Allie (mentioned) memeber of Ben's initiation class. Natalie and Hana made it look like she had fallen from the ropes course and died, because she is Divergent.
Chapter 7 Tantrum
It turns out Eli's prediction about Leeann couldn't have been more wrong. The first couple of meals we don't see Leeann and Chaz at, I tell myself it's just a coincidence. On the third day after we told the family about the baby, I see Leeann get up with an almost full tray when Eli and I head that way, and I see Chaz shake his head and take a big bite before he follows her. This is when I realize she really is so upset about the baby that she is intentionally avoiding us.
Eli doesn't seem to notice his cousin snubbing us, or at least he acts like he doesn't. I should be excited about the baby, and I am… as long as I don't think about Leeann.
The first week, no one seems to notice that Leeann and Chaz are avoiding us. The second week, it becomes pretty obvious when I see Leeann sit down with her back to us right before we get to the table. As soon as she realizes Eli is sitting next to her, she stands up and, without even taking one bite of food, she leaves. My emotions are so haywire these days that I don't know if I want to cry or scream. Eli puts a hamburger on my plate, giving me something different to focus on, so I manage to do neither.
Eli works on keeping my plate full during dinner. I pay attention to everything I eat to keep myself from thinking too much about the whole Leeann situation. It probably helps that I know Eli's keeping track of everything I eat. So I eat to try to keep from worrying him. He hasn't been sleeping well, so I know he's upset about Leeann, too, even though he won't admit it to me.
I have to be at work right after dinner, so when I think I've eaten enough to make Eli happy, I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and pick up my tray. It surprises me when Angie picks up her tray too, whispers something to Rob, and then gives him a quick kiss and walks away with me. We return our trays without saying anything. I wonder what's going on when she doesn't head back to the kitchen but instead follows me.
"What's up with Leeann?" Angie corners me as we leave the cafeteria. "And don't tell me you don't know. Last week when she first started acting this way, I thought she and Chaz were having another one of their fights, but I realized yesterday, it's not Chaz she's avoiding. She leaves the table and Chaz follows her, like the obedient husband that he is, and she lets him. If she was mad at him, he wouldn't be devotedly following her. I feel a little silly right now, because it just dawned on me at dinner that she leaves whenever you or Eli show up, so what happened?"
I take a deep breath, suddenly very, very tired. "Angie, I don't want to talk about it." My eyes close and I feel tears building beneath them.
"Hana…" Angie's voice trails off. There is only a moment or two of silence before she answers her own question. "You're pregnant! You and Eli are going to be parents, and Leeann's throwing a tantrum."
My eyes fly open, and I try to figure out how to deny it, but I already know there is no use in trying. If I do, she'll only throw it back at me in a couple more weeks when we tell everyone. Instead, I nod slowly, feeling a tear fall from each eye as I do.
"Hana, that's wonderful!" She hugs me, then pulls away. "Isn't it?"
"Everyone who knows thinks it's wonderful, except…" My voice trails off. I just can't bring myself to say her name. I realize that Angie's already figured it all out, but there is still something about the idea of saying it out loud that will make it real.
"Leeann?" Angie finishes for me.
"Yeah, she's… she's pretty mad at me."
"It will be okay, eventually. Leeann has always been the type that when she's gets mad at something or someone, she holds onto it longer than she should, but eventually she sees reason and things go back to normal. Just don't expect her to apologize," Angie cautions me. "I don't think I've ever seen or heard of Leeann actually apologizing. She'll just suddenly go back to normal and never say anything about it."
"I don't care if she apologizes," I tell Angie, past the lump in my throat. "I just want my friend back."
I can't seem to convince Eli that it's okay to go to bed without me when I work the afternoon and evenings shifts. He still has to get up at the same time, but he refuses to go to bed without me. Sultana sent me home early tonight. I think she's suspicious that something is going on. I'm not sure if she knows Leeann is mad at me about something, or if maybe Taylor let her in on our secret, or if she's figured out about the baby the same way she figured out Eli and I were dating. It doesn't matter what her reason is, I'm too tired and glad to be heading home to care.
I'm surprised when I open the door and see Chaz seated on the couch, talking to Eli. I lean against the door after I close it. "Hi."
"Shhh…." Chaz puts a finger over his lips. "I'm not really here. I snuck away to talk to Eli and check on you."
I give him a ghost of a smile and close my eyes against the forming tears.
"Are you okay?" Oddly enough, it's Chaz who asks me.
"I'm just tired. And I miss Leeann," I admit softly.
Eli stands up, but so does Chaz, and Chaz reaches me first. He gives me a hug. "For what it is worth, Leeann misses you, too," he tells me as he pulls back. "She's just being bull-headed."
Eli's arms claim me next, but he doesn't let go, not even when the oh-so-familiar tears start to soak through his shirt. When I'm under control he turns me around so I'm facing Chaz, but keeps his arms wrapped around me.
"Chaz dropped by to see if I had any ideas of how to get through to Leeann." Eli gives a small laugh. "He should have realized that if I had any ideas, I would have used them by now."
Chaz's late evening visit makes me feel a little better. Knowing that he's on our side, and even willing to risk visiting us, means a lot to me. I realize the next day as I wait for the elevator to head home after work that I've never seen him go against Leeann on anything before, so I know coming by the apartment to see us was a true act of bravery for him.
The elevator doors slide open, and to my surprise Leeann is already inside. I step in, unsure of what to expect. There was a time when, before the doors closed, we would have already been talking catching up on the hours since we last saw each other. This time there is silence, and we don't start catching up on the weeks it has been since we last spoke. The door closes as an awkward silence fills the car.
"Leeann…" I try hesitantly.
I am met with silence.
"Leeann," I try again, tears building in my eyes, "can't we talk, please?"
She continues her stony silence, the muscles in her jaw moving up and down as she clenches and relaxes them. Finally, five floors away from our apartments, she speaks. Her voice is still filled with as much venom as it was the night we told her about the baby. "I tried talking. I tried making sure you understood before you got yourself into this mess. I told you it was a bad idea for you to have a baby, but you didn't listen to me. Why should I talk to you now?" She turns to me and I see the full force of her anger in her normally kind brown eyes.
"Because we're friends, and not just friends, but we're also family now and…"
Leeann's bitter laugh cuts me off. "We are not friends. You're married to my cousin, and that does make us family, but we aren't friends, not anymore. Not after the way you stabbed me in the back."
"I stabbed you in the back?" I ask, dumbfounded.
"Yes," Leeann says forcefully, "you stabbed me in the back. You knew how I felt about you and Eli having kids, and you let him knock you up anyway."
"Eli and I having kids isn't your decision. It's our decision." My voice becomes firm. I realize we didn't exactly make the decision, but I'm not about to admit that to her.
Her finger reaches out and she pushes the button for the next floor. The elevator quickly comes to a stop.
"Where are you going?" I ask as the doors start to open.
"I'll take the stairs from here. It seems like a better option than being stuck on this elevator with you."
I push the button to hold the doors closed so she can't get out, but I am too late; she slips through the crack as they start to close, so they automatically open wider. As the doors close behind her, I want to scream, I want to throw something, I want to cry, I want to stomp my feet, I want bang my fist on the wall, I want to do something to get rid of the rage and hurt that are suddenly filling me. But I do nothing, because the elevator doors open on my floor. I press my hands to my eyes and hope that if I pass any of my neighbors in the hallway they won't be able to tell the state I am in.
Natalie leaves me by ropes course with a new drive in my pocket, along with the instructions for it. For now, we're trying to keep our meetings as short and as public as possible so my absences aren't as noticeable to Eli. The one thing Natalie has been emphatic about in all of this, is that the fact that she and I work together has to be between the two of us. She reminds me nearly every time we meet now, that the more people who know what she does and that I help her, the more dangerous it is for both of us.
She's also made sure I understand that includes telling Eli.
I don't like it. I don't like keeping anything from Eli, especially not something this big. At the same time, I can understand why she feels this way. She is right about it too, and I realize that. I realize that the more people that know Natalie is from the other side of the fence, the more likely it is that someone will decide to do something about that. So for now, I keep the secret of Natalie from Eli.
Of course, Natalie doesn't know that I'm keeping a secret from her, too. She has no idea that I'm going to be a mother before the year is over. I haven't seen the right opening to tell her about the baby. Maybe I'm afraid to. After Leeann's reaction, it is very possible that I'm terrified of another friend reacting poorly to the idea that I'm going to be a mom and to me, Natalie has more of a reason to be upset by me being pregnant than Leeann does.
"What are you doing here?" I'm surprised to hear Zane's voice behind me. I'm sure he must be talking to someone else, so I don't turn to answer him. "Hana, what are you doing here?" He adds my name to it as he asks again.
I turn around to face him. "I heard this is where Allie fell from. I guess I just wanted to check it out myself."
Zane puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me around so I'm facing him. "You know, that's kind of morbid."
I give a small chuckle. "I guess it is. I probably should get going. It's almost dinner time." I start to walk away, intending to leave Zane behind, but he falls in step with me.
"You know," he says softly, "I never got a chance, before now, to tell you how sorry I am for what Jude put you through."
I stop abruptly. "What do you have to be sorry about?"
"I was engaged to her. I should have stopped her," he answers me, his dark brown eyes focused on me. It's the first time I've really seen his eyes, and I realize how different they are from Eli's. Zane's eyes droop slightly in the corners, but it's more than that. It's the color. Both of them have brown eyes, but where Eli's have those golden flecks in them that reflect light and love, Zane's are darker, more foreboding. They are brown with darker brown almost black flecks in them. They draw me in and repel me at the same time.
"Zane, she told me that she blackmailed you into proposing. How were you supposed to stop her?
Zane gives a short bark of a laugh. "She told you that, did she? She may have thought she blackmailed me into it, but in reality, I almost got what I wanted."
A chill runs up my back. He did love her. "Zane…" I'm not sure what to say.
"It's okay, Hana, it is probably best that she died. She wasn't all that…" he searches for the right word, "stable, but there was something about her that drew me in." He laughs. "Like a moth to the flame. She was the flame and I've come to realize that in the end, either she would have burned me, or she was going to have to be snuffed out."
I start walking again, hoping he will stay behind this time, but he doesn't. He falls in step next to me. We walk together in silence until we get back to the Pit, and even then he continues to wordlessly accompany me. I head towards the tattoo parlor, hoping that Tori is working. I don't want to be alone with Zane right now, not even in a crowd of people. We're about fifty feet from the tattoo parlor when he suddenly starts speaking again. "It was nice talking to you, Hana. Have a good day." Then he veers off and heads another direction.
Confused, I wonder what just happened. "What were you and Zane talking about?" Eli comes up behind me.
"I'm not sure," I answer honestly. "I ran into him and he apologized for not stopping Jude. Then he just suddenly… left."
Eli looks at me for a second, then takes my hand. "I've been looking for you. I have an idea that might help with Leeann."
"What?" I ask anxiously.
"I think we need to go ahead and tell everyone," he keeps his voice low, "about the baby. You say Angie's already figured it out, which means Rob knows, and if Leeann's just trying to keep from saying something around everyone else…"
I don't think he's right. I don't think Leeann is staying away from us just to help us keep our secret about the baby, but maybe she is. Maybe she's afraid that in her anger she'll let something spill, and despite how mad she is, she's still trying to keep her promise not to tell. I'm willing to try anything to get her to at least talk to one of us. "Might as well, we're pretty much at the three month mark anyway. Should we tell everyone at dinner tonight?"
"That's what I was thinking. I'll make sure Nick knows to let Leeann and Chaz know that we've told everyone, since she's still talking to him." I hear the hurt in Eli's voice. It's another sign that Leeann's reaction has bothered him more than he's been willing to voice to me.
"Sounds like a plan," I say smiling as I lift myself on tip toes to kiss his jaw. "This time I'm pretty sure everyone will be happy for us."
"It has to be better than last time," he mutters, barely loudly enough for me to hear him.
Dinner is the normal group, minus Leeann and Chaz. I find myself hoping that Eli is right and that Leeann will come around after she knows we have told everyone about the baby. I see an empty seat next to Angie and slip into it. This could work out even better than I thought it would. Eli and I talked about it on the way here. We're not making a big announcement like Rob did. My idea is a little more subtle than that.
When there is a lull in the conversation, I start. "So," I tap Angie's knee with my mine, hoping she understands where I am going with this, "I realized today that I've never heard when you're due."
Angie smiles. "July."
I feel my own smile brighten; in that moment, I forget about Leeann, and I can actually be happy about the baby. "I guess the kids will be pretty close in age then. I'm due in September."
There is a moment of silence and then I hear the clang of a few pieces of silverware hitting the plates.
"Hana, did you just say what I think you said?" Kelly asks.
I look over at her, trying to look innocent, but I can't stop smiling, so I'm sure I don't pull it off. "What do you think I said?"
"That you're pregnant, too."
"Yes, I'm pregnant, too."
Abilyn starts laughing. We all look at her, trying to figure out what is so funny. She turns to Ben. "Turns out we weren't the first couple from our Nuptials Day to get pregnant after all. Of all people, Eli and the Stiff beat us to it!"
This time even Bekah's jaw drops at her statement. Either Bekah is a better at looking surprised than I thought, or she wasn't at the infirmary when Abilyn took her test.
"Abilyn!" Ben hisses.
Suddenly she stops laughing and covers her mouth with both hands. "Oops!"
Ben shakes his head indulgently at her. "Might as well tell everyone now, but please," he looks at the rest of us, "don't say anything. We haven't told my family yet."
"We just found out yesterday." Abilyn bubbles with excitement. "So, I'm not due until around Risk Day."
Three babies! I smile as I put my hand over my stomach for the first time in public and give it a little pat. It's nice to know our little one will grow up with a couple of built-in playmates.
In the FanFiction world the Dauntless canon babies from Zeke's initiation are already in the story. If you want to start guessing who has which one, you may!
The real world isn't so good right now. There has been a major real life medical event in my family. I'm writing this author's note as I get ready to go back into the hospital. Right now my focus is between the hospital where my husband is, our daughter, and my new job. I don't know when I'll get a chance to update again. I'm hoping I'll be back up and publishing within a month, but I have to take care of real life and my family first. Please be patient with me. I'll start publishing again as soon as my life is stable.
