Hey guys, WriKai here! Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. Things have been crazy hectic around for me. Hopefully it's all settled down enough that I can start posting on a regular basis again. I missed you all so much, though!

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I stayed outside for a while, long after Crowley had left. I didn't really want to go in, and I really didn't care if I got a cold or not.

It wasn't like anything done to me would hurt Cas. It was just whatever was done to him. One-way soul train, after all. The only reason I'd gotten the black mark was probably due to angel grace backlash or something.

But I knew it wasn't gone. I'd known when Cas had shown up to help with Dean. He'd elbowed Cas in the stomach, and it'd felt like a sucker punch to my gut. Damn did Dean have sharp elbows!

I'd known, and I couldn't tell Cas. Not after his reaction to just knowing I'd done it. I wasn't certain if he'd shout at me again, or even whether he still liked me or not for doing that, much less loved me.

Eventually, Hannah came outside. "Hello." She said, taking a glance around at the rain. "Are you not cold and wet?"

"I am."

"Then why do you remain outside?"

"I don't think I can go inside." And it was true, I wasn't certain if I could. After all, Cas was in there, still pissed as hell at me. No doubt Sam and Dean had heard our fight outside, or had had Castiel tell them. Dean said he was fine with magic, but… I doubted he'd be cool with that, and Sam already wasn't a big fan of what I did.

"You saved him." She stated, staying under cover from the rain.

"He told you?"

"I could hear." She tapped the side of her head, in front of her ears. "Angelic hearing is better than normal hearing."

"Did he tell Sam and Dean?"

She listened for a moment before nodding, and I let out a sigh. "If it makes you feel any better, they are taking it well."

"Yeah, but the one person that I wanted to take it well," I shrugged. "Isn't."

"Give him time. He is worried for your health and safety."

"So he's allowed to worry, but I'm not."

"Look at it from his perspective." She offered. "Every time he felt pain that was suddenly gone, he felt better. The only reason he is still alive now is in part to your spell, one that would've killed you with him. He thrived off of parts of your soul, an action that considerably lowered your lifespan."

I hadn't thought about that possible side effect, but at the same time I couldn't find it in myself to care.

"So?" I asked instead.

"How would you feel if he did that as well, cut his lifespan in half to extend your dying one for a few more months, and then almost died with you?"

"I'd be…" I stopped, realizing what I was about to say. I'd be pissed, absolutely furious that he'd throw his life away trying to let a dying human like me live for just a little longer. I'd be telling him that it wasn't worth the risk, that I wouldn't be worth the risk.

I would've stalked back inside full of fire and anger, just like he had.

Hannah smiled, and gave me a small nod. "Both of you are right in your reasoning, as well as your anger. But I believe that if you two would sit down, inside," she emphasized. "And talk about it, then there would be no hard feelings on either side."

"But…" I thought about it. "What do I do if he comes close to dying again? If I'm there, I'm gonna do something, anything, to save him."

"Then you must accept the consequences of those actions, and accept that they will not be perceived favorably." She answered. "And accept that he may do the same for you, and that it would be hypocritical of you to have the same anger towards him."

"Do you think he'll see that rationale too?" I asked.

"Do you see it fully?" She countered. I smiled a bit before shaking my head. "I thought so. You both will just have to learn how to see each other's rationale, and how to acknowledge each side equally."

She went back inside, and once again I stayed out in the rain. I wasn't certain how to go in, much less when I would or whether I even should.

I wanted to know if Cas was ok with this, still ok with me. I was afraid to go in, afraid that he wouldn't be ok and would call off the relationship now. I loved being with Cas, and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Well, maybe one thing.

If I was going to lose him, because I couldn't bear the thought of living with him dead, then maybe I could bear that. I could bear Cas wanting to leave, if it meant that he was still alive and somewhat safe.

I might even be able to bear being under Crowley's thumb, so long as Cas was safe and none the wiser as to the cost of it.

I just wasn't certain as to if I could bear it without a lot of problems.