*.*.*
CHAPTER SEVEN
*.*.*
La Push
Now
"Letty," Ellie said while they were clearing up breakfast the next day, "How come everyone keeps telling me to stay outta the woods?"
The old woman hummed thoughtfully. "Well, I guessed it'd be because of the animals."
"Animals?"
"Mm. We have some trouble with them attacking hikers from time to time. Mountain lions, bears." Letty dried her hands on the tea towel. "They're known in the area. Most of the time they leave people alone, but you're better staying out of the woods unless you know the trails."
"I've taken on worse than some bear."
"Other people don't know that, dear. I'm sure they're just looking out for your safety."
Ellie had to concede the point there, but it didn't stop the suspicion niggling in the back of her mind.
Local knowledge. What kind of local knowledge?
She needed a computer. She wished Sam was here, for a moment. He always had a laptop at the ready, and he always knew exactly what to search for.
Well, he ain't here, she thought resignedly. Unless you're plannin' on callin' him and draggin' him back into this mess, better get to work.
*.*.*
The man at the hardware store was mighty helpful, if not ultimately useless when it came to getting the kind of thing she needed.
"I'll call Port Angeles for you," he offered apologetically. "I know the guys there, they have a bigger selection, might be able to sort something out."
Ellie wandered the aisles idly as she waited, noting the placement of various solvents and industrial grade potential weapons.
You never knew when you needed to stock up, after all.
She was just reaching out to touch a length of reinforced rope when someone cleared their throat behind her, making her jump.
"Jesus H. Christ," she swore, turning with a hand on her pounding heart to see Embry standing there, looking amused.
Great.
And he looked gorgeous. What an asshole.
"You gotta give people warnin'," she snapped. "Sneakin' up ain't nice. Why are you here?"
He looked down at the giant bag of potting mix he was holding. "Picking up some things."
She squinted at him suspiciously. "What, you garden?"
"My mom does."
"Good for your mom."
"Yeah…" He hefted the bag more securely. "So listen, about the other night-"
"You really think the best place for this is the hardware store?"
His mouth twitched. "Well, I can't find you anywhere else. Some might say you'd been avoiding me."
She shrugged. "Some might be right."
"Well, I was hoping some would be wrong, since that'd mean you don't like me much."
"Maybe I don't."
"You're wearing my jacket."
Cheeks flaring, she glanced down to confirm that he was right. Shit. She closed her eyes and prayed for mercy.
"This…" she gestured to herself and the jacket. "Doesn't mean anythin'. I was cold, I grabbed the first jacket I saw."
"So you've been keeping my jacket pretty close, then?"
She glared at him. "What're the chances you're gonna drop this?"
"Slim." He adjusted the bag again. "Depending on the chances of you going out with me again."
"Slim," she sniped back. "In fact, here." She shrugged out of the jacket and flung it at him, not caring that it slid straight to the floor. "Take your damn jacket and leave me alone."
He sighed and finally set down the bag, straightening up with the jacket in his large hands to look at her properly. "Ellie, can you please just give me a break here? You don't even have to like me a whole lot. Just stop looking murdery when I'm in the general vicinity and we can take it from there."
"Whaddaya wanna go out with me again for, anyway?" she demanded. "I tossed you out and stole your jacket. What screams second date about that?"
"I like you."
"You don't know me," she shot back. "And trust me when I say this, honey - you're better off not knowin'. So just stop bein' nice. Please. I'm not lookin' for anythin' here, and I'm sorry that I might've made it seem like I was."
"Was he your boyfriend?" Embry said quietly, dark eyes trained on her. "The important person who died?"
Ellie froze for a second.
"He was, wasn't he? I figured as much." He sighed. "Look, I understand grief. I do. And I'm not gonna be the dick who forces someone to date when they're not ready."
"How chivalrous," Ellie managed.
"Here." He pushed the jacket back into her hands. "Looks better on you anyway. Plus my number's on the tag, so if you ever wanna go on that second date, give me a call. I gotta go."
"Where?" she blurted out.
He shrugged. "Can't control myself around you for long periods of time. IBS and all."
"I'm not gonna be here that long," she called after him as he sauntered away with his damn potting mix.
"Yeah, that's what you told Jake last week," he called back over his shoulder.
The store guy came back out, grinning broadly. "Good news! The Port Angeles place has what you need. We can get it in for you, but there'll be a freighting cost…"
"How far's Port Angeles from here?"
"About an hour, maybe hour and a half depending on traffic."
She slipped on the jacket, refusing to look over to where Embry was paying for his purchases at the counter. "I'll just go myself. Got directions to the store?"
"Sure, I'll write them down for you…"
*.*.*
She went around to Jacob's house first, slamming her door and striding toward where she could hear music pouring from the garage.
"Jacob Black," she called over Bon Jovi as she rounded the corner, "I wanna talk to you."
He looked up from where he was bent over a car. "Why are you here? It's not Tuesday."
"I know it's not Tuesday. I wanna talk about your friend."
Quil popped his head up from somewhere. "If you wanna talk about me, Ellie-Bells, do it to my face. It's cool."
"Quil," Jacob said wearily. "We talked about this, man."
Quil smiled cheekily and hunkered back down.
Ellie jerked her head at Jacob and stepped back outside into the cool wind. He came out to join her, wiping his hands on his already dirty pants.
"Y'all been talkin' about me?" she demanded.
"Why would I be talking about you?"
"Embry said you were."
"Thought you weren't talking to Embry."
"I'm not, he told me before, and the fact that you know that means y'all been talkin' about me." She eyed him. "I don't appreciate that a whole lot."
"To be fair," Jacob Black said, squinting up at the grey sky, "Embry Call is one of my best friends, and you're a tourist."
"Technically, I live here now."
"What, with old Letty?"
She glanced at him again. "Small towns, huh? It's not permanent but yes, I am a resident."
"This place grows on you."
"What, like fungus?"
He chuckled. "Something like that."
"Hmm. Sounds fabulous. You're really sellin' it."
"Honey," he said, "You're the one who keeps sticking around. If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked it here."
"Maybe I'm hopin' to get some local knowledge," she said casually, watching him tense slightly before relaxing back into his easygoing facade. "Y'know. So I don't keep getting kicked outta the woods."
"You'd have to stay a lot longer to get to know all the places 'round here," he said easily. "You need someone with you if you're going in those woods."
"You offerin'?"
"Nope." He pushed off the side of the garage and started wandering back inside. "Ask Embry."
She trailed after him. "Very funny."
"I'm serious. Hey, Quil. Quil."
The off-key singing that had been resonating from under a car stopped and Quil rolled out. "No need to shout, Jake."
"Go home, man. You're due for community watch in half an hour."
"Sir, yessir." Quil saluted him.
"Community watch?" Ellie said curiously. "Y'all get trouble here?"
"The police force is based in Forks," Jacob said, getting back to work on his own project as Quil left, whistling cheerfully. "By the time they get here, anything that happened is already over. A group of us make sure we're available if anyone needs help."
"Noble."
"I'm all heart, honey. Now, you wanna tell me why you're still packing heat?"
Damn. She really needed to work on hiding it better. "Still self defense."
"Not so confident about kicking ass all of a sudden?"
Ellie sighed. "Did Embry tell y'all every detail?"
"He can't help it. It just all comes out."
Her mouth twitched. "IBS thing?"
Jacob laughed, the first full-bellied guffaw she'd heard from him. "Something like that. Cut the guy some slack. He's rusty. He hasn't dated in years."
"What's wrong with him?"
"He's holding out."
She wrinkled her nose. "For what? A girl who likes cheap liquor?"
He glanced at her and shook his head. "Damned if I know. You seem like a little shit to me."
"No more'n you are," she retorted. "How Abby puts up with you, I'll never know."
"She's a saint," he said cheerfully. "Plus, I wore her down."
"Is that the strategy 'round here?" Ellie said dryly.
He laughed again. "Something like that."
"Seriously though, Jacob," she said, leaning against the car he was working on. "Give me a little hint here. What the hell is local knowledge and why do people keep spoutin' off about it?"
"Just some tribal stuff," he said offhandedly, eyes focused on his work. "Gotta know it to respect it. Legends. Knowledge of wildlife. Places to go and not go. Things you learn from living here, that's all."
"So all I gotta do is look up bears?" Ellie said doubtfully, playing along. If he wanted to downplay whatever it was he was hiding, fine. She'd figure it out.
"All you gotta do it stay outta places where you can get into trouble until someone can show you how to navigate them," Jacob said. He paused.
"If you say 'like Embry' I'm walkin' out right now," Ellie warned.
"Oh good. I was wondering how to get you to leave so I could work in peace."
"Save it," she said. "I gotta get going anyway. I'll see you Tuesday."
*.*.*
Sioux Falls
Then
Ellie got a fake ID and went straight to a bar two counties over, where it was outta Sheriff Mill's jurisdiction and there was less risk of being dragged straight home to Bobby.
She got beer, because it was less suspicious of a supposedly twenty-one-year-old to buy beer than it was to buy whiskey in honour of the mostly-deceased family tradition. It wasn't long before a man came sidling up to her. He was handsome, and she was desperate to feel something, so she let him buy her drinks and fuck her in the alleyway after.
It didn't work. She slept in her car and went home the next day in the same rumpled clothes that reeked of alcohol and sex.
Bobby shook his head at her. "I hope you know what you're doing, kid."
"Not a kid," she mumbled, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and guzzling it.
"Funny," he said, pushing off the bench and sauntering away to do God knows what. "You're sure actin' like one."
She went again a week later. Different bar, same ID. Again she was approached, but this time they got to a motel first. She kicked him out after and sat on the bed, wishing she smoked or something, because she could do with a vice to take her mind off what a mess she was these days.
And, because the universe apparently hated her that much, that was when Castiel decided to appear.
Ellie stared at him uncomprehendingly, his crisp trench coat at odds with the shabby motel decor. He stared back, frowning.
"What're you doin' here?" she whispered eventually.
"You never called," he said slowly. "It's been weeks. You… you used to pray to me. Before. Have I lost your trust?"
Ellie shrugged. "I'm not sure you ever had it, Castiel."
"You're lying." He cocked his head to the side. "Why?"
She sighed and slumped, suddenly exhausted. "It's what I do now, Castiel. I lie to Bobby, I lie to bartenders. I lie to everyone. You ain't special."
He stepped closer, still frowning. "What happened to you?"
"You know what happened to me. You were there. You saw him jump in that Goddamn hole." The words are battery acid in her mouth and she swallows reflexively against the taste.
"But what did you do?" he persisted, and he was close enough now to reach out and hold her chin, staring into her eyes like he could actually see something behind them. "You've changed."
She jerked out of his grip. "None of your business, Castiel."
He stepped back a little, and she glanced back at him when she felt like she could breathe again.
"Eleanor, I-"
"Don't wanna hear it," she interrupted. "Please. I'm aware enough of what a piece of shit I am without you comin' around to rub it in."
"That wasn't my intention," he said.
"I don't care," Ellie said flatly. "If I need you, I'll call. Until then, leave me alone."
He cast his eyes down. "If that's what you want."
"It is."
She closed her eyes so she couldn't see him leave, opening them long after the sound of his wings had faded away.
*.*.*
She didn't always sleep with someone. Sometimes she just drank, and she woke up in her car with a headache and a dry mouth, her stomach roiling in protest at the amount she'd consumed the night before.
Ellie was careful not to go to the same places often. She usually had to go to two places in a night; one to hustle pool, and one to drink. She had to start going further afield. She didn't come home every morning, and when she did, Bobby was always mad and disapproving.
She hated herself for doing it. But she couldn't stop, because there was always a moment during the nights she went out that she'd forget everything that had happened and she could exist in bliss. Just another dumb kid doing dumb things that made her feel good for a while.
One night she got unlucky.
She'd been drinking at the bar, talking to a guy, when all of a sudden the world took on a sickening tilt. She stopped in the middle of whatever she'd been saying, mouth falling open in confusion.
"You feeling alright?" the guy said, smiling. She thought his name was Leo. Leo the Lion. She giggled. Wasn't that a funny question? Was she alright...
His hands were on her, and then suddenly she was somewhere else dark and he was on top of her and she wanted him to get off because she couldn't remember him asking, couldn't remember saying yes, but she couldn't even move let alone slur together something resembling a no.
Help, she thought dimly, still dazed and numb and disoriented. Her eyes felt dry, like someone had soaked all the moisture out of them. Blinking was about all she could do and even that was hard. Help me. I don't want this. Not this.
And then he was gone, ripped out of her sight. Someone screamed. Something made of rustling cloth was settling over her. It smelt like pine.
"Eleanor," a gruff voice was saying. "Can you hear me?"
She nodded. Maybe. It was hard to tell with all these spinning lights. Was she moving, or were they? She tried, anyway.
Something warm pressed against her forehead, and then it was as if someone had turned a light on in a dim room and she was suddenly aware of everything around her.
Of the man from the bar, who was now on the floor looking very dead. His eyes were gone and blood dripped from his nose and mouth. He'd been smited.
Of the familiar trench coat draped over her, and her askew garments beneath it. That was what smelt like pine, and something else that she couldn't quite think of.
Of the angel who stood with his fists clenching and unclenching, looking like he wanted to bring back the man on the floor just to smite him again.
"Castiel," she said, sitting up and holding his coat to her, and then she stopped, because she didn't know what else to say. She decided to start with the most obvious. "You came."
"Of course I did," he said through gritted teeth. "This… this scum, Eleanor, he…"
She swallowed and looked away from the body, because even dead and maimed, she never wanted to see his face again.
"I was drugged," she said dully. "Wasn't I?"
"Yes."
"And that man, he…"
"Yes."
"And you killed him for me."
"Yes."
She exhaled shakily, pressing her knuckles into her eyes. "Shit."
"I healed you," Castiel said.
She nodded. She wanted to thank him, but she didn't think she had the voice for it. She gestured to the body instead.
"Can you take that thing somewhere else?" she managed.
Castiel vanished for a moment, and when he flashed back, the body was gone.
"Thank you," she said finally, staring at her hands as they clutched his coat in her lap.
"He didn't deserve to live," Castiel said by way of explanation. "And you deserved to be saved."
Ellie looked around, small, broken, and lost. "Where are we?"
"A motel."
She swallowed and stood shakily, feeling the filth of what had happened coating her skin thicker with every second. "Castiel, can you take me home, please?"
"Of course." He touched his hand to her shoulder, and there was a moment of blinding light as he unfurled himself and flew them to her room at Bobby's house.
She swayed at the vertigo for a moment, Castiel's hand tightening on her shoulder as his other came to steady her at the elbow.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she muttered. She sat on her bed, her pristine bed that hadn't been slept in because she'd been so stupid.
She didn't look at Castiel, but she'd bet her damn hat he was doing that ridiculous head tilt again.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Bet I called you away from somethin' important."
"Not more important that that."
She snorted. "You don't have to be nice, Castiel. Say what you think."
"I am."
"You're not."
"What do you think I'm thinking?"
"That I'm stupid," she said mildly, staring at the chipped polish on her toes. "That I deserved it."
His formal shoes stepped into her view as he edged away from the window. "That's not what I was thinking."
"Should be."
"Do you want me to lie?"
She looked up at him incredulously and he looked so puzzled - he was just always so confused, still a baby in this screwed up human world - that she couldn't help the startled laughter which escaped her.
"No, Castiel," she said, shaking her head. "I don't want you to lie to me. One of us has to keep the other honest, right?"
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"If we're both lyin', then neither of us has somethin' to strive towards." She stood again, hesitantly, trusting her feet when her head didn't start spinning like a top again. "I gotta take a shower. Will you be here when I'm out?"
He looked upward briefly, as if consulting some kinda celestial clock. "It's possible I will be called away before then."
"Alright. Well… thanks, then."
"That's not necessary."
She reached up and almost touched him on his cheek, close enough for her fingertips to light up from his inner being. He closed his eyes momentarily as if he could feel it, and when he opened them they were blazing blue and searching.
"I mean it," she said. "Thank you. I owe you one." She lowered her hand again, her fingertips feeling oddly bereft, as if she'd just touched a great warmth and now pulled away. Maybe his angel glow thing gave off heat too.
"Eleanor," he said when she was almost out of the room. She looked back over her shoulder at him, standing in his white shirt and slacks. "You can always call me."
"I know," she said, and she wondered as she slipped outta the room whether he, the angel of the Lord with all his might and power, might be a little lonely too.
It was only when she took it off to shower that she realised he'd never asked for his coat back. She'd have to wash it for him, give it back to him some other time.
*.*.*
I realise this chapter dealt with some hard things, and I'm sorry if that was difficult for anyone. I tried to make it as nondescript as possible because I really hate the fetishisation of rape in texts, and I will never ever support violence of any kind, especially sexual, especially against women. Hope you like the chapter. Drop a review if you're kind.
