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Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter Seven - The Revelatory Road
"Veronica. Veronica!" Her father apparently had been trying to get her attention for a while.
"Oh, sorry, Dad." She shook her head slightly and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "Still a little out of it. I think I'm not fully recovered from the trip."
Keith walked out of of his office and leaned on the wall next to Veronica's desk.
"Hmmm. You do look tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest. I'll pick up dinner and meet you there later, after my appointment." He turned back into his office, picking up a stack of photos and files from his desk.
Veronica smiled. "Appointment? Is that what we call our special stakeout times in front of the Camelot now?"
"Hey, it's not at the Camelot, thank you very much." Keith loaded up his briefcase and threw a sardonic glance her way. "Are you disparaging the professionalism of our noble vocation?"
"Never," she joked. "You want to call them 'appointments.' That works for me. Tomato, tomahto."
"Seriously, go home. Get some rest. That," he waved his hand toward the overflowing mound of paperwork on her desk. "can wait until tomorrow."
"Tempting, very tempting," she said over a yawn. "But, I need to stay and finish up these invoices." Her tone quickly turned playful. "Apparently they haven't been touched in eight weeks."
Keith kissed her forehead and walked toward the door. "Don't think your dedication isn't going unnoticed by the boss. I hear you're in the running for employee of the month." He looked more serious than his words indicated. She smiled and made a shooing gesture. Keith stopped halfway through the door. "But, seriously Veronica, go home. I'll meet you there in a few hours."
"Alright. Soon. Bye. Be careful."
Veronica had been back in Neptune for two days, but hadn't found her rhythm yet. Her emotions were still unsettled. Probably because she hadn't seen Logan yet; not for a lack of trying on her part, though.
Flashback
"Hey." Background noise threatened to drown out his voice, but she was pretty sure he had answered with "Hey, there."
"Veronica, you're back?" He sounded out of breath.
"Yeah, I just got in." She paused feeling a little nervous. "I was thinking I could come over later tonight. I really want ..."
"I can't tonight. I wanna see you. But, I ... I can't tonight."
"Oh, o.k. That's alright. Short notice and all."
"No, it's not that. We're just working around the clock to get everything ready ... wait, hold on ..."
Veronica heard him direct someone to the back of the store with a delivery.
"O.k., I'm back. Sorry about that. It's just ... I do want to see you. You know that, right?"
"Sure. Of course." She sounded disappointed, even to herself.
"We're still on for Saturday?" Apparently this fundraiser was an even bigger deal than she realized.
"Yeah. But, I was hoping I could see you before then."
"I know. Me, too."
Neither spoke for a few moments. It wasn't uncomfortable, but Veronica was glad that he was the first to break the silence. "I guess you finally saw the back of your locket."
"Yeah," she whispered. "I did."
"We need to talk."
She could tell he was smiling as he spoke.
"We do." She knew she sounded girly and breathless, but for once, she didn't care.
"I have an idea."
Veronica smiled. She'd grown to love his ideas.
End Flashback
The office phone rang shrilly, shaking her out of her thoughts of Logan.
"Mars Investigations," she said with her best quasi-professional voice.
"Hi, honey. Can you help me with something?" Keith sounded harried and definitely in need of her help.
"Sure, what do you need?"
"I need the schematic for the Haines warehouse and it's not in the file. Could you print another one and bring it to me? I can't leave."
"You know, Dad, we really need to get you into the digital age. If you would just go wireless with the rest of the population, I could send this to you ..."
"Yeah, yeah. Less talk, more action."
"Hold on." She mumbled about how fathers who need help really shouldn't snap at their daughters as she walked into his office.
Scrolling through his computer files, Veronica was just about to tell him she couldn't find the schematic when she saw something that caught her eye. She picked up the phone in his office.
"Uh, Dad, I'll keep looking and bring it to you when I find it. O.k.? Gotta go."
She didn't wait for him to respond before she hung up.
What is going on? Veronica had inadvertently opened a file in her father's "old cases" folder on his desktop. The file name was "Happening." There were surveillance and meeting notes and some photos, but one photo, in particular, was what caught her attention.
It was you. She sat down in her father's chair and stared at the photo of Logan and her on the beach; the photo that now she realized her father had left in her bag.
The next hour flew by as she pieced together her Dad's role in the photo mystery and possibly in the budding friendship and potential relationship between Logan and her. There were still some holes, but it appeared that Logan had come to him before he bought the surf shops. He wanted to be sure of the employees and owners before he invested.
Smart. Veronica wanted to be angry that Logan hadn't come to her, but he'd explained already that he hadn't wanted her to know until he was sure it would be a doable project for him. I guess I have to give Logan a pass for that one.
Then, periodically, her father looked in to the backgrounds of teens and parents, often uncovering abuse and neglect. He also made personal notations about changes he saw in Logan.
Dec. 14 - He works through decisions now. Not as rash or volatile. He didn't go after Rob's Dad - came to me instead.
There weren't any notes about the photo he took of them on the beach that day, two years ago. But, there was a case notation at the bottom of the photo file. She cross-referenced it and found that he'd been doing surveillance at the beach that day. He must've seen them, and for some reason taken this photo.
Why? And what has he been up to since?
The outer door in the office opened and Veronica didn't move. She didn't close the computer or even try to cover her tracks. She just stared at the photo on the screen.
"O.k., I realize I'm not paying you that much, but seriously, I waited more than an hour and still ..." Keith walked into his office and his irritated tone changed suddenly when he saw her face. "Veronica? What's wrong?"
She looked up and slowly stood behind the desk. "I ... I don't even know where to begin."
"Hey, what happened?" Keith walked around the desk, but stopped abruptly. He reached out to her when he saw the photo on his screen.
"No, don't. Not yet, Dad." She stepped away and turned toward him with her fighting face on. "What's going on?"
"Let's sit down and talk. This isn't what it looks like."
"Well, that's a relief, because it looks like my father has been spying on me for months ... no, make that years." She was livid and knew her voice was too loud and her mannerisms too wild, but she just didn't care.
"No. No. That's not what this is." He pointed toward the outer office as he moved in that direction. "Please, Veronica, just hear me out."
She followed him into the main office and sat next to him on the couch. "Alright, I'm here. Now explain." Keith was the only person in her life who would receive this much tolerance after being caught in such a violation of her privacy. Had anyone else spied on her in this way ... well, she was pretty sure there wouldn't be anything left to sit next to at this point.
"Let's start with the photo."
"Yes, let's do that."
He frowned at her sarcasm, but continued. "It really was innocent." She scoffed, but he pressed on undeterred. "It was. I was working on that corporate espionage case out of San Diego. I ended up at Dog Beach that afternoon, testing my new lens, and saw you and Logan."
He paused and Veronica jumped in. "Yeah, well I could see you shooting a photo of your daughter and her boyfriend, but why all the subterfuge? Why not just give me the photo then, or at least tell me you saw us? Instead, you leave that photo in my bag, more than a year after it was taken, like some creepy stalker. Why would you do that?"
"Honestly, I don't know. When I saw you two that day, I felt like I was intruding. There was such an intimacy with you and Logan. I guess I just wasn't prepared to see that. It was unsettling and I just ... You had been through all the horror of ... well, you had had a tough summer. And, seeing how close you and Logan had become was a little hard for me."
She still looked angry and mildly confused, but nodded for him to continue.
"It broke my heart a little because ... well, there was something so intense between you two. Back then, I knew you couldn't handle it. You two broke up, for good that time. And then, you were with Piz. I actually never planned to do anything with the photo. I mostly forgot about it until about a week before I put it in your bag."
"O.k., let's deal with that then," Veronica asked pointedly. "Why anonymously put it in my bag? Why didn't you just give it to me?"
"This is where it gets complicated."
She rolled her eyes and huffed in frustration. "Yeah, I bet."
"I'm assuming you saw in the case file that Logan hired me to do some work for him."
She nodded.
"When I talked to you about regret before you left last summer, part of what I was thinking about was this photo. I was thinking about your Mom and well, I just didn't want you to ever be in the place she ended up, with so much regret."
"Dad." She was floored and having difficulty taking it all in. "I ... I can't believe you never told me any of this."
"You weren't ready to hear any of this yet, Veronica." He looked at her somberly. "But one day, I realized that you were. And, I knew that if he was the one - the way it looked to me in the photo - then you deserved to see that. You had worked so hard to change the course of your life. I just wanted you to see him and you, together like that, objectively. And then, you could make that decision for yourself."
Veronica leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. Keith put his arm on the back of the couch and continued.
"So, I printed the photo and left it in your bag. I hoped it would take you on a journey to find what you really wanted."
"But, why leave this mystery for me to solve. Why not just tell me, Dad? Or show me the photo?"
"This was a mystery that only you could solve." He looked at her as if his logic should be blatantly obvious to her. "If I'd tried to tell you all of this, I don't think you could've heard me. Not then."
She was trying to understand why he did what he did and not feel manipulated, but ...
"Logan has been on somewhat of a journey, too, you know." Keith smiled gently.
She looked at him curiously.
"He came to see me last fall. He asked for my advice about some details for his new business, and I did some background checks for him. But, I think he really wanted to talk about you."
That caught her attention. She started to interrupt, but he continued.
"He apologized for not being what you needed in the past. He told me that you two were friends and really working on your friendship. I think he could tell I didn't really believe him, but he insisted that ..." Keith grasped her hands in his. "He told me how sorry he was for the things he put you through in high school, and for scaring you with the whole freaking out and breaking things in our living room."
She didn't mean to, but smiled at that memory. That incident actually seemed like a lifetime ago.
"The thing is, Veronica, I eventually did believe him. He told me that he was determined to be the friend you deserved and hoped that I could feel comfortable with him in your life again." He shook his head and smiled at the memory. "It was definitely unexpected."
She nodded, rubbing her hands over her eyes, showing how emotionally and physically tired she was.
"I got to know him then, really know him. He's grown up a lot, honey. I guess I started seeing some of what you must've seen in him at times." His tone lightened. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually kinda like the kid now."
Laughing, Keith looked at Veronica again, but his smile faded when he saw that she wasn't enjoying his humor. He clicked into his summary mode.
"Look, there's no big conspiracy here. I found the photo again when I was clearing out some files and I realized that maybe you two really had something special. I also realized that maybe my lack of support hadn't helped. I don't think it was any secret that I hadn't been a fan while you were dating." He raised his eyebrows at her seeming to ask if she agreed.
Veronica rolled her eyes and nodded.
"You'd been working on so many things, and Logan had worked on himself, too. You both were just in such a better place. I guess I just wanted you to have a chance to think about what you would want if you could have a 'do over.' Does that make sense?"
"Dad, I don't see how ..."
"I wasn't gonna push you. I thought that if you saw what I saw in that photo, and if it matched what was happening between the two of you, well ... I didn't want you to have any regrets. And, I guess I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I only want you to be happy. I know you've had your issues, but ..." He got up, walked back into his office and picked up his laptop. He brought it back to Veronica and pointed at the screen. "You look happy, Veronica. You just look so happy."
She stared at the screen and didn't even notice her hand tracing the edge of the photo, down Logan's face.
"We were, Dad. We were really happy. But, I couldn't see it then. I was still so ..."
"You were healing. You were broken. It's o.k. to say it." He watched her fight the tears in her eyes, but kept talking. "You're the strongest person I know, Veronica. I think you've always been. And, that used to scare me a little."
She looked up at him then and smiled. "A little?"
"O.k., a lot." He laughed and set the computer down on the coffee table. "I've never been prouder of you, though, than I've been watching you grow through that hurt, brokenness and pain to find your way to where you are now."
"Dad." She stood up and hugged him. "I love you, you know."
"Yeah, I do."
"I'm not saying that I'm 100 percent o.k. with how you went about this, but I trust your heart. So, next time, and I really hope there isn't a next time, just give me the freaking photo. You've driven me crazy for months with this mystery."
VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM
Too flashy. Not flashy enough. To trashy. Not ... oh, good Lord. Why is the perfect dress so hard to find?
Probably because you waited until the day before you need it. It's official. I've lost my mind. I'm now talking myself and answering my own questions.
It has to be spectacular. She'd told Logan that her dress was "spectacular." That's all she would tell him during their latest fireside chat, as he had called them this week. That was his idea of how they could spend time together - special phone conversations each night.
She loved their talks, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't been disappointed that he hadn't made more of an effort to see her. She knew he was busy, but ... well, even more reason to blow his mind tomorrow with an amazing dress.
She flipped through another rack of dresses, prepared to turn them all down until she spotted ... the one.
Finding a formal gown that was appropriate for an evening event at the beach was much more difficult than she imagined. But, this ... this might just be it.
It was strapless and very short. Much shorter than she would normally go for, but this was a special event. The bodice was a little deeper than mint green and had a metallic copper cummerbund that she knew would draw the eye to her tiny waist. From the cummerbund to the hem, a light overlay with gold and copper designs completed the color palette. It was unexpected and exquisite. Veronica cringed as she picked up the price tag.
No price. Not a good sign.
She found a salesclerk who happily told her that the dress was $450. Veronica's heart sank. "Oh, but all of our dresses are 40 percent off this weekend, so you're in luck."
She wanted to do a cartwheel, but opted for a demure, "That's great. Thank you" instead. Clutching the dress to her chest, Veronica almost skipped to the dressing room.
It's perfect. The skirt portion had just a little flounce to it, and with the color combination, it seemed appropriately "beachy." The bodice, however, was skin tight. That coupled with the fact that it hit her about mid-thigh made this dress ultra sexy. She loved it. Logan would love it.
Strappy metallic heels and an elegant clutch rounded out her purchases, and Veronica headed home, mentally listing all the ways she would cut corners in the coming months to pay for the ensemble.
Logan had told her he wouldn't be able to call Friday night, so she decided to have an uncharacteristically long, girly night. She loved a little pampering every now and then, but three hours of bubble bathing, nail buffing and polishing, eyebrow shaping and skin exfoliating left her feeling overly decadent and completely exhausted.
She was just drifting off to sleep when she heard her phone chirp with a text message.
"I've missed you even more than I'd miss the ocean. Tomorrow can't come fast enough. 'Night, Ronnie. Love, L"
Veronica smiled sleepily and curled back into her bed, already dreaming of seeing him the next day. Her last conscious thoughts were of mint green dresses, crashing waves, sultry kisses and the man she could now see she loved. I'm such a girl, she joked as she slipped into sleepy oblivion.
VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM
"Wow. Honey, you look stunning," Keith whistled to emphasize his point.
She twirled around dramatically. "Thank you, thank you. I'd like to thank all the little people who made this night possible."
"Uh, Veronica, you do realize that you saying 'little people' is the height of irony?"
"I'm in such a good mood that not even short jokes will get to me, Pops."
Veronica checked the clock - 6:55. Looking in the bathroom mirror one more time, she dabbed on a bit more gloss and smoothed a few flyaway hairs from the tendrils and her loose, "formal ponytail," as she called it.
A sharp knock on the door pulled her away from the mirror. O.k.,Veronica,showtime.
She walked into the living room expecting to see Logan talking with her Dad. Instead, she saw her father talking to ... not Logan.
"Uh, who is this?" She stared in confusion at the tuxedo-clad man.
"Veronica, this is George, your driver." Keith smirked, enjoying her discomfort and confusion a bit more than she thought he should've been.
She noticed the driving cap tucked under George's arm. "I'm sorry, who are you? Where's Logan?"
"Mr. Echolls asked me to escort you to the fundraiser, Miss Mars."
She smiled and shrugged at her Dad. "He always was a little over-the-top. O.k., George, let's get going before Cinderella turns into a pumpkin."
She tried to calm herself during the short drive to the surf shop. I would've fought this and hated it a year or so ago. But now, she just wanted to enjoy the romance of being whisked away by limousine to meet him at the beach. It was whimsical and fun. O.k., and a little decadent and frivolous.
But, I'm just gonna go with it. As long as he doesn't make a habit of this, she laughed to herself.
Veronica's mouth fell open as they drove into The Green Room parking lot. The beach was lit up with more twinkle lights than she'd ever seen - even at Christmas. There were rows and rows of canopies and cabanas. The beach in front of the surf shop was completely transformed. It was magical, beautiful and more romantic than anything she'd ever seen. Logan had really outdone himself.
Her door opened suddenly and George extended his hand, helping her exit the limo. "Welcome to 'An Enchanted Evening,' Miss Mars."
"Thank you, George, for everything," she answered breathlessly. "Where's Logan?"
"He asked that you walk toward the water. He'll find you."
She smirked at him, mulling over his mysterious instructions. She shook her head as she walked toward the beach. What are you up to, Logan? Veronica smiled and slipped off her heels as she hit the sand.
"Walk toward the water, huh?" she said under her breath as she navigated through a sea of party-goers.
Distant lights in the ocean caught her attention, enthralling her. She couldn't help herself at that point and kept walking toward the edge of the water. The combination of waves crashing and bright lights bobbing mesmerized her.
"How did he do that?" she asked out loud, stopping at the water's edge.
"Magic."
She knew that sultry voice anywhere. Logan.
"Magic, huh?" she asked as she slowly turned toward him. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. His white tuxedo coat was slung over his shoulder and he was barefoot with his black pants rolled up. Man, he looks good.
"Veronica." His voice was rough and full of emotion. She almost couldn't hear it over the ocean and party noise. "You're just ... you're absolutely stunning."
"You're not so shabby yourself." She smiled and took a step toward him. "Nice little party you're throwing here."
He laughed and closed the gap between them. "Well, you know us Echolls. We only do small, understated affairs."
He grabbed her and wrapped her into a tight embrace. "God, I've missed you."
"Yeah, me, too," she whispered into his chest.
He pulled back and brushed his hands over her face and then her bare shoulders, sending goose bumps all over her exposed skin. "You really are so incredibly beautiful. You take my breath away." His words were spoken with such reverence. She wanted to hold him again and never let go.
Veronica had no idea how long they stood like that - staring and smiling at each other. Someone cleared his throat behind them, finally shaking them out of their trance.
"Mr. Echolls, we're ready for you," the throat-clearer said politely.
"I'll be right there." Logan hadn't taken his eyes off Veronica. He grabbed her hand and only then, looked toward the canopies and cabanas, preparing himself for his duties as host.
"You ready?" he asked gently.
"Yeah," she whispered. "I really am."
VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM
Later that night, Veronica walked along the water's edge. The event had been a huge success and was winding down. She'd watched Logan work the crowd and mingle with society elites and potential donors from Neptune, Los Angeles, San Diego and elsewhere. Knowing him as she did, she knew he hated that part of his new venture. But, there was no denying that he was a natural.
"There you are." She turned to see him walking toward her sans-coat and tie. "What're you doing out here?"
"I needed some more air," she explained with a smile. "It was just a little ... I don't know ... surreal up there."
"I know what you mean," he said with a smile. "I still have trouble believing all ... this ..." He pointed back to the party.
She matched his smile and hugged him lightly. "You did it. You really did it."
"Did what?"
"You found a way to have the starring role in your own life, Logan."
He put his arm loosely around her shoulders, kissed the top of her head and led her up the beach. "I never looked at it that way, Ronnie."
They walked in silence for a few moments.
"So, how did The Green Room do tonight?" She smiled at him and wrapped her arm around his waist.
He laughed. "Apparently, we raked it in. Official numbers won't be in until Monday, but the board CFO told me that we may have raised enough to make it fully capable of standing on its own for the next three years, which will make my personal accountant very happy." He leaned into her and smiled.
She stopped and turned toward him. "Logan, that's incredible. You should be so proud of yourself for this. Really."
He looked down and then rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. "Thanks. I'm pretty blown away. Until tonight, I still kept thinking that this very likely would all fall apart and not really be able to make it. But, I think we're gonna do it."
"Yeah, you're gonna make it. She put her hands on his forearms and squeezed lightly. "I'm so proud of you."
He smiled shyly and put his arm around her again. "C'mon. Our night's not over yet."
They walked a few more feet and Veronica gasped. A large blanket was laid out on the sand. A network of trellises covered in white, twinkle lights wrapped around the blanket. Oversized, satin throw pillows were thrown all over and a large picnic basket and ice bucket, with what she supposed was champagne, were nestled in between the fluffy cushions.
"Logan." She looked up at him, smiling hugely. "This is amazing."
He sat down on the blanket, dragging her down to sit next to him.
"So, tell me." He leaned back on the pillows and held her hand in his. "Was this worth the wait?"
"What do you mean?"
He just smiled.
"Wait a minute. Do you mean you avoided me on purpose?" Veronica leaned over and punched him lightly on the arm. "Why would you do that?"
He laughed then. "Hey, enough with the violence." She tried to reach him again, but he grabbed her small hands and pulled her against his chest. "O.k., so I wanted a dramatic reunion. Don't you think we deserved this?"
"I can't believe you. I feel manipulated, duped, misled ..." She jokingly counted off all the descriptive terms she could think of.
"Trust me, if it'd been one more day, I wouldn't have held out. But, I just wanted you and us to have a special evening." He kissed her hand tenderly. "I thought the suspense and drama would make it better. We deserved that, Veronica."
She shook her head, but couldn't hold back her smile. "I guess we did."
They sat side-by-side, staring out at the sparkling, crashing water. The evening seemed to stand still for them as they talked, ate snacks from the picnic basket and sipped champagne. They'd just snuggled back into the pillows when a thought that had run through her mind for years slipped out.
"Do you ever think about how things used to be between us? You know, after Lilly died?" Veronica was surprised that she'd voiced her musings.
He smiled at her knowingly and nodded. "Yeah, I do."
"Me, too." They reached for each other at the same time, their hands clasping together.
"It used to be kinda fun."
She sat up to look at him. "Fun? Torturing me was fun, Logan?"
"No, not that part. Just that you always kept me on my toes. I never knew what would happen between us."
She agreed. Veronica couldn't see it at the time, but her war with Logan had given her something to hold on to during that tumultuous time.
"It was like the Cold War," he continued with a smirk. "Always having the Soviet Union to hate gave the U.S. purpose. I guess that was us a little bit, wasn't it?" He brushed a tendril off of her face as he spoke tenderly.
"Hmmm." She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. "Good to know that public education didn't fail you in the History department."
"It's funny," he said as he leaned into her. "If you'd told me that you would mellow out like this a few years ago I might've been a little sad." She looked incredulous. "No, I would've. I mean, you were Veronica Mars, warrior princess."
"I still am Veronica Mars, warrior princess." She smirked at him.
"You know what I mean." He laughed. "You were all sharp edges and attitude." He dodged a small hand trying to smack his arm. "I think I would've been afraid that you would go back to the cotton candy pink fluff of a girl you were before Lilly died. That just wouldn't suit you anymore."
She nodded, agreeing with him.
"But, this." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "I couldn't have pictured how you could merge the very best of both people into this ..." He waved his hands in her direction appreciatively. "This amazing package. You're still a warrior, Veronica, but you're not fighting the whole world anymore. It's like you've stopped fighting all of us, and let some of us ... let me ... in." He looked away as his voice filled with emotion.
"Logan."
He turned slowly back and reached for her again, holding her close to his chest.
"I guess that's why I couldn't understand how you could still doubt that you meant everything to me and that ... she ... meant absolutely nothing."
Oh, God. The conversation she'd been dreading.
"I want to avoid it, too," he spoke softly, seeming to read her mind. "But, what has that done for us except keep us broken and apart?"
"We're closer than ever, Log ..."
"Yeah, we've worked through a lot and figured out the friends thing, but don't you want more now?" He pulled away slightly to look in her eyes. "I want more."
She looked down at one of the pillows and fidgeted with the fringe. "I don't know if I can do this."
They were both quiet and still for a moment. Suddenly, she stood up.
"No, wait." He reached for her. "Don't go. We don't have to ..."
She stood frozen, looking into his eyes. Then, hers closed tightly. She flashed back to her last conversation with Wentz. He'd encouraged her to face her fears with Logan; to not run away from what she felt for him. Stop pushing, Howie.
Veronica breathed deeply, opened her eyes and sat back down next to Logan.
"Wow. All this." She waved her arm around indicating the party set up on the beach. "Just to get me to talk about my feelings."
He pulled her closer, back into his arms. "Not just for that," he whispered with a small smile. "But, if that's a byproduct, then I'd consider the night a success."
She laughed and placed her hand on the side of his face. "How can you still be like this?"
He kissed her palm. "Like what?"
"Like ... this." She pointed nervously at him. "Like ... that. So ... o.k. with ..."
"With how I feel about you? About us?"
She looked down and nibbled on her lip. "Yeah ... I guess ... with all that."
Logan kissed her temple softly. "I guess that's because ..."
"Dude, best. party. ever."
Dick Casablancas. Mood, effectively ruined.
Logan closed his eyes, as his head fell slightly. "Glad you enjoyed it, Dick. Now, move along."
Dick stumbled onto their blanket and fell down at their feet. He looked around at the romantic setting. "Whoa, nice seduction scene." He grinned appreciatively at Veronica.
She stared at him in stunned silence.
"Sorry, sorry, we're here." Mac and Wallace ran toward them, waving their arms.
Veronica looked at her friends in complete confusion. "What ... what's going on? Have you guys been here the whole night?"
Mac looked at Logan apologetically. "We just took our eyes off of him for one minute. I swear, he's like a toddler." She paused and looked at Dick. "A drunk, useless, girl-crazy toddler, but a toddler nonetheless."
Logan shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "Dick ..."
"Mr. Echolls, there you are." Mr. Polite Throat-Clearer walked quickly toward them. "The Finnegans and ... oh, I didn't know ... I'm sorry for the interruption."
"No, it's o.k.," Logan spoke with thinly-veiled frustration. "There's nothing to interrupt ... now." He looked pointedly at Dick.
"I'll be right back." He smiled at Veronica. "Will you be alright here?" He looked again at Dick and then at Mac and Wallace.
"She'll be fine," Wallace said as he took Logan's spot on the blanket and began fumbling through the picnic basket.
"Yeah, I'm good. Go conclude your hostly duties." She squeezed his hand as they broke apart.
Logan reluctantly walked toward the dwindling party-goers, cabanas and canopies. He looked back longingly at Veronica, but kept walking.
She smiled as he disappeared up the beach. Her smile faded as she gazed at her friends ... and Dick. "O.k., kiddies, spill it. What's going on?"
"Nothing nefarious, Bond," Mac joked as she joined the trio on the blanket. "Logan asked us ..." she pointed at herself and Wallace. "To come and keep an eye on young Richard here. Apparently, he has a track record with this type of event."
Dick laughed. Wallace and Mac rolled their eyes, but chuckled lightly at the drunk blonde laying haphazardly at the end of the blanket.
Veronica huffed slightly and looked between them. Wallace, her best friend, who'd stood with her through some of the darkest points of her adolescence. Mac, her ally and closest girlfriend, who helped her find her way, embracing a new normal in her completely not normal teenage life. And, Dick, the bane of her existence, who now represented the very worst of her life confronted with something almost like redemption. How could that be? How could she be over what he'd done? How could she not be brimming with anger at his very presence? She couldn't answer any of those questions. Veronica just knew that she felt ... free. Free from the anger, bitterness and hatred that had bound her up all these years. Dick was the face of evil and now, looking at his goofy, intoxicated expression, she realized that she just didn't hate him anymore.
She cocked her head to the side and laughed. "Unbelievable."
"What?" Mac and Wallace asked in unison.
"I don't hate ..." She pointed at Dick. "Him. Anymore."
Mac leaned toward Veronica and sniffed a little. "I don't smell alcohol."
"What's going on with you, V." Wallace looked concerned. "You o.k.?"
"I'm fine. Really. Actually, I'm better than fine."
Wallace and Mac exchanged one of their trademark conspiratorial smiles she'd grown used to over the past year. "Better than fine?" Mac smiled and nodded her head.
"What?" Veronica asked innocently.
"So, does this mean that you and Logan have finally stopped being friends?"
She glared at them, snapping at Wallace. "No, we have not stopped being friends. We'll always be friends. My status with you, however, is definitely in question."
"Hey, no need to be like that," he joked. "I'm happy for you, really. And, I believe I speak for all of us when I say, it's about time."
"Dude, totally." The three sober friends looked at Dick in shock.
"Ignore him," Mac whispered. "We really are happy for you two. You belong together. You can admit that now, right? Do you finally see how great you are together?"
"Yeah," she said breathlessly. Veronica's thoughts went to Logan ... again. That happened a lot. He was pretty amazing. He'd grown into a pretty amazing guy. O.k., he'd always been, but now ... now ...
"Hello? Earth to Mars?" Mac poked her arm.
"Ah, that one really does never get old."
"Yeah, well, we lost you for a minute. I asked if you two are an item now?"
"Uh, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We, haven't ... um ..." Veronica shook her head and laughed again. "Never mind." She looked at them mischievously and pointed at Dick. "He's almost passed out. What should we do to him?"
VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM
Veronica stretched lazily against the bed of pillows she constructed on the beach blanket. Did I fall asleep? I think I fell asleep. She giggled.
"What's so funny?" Logan's soft voice surprised her.
"Hey, handsome." She held her hand out to him. "Where've you been?"
He sat down next to her smiling. "Well, apparently the schmoozing I did at the beginning of the evening was not sufficient." He leaned back next to her on the pillows, kissing her cheek softly. "Now this is nice."
She scooted closer to him, placing her head on his chest. "Mmm ... so nice."
"Did Mac and Wallace take care of Dick?"
"They took him back to the Grand a bit ago. He's pretty drunk."
Logan nodded.
"So, I was thinkin'." Veronica groaned at Logan's tone.
"No, no more thinking tonight," she whined.
"That's what I was thinking."
"What?" She laughed.
"I mean, I was just thinking that maybe we could table the discussion we were having until later, when you're ready."
Veronica squeezed him lightly. "Thanks." She leaned up on her elbow. "So, no more super serious discussions about our exes and our most intimate feelings?"
"Well, I know how you love to end an evening with a gut-wrenching exploration of our prior relationships."
"Hmmm ... since you gave up dating recently, we wouldn't really have as much to talk about, now would we?" Veronica winked at him.
"Good point. Although, I noticed you haven't exactly been tearing up the dating scene lately either. I kept trying to prepare myself for that. But, no Duncan 4.0 - or is it 5.0 now - appeared on the horizon." She shook her head, smiling indulgently as he continued. "Well, don't worry. I hear that working for the government can give you plenty of opportunities to meet someone dull and predictable enough to get you back into a shadow of your formal self." He paused dramatically. "If that's what you still want." His jabs about Duncan, and his belief that every guy she dated not named Logan must be just another version of her first love, and therefore not suitable, didn't bother her as much anymore.
"Yeah, right. I'm not sure that any sane person ..." She gave a pointed look at Logan and continued. "Would want to get involved with this." She pointed both thumbs back toward herself dramatically.
"Oh, c'mon, Mars, you know you're always the most enchanting, most desirable and unfortunately, the most damaged girl in the room." He nudged her and waggled his eyebrows after his last statement. "That just makes you that much more appealing, by the way."
She questioned again whether Logan and Agent Wentz might actually be the same person. Howie had said the same thing in his initial profiling exhibition with her.
"Nice, Echolls. But, how about you just save the flattery for the few remaining females in the county you haven't defiled yet."
"Ouch. Nice deflection. But seriously, you aren't honestly questioning your own powers of attraction? You're Veronica Mars, the girl everyone either adores or, well ... hates. Either way, everyone is attracted to you."
Veronica shook her head and refused to take the bait.
"You elicit strong feelings, that's for sure. There's no ambivalence when it comes to Veronica Mars."
She kept her gaze on the distant horizon and the beauty of the dancing lights over the ocean. It really was mesmerizing. Maybe that's what gave her the courage to ask something she'd always wanted to know.
"If I'm so appealing, Logan, why didn't you ever chase after me?"
He looked at her with complete disbelief, and then laughed. "You've got to be kidding me. I've been chasing you since high school; probably even before then, if I'm being completely honest. Sometimes I feel like all I've ever done, or all I ever do, is chase after you."
"No." She shook her head, but still wouldn't look at him.
"What? I ... don't know what you're saying." He sat up and stared down at her, obviously agitated.
"I said, 'No,' Logan. You've never. Well, maybe a few times in those early days during our junior year when we first got together. But, then, never again. I just wanted to know why. I mean, if we were the great romance you said we were, why did you never come after me and try to work things out?"
"When exactly have I not come after you?"
She put her finger on her chin and tapped out the list. "When I didn't show for our Catalina trip. When my Dad threw you out of the apartment after you went berserk and started breaking things." She breathed deeply. "After the bus crash, Logan. And then, when I came to you after Alterna-Prom and found you basking in the drunken after-glow with Kendall, only hours after you had declared that we were the epic love of legends, you didn't come after me. When ... " She had to stop to maintain her composure as she recalled the next time he hadn't come to her when she hoped he would. "When Mercer almost ..."
He started to speak, but she silenced him with a small hand and continued. "When I left you because my heart was broken over your ... interlude with Madison. And, every other time that we've fought or misunderstood each other and I sent you away or you left. You never came after me."
"That's complete crap, Veronica. I'm always chasing after you, because you're always running from me." She knew he was beyond angry now.
He stood up, paced in short lines and then stopped right in front of her. "I chased you to the Camelot Motel. Remember that? I chased you into the River Styx. I chased you up on the roof of the Grand. I chased you as you investigated all kinds of dangerous cases that you had no business poking into. I chased you as you slipped away from me and hit 'ignore' instead of taking my calls. I chased you into a prison cell to punish the guy I thought was my friend, but who hurt you. I chased you through a voicemail you never responded to, but was probably the most gut-wrenchingly raw I've ever been with anyone. And, as much as you say you hate it, I know that deep down you know that every mark I left on Piz and that Russian jerk was me chasing after you."
Voicemail? She didn't know what he was talking about with that one, but she would come back to that.
She stood up now, too, and took a step toward him. "No, Logan, I'm not talking about protecting me or defending me. You're good at that. You always defend the women in your life. I mean, chasing after me because you couldn't live without me; because you didn't want to lose me; because you would be willing to do anything to keep me."
He shook his head and turned toward the ocean. "God, Veronica, think about my world; the world I came from. The greatest expression of ... well, love, I could ever give is to do the things I've done for you. They're things I've never done for anyone else." He turned and looked into her eyes. "Anyone, Veronica."
She knew who he meant when he said that.
"Those things you described." He paused and an expression that reminded her of the Logan she dated in high school flashed across his face. "I did those things with Lilly, you know? I physically chased her like a puppy, but I never really caught her. And, it didn't ever matter to her. Ever."
"Logan, I didn't ..."
He held up a hand to stop her. "No, you need to hear this. You need to understand this. I chased her, but I never protected her. I didn't save her, Veronica. And, I've realized in recent years that maybe I didn't really love her either; at least not the kind of love that would've lasted." He blew out a deep breath and continued with heavy overtones of self-depreciation. "We all know she didn't love me that way."
Veronica sat back down abruptly. Her head was spinning. How could she not have seen this before? Oh God...Lynn. He hadn't been able to save his mother either. She was suddenly overcome with the torment Logan must have endured over the last few years.
"I guess I always thought you knew; that you just knew." His voice was barely above a whisper.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside her. "Knew what?"
His expression softened as turned and looked deeply into her eyes. "I thought you knew what I meant; what it meant that I would do anything - anything, Veronica - to save you and stand up for you. I thought you knew that no matter where you or I went, or what was going on in our lives, I was always there, always. I didn't have to chase you. In my mind, I was always beside you. Even when I was afraid you would never let me back into your life, I knew we would always be ... I don't know ..."
"Logan, I ..."
He interrupted her again seemingly without even hearing her speak at all. "I always promised myself that I wouldn't turn myself inside out for another girl like I had for her. I'd been so unguarded ... so vulnerable with her. And then, that tramp Caitlin cheated on me and made me feel like an idiot."
Veronica nodded in understanding and waited for him to continue.
"Right after that." Logan looked at her then. "You seemed to really care, you know?" He looked away again and Veronica knew the next part would be hard to hear.
"But, then you turned around and accused me of rape and then murder. You even turned me into Lamb. I guess I just kind of decided that approach wasn't working out so well for me." He looked back at her again and smiled gently. "I found the need to be a little more protective of myself. And, maybe even change my M.O. some after all that." He let go of her hand and looked forward, finding the same mesmerizing point on the horizon that she'd found earlier.
He started fidgeting and then tried to pull his sleeves down over his fingers. She recognized this classic Loganism as one he used when he was feeling insecure or unsure.
She smiled gently, wanting to comfort him. And then, it happened. The pieces started falling into place, even more so than after her revelatory conversation with Wentz. Veronica saw what her own wounds and self-protection had blinded her to all these years.
They'd loved each other fiercely - really loved each other - the whole time. It had always been him. Always. And, she could finally see and believe that for him, it had always been her. They'd loved imperfectly and often, inadequately, but they had loved, really loved. They'd loved the best that two broken kids from Neptune ever could. It might never work for anyone else on the planet. But maybe, just maybe, it really could work for them. It has to. A slight, hopeful smile appeared on her face.
She wanted to do something rash and emotional, but resisted. She didn't want this raw honesty to be wasted. If this could really work this time. No, if they could really work, things would have to be different.
Here goes nothin'. Let's see how smart you really are, Howie.
"Logan, I'm going home now," she said tentatively as she reached out to touch his arm. They seemed to understand each other better when they were physically touching.
The touch didn't stop him from whipping around to look at her incredulously, though. He looked at her as if she were speaking in a foreign language. "O.k., because right when I'm baring my soul you suddenly feel sleepy?" He sounded irritated.
"No. I'm going home because I don't trust my emotions right now. I need to really think about all this; about what you said. I never thought about things this way before." She grabbed his hand again with both of hers, silently pleading with him to understand. "I just didn't see it. All these years, I've thought and felt ... " She closed her eyes, shaking her head back and forth. "Logan, I let myself believe it wasn't really real."
He seemed to relax some and nodded for her to continue.
"We tend to jump into things physically and while ... " She suddenly felt unsure of what to say to him. "I guess I'm just afraid it would put us right back where we've been before."
"Veronica, I wasn't trying to ..."
"I know you weren't. But, what you said, it ... it makes sense to me, and I want to sort through it before ... "
She paused, trying to find the right words.
She tried to soften what she was saying with a laugh. "This may come as a shock to you, but I've always been a kind of 'fight or flight' kinda gal." That got a small laugh from him. "That may be my natural instinct, but I don't want to act naturally here."
"O.k." He smiled and nodded again. "We can go."
She could see that he still wasn't convinced. "I'm not running, Logan, and I don't want to fight. I want to figure us out. I want to do better."
Logan laughed fully then. "I'm sorry," he deadpanned and looked at her with his trademark, devilish smile. "But, who are you and what have you done with Veronica?"
They laughed together as he pulled her up. He dusted some sand off of her and turned toward the parking lot.
Logan put his arm around her and whispered in her ear. "C'mon, pod person, I'll take you home."
Veronica woke up the next morning feeling more rested than she expected. She smiled as she thought about the end of the evening.
Flashback
Logan walked her to her door and brushed his hands over her shoulders softly.
"So, classes start next week." He bobbed a bit on his toes.
"Yeah, Wednesday for me."
"I guess I'll see you at Mac and Parker's party Monday then."
"Yeah, I'll be there." She smiled and looked toward her door.
"O.k." He squeezed her shoulders and turned to walk away. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back toward her.
"The thing is, I want to see you. I mean, just you and me. You don't have to call it a date if you don't want to. But, I need to see you before we get all caught up in routines again."
She knew what he wasn't saying. And, we still have a lot to talk through before we can know where we stand.
She nibbled on her bottom lip and smiled. "I think that can be arranged."
He smiled and his eyes sparkled. "Good. O.k, good." They stared at each other, both smiling. "Alright then. Goodnight, Veronica." He leaned in to place a chaste kiss on her cheek and then surprised her by placing his hands on her face and turning her into his kiss. It was gentle and fierce and tame and passionate and beautiful and comfortable, and yet completely overwhelming.
The kiss ended and Logan gathered her into his arms as they both struggled to catch their breath. He whispered into her ear. "I'm glad you're not running. And, I like this new approach. But, you have to know that I'm head-over-heels, crazy in love with you, Veronica Mars - new, healthy habits, as well as your crazy avoidance techniques, jealousy and risk-taking ways that drive me crazy; all of it. And if you run, I will chase you." He leaned down and kissed her again softly. "So, don't over think things. We really aren't that hard to figure out."
End Flashback
Her cell phone jolted her out of her pleasant memories. "Good morning," she said with a sleepy drawl. "Sleep well?"
"Yeah, really well. How about you?"
"Mmmm ..."
"O.k., you're gonna need to stop that."
She laughed. "So, remind me again why I have to be up at ..." Veronica looked back at her alarm clock. "At 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning."
"Because we have plans. Get up. Get dressed. I'll pick you up in an hour."
"Yeah, you're lucky I'm still half asleep. I don't do the bossy thing well."
"I know, I know. I'll make it up to you. I'll bring coffee."
"So, where are we going?"
"It's a surprise. Let's just say that we have some unfinished business."
"Very cryptic. You know I love a mystery."
He laughed. "Oh, I definitely do. Now get ready. I'll see you soon. Bye."
Veronica climbed out of bed and walked toward the bathroom to get ready. Truth be told, she had an idea of what their day would be. Classes were starting this week and she was certain Logan wanted to finish this journey before they started a new one. Part of her wanted to jump back in bed and avoid the impending confrontations, but she knew that the life she wanted was within her grasp.
No more running.
- To be continued -
