he was ten. There better be good news at this hospital with this new doctor. Matt didn't want to think about the alternative. He knew Kelly never would.

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Dr. Salter had none of the subtleties of his counterpart in Denver. Where Dr. Frey was all touchy feely, Dr. Salter was clinical and cold. But he was also good at his job. Extremely good at his job.

"Lieutenant Severide, may I speak to you alone?" he asked staring at the most recent MRI.

"Whatever you got to say, you can say it in front of them. They'll probably be decidin' what happens next," answered Kelly looking at Casey and Shay figurin' they'd have their two cents to put in. At least the blonde would.

"I'd prefer alone." The tone in the doctor's voice pushed the friends out in the hallway. Shay grabbed her drink off Kelly's tray having graduated to smoothies after Dawson said they were better for him than shakes. She gave this new doctor she wasn't particularly fond of one of her 'I'm so disappointed in you looks.'

Dr. Salter chuckled as she left, really the only smiles he cracked were at Shay's words or faces. He drew serious as the door shut closed.

"I have a consult coming in day after tomorrow. I was ready to break the news to you that you'd never walk again. But looking at your latest MRI, I think I want a second opinion."

Wow, way to sugar coat it, doc, thought Kelly. Instead, he said, "Thanks for the honesty. Just keep it that way and we'll keep gettin' along fine."

"I don't believe in bullshit. If you aren't moving those legs, then you need to deal with it and learn how to get around. But, if they are gonna start working then we need to get started on surgical options, treatments, right away."

"And right now, you're thinkin' I'm part of which group?" asked Kelly, still holding on to some strand of hope.

"I have my friend coming in to tell us. I wouldn't have called him if I didn't think you had some chance of progress. Now how much, if any at all, he'll help me with those answers." Dr. Salter looked from Kelly to his chart. He waved in the two friends who had their faces pressed against the glass.

"I will stop by again tonight...I've got a few more tests to run," Dr. Salter gave Kelly a look when the fireman sighed heavily. "And, uh, if no one's going to drink those, I'll unload one." The doctor added grabbing a smoothie before heading out.

"Well, he's interesting," said Shay doubtfully. "And, not that I want a temper tantrum… but Boden is coming by tonight."

Casey and Shay looked at their best friend anticipating some reaction.

"Whaddya say one of you gets me some water?" Kelly asked, handing his glass to Casey, both of his friends making no moves. "I'll be good. I'm thirsty," he added pushing the glass further out. Still no takers.

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"Casey, I'm so tired. I'm tired of all this shit." Kelly was on his back, same old spot, same position, day in and day out. He wanted out.

"You're doin' great. Sure as hell better than I'd be doin." Matt could see that defeatism in his friend's eyes. It would appear every couple of days with Shay or him putting it out, those embers of doubt extinguished with the goofiness and love of Leslie or the 'you're kickin' ass' attitude of Casey.

"I'm done, Matt. I don't want to do this anymore." Kelly wasn't looking at his friend, staring instead at the end of his sheet as if it held some secret to life.

"I know, bud, but you gotta keep goin.' The guys are counting on you. We need you back."

"The guys'll be fine. They are fine." Kelly paused meeting Matt's eyes for the first time. "You know that saying 'life goes on.' It's true. 51 didn't shut down like I thought it would if I didn't show up. Shay's gettin' out more. You're on shift doin' what you do. I'm the only one stuck. Stuck in this damn hospital. Stuck in this bed. I want out."

"We can see about that. I'll ask Dr. Salter about maybe doing some outpatient kind of thing or maybe you can go on some field trips, or something like that."

"I'm not asking to go on the 5th grade field trip to Navy Pier, Casey. I need out! Sooner, not later!" He's not gettin' it, thought Kelly.

"I'll ask about it today, Kelly. Settle down, okay? We'll get you out soon, I promise."

"You don't get what I'm sayin.' I'm done, Casey. With all of it. I want to be gone," Kelly looked at his friend, eyes wet in the corners, the armor of control breaking away. "I want to be gone from this damn place, from everything, from everywhere, Matt. Can you help me with that?"

A panic set in as Casey began to understand what Kelly was saying. His eyes opened wider as he felt an invisible slap in the face, a complete shock to his system. He now knew why Severide insisted they talk alone, why Shay was not here right now, and what he was saying.