A/N: Sorry, didn't realize I had been gone that long. However, the next few chapters are going to be bombshell after bombshell and as I said, everything was going to fall apart. So it begins.
Chapter 7: I Don't Even Need Your Love
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough
"Somebody That You Used to Know", Gotye feat. Kimbra
"Jesus Christ," The Joker cursed behind me, "What is that crazy ass-hole doing?"
"Cock-blocking us, that's what he's doing. I think that's enough to give him a piece of my mind." I said huffily, and immediately stalked toward the bedroom to grab my clothes.
"Harley, don't be irrational…" he began and he got cut off as I threw his own clothes at him.
"Get dressed. We're taking care of this." I snapped, shoving a hat over my mussed blonde hair.
"Look, I would need some time to put on my make-up and everything…"
"You sound like a woman. I'll take care of it myself then." I said, and ran out of the apartment and onto the street. Bane was about half a block away, beating the crap out of someone's already shitty beige sedan car.
"HEY!" I yelled.
Bane lifted the car over his head and threw into a nearby jewelry store. Clearly he wasn't listening to me over the din of the shattered window and the people screaming.
I ran towards him, "HEY YOU STUPID FUCKER!"
That got his attention.
He turned to face me, eyes bloodshot with rage, and then his shoulders shrunk down in relief. His voice rattled in his mask as he laughed, "Oh, it's just you, Harley. I thought I was going to have to kill you."
"Well I'm going to kill YOU!" I stomped towards him – well as much as I could stomp in blue fuzzy slippers, not a good fashion choice – and pointed at him, "Bane, you are interrupting my evening and I don't like that. Are you off your stupid meds again?"
"I'm off them on purpose this time." He said, "I am sick of being under control. I just want to do whatever I want and have no one tell me what I can and cannot do. If you're going to stand in my way, you're going to have to be eliminated."
"Good Lord, you've gone mental." I muttered, and then looked up at him, "Look, I know you can't deal with your reality so you desire to cling to this identity that you've created. That's, like, totally unhealthy, bro; you have to know that."
"I don't need a psychologist. I already had one of those who told me the same damn thing. I can't deal with reality, I can't deal with the fact I am an orphan, psycho-babble bullshit as always."
"I resent that."
"Yeah, well, I resent the fact that your ex-boyfriend isn't my brother and that he won't choose to acknowledge me as a real villain in this town. How about that?" he shot back.
"Bane, that is your quarrel with Bruce, not me. Obviously, I don't care if you go around terrorizing this city because I do the same thing with Mr. J. I just have a problem when you go around terrorizing in my own neighborhood. It is 2 in the morning on a Wednesday. Pick a more crowded time of day when you can do more damage. I'm just saying."
He was pensive, "I guess you're right about that."
"I am a villain. I know these things." I said sagely, "Why don't you just go home and get some sleep, then go out at 2 in the afternoon in mid-day traffic? That would really ruin people's days, I'll tell you that."
I seriously can't believe I am saying these things. I suppose a couple years ago, I was one of those people. I would have been bothered and even horrified that someone like Bane existed. But now I'm just like, dude whatever, that's nothing fucking new. Honestly, I have no idea if this is a bad thing. I just have to go with it because I chose this stupid life. I'm just special like that.
"Alright, you win this time, Harley."
"I win every time, believe me. No one can beat the powers of psychology!" I proclaimed.
"I wouldn't use that as your catchphrase."
"Yeah, I'm working on it. If you're feeling a little murderous, come over and we'll talk about it so we can avoid altercations like this, ok? I worry that one day you're just gonna snap and make Gotham into some isolated ice pit where you are supreme ruler or something."
"That seems rather improbable."
"It could happen." I mused, "Ok, so I'm going inside. It's cold as balls out here and I don't really want to have frostbite. That would be super unpleasant. I think you should go a few blocks away where I can't hear you or just go to bed. I don't care what you do but don't involve me in it."
"Sorry for disturbing you guys, Harley."
"Eh, no big, bro. I think Mr. J is more pissed off than I am. You don't want to get him involved whatsoever in your shit. He's not as forgiving as I am. It's my kind womanly heart that gets in the way."
He burst out laughing.
I planted my hands on my hips, "What part of that is laughable?"
"Kind, womanly, and heart are the offenders."
"Excuse me? Ok, maybe I'm not the kindest person, good God I am the most womanly person ever, and I'm pretty sure I have a heart." I had to think about the last one for a minute. Pathetic.
"I think you need to reevaluate your life choices."
"Who's the psychologist now?" I shot back, "I'm going home."
"Alright, alright, good talk Harley." He said and stomped away, probably to continue rampaging so I couldn't get any fucking sleep.
Dude, I need to take a chill pill. I've been so easily angered lately…I think. Maybe I'm just overly tired as always. That feeling just comes with the territory of dating someone who is always out at night and sleeps during the day. Yep, dating a vampire is not as glamorous as Twilight makes it seem, guys.
I went back into the apartment, and the Joker looked up at me expectantly, "Oh, well, thank God you're not dead."
"Thanks for your concern." I said dead-pan, "Let's just go back to bed forever."
"Sounds like a plan." He obediently followed me into the bedroom where we both basically passed out without saying another word.
…
A month or so had passed with virtually no incident. It was nearing the end of November and things were mostly peaceful. The weather was cold and rainy as it always is in Gotham, which made me irritable. I think everything was making me irritable and weepy lately. It was getting beyond weird. Like one day I was watching That 70's Show through one of the scrambled channels on our television and just burst out crying because Hyde said something funny. I have no idea what is going on with my life. I'm a disaster…as if you couldn't tell. After a couple weeks of this emotional bullshit which I mostly attributed to not sleeping and being empathetically stressed with Pam and Selina, who was getting beyond huge. She couldn't even move sometimes. I thought this was the paragon of hilarity; Pam told me to stop laughing so much about it because Selina was starting to not want me anywhere near her. Eh, whatever. She's a bitch anyway.
"Why did we pick her to be godmother again?" Selina complained one day when I pointed out that she wasn't wearing matching shoes.
"She's our only friend." Pam called from the kitchen where she was making Selina like 5 grilled cheese sandwiches because apparently that's all she wanted to eat these days.
"Do you really want to walk around wearing mismatched shoes? People will make fun of me when you aren't looking." I shrugged nonchalantly, "I'm just trying to be nice to you."
"No you aren't." Selina snapped, "You are mean and you are just reveling in the fact that I am fat."
"That's because you are."
"Get out of my house."
"You invited me over for a movie night and I'm watching the god damn movie." I got up in her face, which was actually more difficult than anticipated because her belly got in the way of that happening.
Pam put down the sandwiches and rushed in, "Hey! No fighting!" She turned to Selina, "You sit down. I don't want you giving birth in my living room." She then turned to me, "Stop being bitchy. We don't appreciate it."
"I am not trying to be. She twists my words and then we end up fighting because she's hormonal." I said, rolling my eyes, "She's just taking everything too personally."
"So are you." Pam retorted and narrowed her eyes at me, "Are you not feeling well? I mean, you're normally not a ray of sunshine to begin with, but you've been extra weird lately."
"Honey child, you don't even know." I said, sighing, "I've been crying at nothing and super irritable."
"Oh, well, that's just your period then." Pam said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, probably," I said dismissively while in my head I was racking my brain for when I was supposed to get my period. I feel like it should have been here by now, but I have been really busy and stressed so it might have just been delayed or something.
"You look a little panicked." Pam raised an eyebrow, "You couldn't be pregnant, right?"
"You think I'm celibate?" I quipped, "It's not completely out of the realm of possibility."
"Jesus Christ." Selina groaned, "This would just put the fucking icing on the cake." Her eyes then lit up, "Pam, I want cake."
"God damn it, babe, I ran out of cake mix like a week ago. You ate 2 of them! No more cake! I can't physically make you more food."
"Are you calling me fat?" Selina buried her face in a pillow.
"You're just 8 months pregnant. It happens to everyone." Pam patted her shoulder and then faced me, "I think you should go down to the corner store and get a pregnancy test."
"No fucking way." I shook my head vehemently.
"I think you'd rather know in case you want to…you know…" Pam started hard at me, "…take care of it?"
"I know what you mean." I was starting to get really nervous. I could not seriously be pregnant. I was on birth control. I couldn't deal with it right now especially with Pam and Selina needing me and still being involved in the crime life. I wasn't completely and utterly opposed to the idea if circumstances were vastly different, but not right now. Oh good God, not right now.
"Do you want to me to go with you?" Pam asked.
"No, I'm fine." I said, getting my coat, "I'll call you later."
"Ok!" she called as I slammed the door behind me, bounding down the stairs to the lobby of the building. I was too anxious to even wait for the elevator. I then worried about falling down the stairs for about a second but I got to the bottom before that thought could escalate. I walked out to the street corner, waiting for the light. It was a very brisk day; I needed a scarf and heavy coat in order to feel somewhat comfortable.
I crossed the street and then into the drugstore, searching fervently down the aisles for a pregnancy test. You know how when you're really looking for something and you just can't find it because you're so desperate to find it? That's how I was feeling right then. I walked up and down the feminine hygiene aisle so many times I'm sure the employees thought I was out of my god damn mind. Finally, my eyes lit upon one and I realized I didn't know what brand was the best and I didn't want to get one that would tell me wrong. It's kind of a huge deal, you know. I looked around to see if there were any female employees who could help me. None. Fuck my life.
I started to wander a little, one of the said pregnancy tests in my gloved hand, and went down the greeting card aisle. I locked eyes with a guy who was standing in the greeting card aisle. Like, really, you don't want to see anyone in this moment, but I had to see that little shit Dick Grayson just standing there like an idiot, staring at me.
He looked at me, then at what was in my hand, and then back at me, "Hi, Harley."
"If you say anything to Bruce, I will hunt you down and forcibly remove your testicles." I said all in one breath. I must have seemed pissed beyond belief, because he merely moved out of my way. I walked haughtily past him, and then turned around. I made the 'I'm watching you' gesture. I never felt more bad-ass than in that moment. You don't mess with me, bitch.
I went to the counter and attempted to make as little eye contact with the cashier as possible and then left with my purchase. I didn't know what to do at that moment. I didn't know if I should go back to Pam's or go back home. I then quickly made the executive decision that Pam's was a better choice because then I'd have emotional support and she'd be honest with me. Mr. J would be thrilled. I didn't want someone to be thrilled for me if it was the case.
I went back up to Selina and Pam's apartment and rang the doorbell. Pam opened the door, "Oh, hey, did you go to the store?"
"Yup," I said, presenting her with the bag, "God help me."
"Go use the bathroom." She pointed, "Get it over with. Don't procrastinate."
"I don't want to…" I whined.
"Harleen Frances Quinzel, you get in that bathroom right now."
"UGH FINE." I stormed past her and into the bathroom. I'm not going to go over the details of how a pregnancy test works because we all know what happens. If you don't, consult the movie Knocked Up. That shit isn't pleasant, ok?
After I was done, I stared at it. I didn't know exactly what I was supposed to do. I just stared at the little box so hard that my eyes started to hurt and I had to look away. I put it down on the counter and walked out of the bathroom because I couldn't take the pressure.
Pam and Selina were waiting outside the door, and I almost ran into them when I came out. I shooed them, "Get away from me!"
"What did it say?" Pam asked.
"I don't know. I felt too sick to look at it. My insides are fucking churning." I said, leaning against the door, "You look at it."
"Ok," Pam gently pushed me aside so she could go look. She picked it up, stared at it for a moment, and when we locked eyes, I knew what it said. I think I knew when I got it.
"Positive?" I don't know how she even heard me because my voice was barely above a whisper.
She gave me the most infinitesimal nod.
You ever get that feeling where you know you're fucked?
