Chapter 4
"Can I live with that?" Frank muttered as he ran his hands through his hair. "Christ, Claire. Do I have a choice? We are married. We made promises and vows to one and other. I am not the one who broke them!"
"You act as if I had a choice, Frank. I didn't. One minute I knew who and where I was and the next everything in my life was thrown into question. The only thing that kept me from being raped on top of it all was Murtaugh. He and the men he was with gave me a home and a family. I will not allow you to make me regret it.
I loved Jamie.
It was a different love than what I have with you, but it was there and it was true and because of it I have my bairns. Would you have me regret them?"
"My God, you don't even sound like the woman I know!"
"Then perhaps ye never ken her well," Murtaugh said as he glared at the man. "There were two things that woman was made to be. A healer and a mother. Don't begrudge her the ability to do so."
"A what?" Frank asked.
"A healer… I was able to use what I learned in the Army along with some holistic approaches to help some of the people we came in contact with."
"Saved more than a few lives she did. A man could ask for worse in a wife," Murtaugh commented as he tried to take in Frank's measure.
"There should have been no need for her to do so. A woman of Claire's station shouldn't have to work."
Murtaugh laughed: "A woman of Claire's station, is it? Years pass Claire would've been the wife of a Laird…"
"Murtaugh," Claire tried to interject. "No, let me finish, Lass," he countered. "She would've continued her duties as a healer as the wean followed her around the estate from croft to croft or been in her skirts as the tenants came to her. She would have been beloved by most and perhaps questioned by a few of the ones who were more superstitious but that would have been her role."
"I hate to correct you, but as a Jacobite scholar, I have to disagree."
"Then perhaps you should look into the healers who followed the armies and study them."
Frank frowned at that: "that is all well and good, but it is the twentieth century and she is my wife. And it is about time she started acting like it."
"Meaning what Frank?" Claire wondered.
"That if you want me to accept and live with what you are claiming and to raise someone else's children…"
"I never asked you to raise…."
"Claire, we are married. By law they are mine. I have better manners and more honor than to walk away from a pregnant wife and her illegitimate child. "
Claire bristled at that: "Faith is not…"
"Would you prefer I let them take her and the baby away from you?" Frank asked nastily. "Do you really think that they will continue to believe this amnesia story you have weaved out of thin air."
"I received a head injury that night and Murtaugh saved me…" Claire started to argue.
"I have no doubt about that, but your face gives you away. You are hiding something."
"Am I not allowed to hold some memories close? Jamie is barely cold in the ground. Faith doesn't understand what is happening. Jesus Roosevelt Christ! I barely understand what is happening around me, Frank!" Claire unleashed, surprising him with her passion. "My world has been shattered and rearranged. I might have come back, but I am not the same woman I once was.
I am barely hanging on here, Frank.
The only things keeping me from going over the edge are my children and Murtaugh."
"Claire," Murtaugh chided slightly.
"No, it's true," she told him almost desperately. "Growing up I always wanted a family. I mean, yes, I had Uncle Lamb and our adventures, but I wanted something- more. I did have part of that when we first married, Frank," she admitted turning her attention to her husband. "But then the war came and…"
"You went to the front," he spit out. "You could've stayed at home, but you chose not to."
"I went where I thought I was needed," she admitted almost meekly. "Who thought it would last so long? Did you, Frank?"
"Certainly not."
Claire sighed: "it was different between us when it was over. The years between. The distance. We were trying to get pass it but then- then I went to Crag Na Dun that day and everything changed."
"You didn't come back."
"I had intended to," she said almost pleading with him to understand: "things just went wrong there and then…" she shook her head. "When I met Jamie, I fought my feelings for him. I honestly did, until one day I couldn't anymore. We had a good life together until one day he was just… gone. It was all gone.
Now I'm back and I know I have to… we have to…" she shook her head and look down. "Lives have to be rebuilt, Frank."
"You think I don't know that?" he asked angrily. "Why would you want to include and outsider…"
"Because he's the only father I've ever had and the only grandparent that these children will," she answered him. "We can say he's an uncle… I don't know… but he remains a part of our lives."
"Or what, Claire? Do you really think that you are in any position to threaten me?" Frank asked with a harsh laugh.
"I'm sure many wonder why a woman of her position would just up and disappear on an upstanding husband like yeself," Murtaugh jumped in. "A few of the right rumors in the right ears- I mean you were a suspect at one time weren't you?"
Frank shook in fury at the man, his fists at his sides as he took a step towards him, only stopping because of the child half asleep on his lap. "You think you can force me to do what you want?"
"Probably about the same as ye thought ye could us," Murtaugh said calmly.
"What do you have in mind?" he asked angrily.
"Have a seat. This might take a while," Murtaugh smirked as Claire shook her head just wanting this to end and knowing it wouldn't anytime soon.
