AN: This chapter directly correlates to the events of the previous chapter so make sure you've read that first.
Violet - Sahasrara
It started as a joke. And not even a very funny one.
Castle was in the kitchen making dinner one night when Kate stormed through the door to the loft, slammed it shut behind her and immediately retreated to the bedroom.
He found her literally face down on the bed, nose to the mattress, hair curtained around her head. He considered backing out of the room and just leaving her alone, giving her some space. But he couldn't shake the feeling that solitude was not what she needed at this moment.
"Kate?" he called softly as he settled on the bed next to her hip. A muffled groan was the only reply. "You ok?" He reached a hand out to pull her hair back; her exposed eye swiveled to look at him, wet with tears.
She turned her head to lay her cheek on the mattress. "I didn't have a good day," she muttered.
Castle stretched out next to her, slid an arm under her ribs and cradled her against him. Her forehead fell against his shoulder as a warm sigh breathed through his shirt.
"You wanna talk about it?"
She was quiet for long moment. "It's stupid."
"I bet it's not."
She pulled her head back to look at him. "It is. It was just a bunch of stupid little things that snapped at my nerves until I was in a really bad mood and had to go cry in the bathroom."
"Who made you cry?"
"No one in particular. It wasn't even worth crying over, it was just…everything. I told you it was stupid." Her nose scrunched up in embarrassment and she hid her face against his shoulder again. "I blame your kid."
"My kid? So, it's my kid when she makes you upset?"
"Yep," her head bobbed against his shoulder. "And maybe he, still two weeks until we know for sure."
"Good point, it is usually guys that make women cry, isnt' it?"
She chuckled softly, sniffed away the last of her tears. "Exactly."
He placed his fingers under her chin, lifted her face to his and kissed her softly. "Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Anytime. And hey, tomorrow's another day, there's a rainbow at the end of the storm, all of that."
"Really? Almost 30 best sellers and you just went with a cheesy platitude about rainbows to try to make me feel better?"
"Rainbows are supposed to be this beacon of hope and have pretty colors and…and…" he sputtered, completely losing his train of thought as his wife dissolved in giggles in his arms. Her laughter was contagious and soon their combined sounds were bouncing all over the bedroom, joy and relief in the reverberations.
The rainbows became a theme.
The next morning when Kate logged into her email at work, Castle had already sent her a message. No subject, nothing but a picture of a rainbow curving up from a green hill. She set the image as her wallpaper.
Her moods were all over the place and when the shift swung down, they used the word as a touchstone to know that she'll come out if it, she won't feel this way the whole time. Or even the whole day. Or the next 5 minutes. When she said it to herself at work on a day that he wasn't there, she knew it had stuck.
He tried to talk her into plastering the things all over the nursery, almost had an artist come in to paint a mural. There was some yelling but he finally agreed to the original color scheme on the condition that there can be splashes of rainbows. They dot the room subtlety: in the background of an adorable painting, one of the dangling objects on the mobile, appearing on the fabric of some of the sheets.
But then one day during her seventh month of pregnancy, Castle came to her with a plan that would make them permanent.
"I've got it! I've got her name!" he crowed as he emerged from the office, laptop in hand.
Kate slid a bookmark between the pages of Patterson's latest and watched her husband with amusement as he practically bounced over to the couch to plop down next to her.
"You're sure this time?" she asked, skepticism evident in her voice because this was not the first time that he had made a sweeping declaration about their daughter's name.
"You know, this time, I really am," he said with a confidence and seriousness that impressed her.
She leaned towards him, ready to hear what he had to say. "Okay, hit me."
"Iris."
"I'm not really wowed."
"Greek goddess of rainbows, Kate!" he exclaimed, turning the laptop to show her the Wikipedia article. "It's perfect, right?"
"You want to drag this rainbow thing all the way to her name?"
"I didn't suggest we actually name her 'Rainbow,' just something that means it. It's a beautiful name."
"It is," she agreed but couldn't hide the hesitation in her voice.
"But?"
She sighed. "This isn't a picnic for me, I have a human being growing inside me. The rainbow thing is cute but it's also a reminder that sometimes I'm not doing so great at this. I don't want to tell my daughter that we picked her name because her mommy was emotionally unstable during her pregnancy."
Castle was silent, his eyes wide with surprise. He had no idea that she felt that way. "I'm sorry," he blurted out when the quiet had shifted into uncomfortable. "I didn't mean…I just thought…"
"I know," she cut off his bumbling. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. Look, I'll think about it, okay?"
"You don't have to, I'll drop it."
"I'll think about it," she insisted.
"Okay." He says it to placate her, put her off and they both know it and allow it anyway.
He doesn't put any new names on the list they keep on the fridge, though.
They don't talk about names at all until the day their daughter is born. She didn't come without a fight, left her mother in labor for a day and a half before emerging into the world. The whole ordeal exhausted Kate and she fell asleep as soon as they got her back to the room. An administrator came in with paperwork but had to leave with the name blank still empty, the card in the nursery reading "Little Girl Castle." Kate may not have taken his name when they married but she wanted their children to have it, that much had been decided early on.
When Kate woke, Castle was sitting next to the bed in a rocking chair, a bundle of blankets cradled against his chest.
"Hey, Mommy's awake," he stage whispered to the bundle.
"I been out long?" she slurred, rubbing the heel of her hands against her eyes to push away the grogginess.
"About an hour, we've just been hanging out," he nodded his head at the mass of blankets. "You wanna hold her?"
"Only hell yes." He barked out a laugh at her enthusiasm, sobering to soothe the baby that he startled.
They moved the bed to an upright position and Castle perched next to her, facing the head of the bed. He shifted the baby to his arms and then transferred her into Kate's waiting embrace.
The blankets were practically covering her face and Kate had to push them out of the way to see her daughter for the first time. She'd had a moment in the delivery room of course but there was so much going on and the girl had been screaming her head off. So much different from this quiet moment when she could take her time to memorize her round cheeks, puckered mouth, elegant eyelashes.
The girl was magic personified. Kate's heart tumbled into love without an effort.
Kate had never been one for magic or deity but when she held her daughter, the baby's barely there weight ensconced in her arms, her existence seemed to transcend anything worldly she had ever experienced. Surely this couldn't have been something that they had done on their own, surely an omnipresent being was smiling down on them.
The light caught a tear in her eye and a rainbow flashed across her vision, splashed across the tiny girl. And she was all of them, red and orange and yellow and green and blue and indigo and violet; a joyous riot of colors.
"Iris," she murmured, ran a finger across the baby's impossibly smooth forehead.
"What?" Castle questioned, his palm sliding along her thigh.
Kate looked up at him through her tears. "Iris Johanna."
Castle reached up a hand to cup her cheek. "Iris Johanna," he repeated. "Our daughter."
Crown Chakra
Colour Association: Violet
Sanskrit Name: Sahasrara
Location: Top of head
Lesson: Knowingness–The right to aspire. Dedication to the divine consciousness and trusting the universe. Learning about one's spirituality. Our connection to the concept of "God" or a higher intelligence. Integrating one's consciousness and subconsciousness into the superconsciousness.
Imbalances: Headaches. Photosensitivity. Mental illness. Neuralgia. Senility. Right/left brain disorders and coordination problems. Epilepsy. Varicose veins and blood vessel problems. Skin Rashes.
Crown Stimulants: Focusing on dreams. Writing down one's visions and inventions. Violet food & drink. Violet gemstones and violet clothing. Using violet oils such as lavender or jasmine essential oils.
AN: Thank you so much for coming with me on this journey, I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing. I'd love to know what you think of this final chapter.
Special thanks to my nephew, Gavin, for teaching me what effortless love feels like.
I haven't mentioned in a while that I'm on tumblr, same name as here. I'd love to fangirl with you all there.
