Author's Note: Hi guys! So, sorry it's almost two days late. I kind of decided to just do this one update this week, for various reasons. I want to be able to get ahead of the writing again a little bit. I won't give you guys all kinds of excuses, unless you want them. Just an apology for not updating, and not letting you guys know about this decision. I think I'm going to have to revive my tumblr for you guys about updates that way we can communicate a little easier! Keep an eye on my profile for that. Anyways, I want to give a big thanks to BK2U for editing this chapter! She's wonderful! So this is the long awaited dinner. And I'm going to apologize in advance for the lag between chapters, but next chapter will definitely make up for it. I hope. Anyways, enjoy, lovelies! Thanks so much for all the reviews! You're amazing.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Divergent Universe, but I did think of this plot.
7. Dinner
When I finally crawled out of bed mid-Monday morning, I could feel the heaviness of the weekend weighing me down. Sunday had gone as I'd expected, considering how the previous two days had gone. We were almost completely out of stock now; only a few bumper stickers, shirts, and key chains remained. I hadn't seen our stock this low before, and while it was great for sales, I was still confused. Were we reaching that point in popularity that we needed to carry more stock overall? Or had this weekend just been a fluke, a one-time occurrence of selling out of practically everything?
I hadn't seen much of Four on Sunday. Typically, there are only two shows on the last day of a convention, and he would usually slip by the booth for at least an hour between them. At the very least, he'd bring us lunch. This time, he only sent a text - to Christina - to ask what we wanted; Will showed up with it a little while later. I wasn't sure if Four was keeping his distance because of the things that had happened over the weekend or if Christina had said something to him again.
Or, I thought, he might be trying to play nice with Marina. I really hoped he wasn't, because she was awful.
When I walked back into the room after my shower, I had a text message from Four. Still on for dinner tonight?
I pursed my lips. He was giving me an out. Did he not want to have dinner tonight? I shook my head; he would have just said so if he'd wanted to cancel. Had he told Marina about our dinner tonight and she was making him text me? Did he want me to cancel?
I started to type my response, writing and erasing a handful of times. I groaned in frustration then just typed, Sure. Have a restaurant in mind? and hit the send button.
Anxiety began to build in me, but I tried to push it away. I had to talk to him. As much as there was a part of me that dreaded hearing what he had to say, for various reasons, a bigger part of me just needed to know. I was tired of living in the dark with him. It didn't even matter what he ended up saying, really. I just needed to know whether he thought there was anything between us, or if he wanted there to be an 'us' at all. I also had a lot to say to him, too; I wasn't just going to let things remain the way they were. I wasn't even sure if Four was right for me, not with how he'd been treating his relationship with Marina. I wouldn't allow myself to be treated like that, not again.
Four's reply came a few minutes later. I know a place. Again, I wondered if he had been hoping I would cancel, for one reason or another.
With a stern look at my phone, I shook my head. Well, if that was what he was hoping for, too bad.
It was almost seven and I still wasn't sure if I was dressed appropriately for dinner with Four, who was still my boss after all. Christina had thrown one of her dresses at me at first, a sleek black number that was short to begin with, but which also had a slit up both sides. I had to remind her that I was trying to talk with Four, not seduce him. Her response had been something impolite, and another dress. This one was closer to appropriate, but not quite what I was looking for. It had a low, v-shaped neckline and a lot of gathering, but it still didn't feel right.
Christina finally groaned in frustration. "I don't carry my entire wardrobe with me, Tris!" she had cried in exasperation. I was honestly surprised she'd had those two dresses packed in the first place.
"What about that one top, babe?" Will had suggested from the doorway. "The blue one with the lace."
Christina's face had lit up at the memory of the top. And that was how I found myself dressed now. I wore a fitted, royal blue top with lace that covered my shoulders. We paired it with some black jeans; we weren't sure who had originally purchased them, but they fit both of us perfectly, so we shared.
We were all at Amar's house now. We checked out of the hotel around 2:00 and caravanned over, reaching his place around 3:30. He lived in a secluded neighborhood outside of town with lots of trees screening the view of the road. His house was decently sized with enough crash space for a few of us, though a couple took floor space. In exchange for letting us stay in his home, Amar usually had us help with renovations; it was common that some room or section was in a state of disrepair that eventually looked better than new when we were done with it.
I made my way out to the cars, hopping into the one Christina, Will, and I shared. Four left earlier to drop Marina off at her friend's house, and texted me the address of the restaurant where I should meet him. Now that I was on the way, I was nervous. I didn't want to talk about the things we needed to while we were eating, but I was also unsure of how to bring them up afterwards.
A long sigh escaped me when I made it into town, navigating the unfamiliar roads in the gathering twilight. When the restaurant came into view, nestled between two other buildings, I was pleased to see an open spot right in front. After doing conventions for so many years with limited parking spaces, I now appreciated close parking much more.
Four had chosen a Japanese place. Judging by the location, it seemed to almost literally be a hole in the wall. Still, I walked through the doors, looking around until I saw him near the back, one hand in the air to get my attention. I waved briefly then began to pick my way through the dining area. For being a narrow building, it was certainly long enough.
"Did you find the place okay?" Four asked as I approached. He held my chair for me as I sat.
I nodded at him when he sat across from me. "Yeah, the GPS was pretty good at navigating for me," I replied, smiling a little. I was nervous about this dinner. I wasn't sure if it was because we were going to talk eventually, or if it was because it seemed like a date. It hadn't bothered me in the past when we'd gone to get lunch together, but things were different now. Although it seemed like forever ago, it had only been Thursday when he'd kissed me.
"This is one of Amar's favorite places," Four was saying, his eyes scanning the menu.
I just nodded, also perusing the menu in front of me. Four had already ordered tea for us, though he seemed not to have touched it. I poured myself a small cupful, then turned my gaze back to the food options before me. The menu had typical fare for a little Japanese restaurant; some things I recognized, others I didn't. When I saw the selection of sushi, though small, I smiled.
"How's the sushi here? Did Amar say?" I asked, already mentally deciding what I would order. It was a profitable weekend; I could afford it.
Four glanced up at me for a moment, then back down at the page. "He said it's pretty good, though he did say to stay away from the cuttlefish," he warned with a grimace.
I furrowed my brow a little. "Cuttlefish hasn't been on my list of things to try," I murmured, "So, no worries there."
Our server, a petite Asian girl, came by the table, so Four and I gave our orders. When she left, there was a heavy silence over the table, now that there was no menu to distract us from the awkwardness that had developed over the weekend. I avoided Four's gaze for a few moments, looking at the decorations between us and the obligatory fish tank found in every Asian restaurant; anywhere but at him. When I finally hazarded a glance at him, he seemed to be just as preoccupied, only his eyes were trained on his lap.
I reached for my tea, and the movement seemed to break whatever spell was surrounding us. Four cleared his throat and leaned forward onto the table. His eyes settled on me, soft but inquiring.
"So, how's your mom doing? Have you heard from Caleb recently?" he asked, fiddling with his chopsticks.
I replaced my teacup on the table, finally looking up at him fully. "I talked to him yesterday afternoon," I answered, noticing how stiff my voice was. "He said that she saw her doctor again. She's still improving, but not quite as well as the doctors would like."
There was a brief pause between us before he spoke up again. "Do you need to go back to visit?" His voice was hesitant, almost like he hated to ask.
Gently, I shook my head. "No," I said quietly, pushing the little dish of soy sauce around in front of me. "Things still seem okay, for now. Though I think that when we're in Chicago for the convention, I'd like to take those days off to spend with my family."
Four reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "Of course, Tris," he murmured, rubbing his thumb over my hand.
With a slight grimace, I pulled my hand away from his. As much as I wanted to feel his fingers around mine, I just couldn't. I couldn't handle the way it made me feel, knowing at the same time that it was so wrong. It wasn't fair to either of us for him to put us in that position. "Please don't do that, Four." I looked away from him, my eyes dropping back down to my place setting. When I glanced back up, he was frowning a little at his own hands.
We were silent for a few minutes, the moment hanging over us once again. I knew he could tell I was upset; I thought he might be, too, though I wasn't quite sure why he was upset. He certainly didn't have any justification for feeling that way based on my turning down his intimate gesture.
"So how did yesterday go?" He asked after some time had passed. His voice was light, trying to bridge the previous awkwardness.
I set my teacup down on the table again, clearing my throat after I swallowed some of the hot liquid. "It went really well. We're almost completely out of, like, everything," I began with a smile, folding my hands in my lap. "Though the new order should be in by Friday at Amar's. I ordered a little extra, just to see how next time will go."
Four nodded, sipping his water. "Good to hear."
I paused for a moment, putting my hands around my cup now. I couldn't keep still. "I didn't see you much yesterday," I pointed out hesitantly. I was possibly opening up a door that I wouldn't be able to close delicately.
This time, Four cleared his throat. "Yeah," he murmured, eyes down on the table. "I was...busy most of yesterday. Marina was upset about some things."
It still hurt. Even after these two, almost three months, the pain bloomed around my heart, clenching tightly. I hated how it made me feel, and as much as I tried to tell myself to get over it, I simply couldn't.
"I'm sorry." I was unsure of what else to say.
Four shrugged. "It's...whatever," he muttered. "She was still upset about the fight with Christina, and...some other things." He trailed off like he wasn't sure if he should say what was on his mind. He took a deep breath, drawing himself up a little. "So she's staying at her friend's house for the next few nights. She wanted 'space'."
I was incredibly uncomfortable talking about Marina. He knew how I felt about her, how most of us felt about her. Hell, he probably even knew that most of us wondered why she was still hanging around. I wondered if anyone had ever dared to ask him, like maybe Zeke.
I was saved from having to respond when the server returned with our food. She placed beef and lo mein noodles in front of Four, and hibachi chicken, fried rice, and some sushi rolls in front of me. My mouth began to water a little at the sight of the rolls. Hopefully Amar's assessment of this place was correct; it had been entirely too long since I'd had good sushi.
We ate in silence for a few moments, enjoying the first couple bites of our food, before Four spoke up again. "So, what else did you do while you were in Chicago?" he asked, pushing his noodles around on his plate.
I swallowed the piece of chicken I'd been chewing on, then looked over at him. "Not much," I answered. "At first, I spent a lot of time in the hospital with Mom when she was there, making sure that she was taken care of properly." I watched him nod for a moment before continuing. "When she was in rehab, one of us was there almost all the time, so Caleb, Dad, and I would switch off. When we weren't at the rehab center, then we were sleeping. And if we weren't sleeping, then we were trying to keep the house running."
Four nodded as he shoved noodles into his mouth. I couldn't help the slight grin that crossed my lips at the sight.
"So, not a lot of time for anything else," I finished, my grin disappearing. "Just a lot of housework and hospital time." When I looked at Four again, he was wearing a sad expression, like he was about to say something far too kind. I didn't want him to pity me, so I spoke up before he could, hoping to steer the topic away, "What about you guys? What'd you all do?"
He shifted in his seat a little, then took a sip of water before speaking. "Same ol'," he answered. "Hit a bunch of conventions, traveled everywhere." He paused for a moment then looked up. "Missed you."
I bit my lip, wondering if this was my moment. Whether or not it was, I had to say something. "Listen, Four," I began, setting my chopsticks down on their holder. "I don't know...I don't know if there's something between us, but it can't happen, okay? We're friends. You're dating someone else, and it isn't right what you're doing."
He looked at me, brow furrowed for a moment. "What am I doing?" he asked, though he didn't sound inquisitive so much as challenging.
Frustration began to build up in me. "Really? You really have to ask? Let's see, for years you've been the biggest fucking tease to ever walk the face of the planet, and it's even worse because you know I like you. Then you start dating probably the most horrible person you could ever find - seriously, why are you guys together? And then to top it all off, you disrespect both of us by kissing me and flirting with me all the time." I couldn't stop the words from spilling out now even if I wanted to; they were just flowing from me after having sat on them for so long. "You want to know what you are doing? You're fucking over your chances of ever being in a stable, healthy relationship - with anyone. That's what you're doing, Four."
When I stopped talking, I looked down at my hands for a moment; they were shaking. Then I looked back up at Four, who was just staring at me with his mouth slightly open. He shut his mouth, then clenched his jaw so tight I could see the muscles in his cheeks twitching.
"Tris, I-"
"If you're going to apologize, Four," I interrupted, "I don't want to hear it. I just want you to know that whatever feelings you might have for me? You need to validate them some other way - some way in which you aren't cheating on your girlfriend. But even then, I'm not sure I'd let you, if that's an example of how you respect a relationship." His gaze hardened on me. I stood, my mostly finished food forgotten now. "I'm going back to Amar's. I'll see you tomorrow." Before I walked away, I pulled a twenty out of my pocket and threw it on the table. I was unwilling to let this be considered a bad date, and he couldn't call it one if I paid for my own meal, right?
I had almost made it to the car when I heard him behind me, calling my name. I tried to ignore him as I unlocked the car, but he grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him.
"What the fuck, Tris?" he asked, incredulous. He'd apparently found his tongue at last. "What was that in there?"
I frowned at him. "What did it sound like?" I mimicked his tone from before, when he'd asked me an obvious question. "That was me giving a shit and finally standing up for myself, for once. I can't let things happen between us anymore, Four. I don't like Marina, so this isn't about her. It's about me. I have to respect myself, and by letting you use me as some side piece, that is the opposite of self-respect."
"Tris, I-"
I cut him off again, irate. "Listen, Four. I've been fucked over way too many times in the past to let it happen again. So you need to make up your mind what you want to do, but I'm not guaranteeing I'll have anything to do with it. If you want to try, then stop being a coward."
He frowned more deeply at me and I yanked my arm out of his grasp. Even when I was mad as hell, his touch still affected me in ways I didn't want to think about right now.
When he was quiet for a few more moments, I started to turn. I didn't say anything as I slid into the car. He was still standing there when I drove away, staring after the taillights.
When I got back to Amar's house, Christina was waiting for me, sitting on the twin bed in the room I'd claimed. Ordinarily, I'd have made some snarky comment about her presence here instead of with Will, but I was still too angry. She must have been able to tell, too, based on how she watched me move around the room. She was quiet, which was highly unusual for her.
I changed into pajamas, not caring that she was still in the room. Then I went into the bathroom attached to both this room and the one she was in and brushed my teeth and removed my makeup. It was only when I sat down on the bed beside her that whatever spell she was under seemed to break.
"What the hell happened?" she asked, shifting a little beside me.
I grabbed the pillow and hugged it close to my chest. "I stood up for myself," I answered, resting my chin against the pillow.
Christina looked at me, confused. "Um, okay. Why did you have to stand up for yourself?" Her tone was uncertain, like she wasn't sure if she was going to have to hit someone for me or not.
Before I had a chance to reply, the front door slammed, shaking the house. I glanced at Christina to see if she'd put the pieces together. Her jaw dropped a little and she looked at me. "What the hell?"
"I told him I was tired of him toying with me and I wouldn't be his side piece," I replied at last, hugging the pillow tighter.
"What the hell did he do?" she asked incredulously.
I thought back to the dinner. He really hadn't done anything. He just tried to hold my hand and told me he missed me while I was gone. I told this to Christina, then looked away sheepishly. "I may have overreacted a little, though, because I totally blew up on him." Feeling slightly embarrassed, I recounted what I'd said to Four, hiding myself in the pillow more and more as Christina's mouth opened further and further. My anger had dwindled now, especially after I repeated everything I'd said.
"Damn, girl!" Christina exclaimed, shoving my arm. "Damn. I wish I'd been there for that." She chuckled a little. "Good for you, though. It's about time someone put him in his place."
Still, even though I was proud to have stood up for myself, especially considering all the times I hadn't in my life, I felt a little awful for how I'd just exploded over dinner.
"Do you think I was too harsh?" I asked, pursing my lips. She seemed to consider for a moment, so I continued. "I mean, I did just kind of say all those things without any provocation..."
Christina shook her head. "I don't think you need to apologize, at least not for saying what you did. I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself, Tris. If you hadn't said something, I was going to on your behalf." She paused. "I think you said all the right things."
I nodded a little. I felt a little better, but not by much. Part of me wondered if I should quit working for him, even though I enjoyed this job so much. Not many people could talk to their boss that way and get away with it...
"I think I'm going to lay down," I murmured. I had no intention of sleeping, though; I was too wound up still to do that. I had a few books to read.
Christina nodded and pushed up from the bed. "Okay," she replied softly. "If you need anything...well, just knock first." She winked at me and I tried not to think about what she was implying.
The comfort of the bed was welcome as I climbed under the covers. It smelled like a home instead of a hotel: a smell I sorely missed.
