AN: I love this song. It's probably my second favorite on Absolution after "Time is Running Out." If you haven't heard it, you should definitely give it a listen. In fact, you should probably go and get the whole album. :D

Spoiler for L's name, but really, is there anyone who reads this stuff that doesn't know it by now?

Finally, FAIR WARNING for fact that this is "near-canon"--not limited to, but including the fact that Light wasn't wearing a button-down shirt on the 30th :)--and also the "M" rating. Alright, off we go!


Thoughts of a Dying Atheist

I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
Floating in-between
Where our worlds collide

It scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see
And it scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see

I know the moment's near
And there's nothing we can do
Look through a faithless eye
Are you afraid to die?

.x.L.x.

If L was certain of one thing it was that Light Yagami had a plan. From this he could deduce a number of things.

Light had purposely allowed his murder tool to pass out of his hands knowing that it would end up with the investigation team where it would never be released. He wouldn't be stupid enough to attempt to use it while it was under such guard.

This – added to the incidence of the second Kira – meant there was most certainly a second Death Note somewhere.

To maintain a façade of innocence, Light would likely use Misa Amane as the retriever of this second note; she was a willing tool and he'd used her before. It was possible, no, likely, that he would even direct her to resume killing.

If he'd gone so far, it was safe to assume that he'd taken the next step – namely plotting L's death.

Given L's inquiring nature and what was surely Light's reticence to allow the detective to examine the Note too thoroughly (plus the simple fact that he'd been trying to end L since the beginning), his death would be set soon.

L didn't know how Light planned to kill him – and frankly, it didn't matter to him. He didn't have time to figure it out. He would just have to work on the assumption that his death was coming and there was little or nothing he could do about it. However, that did not mean he couldn't take Light down with him. But not before getting what he'd wanted for so very long. L would formulate his own plan, and quickly. By his own deadline he now had just over forty-eight hours.

.x.L.x.

The first day was easy, relatively speaking. It took hours to sort out the mess with Higuchi and the night quietly and unobtrusively slipped into the next day. By this time the investigation team (now plus one with the addition of Aizawa once again) was exhausted, both mentally and physically. However, they were also driven and continued to gather information and pour over all they collected when they finally returned to headquarters (after unchaining Misa Amane and sending her off to bed). They uncovered a great deal about the method of killing, confirmed the rules of the tool Kira had used, and every bit of it merely reinforced in L's mind that it was exactly the sort of thing Light Yagami would have used to his every advantage, exactly the right tool to suit his clever mind, adeptness at manipulation and need for control.

Eventually, L was forced to rescind his position on the likelihood of Light's and Misa's guilt – at least in front of the team – and release Light from the shackles that had bound them together for just over three months. L had half-expected Light to raise protest that the handcuff hadn't been removed before that point now that they had "caught Kira." But at the same time he wasn't really surprised. The boy was playing his game, even insisting that he would remain to finish up the case (no doubt to stay close to L). Unfortunately, he just didn't realize that L now had a new understanding of the rules.

Although there were still points about which he was unclear. He attempted get the answers he needed from the shinigami, Rem, but the creature was vague and elusive and L found conversing with her to be both irritating and a waste of time. It made him question if this was truly the shinigami Light had originally dealt with or if perhaps it had been another. The answer didn't necessarily matter; it just didn't seem as though there was any degree of alliance between the two. And Rem didn't impress L as being a particularly able actress.

The lack of conclusions, however, meant that L would have to revise part of his tentative plan, making the time frame much narrower and the end result all the more uncertain. Still, he was not L for no reason. Perhaps it was arrogance, but he was nevertheless confident that he could make it work. And he would get what he'd sought, what he'd been craving, ever since it had been taken away from him.

They retired early that night which, considering no one had slept for over twenty-four hours, was understandable. There was still much work to be done but the team had been running on fumes and willpower for the past few hours and crashing was inevitable. Of course Light slept in another bed, in a different room, and L was completely alone for the first time in quite a long time. It was a relief – it had been almost a year since he was able to relax, let down the defenses he'd constructed, and it felt like letting loose after hours of hard labor. (Which in a way was true. Maintaining that sort of bad posture had nearly ruined his spine and, if he hadn't been as fit as he was, would have surely wrecked havoc on his knees as well.)

But the situation was also maddening. After all that time, all those months, denied what he'd wanted, what he'd been searching for; to have it here in front of him and yet unable to claim it and keep it. It made him burn and clouded his reason, the acrid brew that had been steeping in him at its strongest concentration. If he'd been prone to fits of rage he might have destroyed his room that night. That wasn't his nature though. His was a much more subtle corruption. More elegant and probably a great deal more despicable. Not unlike Kira.

It was a mistake that the others had left him completely alone. L did lay destruction that night; but he didn't break a single thing.

.x.L.x.

"Misa-san, as you are no longer under suspicion, you are now considered an outsider to this investigation. Therefore your presence is no longer acceptable. It would be best if you took up your own residence elsewhere and continued your work from there."

"You get to go home, Misa-Misa!" The model's look had been rather blank and vaguely annoyed at L's announcement, but Matsuda's enthusiastic declaration lit a smile on her face and spurred an outburst of high-pitched excited noise. Light, the "concerned boyfriend" (now that he had suddenly decided he had developed feelings for the blonde moron), smiled indulgently at her joy and promised dates for the future now that they were both free. This, of course, set off another round of squealing with an added harassment of grabbing and squeezing which L had to admit Light bore admirably, even as he wanted to fling something hard and pointy at the model, followed by the perfidious boy.

Her things were packed and taken down to the car which would remove her from their vicinity and then the entire team was escorting her down to the entrance to see her off. All except L. Before they left, he quietly beckoned Mogi to the desk where he still sat, the Death Note opened in front of him.

"Mogi-san, your duties as Misa-san's manager have ended; however, I would like you to please remain with her until she is delivered to her new residence. Do you understand? From this moment on, you are not to leave her side for any reason."

The man nodded briefly. "I understand." Without another word he hurried to catch up with the group and fulfill his duty. This was the part that L had the least control over, but he trusted Mogi to do exactly as told – meaning Light would have no opportunity to speak to Misa privately. Such a thing would no doubt frustrate the boy but he would likely assume that there would be chances to instruct her in the future. Too bad that L had other ideas.

They returned shortly, Matsuda wailing and moaning about the loss of Misa's presence (what was wrong with him, anyway?) while Light nodded in agreement like the good little boyfriend and fellow investigator that he was. The rest of the team made no comments but largely seemed to be glad that she was gone.

The day was spent continuing to compare the names written in the Death Note with the list of dead they had, trying to make connections to the killings that had begun last year, analyzing the data on the Death Note itself, reviewing all the data they'd collected from the Yotsuba meetings and the surveillance on Higuchi. So far, though, the killings had stopped and there were no future names written in the Death Note – which L had largely usurped, allowing no one else to touch it. Light kept sending glances his way as he fingered the pages, clutching it in that bizarre germophobic grip, holding above his head and peering at it as though that angle could possibly tell him something different. The rest of the investigation team didn't seem to mind his possession, bothered as they were by the unnatural object.

Much like the one before it, the day wore on into late evening and L suggested that the rest of the task force retire for the night given the stressful period they'd just been under. Matsuda and Aizawa were happy enough to do so, Mogi ambiguous as ever, Yagami, of course, the only one determined to make things difficult for L, insisting he was fresh enough to keep working. It was only with remarks bordering on the razor edge of outright rude combined with Light's much more reasonable prods that the man finally consented to resting.

"Are you going as well, Light?" Yagami asked, hesitating as he turned to go.

"Yeah, in a little bit, Dad." Seeing his father was on the verge of protesting, Light hurriedly added, "I promise, not too long. I won't wear myself out. If it's alright with you, Ryuuzaki," he added as an afterthought.

"Certainly, Yagami-kun," L answered, absorbed for the moment in an over-sized piece of lemon meringue pie.

Yagami stared at them both for a moment then gave a little sigh, saying, "Not too late," before he headed up to the floor that housed his bedroom.

L's eyes immediately flicked to the digital clock hanging on the wall, counting out the minutes in its red LCD pixels. This was going to be tight, probably. Honestly, he just wasn't sure. Still, best to start now.

L sent the following message to Watari:

Watari, please disengage all surveillance equipment and recording devices in this room immediately. I will contact you later with an explanation.

Half a minute later he received a response.

Understood.

And now L put the core of his plan into action.

"Rem-san," he addressed the shinigami without looking at her, "You needn't feel that you must stay in this room at all times. You may go elsewhere." As in, get out. Out of the corner of his eye, L saw Light turn to look at her and there was a pause before the shinigami said, "Alright" then disappeared through one of the walls.

"There seems to be some tension between you and the shinigami, Yagami-kun," L observed, pursing his lips and staring innocently at the ceiling, though he could still see Light turn and frown at him.

"That stands to reason, doesn't it, Ryuuzaki? She's a god of death. She doesn't belong here. She shouldn't even exist. Why should there be anything other than tension in her presence? You can't tell me even you feel completely comfortable around her."

"Rem-san seemed to be interested in Misa-san," L commented, ignoring Light's subtle question.

"Well, Rem's a female, right? Maybe she's sympathetic toward other females."

L finally turned his head to Light mostly just to cast a skeptical look at him. "Why should that be, Yagami-kun? They're not even the same species. Just because they're both females is no reason for Rem-san to be specifically interested in Misa-san."

Light gave a false chuckle at that. "I guess so. I just didn't notice anything in particular, Ryuuzaki."

L went back to contemplating the ceiling. "Really? It makes me wonder if perhaps Rem-san wasn't previously familiar with Misa-san."

Light paused for a moment, apparently in thought, and then offered, "Well, maybe she is. She said the shinigami watch us from wherever it is they're from, right? So maybe she saw Misa from there."

"Hmm. I was under the impression that humans were watched by the shinigami for the purposes of writing their names in the Death Note."

Another small laugh. "Maybe that's not all they do. Maybe some of them form some kind of attachment after watching someone for a while. It happens."

L raised a brow. "Between a shinigami and a human?"

"Hell, even animals form attachments to each other, Ryuuzaki. It's not outside the realm of possibility."

L pulled on his lip. "It seems a rather silly thing to do."

Light's mouth twisted into a somewhat dark smile. "You're telling me."

L was silent for a while. Was Light covertly telling him that Rem did in fact have some kind of personal attachment to Amane? If Rem hadn't been Light's shinigami and if each notebook had its own god of death, then it was possible that Rem was originally the creature with Amane. But did it matter if she was? Somehow. It must somehow, L just didn't have enough knowledge to understand the connection. Maybe it was simple, though. As simple as Rem was attached to Amane, therefore might kill those threatening her. It made a certain sense. Actually … it was almost perfect, wasn't it? Because, right now, the biggest threat to Amane was L himself. If he could assume those statements to be true…. That could very well be Light's plan. Of course, at this point it didn't really matter to L himself, but it would be worth assuming to protect the others.

Alright then. One detail down. On to the next. And L really really needed this one to be correct. His intuition told him it was but … this was an extremely foreign thing he was dealing with, one which Light had had months to verse himself in and L had only had two days.

"The rules of this device are rather curious," he mused, flipping the pages to the front cover and then to the back.

"Well, it can hardly be expected to make much sense to us, can it? Nobody in their right mind would ever imagine something like that would exist outside of science fiction."

"True. Still … I wonder, Yagami-kun. If you had to speculate that one of these rules was false, which one would you pick?"

Light raised a brow. "I don't think we could safely assume that any of them are."

"Indulge me." The boy frowned, almost glared at L, but then crossed his arms and lowered his chin, deep in thought.

"Logically," he finally answered, "it would have to be the rule that states the user will die unless a name is written down every thirteen days."

"Yes." L poked at his barely-touched pie. "That's the conclusion I came to as well. And if we were to take that to be true, we could take the next step and assume that the following rule is also false."

Light nodded. "I suppose so."

"Hmm." He poked the pie a few more times. If the last rule was false, it would put an entirely different slant on many things, from Raye Penber's to Higuchi's deaths. "Interesting to consider the possibility of fake rules. We know they were written by a shinigami since all parts of the Death Note except Higuchi's writing are of materials not found on Earth. So…."

"Maybe it's a way of messing with us." L looked quizzically at Light who shrugged. "I can't imagine that these shinigami would really want to be losing their Notes to us, can you? So maybe those were put in as a way to keep humans from messing with them."

"Hmm." It's certainly somebody's way of keeping us from messing with it. L thought for a few moments, fiddling with his fork, then climbed out of his chair and moved over to the couch, taking his pie with him but leaving the Death Note. Spearing a small piece, L swirled the lemon and meringue around in his mouth, sucking on the fork, eyes once again cast up at the ceiling. Except for that very last bit, everything Light had said, every conclusion matched L's own. Of course, it was a very basic understanding at best, but it should be enough.

"The shinigami Rem is bound here by the presence of the Death Note." Light, who'd gone back to typing on his computer when L relocated, swiveled his chair to look at L.

"That's what she said."

"So if it was no longer here, she would have no reason to be here either."

Light gave him a curious look. "Yeah, I would think so. Are you thinking of moving it somewhere else, Ryuuzaki? Do you really think that would be safe?"

"No, Yagami-kun, I wasn't considering that." This was probably all that L was going to get out of Light without directly questioning him which was not a feasible option at this point. So … that really just left one last thing. Unfortunately, L was really out of his depth here, not quite sure how to proceed, how to initiate. Well, it would just have to be improvisation then.

He started by putting the plate of pie down on the coffee table and standing up to stretch, exposing just the tiniest bit of his stomach as his shirt rode up. When he relaxed it wasn't into the hunched posture he'd assumed for the past several months but instead his natural stance, just a slight rounding of the shoulders. Light was still watching him and L saw a flicker in his eyes, similar to what he'd seen that one day at To-oh. L smiled slowly, letting everything he'd been trying to keep out of his own eyes seep into them now. This was Kira, after all, whose thought processes were so scarily alike L's. Perhaps a more direct approach would be best.

"Everything I've learned about you, Yagami-kun, has led me to believe that you are a person who will always go after what he wants, regardless of the cost or the consequences. And I know there is something you want now. So my question to you is: Why don't you just take it?" Light just stared at him, the mask still carefully in place even as his eyes flashed through a thousand points of thought. Then, without warning, he pushed himself out of his chair, rushed forward and grabbed L, one hand gripping his wild hair, the other fisting his shirt at the small of his back. Before L could react in any way, Light's lips crushed his own. The kiss was hard and demanding and L gave it all right back, wrapping his arms around Light just as tightly as L was grasped.

Teeth nipped until mouths were opened and tongues could thrust forward, each battling for dominance and neither giving in. Light pushed L backwards until he was slammed against a wall, hard enough that his head flew back and connected painfully with the unforgiving surface. When he gasped, Light used the advantage to gain control of the kiss, grinding the older man into the wall, invading his mouth, exploring every inch of his captive. L allowed the domination for a minute; then he pushed and spun Light, ramming him against the wall, pinning him with his slender but strong body.

Now he took advantage of the other's momentary stun to plunder the mouth open to him. Light tasted like tea, but not sweet reminiscent of the way L preferred to drink it – his taste was clean, strong and a little bitter. It was different from the first kiss they'd shared, he was different, no longer just Light Yagami but Kira, and the thought inflamed L's fervor, making him clutch at the boy, connecting their hips and rubbing their groins together.

Light inhaled sharply while L let out the tiniest of groans at the stimulating contact. He did it again and again as his tongue continued to raid Light's mouth and the boy retaliated by suddenly grabbing the hem of L's shirt and pulling it up and off, not making any effort to be careful. Then he used L's distraction to spin them once more, this time gripping just under L's ass and lifting him up, using the wall as support. L automatically wrapped his legs around the boy's waist as he suddenly found himself looking down on Light yet at his mercy.

Light grabbed a fistful of L's hair, yanking to pull his head back and then sink his teeth into the man's long pale throat, L giving a little cry of surprise. It hurt and L loved it. God, when did he get this way?

"Nothing … visible…" he managed to get out between gasping breaths. He felt more than heard Light give a low growl somewhere deep in his chest, but the boy obeyed, moving from spot to spot, gentler but still using teeth more than lips or tongue. Perhaps it was some strange projection of his mild oral fixation but L discovered that he absolutely loved being bitten. His agile fingers threaded themselves in Light's silky hair as the boy moved his mouth down to one of L's nipples, sucking on it just shy of painfully, nipping with his teeth and flicking with his tongue.

L's hands moved from Light's hair to his shirt, quickly working through the buttons, wishing he could just rip the fabric open and fling the dratted little things across the floor, but they couldn't leave that kind of evidence. A growl escaped him as Light wiggled the material off and L realized the boy was wearing an undershirt. Preppy ass. He clawed at the shirt until the hem came untucked; then he grabbed it and pulled it off as carelessly as Light had done to him.

The feel of smooth bare skin against his set the fire burning in L to blazing levels, his heart racing and breath short. He gripped Light's face and tilted it up for another kiss, tongue stroking and battling Light's. L's head was spinning with the overwhelming rush of sensations, greater than any he'd ever experienced, and he was so caught up in it that he didn't realize he actually was spinning until he felt the world shift and then the cushions of the couch on his back.

The bounce as L hit the sofa broke the kiss and they paused for an instant, clinging to each other, breath heavy. Then Light smiled, just shy of being a smirk, and the look in his eyes almost made L moan. He wasn't quite able to keep it in, though, when Light began using his mouth on him again, teeth and tongue, moving down his throat to his nipples, skating over his ribs to his navel, while Light's hands ran all over his skin, touching, pressing, feeling.

L accepted it all, head tilted back and eyes closed, completely absorbed in the moment. God, he would never get enough of Light touching him. It was like a fucking drug, all those little electrical sparkles firing pleasure straight to his core. Dizzying and all-consuming and absolutely intoxicating.

Now Light's hands were working on his pants, unfastening and pulling them down with impressive speed, random items from various pockets clattering away as he flung the clothing to the floor. And then he was removing L's boxers and suddenly the man had a second of hesitation. Granted, he was enjoying himself immensely but his pride wasn't about to let Light dictate the entire course of action.

So when Light leaned back over him, L hooked his leg around one of Light's, grabbed the boy's wrist and used the temporary unbalance to flip their positions, briefly surprising him.

Light recovered quickly and stared up at L with narrowed eyes. "I thought you said…."

L smirked slowly, dark eyes gleaming down through his disheveled locks. "But I never said I would make it easy." He leaned down to draw Light into another kiss and began running his hands over the body below him, chuckling to himself as his fingers danced over lines and curves of muscle and skin. He'd been right before – if he'd started touching Light he never would have been able stop.

Light's fingers tangled in L's hair, seemingly content to allow the man's explorations. He made some interesting and pleasing noises when L released his lips and instead began to taste his throat and chest. While his mouth worked on Light's torso, L's fingers worked at his pants (damn this boy and his belts!), and then he was pulling them off together with the boxer-briefs underneath, leaving them both fully naked and fully aroused. L took a moment to simply look at Light stretched out beneath him, that look in his eyes….

L fitted himself along Light's body, experiencing another surge of intensity at the feeling of their bare, hot skin pressed against each other. He descended on Light's mouth again, their tongues battling fiercely as he began to move, rubbing himself against Light and groaning at the sensations, his noises matched by Light as he continued, increasing the pace. It was getting to be too much and he knew he should probably stop, but he just couldn't….

And then Light suddenly pushed him away, putting pressure on L's hips so that he had to get up on his knees to keep his balance. He propped himself up with his hands on either side of Light's head and looked down on him in utter confusion. But the boy just smiled, reassuring and sinful.

Light put a hand around L's throat, the grip demanding, tight, and pulled him down for a kiss. As his tongue stroked slowly, wickedly, along L's, Light's other palm moved down the man's body until he reached the heavy erection. He took it in his hand, rubbed his thumb around the head, L responding by lifting one hand to thread his fingers in Light's silky hair and deepen the kiss. Light's hand disappeared and then came back, but this time slipped between L's legs, back and up, a finger circling his entrance. It had been slicked with something and Light lost no time in sliding the digit inside, past the tight resistance.

L made a small noise deep in his throat. It was … strange. Very very strange. Before he could adjust or decide what exactly he thought about the sensation, the finger was removed and the hand disappeared. It came back a moment later and this time two slippery fingers were pushed inside. L lost his concentration on the kiss and Light used the hold on his throat to pull the man forward, having the dual effect of allowing Light's teeth to reach L's shoulder and causing the man to lean down which opened him further to the boy's questing fingers. While he nipped and bit the pale skin covering L's collarbone, his hand worked the man open, not seeming to bother much with gentleness and L squirmed under the assault of pleasure at one end and almost-pain at the other.

Then one of Light's fingers finally brushed along L's prostate and he jerked and let out a surprised noise, the hand in Light's hair clenching – painfully, if the boy's hiss was anything to go by. Light's fingers moved again, stimulating the gland as L twitched and caught his breath in stuttered gasps.

"L-Light…" he breathed into the boy's ear and felt the smile against his shoulder. The fingers left and L wasn't sure if he was disappointed or not – everything just felt so strange right now – and Light was pushing him back, hand trailing leisurely down L's chest and abdomen as he sat up. And L's curiosity being what it was, he couldn't help but ask, "What did you use?" as he looked down on the boy with hazy eyes.

In response Light reached up and gently closed L's eyes then moved his hand away. When it came back, Light's fingers were covered in something again and they were pushing insistently past L's lips and into his mouth. His tongue automatically swirled around them and tasted … lemon meringue. L's eyes popped open to see Light smirking up at him.

"My pie," the man said a little plaintively after letting Light's fingers drop. He took a moment to lament the loss of the dessert; thought with sardonic amusement, I've been doing this for too long when he realized he was lamenting the destruction of his treat; and then thought nothing at all when Light suddenly gripped his hips, lifted him up and then brought him back down, impaling L on Light's erection. The cry that tried to leave L's mouth strangled and died in his throat as his body scrambled to adjust to the aching fullness that Light's fingers had not entirely prepared him for.

They both froze, stuck in the moment, Light taking tight shallow breaths while L forgot to breathe at all. Then Light reached up, pulling L down by the nape of his neck to press their lips together softly.

"Relax," he murmured against the man's mouth and L did so, letting out the breath he'd been holding. Light wrapped his arms around L and pushed up slowly, driving himself deeper into L's body until he was buried to the hilt. Again there was a pause as they both adjusted to the unfamiliar feeling, L wondering briefly if he should be affronted by the fact that L was being penetrated by Kira – but ultimately decided that it didn't matter. They'd always been bound together and it didn't matter in what way. And besides, he was still on top.

Now L was beginning to feel a little … impatient, ready to move on to the next part. He grasped Light's head and tilted it up to give him a long, deep kiss.

"What are you waiting for?" he asked with an inviting smile when he broke it off. Light smiled back and then moved his hands down to L's hips, lifting as he pulled out slightly, then thrusting back in as he brought L's hips down again. L gasped, fingers clenching Light's arms, as a wave of fire washed through him, leaving pleasure and heat in its wake. With his eyes he urged Light to do it again and he did, this time L moving with him. Together they found a rhythm, the thrusts becoming harder and faster, Light leaning back to drive in deeply each time.

Their breathing was erratic, gasps and moans and small cries escaping to be lost in the empty room; but there were no words exchanged, no names spoken, no false promises or meaningless declarations as they moved against each other, building toward mutual rapture.

L wasn't sure who reached first – knowing them, it had probably been simultaneous. Either way, their hands found and clutched each other, fingers intertwined. And their eyes met for a frisson of a second and something changed between them … but the moment passed as quickly as it had come. Light's head was thrown back, eyes closed, and he gave a breathy cry: "L."

That, the point of fiery ecstasy Light had been contacting with each of his thrusts, and the feel of Light's release inside of him was enough to spur L into his own, mouthing a silent yell as he stiffened and emptied: "Kira."

With rather shaky arms, L raised himself enough to let Light slip out of his body – a singular and somewhat unpleasant sensation – then let himself collapse haphazardly on the boy's chest, taking care to avoid the mess now there. They were both silent but for the heavy breaths that gradually returned to normal. It was peaceful but not what anyone could have termed a "lover's ambience." There was none of that, just a sating of pleasure.

The warmth of the body beneath him, the stillness of the room and the large amount of energy expended combined to lull L into a semi-conscious state and it was with difficulty that he roused himself. He hadn't anticipated the exhaustion that followed sex and found the pull of sleep tempting. But he just didn't have that kind of time. His heavily-lidded eyes flashed once more to the clock. No time at all, really.

"Why do you keep looking at the clock?" Apparently Light had been watching him. Probably entertaining some self-congratulatory thoughts on having been able to nail the detective before killing him. L allowed a dark smile to cross his lips before he pushed himself up and off of the boy. He paused to touch Light's face, leaned down to give him one more kiss. Then he stood, collected his clothes and redressed, checking each piece for any unusual sign but finding none. (And he was grateful that he managed to make his movements look normal given that his legs were rather wobbly and he was sore in … places.)

"Get dressed," was all he said to Light. The boy gave him an inscrutable look for a moment but then obeyed, dressing wordlessly and efficiently after cleaning himself off rather ineffectively with some of the tissues that sat on the coffee table, while L retrieved the items that had fallen out of his pocket. He finished and waited for Light, staring at him impassively.

"You wanted to know why I was looking at the clock, Yagami." The boy still said nothing, amber eyes glowing out of that composed mask. But it was useless because L could read everything now. If he'd been in the mood he might have laughed. Instead he went to the desk where the Death Note lay and picked it up – using more than two fingers – flipped to a specific page and turned to show it to Light. "This is why." The boy stepped closer to read the lines carefully printed there.

Light Yagami
Heart attack
Remains in surveillance room after 8:00pm on October 30, 2004
Convinced that nothing is amiss and things will progress as he has planned, he is compelled to speak truthfully
Engages in sexual intercourse
Dies at 11:45pm of the same day

It was now 11:34.

L rather enjoyed the widening of Light's eyes and the paling of his face as he read the condemning words, and he allowed a small smile to lift the corners of his mouth. The smile spread a little further as the boy finally let the mask slip, realizing there was no need for it anymore – it was too late.

"You son-of-a-bitch," he hissed, hands clenching at his sides although L doubted he would bother to start a fight at this point.

"Undoubtedly," the man agreed mildly.

"Why would you do that?" Light demanded, looking wilder by the moment.

"That's a rather silly question for Kira to ask, don't you think?" The boy's jaw clenched and L wondered if he would still try to deny it. He didn't and L was glad – he would have been disappointed if Light had continued to make such stupid insistences at this point.

"You're ten times worse than me, you bastard. Made sure you'd get your screw, didn't you?"

L shrugged. "I thought there was fairly decent chance it could have happened anyway but since I had the means I decided to make it a certainty. And based on what we know about the unwritten rules of the Death Note as dictated both by Yotsuba and your own actions with it, I have to conclude that you wanted it, too, or you would have died in a different way. So we both got what we wanted."

"Fuck you, L."

"You already did that, Yagami. And I don't believe you have the time to attempt it again." The hatred in the boy's eyes practically set fire to the air around them.

"You're despicable," Light spat at him and L nodded.

"I would tend to agree that I have become that way, yes. I'm not all bad, though." He set the Death Note down and then gave the boy what was meant to be a sweet smile although it probably ended up being more creepy than anything else. "I have a present for you. Something you've wanted for a long time but never ever did get."

"What?" Light bit out and L was impressed that he continued to hold in his anger especially given how volatile he'd been when he wasn't Kira.

"My name, Yagami. Would you like it?" Something flared in Light's eyes and L knew he was fleetingly considering the possibility of some kind of trick. He also saw the moment when Light decided that such a thing would be pointless at this stage; he was already damned. Now the light of opportunity shone ever-so-briefly before Light sniffed disdainfully and turned away, tugging prissily on his left cuff.

"Why should I believe that you would give me your true name even now?"

"Believe it or not but I consider it a parting gift. Besides, what reason do I have to lie at this point? My given name, Yagami, is L Lawliet." Light's back was still turned so L couldn't see the look on his face but he could imagine the triumph that must have been there. The man waited for a few moments then darted forward and grabbed Light's wrist. The boy didn't even try to break away – the damage had already been done. A bit of metal was protruding from the side of his watch, a small piece of paper pinned inside. L's name and two variants were scrawled on it in what appeared to be blood.

"Impressive, Yagami. That is a very interesting and useful feature of your watch. I had wondered how you disposed of Higuchi. And I must say you seem to be oddly skilled at writing with blood in limited spaces. By the way, you spelled it correctly the first time." Light gave the man a searching look – doubtless, this wasn't the reaction the boy had been expecting. Now he was wondering if he'd missed something, made a mistake somewhere, but still assuming he had the upper-hand. Arrogance could be quite the self-deluder.

"I'm going to take you down with me, L," Light finally spoke, dredging the promise from the depths of his hatred.

All L said was, "Yes." The seconds ticked down, Light's eyes grew fevered, an unconscious sneer twisting his lips and then … nothing. The amber eyes widened in disbelief, a touch of panic, and then narrowed in venomous distrust.

"You did lie," Light accused.

"No," L replied simply. "But I did deceive you, in a fashion. I'm afraid it was a bit of self-indulgence on my part. I wanted to reach twenty-five before I died, you see." Again he picked up the Death Note, this time flipping to a page beyond the one that bore Light's fate.

L Lawliet
Heart attack
Dies at 12:01am on October 31, 2004

A startling array of emotions flashed across Light's face as he took everything in, ran through the possibilities, came to the inevitable conclusions. When his composure finally settled left there was bitterness, triumph and a touch of something that L couldn't quite identify except to say that it was meant only for him. Then Light tore his eyes away to glance at the clock, panic rising again when he realized there was only one minute left.

"I don't want to die," he moaned, clutching his own shirt as though desperate to hold on to something. L set the Note down on the coffee table and gently pushed Light to sit on the sofa.

"I know," was all he replied. And then he stood there and watched. He did not speak, did not touch Light, nor offer comfort or scorn, just watched as the timer hit zero and the boy's eyes went the widest L had ever seen. Light's hand fisted the fabric over his heart as his mouth gaped like he was trying to draw breath and was unable. And then his body relaxed, sagged as the life fled it, his now-dull eyes slipping shut. For a moment longer L watched – then he set to work.

He checked the room over, righting anything that seemed off, making sure nothing was obviously out of place. The scrap of paper in Light's watch was removed (the back shut again) and placed in the Death Note. There was an old-fashioned delivery tube system L had had installed just because he was L and he thought in contingencies, and he used this method to send the Death Note to Watari. Then he sat down at a computer and began typing.

Watari,

I assume you have handled the Death Note by this point. I believe you are now the owner of it, or will be in a matter of minutes. Please burn the Note and dispose of the ashes. You will not be harmed – I have ascertained that the final two rules are false.

I have also confirmed Light Yagami is Kira through methods I would rather not disclose to you or the investigation team. It is for this reason, not out of a desire to protect Light Yagami's reputation, that I ask you to provide the following account to the investigation team:

This night Light Yagami and myself had a confrontation with the shinigami Rem. While we were studying the Death Note the shinigami killed us, reclaimed the notebook and returned to her own realm. You may embellish this as you see fit.

As I understand it, the destruction of the Note will lead to the shinigami's departure from our world so this should not be an issue. Also, please ensure that no autopsy or close examination of our bodies is performed as this will only lead to questions – merely confirm that we died of heart attacks. It would probably be best if you did a thorough check of the room to be sure there is nothing that would be viewed as amiss. I have performed only a cursory inspection.

You will also have to arrange the appearance of a technical malfunction to explain the lack of surveillance during this period. Manipulation of the time stamp might also be advisable to allay questions about the length of time the devices weren't engaged. Again, you may do as you see fit.

I am also quite sure that Misa Amane is the second Kira. However, she must not be apprehended or executed. I have been led to believe that the shinigami Rem would retaliate against any who attempt Misa Amane harm. Therefore arrange for her to be watched only. It is my suspicion that she will not live long anyway after she learns what has befallen Light Yagami. Do nothing to prevent this.

Give a full account of events to whomever it is that follows me. (I trust your judgment.) Particularly, imprint upon him that there is a second Note still on this Earth though I do not know where. He must always watch and always be prepared.

L paused briefly here, wasting precious seconds in introspection. Then he began again.

Finally, please accept my apology. It was my selfishness and obsession that led to this and while I don't regret my actions for myself (as I am sure that, regardless of what I had done, this case would not have left me the same) I do regret the result of my actions for you. You have been faithful and indispensible and in this doing I have treated you very poorly. I am sorry. I hope you will forgive me.

Please care for the next as you did for me – none could do it better.

L

Again L paused before clicking the button to send the message to Watari. A glance at the clock showed there wasn't much time left. L took a moment to debate himself then decided to take a place on the sofa beside Light. One more cursory scan of the room and that was that – the rest would be up to Watari.

He settled beside the shell that had once been Light Yagami, his challenger, his equal, his obsession. For a second he considered spending his last moments wondering where he would be if Light, if Kira had never entered his life but decided such a thing would be pointless and stupid. What had been done was done and nothing would ever change it.

Instead, his mind cast back to, of all things, the one and only conversation he'd had with Mello. He supposed it was natural, though, that faced with his own death his thoughts would cast toward Heaven. Whatever that might be. He decided, in those final quiet moments, that he would like it if he faded away into Mello's heaven, into nothing. It was enough to deal with Kira in life – he didn't need to do so in the afterlife as well.

Not wanting to torment himself, L hadn't been watching the time and so was caught by surprise. It hurt, God did it hurt, but worst was that he just couldn't breathe. He lost his balance and lurched, of all directions, into Light. Well, why not? The daimon and daemon gone down together.

Feeling, sound, sight all left him, leaving only his thoughts spiraling away until just two remained.

I may not have won….

But I…

…didn't lose, either.

.x.L.x.

All humans will, without exception, eventually die.

After they die, the place they go is MU. (Nothingness)

Once dead, they can never come back to life.

-Death Note, Vol. 12


AN: I really enjoyed giving Light that line about the clock. He had that coming.

-sigh- I absolutely love fluff, love it to pieces, but I really don't think there was ever any way both of them would come out of this alive, at least not in this 'verse. So at least L can go down swinging. :)

Thank you very much for sticking with me, those of you who've read, alerted, faved, and most especially shared your thoughts through reviews. I really had fun writing this (when I wasn't tearing my hair out and driving both myself and my husband to distraction with my bitching and moaning. :D)

There is one other little thing: Technically, there is an epilogue to this, basically looking at what happens to everyone else afterwards. Probably a little depressing. I'll leave it up to you whether I post it or not. So let me know!

4 Sept '08

UPDATE: So, as it was pointed out, if I did an epilogue, I may as well post it. :) You can decide whether you'd like to read it or not. And that completes Phyxation. Thank you again to everyone.