Hey, thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed, it means a lot! I figured we haven't heard from Navrina in a while so I put some in this chapter, hope you enjoy :)


Marina

English is one of my least favourite classes. It's not because I get low grades, my grades are actually pretty high, it's just because it seems that all of the creativity has been sucked out of everything. There has to be a reason for everything, when we read something we have to analyze it, and when we write we're asked why we chose to write it. God forbid something something be written for the purpose of enjoyment. I lean back in my chair, tapping my pencil on my desk as I try my best to tune out our teacher. My effort turns out to be futile.

"Okay so in this passage, the boy tells us that the curtains were blue." Ms. Green stands at the front of the classroom, speaking in her overly perky, high-pitched voice that makes me want to leave this class and never come back. "Can anybody tell me why the curtains were blue?"

The question is so stupid that I find it hard to suppress an eye roll. Of course, nobody answers and the class of filled with bored silence. Ms. Green looks around like she actually expects a hand to go up, but after a few moments even she admits to defeat.

"The boy observes the blue curtains so we can see his inner-conflict. Blue signifies sadness, and the curtains are a symbol of the boy's struggle to keep the sadness from reaching him." She explains. The class just stares at her in confused silence, some people glancing around with desperate looks at their fellow classmates, probably praying that they're not the only ones who are lost.

"No, the curtains are blue because they are fucking blue." Maren mutters quietly beside me, shaking her head in disgust. I smile a little as she continues. "And the boy is sad because he is an over-reacting little piece of-"

"Maren!" Our teacher interrupts. At first I think she's going to scold Maren for her words, but instead she smiles warmly, unaware of what she just said. Maren curses under her breath and I have to hold back a laugh. "I'm delighted that you are contributing to the discussion, but could you say it a little louder so the rest of the class can hear?"

By looking at the expression on Maren's face, it's more than obvious she does not want to share her 'contribution' with the rest of the class. I'm not sure Ms. Green picks up on those kinds of things though because she just continues to look at Maren expectantly, her hands clasped in front of her.

I start to think Maren might decline, but after a second she speaks up. "I said that the boy observes that the curtains are blue because he happens to have eyes that are capable of seeing colour." She says, her innocent expression betraying her angry tone.

Half the class laughs, including me, while the other half looks in our direction with shock. I don't know why they seem surprised, they should have expected nothing more from Maren. Ms. Green is apart of the shocked group, her mouth open but nothing coming out. It's her first year in our school and probably her first year actually teaching in high school as well. The bells rings and saves her from replying.

"Uh... class dismissed." She says stupidly while half the class is already brushing past her to get to lunch. She hurries out with them, shaking her head.

I stand up and take my books off of my desk, fixing Maren with a pointed look. "That wasn't necessary." I chide

"I disagree. That was absolutely necessary." She replies, grabbing her own books. We walk out of the class and Maren looks around once we get in the hallway. "Hmm, I wonder where she went..." She says, a pleased smile making it's way onto her face.

"Probably to the guidance counsellor." I say, looking both ways before crossing the hall. There's so many people in the school that it requires the same rules as driving. "She seemed pretty traumatized, she probably needs some emotional support."

"Oh come on, it wasn't that mean." Maren protests.

"I don't know..." I say slowly. "I think you hurt her pretty bad. She'll probably go to therapy, I doubt it would help though so she'll probably just lay awake at night, trying to cry herself to sleep."

Maren snorts. "Wow, you actually made me feel bad for a second, then I remembered I don't care." She says flatly. I laugh and she pulls off to the side of the hallway and dropping her books in her locker and grabbing her lunch.

"Wow, how considerate of you." I roll my eyes as we make our way back into the hallway.

"Okay seriously, anyone who thinks blue curtains represent 'internal struggle' probably should see a therapist." She says, shooting me an annoyed glance over her shoulder, making me laugh.

"What if she's colour blind?" I challenge, Maren chuckles.

"Then I actually would feel bad."

We continue to make slow progress through the halls until we reach the cafeteria. It's a pretty big room to hold the miles long cafeteria line, with a generous number of long, metal tables with attached benches. It's one of the best spaces in the building actually, natural light brightening the room through huge windows on the far wall, and plaques, pictures, and banners littering the light orange and brown walls. It would probably take about an hour to count every item on display, but believe it or not, there are more in the gym, some awards dated all the way back to 1975. Our school mascot, a lion, stands painted on the wall adjacent to the long trail of hungry students chatting loudly as they wait for their food.

Maren and I don't bother with the line, wordlessly making our way to the back of the room, under the window. It's a spot that took us a couple years to acquire as it is one of the quietest places in the massive room, and conveniently close to a garbage bin which Maren often makes a game out of throwing her food into at various distances. Each table can seat about eight people, maybe more if you don't mind squeezing, but our table only ever holds three. And I like it that way.

Maren sits on one side of the table and I go for the other, sitting down and trying to remember what I packed for lunch. I empty what's in the bag. A container with vegetables in it that is supposed to be a salad, but a rushed one at that. There's also an orange and a bottle of water. I regret my stupid lunch packing skills when someone at the table next the us sits down with a slice of pizza. It's really the only thing that actually tastes good at the cafeteria, unless you would rather eat a couple soggy chicken fingers or a burnt muffin. Everybody loves the pizza, and I would have it everyday if not for the fact that I costs four dollars for one slice. I'm not sure anybody can afford to have that everyday.

"Mar? You in there?" Maren waves her hand in front of my face and snaps me out of my pizza trance.

"Uh yeah." I answer absentmindedly, glancing back over at the food on the other table that looks much better then mine. "Did you say something?"

"No." She says, smiling in amusement. "You just seemed distracted." She obviously wants an explanation.

I roll my eyes. "It's not what you think, I was just looking at the pizza." She arches an eyebrow, a common expression for her.

"What pizza? And can I have some?" Riley sits down across me and next to Maren smiling.

"There's no pizza, but apparently Marina was stalking a slice." Maren explains, taking a sandwich out of her lunch bag.

Riley turns her expression into one of mock disapproval. "Again, Mar?" She asks as if I had done it before. "You're gonna get a restraining order if you keep this up." She looks into her own bag and laughs as I flip her off.

Riley takes out her food, Maren and her diving into more conversation about more random things that don't concern my supposed pizza obsession. We go through the usual lunch routine, talking, eating, talking about classes, talking about teachers, mostly just talking and laughing. It's the same routine everyday since there's hardly enough time to drive anywhere for lunch, but I don't mind. Everyone needs something constant in their life, even if it's as little as having lunch with the same people. I guess I can't complain about the company either.

Suddenly, I feel the bench move underneath me, just for a moment before it settles again. When I look, I'm surprised to see someone sitting there. I'm about to greet them with an awkward 'hi' until I notice the curly mess of dark hair and bright green eyes.

"Hey." Joseph says, waving to my two best friends, who look a little startled at the new development. Riley quickly hides her surprise and greets him back, but Maren just looks on with curiosity. "Is it cool if I sit here?" He asks politely.

"Yeah, of course." Riley replies, looking slightly curious but masking it better than Maren who openly stares at Joseph. He seems unaware of her look, which is fortunate.

After a pause Riley starts talking again, and I hear Maren respond. I'm not listening though because now Joseph has turned his gaze to me and I'm too busy wracking my brain for something to say to pay attention to anything else.

"Hey." He says again. "I hope you don't mind that I came over here."

"Oh no, it's great." I reply, then inwardly cringe at my eagerness. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to notice and his lips just turn up into a bigger smile.

He stays silent for a couple seconds, like he's thinking about how to phrase something. Finally he says, "I'm assuming you know about the French test on Wednesday?"

"Yeah." I say nodding. "Why, do you need the study guide or something?"

"No, no. I have that." He replies quickly, shaking his head. "But I do have one problem." I raise my eyebrows as I notice his confident grin has disappeared, replaced by a more sheepish smile. He almost seems nervous, but that can't be right. "So, I hope this isn't asking too much, because you already taught me to skate and you tolerated me at the party..."

"What is it?" I ask, struggling to keep too much curiosity from my tone.

"Well about the review guide; I can't read it." He says, looking embarrassed.

"So... you want me to translate it for you?" I guess.

"Well, no." He scratches the back of his neck. "I mean, if I don't understand the review then how can I understand anything I'm supposed to study? I just- I know you're good at French and..." he trails off again.

"Just spit it out, Joseph." I say, laughing a little so it won't sound rude.

He raises his eyebrows. "Hm, demanding." He observes, although he seems more relaxed. "Okay, I wanted to ask you if you could come over to my place and maybe tutor me a little of you want." He looks at me hopefully then adds, "Please."

I chuckle. "Okay sure." He grins, looking relieved. "Why was that so hard for you to say?" I ask. By the way he was asking, I thought he was going to say something a little more extreme then studying.

Joseph sighs. "Well, I figured that you had already taught me how to skate and then we hung out at the party, and..." he trails off, back to his normal attitude now. "If it's any consolation, it sounded a lot better when I planned it in my head." He shrugs and I laugh. "So yeah, anyway, just meet me outside the school and I can give you a ride. Now that we've established I'm not a serial killer." I roll my eyes when he says the last part and he chuckles, both of us remembering the conversation from class.

"Oh wait." I say, suddenly remembering about Ella home alone. "You'll have to come over to my house because I need to cook supper." Honestly, Ella is old enough to be home alone, but mom gets home late today and I don't want her by herself the whole day.

"Ah, meeting the family already I see." He says smoothly, even winking at me at the end, causing my face to heat up.

"Only partially." I counter smiling.

"One step at a time Marina of the sea, we don't want to move too fast." He says. My eyebrows raise at his words and his grin increases. I don't know how to reply, but thankfully someone calls his name at another table. "Duty calls. See you later, Sea Queen." He gets up and smoothly steps over the bench, walking over to the table that called his name. I notice that John and Stanley sit there along with some other guys that I recognize as other hockey players.

I turn from the jock table to immediately be met by Riley and Maren, the latter blatantly staring at me, an obvious teasing smirk on her face. Riley at least tries to act casual about it, but her efforts are pointless.

"I knew it." Maren says. She leans forward, her half-eaten sandwich apparently forgotten. "I had suspicions at the party but now I know."

"He's a friend." I stress. Of course, Maren isn't fooled and rolls her eyes, while Riley sends me a sympathetic look but can't keep the smile from her face either.

"Nope, sorry Mar. That is incorrect." Maren says. I feel heat rise to my cheeks and silently pray it's not too noticeable. I suspect it is so I look down at the table.

"Did he call you 'Sea Queen'?" Riley asks, unable to keep herself out of this.

"It's a long story." I say, looking up and subjecting myself to the interrogation. I anxiously glance at the clock and see that there's still ten minutes left to lunch. I wish time would go faster.

"Oh, I bet it is." Maren drawls. I'm positive that the red on my face is noticeable now, if not attention grabbing.

There's silence for a second until Riley says, "Okay, so you like him." She points out the obvious. "Which isn't really unreasonable. I mean, just look at him. He's..." she trails off, they both turn to the table he's sitting at and I close my eyes as they make the most obvious display of watching someone ever.

"I think we should wave." Maren says. My eyes snap open.

"Do not." I warn, horrified. Riley bursts out laughing and I notice Maren's teasing smirk.

"Come on, I'm not crazy, 'Sea Queen'." She says, her voice going deeper at the nickname, which I think is supposed to be an impression of Joseph. Without thinking, I smile, earning another eye roll from Maren.

"You better like him a lot Marina, because I'm pretty sure that boy is ready for marriage." Riley chuckles. I roll my eyes, feeling more comfortable now that they have some of their focus off me.

"Haha." I say sarcastically. "Look, he just sees me as a friend." I explain, albeit a little disappointed.

"Right." Maren scoffs. "He was excited to meet your family. Face it Mar, he wants your kids."

"Okay, that's a little extreme." Riley interjects but Maren ignores her and keeps talking.

"He said he wants to take things slow, you taught him to skate- which we'll talk about later - he even has a freaking nickname for you!" She says. "How could you not know he has a thing for you?"

"He doesn't-"

"Shut up, yes he does." She interrupts. I sigh and roll my eyes, but she smirks, knowing she's won.

"Okay." I admit. "So what do I do now?" I ask, honestly needing help.

"Use protection." Riley says casually. My eyes widen and I can't help the shocked laugh that comes from my mouth. Meanwhile on the other side of the table, Maren has to spit out the piece of sandwich she had in her mouth to keep from choking on it. "I want to clarify that that was a joke." Riley says through laughter. "Don't do the nasty, Mar." I'm sure by now my face is beat red, but another laugh escapes me again anyway.

"Did you just call sex 'the nasty'?" Maren shakes her head, barely able to get the words out. "Who does that?"

"I can call it what I want." Riley shoots back, still chuckling.

"Marina, listen to me okay? Not her." Maren points at Riley, trying to be serious now but not quite managing to stop the laugh from reaching her voice. "She's clearly delusional."

"Hey, I said it was a joke!" Riley protests, Maren shakes her head disapprovingly, putting a hand in front of her face as if to silence her.

"Okay, this is what you do." She starts as Riley pushes her hand away.

"Yes Marina, listen to the voice of wisdom." She says sarcastically, rolling her eyes. I laugh and Maren sends us both glares of mock annoyance.

"What you do is you bring the boy to your house, you teach him French, get Ella's approval, then he leaves." She shrugs. "If he's really interested, he'll ask you out again."

"That simple huh?" I ask, arching an eyebrow.

Maren nods, sure of herself as always. "Alright, so I'm guessing you don't need a ride home now?" She asks.

"I guess not." I say, automatically glancing back at Joseph's table. It's at this point he decides to look up as well and excitedly waves when he sees me looking. I can't stop a smile from spreading across my face as I wave back and I turn back to the my food.

Maren smirks at me. "Ah, young love."

. . .

"I've always liked the colour red." Joseph muses as we hop out of his car. Of course, he's talking about the colour of my house. Honestly, I've never really liked the shade, it's a dark crimson with white trim, in my eyes it had never seemed light enough. Although, when I see Joseph grinning as we walk up to the door, I can help but think it may not be too bad.

"It must be fate." I joke, digging around in my bag for my keys.

"You believe in fate?" He asks me as I continue my struggle to locate the keys. They must be at the bottom. My eyebrows involuntarily pull together in confusion.

"Um, well I guess I don't know. It's just a thing people say." I reply, finally finding a keychain and pulling it out along with the rest of the set.

"Well I do." Joseph states as I unlock the door. "I don't think anything ever happens for no reason."

I shrug and push the door open, walking inside. "That's an interesting theory."

He arches an eyebrow. "So you don't believe in fate." He says.

If anyone else said that it would sound like an accusation, but he just says it friendly, like he's genuinely curious, which I guess is different. So when I answer, I'm not afraid I'll offend him.

"Maybe not." I admit. "But it's good that you do. Everyone has to believe in something." I hold out my hand to take his bag but he shakes his head and gestures for me to move on.

"So what do you believe in?" He asks. The floor changes from hardwood to ceramic as we cross into the kitchen. I don't respond right away, his question setting off something I never thought about before. What do I believe in?

"I don't know." I admit after a second.

"Give it time, you'll figure it out." Joseph says confidently, coaxing a smile out of me.

I don't give his question anymore thought as I pull out a chair at the kitchen table, the only place I've deemed study worthy at the moment since I don't really want to bring him up to my room.

"So this is where the magic happens." He says, gesturing dramatically to the table.

"I guess?" I laugh. We sit down and he pulls out his notes. He puts the review sheet on top and I giggle at huge question mark he has drawn over everything.

"So is there anything you know already?" I ask. His eyes light up and he confidently points to one of the sentences.

"I know what that means." He states proudly.

"Okay good, do you know any other sentences?"

His eyebrows furrow in confusion for a second before a light blush comes up on his cheeks, hardly noticeable because of his dark skin tone. "I meant that I know the word, not the whole thing." He says and I realize he was only pointing at one word not the whole question. He smiles tightly, clearly embarrassed.

"Oh sorry." I say, giving my best apologetic smile, but it's hard now that I'm starting to worry about how I'll be able to teach him two weeks worth of material in a matter of a few hours.

Before he can say anything else, I hear the unmistakable sound of a bus pulling up outside the house. Ella gets out of school only about fifteen minutes after me, which is pretty convenient. Joseph leans to the side so he can look out the window then turns to me.

"Is that your sister?" He asks.

"Yeah." I answer and watch her get off the bus, waving to somebody as she makes her way down the stairs. She's unsurprisingly popular at school.

I keep my eyes on her as she crosses the road and eventually makes her way to the walkway leading up to the door. Some may call me overprotective but I like to see it as as a healthy type of careful. She opens the door, that I purposely leave unlocked for her, and immediately spots me and Joseph in the kitchen.

"Hey El, how was your day?" I ask.

"Good I guess." She replies, shooting me a raised eyebrow and smirk as she obviously looks back and forth between Joseph and I.

"Do you want something to eat?" I ask, diverting her attention away from said boy.

"Sure." She says, then hastily adds, "Please."

I smile and get up, going for the strawberries in the fridge. I know she could get it herself, but I feel better when I do things like this for her. Like I can help her have the childhood I had instead of one with a mother who doesn't care and a grave to talk to instead of a dad. It's not a good reality, but I'll help anyway I can.

"Hi!" I hear Joseph speak up and turn around to see him reaching his hand out for her to shake. "I'm Joseph, and you are?"

Ella smiles cutely and puts her small hand into his larger one. She has a little farther to go until she dives into the wonderful world of being a hormonal adolescent, which I'm thankful for, but she still doesn't look like a little girl, even next to Joseph.

"Ella." She says, shaking his hand.

"It's very nice to meet you Ella, your sister was telling me about you." I roll my eyes as he winks at me but can't stop the smile on my face.

"Really?" Ella asks, her light eyebrows furrowing as she looks at me. She walks over and sits on the counter, right beside the fridge.

"I told him that you existed." I say, sending a look at Joseph as I pull the strawberries out of the fridge, along with the whipped cream. Ella grins when she sees the latter. "I didn't really go into details."

I put the strawberries on the cutting board and start to cut the leaves off them, knowing Ella hates having it there. She gets bored of watching me and hops off the counter, ambling towards the table.

"What are you guys doing?" She asks, peering down at the papers covering the wooden surface.

"Marina is teaching me French." Joseph replies, looking down at the notes also, mimicking her confused expression. She started French in grade four but she is still only learning the basics.

"Gross." Ella says, wrinkling her nose.

"Right?" Joseph shakes his head and I roll my eyes at both of them.

"French is actually supposed to be easier then English." I say, starting to put the fruit in a bowl.

"Yeah well you're a nerd." Ella replies. I send her a mock glare and I can see Joseph trying not to laugh.

"You better watch what you say, she has a knife you know." He warns from the table. Ella widens her eyes jokingly and I laugh, going back to getting her snack ready, putting lots of whipped cream on top of the strawberries. In my mind, the berries cancel out the unhealthiness of the cream so technically it's a balanced meal.

She takes the bowl just after I finish and smiles up at me. "Thanks Mar, love you!" She says, already halfway out of the kitchen. "See ya Joseph." She adds as she passes him quickly.

"Bye, nice meeting you." He smiles kindly. I hear Ella go up the steps and I put away everything I had out. Once that's done I go back over to Joseph and sit down, more focused now that I know there won't be anymore distractions.

"Alright, shall we?"

He grins. "We shall."

I start with the fist question which translates to 'how old are you?' Pretty basic stuff really. It turns out that Joseph knows about one word in that sentence so I try to explain what each word is as best I can. By the blank look on his face, I'm not sure it works. Next, we go over sentence structure and I show him how how to properly answer a question. We go through the whole review guide like this and I'm relieved when we circle back to the first one and he actually has some clue on what it means and how to answer it. Teaching him also helped me remember too so I guess we both benefitted.

"Alright, I think you've got it down." I say proudly once we've gone through every question twice. Joseph beams with pride and holds up his hand for a high five. I roll my eyes but do it anyway.

"Looks like you're better at giving French lessons than skating ones." He says smirking. I notice his teeth are perfectly straight and white against his darker skin tone. His emerald green eyes match the brightness of his smile with a playful glint of their own.

"We're gonna ace this test!" He says excitedly, then seems to reconsider. "Well, you're going to ace it and I'm not going to fail!" He corrects. I laugh at his enthusiasm.

"You're going to do great." I tell him, smiling encouragingly. He shocks me when he sobers up and looks in my eyes seriously.

"All because of you." He says, surprising me by wrapping his arms around me in a hug. He's just full of surprises today. At first I remain still, not sure what to do. Then I gingerly wrap my arms around him and pat him on the back. "Thank you, Marina." He says earnestly.

I jump back as I hear a car door slam outside, when I look out the window I see mom coming in. I turn my head to the clock on the stove. It's only 5:00, she shouldn't even be home. I rush over to the table and hurriedly try to pile up all the papers, knowing mom won't like to see the kitchen table in this state. Joseph unquestioningly jumps to help me, most likely sensing the urgent situation.

"Is that your mom?" He asks as I hold open a binder for him to stuff some notes in. He does so and I nod but don't say anything. He doesn't ask anything else.

Mom comes in through the door just as we put the last piece of paper into the book and close it. She kicks off her shoes.

"Hey, I thought you were supposed to be home later?" I ask tightly.

"Boss let us off early." She replies. She takes off her coat and looks in my direction, her eyes narrowing when she sees Joseph. "Who's this?" I can tell by her tone that she's in no mode for introductions, but of course, Joseph just smiles and starts to walk over.

"Hi, I'm Joseph! Nice-"

"Marina?" She interrupts him, setting me with a hard look.

I grab his arm and pull him back before he can take another step. "He was just here to study and actually on the way out."

Joseph nods to her, sensing that arguing would not turn out well here, but when he looks at me, confusion and concern are portrayed in his eyes. "Sorry." I whisper. "We should pack up your stuff." I say louder so mom can hear.

He grabs his binder off the table and fumbles with stuffing it in his School bag, giving mom a chance to continue our lovely conversation. "You never asked if you could have a friend over." She says accusingly.

"Well, I didn't think it would matter since you were supposed to get home later and he would have been gone." I'm not usually one to back down from mom, but I don't really want to fight right now with Joseph next to me and Ella just upstairs.

"So you were planning to hide this from me?" She folds her arms on front of her and steps into the kitchen.

I'm about to reply but Joseph steps out from behind me, putting his body slightly between my mother and I. "It's my fault Miss Teressa. I practically begged Marina to help me with this and she was kind enough to teach me for a couple of hours, so don't blame her." He apologizes.

Mom's eyebrows raise in surprise at the scene. "Oh don't worry, I'm not just blaming Marina." She says coldly. I see Joseph tense up and quickly put a hand on his arm so he'll look down at me.

"You should go." I say quietly so only he'll hear. He shakes his head stubbornly.

"I don't think I should leave you with-"

"I'll be fine." I assure him, although my heart does warm at the thought of him wanting to protect me, even though it's not necessary. He clenches his jaw for a second and I can tell he's debating wether to argue with me. "Go."

He takes a breath and with one last look, he grabs his bag and walks out of the kitchen. I follow him out and grab his coat for him off the hanger by the door. He takes it from me a little roughly, his face uncharacteristically angry. But I can tell he's not angry at having to go, he's mad at how my mother is talking to me.

"Alright well, see you." I say, prompting his leave.

"Thanks again." He says opening the door. He casts one more look at my mom before leaning down and kissing my forehead. I let him. I don't know what this is, but I don't want to ruin it. He pulls back and whispers, "Be careful." Then he's gone, leaving me stunned.

I turn back to my mother who was silently watching the exchange, a scowl on her face. "So, is that your boyfriend or something?" She asks, but her voice sounds like a growl.

"I don't know, but I don't see why you would care." I snap, having less reservations about what I say now that he's gone. I'm still holding my tongue a little though because of Ella.

"I care because I don't want strange people coming into my house." She retorts. I roll my eyes and walk over to the fridge to get some ingredients for supper. "Don't roll your eyes at me young lady." She warns.

"Well it's too late now isn't it?" I take out what I need and slam the fridge door a little harder then necessary, I don't care though.

She snorts. "You always were the mouthy one." She says. I clench my jaw to keep from replying too loud.

"I wonder where I got that from." I mutter under my breath. She still hears me and comes up next to me.

"You should watch what you say or that boyfriend of yours might not be allowed to come back."

"You make it seem like he was allowed here in the first place." I scoff. If someone could chop lettuce angrily I'd be doing it.

"Well maybe if you had asked-"

"If I had asked the answer would still be the same." I interrupt before she can try to tell me otherwise. I don't look at her behind me. I don't want to see the detachment in her eyes. To her, this argument doesn't even matter, she probably won't even remember it in the morning.

I need to get the salad spinner bowl thing, but she leans on the cupboard it's in. I stand in front of her for a second before she makes it obvious I have to tell her. "I need a bowl." I get out through clenched teeth.

"Get it then."

I sigh heavily, rolling my eyes at her pettiness. I desperately wish she would go back to the way she was before dad died, if not for me then for Ella. I look at her, senselessly searching for a fragment of something in her expression that tells me she's still in there. Her eyes are cold and hard, like steel. I find nothing.

"You know what? Everyone else has come to terms that he's gone, you should too." I whisper bitterly. The words shock her. She blinks at me, I see something flicker in her eyes for a second but she hides it as soon as it comes. She's an expert at putting up the mask now anyway.

"Oh, I came to terms with that a long time ago." She growls. "I'm doing what he would want. Working, raising two of you the best I can."

"Right." I resort to pushing past her to open the cupboard. I find the bowl after a bit of fumbling, my fuming emotions making my movements fast and more uncontrolled then I would like.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mom challenges once I stand up straight again. "I'm raising you guys the way he would have wanted."

I slam the bowl down hard on the counter, making her flinch. "Dad would have wanted you to treat us like shit?" I snap, but quickly lower my voice. Useless really, Ella has probably caught on by now anyway.

She stares at me, silently fuming in her own little world of ignorance. I stare back, forcing myself to look into her eyes, full of hurt and anger. I'm not fooled. She's not hurt by what I said, she probably didn't even comprehend it.

"Ella is twelve. She needs more then a sister right now." I plead anyway. "She needed more then a sister two years ago. Where were you?"

Mom clenches her jaw and I can almost see her pushing my words away. "I was right here, Marina." She practically shouts.

"No you weren't." I whisper tersely, my voice threatening to break.

She snorts. "Why are you even pretending to keep this from her?" She gestures wildly in the general direction of Ella room. "You think she doesn't know? She's not a little girl anymore, she can handle it!"

"She shouldn't have to!" My voice finally rises to a strangled shout. I feel my heart beat, pounding faster with every second I struggle to keep my temper back. We haven't gotten into an argument like this since a few months back, things got ugly and I eventually took Ella and left, coming back a few hours later when we were sure Mom had fallen asleep.

"Yeah, well life isn't just sunshine and rainbows is it?" She spits. She steps closer, I can see the age in her face. Dark circles under her eyes and frown lines in the corners of her mouth. I'm taller then her by about two inches, but I feel like a little girl now. Funny how just a look can do that.

I'm about to fire back when I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. A wisp of auburn hair. Ella looks on from the kitchen doorway, her lips pressed into a tight line, her wide eyes sad and pleading.

Immediately the fight goes out of me, replaced by guilt and shame. This doesn't usually happen, and I scold myself for not being able to control my emotions better then this. She almost never catches us like this, but the few times she has kills me. She's had to grow up fast for her age. My head pounds as my anger ebbs away, and I look back on the fight with regret.

Without a word, I brush past Mom and sweep into the porch, putting on my shoes and throwing Ella a pair of her sneakers and a sweater. I can't trust my temper to remain level if I'm around Mom, and I won't leave Ella with her either.

"What, are you running away now?" Mom taunts. You'd think she'd leave it alone now.

"Oh shut up." I spit. I usher Ella outside and slam the door. Thankfully, I remembered to grab my car keys before I stormed out, because it would be more then a little embarrassing to have to go back in for them.

Ella jumps in the car and I drive, both of us silent. It's not awkward silence though, mostly just relieved to get out of there. I don't know where I plan on taking her, but when I notice the emptiness in my stomach, I pull into a McDonald's and grab my wallet. She orders a six piece nugget meal and I have a Big Mac.

"I'm sorry." I say once we sit down. I've spent this entire time trying to figure out what to say to her and that is the only thing I could come up with.

"I know." She replies, slowly chewing on a fry. "You don't have to be. I would've lost it too." She shrugs and I shake my head.

"That's a lie." I say, she smiles. She's too calm to ever lose her temper as quick as I did and too kind to say the things I said. She's really too good to be living the way she is, and I feel partially at fault for my contribution in the arguing, even though I know she would never want me to feel that way.

"Seriously, I didn't mean for it to go that way. I wish you didn't have to hear that." I sigh, guilt gnawing at the pit of my stomach.

"It's really fine and like Mom said, I can handle it." She says which just makes my heart sink deeper. "Anyway, so what? Mom was moody, what's new?" She smirks.

I smile, thankful she's not one to hold grudges, but still feeling guilty. "I'll tell you what is new." She continues as I take a bite of my burger. "What's going on with you and 'tall, dark, and handsome'?" She waggles her eyebrows at me and I nearly choke on my food, making her laugh.

"Okay, where did you get that from?" I ask, shocked at her title for Joseph.

"Don't change the subject." She says, a knowing smile on her face.

I roll my eyes but feel heat rush to my cheeks anyway. "I don't know." I admit, taking another bite of my food to hopefully hide some of the blush.

"Oh, I do." She says, grinning.

"Oh my god! You're too young for this." I laugh, exasperated. "Since when did you become so invested in my love life?"

"Since you actually got one."

"I don't have one." I protest. I glare at her and she smirks. I start to think she might be spending too much time with Maren.

"You're blushing." She teases.

"I'm aware." I grumble. She giggles and a reluctant smile breaks out on my face. A lot of times she seems older then she is, so I'm glad for the times I spend with her when she reminds me of a happy girl that isn't too grown up. I would do anything for her wide brown eyes to be filled with innocence instead of sharp wisdom.

We continue to finish our meals, sometimes silent, sometimes talking, it doesn't really matter. We leave to restaurant and drive back home, where mom is unsurprisingly in her room.

"Thanks for supper, Mar." Ella says once we're upstairs and ready for bed.

"No problem." I reply, wrapping an arm around her and kissing the top of her head. "Night El." I say when she stops at her room.

"Goodnight Marina. Love you."

I smile. "Love you too."

I walk to my room which is between hers and the bathroom, I also have to pass Mom's room on the way. I don't know what I listen for, certainly not crying or an apology. I hear nothing.

I go to my room and get in bed. Ella may not have all the support she needs, but she has me, and that's whole lot better than nothing. I don't know if Mom will ever come around again, but until she does, me and El have each other. I think I need her as much as she needs me.


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