Freedom: The Journey Begins

Summary: Mirana beings her journey to wholeness with Alice's help

Warnings Once again discussion of child abuse

Authors Notes: text in italics is again Mirana's thought process. text in {and italics} are Mirana's dreams


Mirana was dreaming, or rather she was having a nightmare. The images were flying through her mind faster than she could keep up, as though her psyche were searching for the images she needed to see.

{ she couldn't breathe it was happening again, Stayne was towering over her with that look in his eyes, lust absolute lust. Mirana shot for the door but as always he was to quick for her, grasping her around the waist he threw her onto the bed.

"Stayne please stop, I don't want this, think about what your doing! Racie loves you, if she knew this would destroy her" Mirana was desperate she didn't know how much more she could take.

"It's not Iracebeth I want it's you, and remember our agreement Mirana, this stays between us and no-one gets hurt" He growled back as he began

Mirana closed her eyes, she was used to their routine by now, if she tried hard enough she could block out most of what was happening.

"Ilosovic, what in the world?" Mirana was jarred out of her trance by Racie's voice. She felt the weight lift from her body. She didn't dare open her eyes.

"Well what do you have to say for yourself Mirana, how long has this been going on?" Racie's voice was eerily calm and Mirana didn't like it. she opened her eyes and it was only Racie and herself in the room

Her emotions got the better of her and the tears began to fall. " I didn't want to Racie, but he's always been so much stronger, I couldn't stop him I tried I really did" Mirana stopped the tears were making it hard to speak

"Stop making excuses Mirana and just tell me the truth" Racie voice was now filled with anger.

"He told me if I ever told anyone then he'd kill you and it would all be my fault" Mirana didn't know how to tell her sister, she could barely explain it to herself.

"So what are saying Mirana that he raped you, please just admit your trying to steal him away from me! you make me sick, trying to blame it all on him so your conscience is clear" Racie's voice mocked her

Mirana tried once more " Racie, its true, I didn't want to, he raped me, he's been doing it for years, I'm sorry I just I never knew how to tell you"

"Stop it, I don't want t hear your excuses, as far as I am concerned we are no longer sister's" Racie turned on her heel and left the room.}


Mirana's mind flashed and a new scene played out before her

{ "Mirana darling what's wrong?" Her mother asked the distress on her daughters face evident

"Mother, I'm frightened" Mirana was worried she had broken her agreement with Him, she didn't know what He would do now.

The white queen gathered her youngest daughter in her arms "Tell me what's troubling you sweetheart and we'll solve it together"

"Racie is really mad at me, she saw something today I never wanted her to see" Mirana didn't even know where to begin

"What did she see Mira?" her mother asked trepidation evident in her voice

"She walked in, whilst Ilosovic was making me to do things with him" Mirana voice was barely above a whisper.

"Things? What kind of things Mirana?" her mothers voice was now deadly serious.

"He forces me to do things that only married people should do?" the emotions hit Mirana like a tidal wave.

"Why would say such things Mirana, don't you know claims like this are serious" her mother was angry with her too, was this really all her fault?

"But Mother I didn't want to, I tried every time but he was always to strong, to fast" Mirana was desperate why would no-one believe her, he had been right he had told her no-one would.

Her father had arrived and her mother spoke to him so quietly that Mirana could not hear.

"Mirana your mother is right, you should not say such things about Ilosovic, he is a good brave man and he serves me faithfully" He father to looked angry

"But father, it's true, I'm your daughter you know me why would I lie about this?" Mirana was desperate it was then she realised, he had convinced them both he could be the son they never had. She realised once more that where Stayne was involved she simply could not win.

"Mirana you either stop this and apologise to Ilosovic, Or you leave Salazen for good." }


Again her mind jumped and yet another scene played out before her.

{ Mirana had gathered the few things she still held dear and prepared to leave, she felt a twinge of sadness she would miss her sister dearly they had once been so close.

She had no idea where she would go or what she would do,

"Mirana, where are you going?" the voice belonged to her friend Tarrant Hightop, son of the royal hatter

"Oh Tarrant, my parents have decided I am no longer welcome here, they have chosen Stayne" Mirana voice was thick with tears .she felt so betrayed she wanted to throw herself into Tarrant's arms o feel safe she hadn't felt safe in so long

"Mirana, stay with me and my family we can protect you from him, I won't let him hurt you anymore." Tarrant's voice was soft and pleading, he seemed genuine but she couldn't trust him, he was a man and men hurt her they used her, they abandoned her.

"Hurt me anymore" realisation hit Mirana, could he know?

"I have always suspected that he has not treated you with the respect a young girl deserves, that he has taken liberties that no man should take." Tarrant expression drove the point home

It was too much for Mirana, he knew, oh how he must be disgusted by her, by what she had allowed Stayne to take from her. She couldn't bear to have him look at her, she had to go to get away from everything it was all too much.

"Tarrant I can't, I have to go, get away from everything everyone, where no-one knows me where I can forget." And so Mirana ran as fast as she could away from Tarrant and away from the torment.}


Mirana awoke with a gasp, she felt arms around her and panicked, she wrenched herself from their hold. And fell to the floor

"Mirana?" Alice's groggy voice questioned. It was then she remembered of course Alice had brought her back to her room last night!

Mirana's body once again began to shake and she learned against the bed for support. Alice joined her on the floor

"I was dreaming" Mirana chocked out between sobs "Of my last day at Salazen, the day Racie and my parents discovered the truth, they refused to believe me, they kept insisting that I was making it up. They threw me out into the wilderness, I was thirteen, Lord knows what could have happened but they didn't care so long as our family reputation wasn't tarnished"

She felt Alice reach for her hand and this time she did not pull away. " I believe you Mirana, I really do" she squeezed Mirana hand once more.

"I just don't understand how they could think, I would make something so hurtful up, simply to get out of trouble. How they could betray me like that," Mirana closed her eyes in a bid to slow the tears.

"I saw Tarrant, he was there to, the day I left when he had begged me to stay, he knew, that means he still knows

He must be disgusted with you, you allowed your virginity to be taken from you, you allowed yourself to be stained, how can anyone respect someone like you.

The fear of rejection was once again seeping into Mirana's consciousness, "how can he bear to look at me, to be around me knowing the things that I've done?" she let out a strangled cry.

"Mirana, listen to me, you did not allow Stayne to take your virginity . He raped you, he took your choice from you. You were just a girl you could not have stopped him, he knew that and he exploited it. What happened was not your fault . you didn't do anything to cause it and you couldn't have done anything to stop. I know that, Tarrant knows that, and you need to know that" Alice spoke so tenderly

Mirana wanted to believe but she couldn't. If Alice was right and the blame lie with Stayne and not herself, then her parents, Racie would have realised that. They knew her better than anyone after all. "But then why didn't they believe me", the grief was so evident in her voice.

"You have nothing to be ashamed off. I don't know why your family didn't believe you, I wish I did, so I could help you understand it. but Mirana you need to believe me when I say the blame for this lies entirely with him" Alice outlined once more

Mirana's head hurt, so much had happened in such a short time, she could barely keep up. She knew she had to speak to her advisors today to begin the restoration of wonderland, time didn't stop for anything especially when you were queen. Mirana sighed as she collected herself, and slipped into her mask. The mask she showed to all those in marmoreal of Mirana the white queen who could handle anything Underland could throw at her, Mirana the white queen who was no-more than she appeared.


As she left Alice to sighed, it was going to be a long road for Mirana, with more bumps than she cared to imagine but once again Alice felt there was hope no matter how long the journey was this morning, she and Mirana had started it together.