Guys, thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. They're the best distraction ever! On the topic of distractions, I really should be writing that pesky paper for science class now, but whatever. You guys rock.
JAMonMyToast – Be afraid. Be very afraid. But not too afraid. I'm not that cruel a person.
Bingbangboom714 – Thanks for the help anyways, and thanks for your prediction. I'm not going to say you're right, and I'm not going to say you're wrong, but you're less off than you think you are…
Iheartstanley – What kind of a person do you think I am? I'm leaving that a maybe just to torture you! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!
Inherently Flawed – To be quite honest, I'm curious as well. I have the idea, but I don't know what it looks like on paper yet.
DragonWingedHanyou - You listened to me (thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for that) and now I am listening to you. Trust me, there will be more Kelly in this fic, and you'll get some Pam eventually…NOOOOOOOOO MINE! Lipstick. Lipstick. Lipstick. There we go.
In this chapter, I bring in Jan, so I'm just going to put spaces into her email address to make it not an email address anymore. Hopefully that'll work.
I own nothing in this story, unfortunately.
EMAILS SENT 9/9/08 (cont.)
To: Jan (Jan serenity .com)
From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)
Subject: Sorry
Time: 12:30 pm
Hey, Jan, it's Michael. You sounded upset over the phone. I mean, I'm pretty sure I heard something break, but…it's okay. I'm sorry I left the cap off the peanut butter this morning.
XOXO
Michael
To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)
From: Jan (Jan serenity .com)
Subject: RE: Sorry
Time: 12:35 pm
Michael:
Never sign an email like that again. Are you alone in your office? I want to talk to you again. And when did that become your email address?
Jan
To: Jan (Jan serenity .com)
From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)
Subject: RE: RE: Sorry
Time: 12:38 pm
Well, after the website was temporarily shut down because of the whole Ryan thing, I just decided to let everyone in the office assign their own email addresses, to boost morale. Mine's the best, of course, because Kelly said "this is so hard" and that's where I got the idea from.
And about the alone-in-the-office thing, yeppers.
Michael
To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)
From: Jan (Jan serenity .com)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Sorry
Time: 12:47 pm
What did I tell you about yeppers?
To: Jim (JHalpert)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: 4 hours
Time: 1:00 pm
Halpert:
Fact: You have 4 hours to give me your testimony or I will report you to Michael and have you demoted or fired.
Dwight Shrute, actual Assistant Regional Manager.
To: Pam (BeezNeez)
From: Jim (JHalpert)
Subject: Miss you
Time: 1:10 pm
Pam,
I know I wrote two hours ago, but it's 1pm on Tuesday and you haven't responded to a single call, text, or email. Dwight says I have to give him my report on the last time I saw you. I still think he's being a Class A Moron, but I'm getting worried about you. I might actually tell him about our phone call before you had to leave and go to your friend's place. Then again, it's Dwight, so I probably won't.
Speaking of Dwight, he's been acting really weird lately. He keeps looking at Andy over his glasses and muttering things. I can't exactly make it out, but he's angry.
Oh my God, Kelly just answered the phone as Bridget Jones again. Her fake British accent is horrible. Please come back. I know you'll only be back for a week or two, but please.
Love,
Jim
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Jim (JHalpert)
Subject: RE: 4 hours
Time: 1:15 pm
Dwight,
I still don't think that firing me is in your power. But if you have to know, we talked on the phone on Friday. That's it.
Jim
To: Jim (JHalpert)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE: RE: 4 hours
Time: 1:17 pm
Halpert:
Right. I'll believe that when I believe what you said about bears breaking into offices to steal beet wine. Also Known As: Never.
Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Jim (JHalpert)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: 4 hours
Time: 1:20 pm
1. That is what happened. We talked on the phone, and then she had to go. That's it.
2. Bears do break into offices to steal beet wine. Haven't you noticed that there's les of it in the fridge today then there was yesterday?
3. To the.
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Andy (Treblemaker3000)
Subject: (no subject)
Time: 2:00 pm
My flower,
That was weird. I found staples in my sandwich! What do you think happened?
Love,
Andy
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Angela (AngelaMartin)
Subject: Andy
Time: 2:05 pm
Andy found staples in his sandwich. Do you know anything about this?
Angela
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE: Andy
Time: 2:28 pm
Monkey:
Of course I do. I put them there. It's the only way. We have to get him out of the picture.
Love,
Dwight
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Angela (AngelaMartin)
Subject: RE: RE: Andy
Time: 2:23 pm
Dwight:
Elevators. Now.
Angela
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE:RE:RE: Andy
Time: 2:45 pm
Monkey:
I know what I'm doing. Do you really want to become Angela Bernard?
Love,
Dwight
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Angela (AngelaMartin)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy
Time: 2:50 pm
Dwight:
Of course not, Dwight, but you can't murder Andy.
Angela
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy
Time: 2:51 pm
Monkey:
I'm sure he'd do the same to me if the roles were reversed. Actually, maybe he wouldn't, and that just proves I love you more. Do you have a better idea?
Love,
Dwight
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Angela (AngelaMartin)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy
Time: 2:57 pm
Dwight:
No, but murder is a sin. I have to get out of this on my own.
Angela
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy
Time: 3:00 pm
Monkey:
Isn't cheating a sin too? And you seemed to have no problem with that.
Dwight
To: Jim (JHalpert)
From: Kelly (AngelFace25)
Subject: OMG!!
Time: 3:05 pm
OMG!! JIM!! Did you see that? I can not believe that Angela just walked up and slapped Dwight like that! OMG!!
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: What was that for?
Time: 3:06 pm
You know I find it rather attractive when you slap me, but that was not the kind of slap I like. Do you want my help or not?
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Angela (AngelaMartin)
Subject: RE: What was that for?
Time: 3:10 pm
Dwight:
Fine, I do want your help. You have no idea how hard it was for me to admit that. But it's even harder knowing that I have committed sin. Well, I guess once you start down that slippery path, there's no turning back. I mean, look at Pam. She starts sleeping around, next thing you know she's run off to who-knows-where.
Angela
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE: RE: What was that for?
Time: 3:14 pm
Monkey:
So, are you saying I can put the plan into action?
Love,
Dwight
To: Dwight (Battlestar51)
From: Angela (AngelaMartin)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: What was that for?
Time: 3:20 pm
Okay.
To: Angela (AngelaMartin)
From: Dwight (Battlestar51)
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: What was that for?
Time: 3:25 pm
Great. Could you get me some arsenic? I've never committed a murder before. Maybe I should ask Creed…
To: Pam (BeezNeez)
From: Jim (JHalpert)
Subject: …?
Time: 5:00 pm
Pam,
It's five o'clock. I'm stopping by to see if you're okay. I miss you.
Love,
Jim
Please review. I need reviews in my inbox to compensate for the practice test I have to take at 9AM (!) tomorrow. It should be illegal to get out of bed before 8 on Saturdays, especially when you wake up before 6 on weekdays, but try telling that to the test prep people. But I was warned that this year would suck, so I guess it's kind of my fault. Anyway, please review!
