Another chapter! After that cliffy in the last one, I'll just let you read, shall I?

Harry Potter did not crumple to the ground as his father had done. He stayed sitting, swaying slightly, quiet in shock, his bright green eyes fixed on the hooded figure now sprawled on the ground, a fresh lightening shape cut bleeding slightly on his forehead. He gave a small gurgle, and looked at his mother, frozen in the doorway, Snape's arms still wrapped around her waist in an attempt to stop her from being killed. Harry smiled vaguely at her, then his eyes looked to the man beside him. James' messy black hair was splayed across the road, his hazel eyes wide and unseeing. A look of shock was still on his face, his wand half drawn from his pocket. Harry reached out a small hand, and tugged at his hair.

"Daddy?"

Finally, Lily managed to break free of Snape's grasp. She shoved him down the hallway, so that he fell crashing to the floor, running to her son and husband. She scooped Harry up, then bent over James. She was no longer screaming, but silent sobs were racking her body. His glasses were askew; his limbs sprawled in odd directions, and his once warm hazel eyes were cold, unblinking. Harry had started crying again now, clutching his mother tightly. Crying still harder, Lily bent to kiss her husband's forehead.

"I'm so sorry, James," she whispered. Gently, her fingers closed his eyes. Now, he could almost be sleeping. She held Harry close to her chest. He was all she had left.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she whirled around, drawing her wand from her pocket as she did so. Severus was crouching beside her, his hand outstretched, his face a picture of concern. A stab of rage shot through Lily, and she stood up, keeping her wand pointing directly at his chest. He drew himself up too, now looking slightly bewildered. The anger stabbed at her, and she stepped towards him, her green eyes blazing.

"Get…away…" she managed, through gritted teeth.

"Lily, I –"

"Don't even pretend you're sorry he's dead" Lily snarled "You hate James, so don't pretend you're sorry. You don't care that he's gone, and Harry's got a huge slash across his head, do you?" She was crying again now, but she was still furious, and her voice was now slightly hysterical "And you…YOU STOPPED ME SAVING HIM!!"

She tried to go on, but the grief was choking her up again, and her eyes fell on James again. There was a huge empty hole inside her, a chasm where James should have been. Her heart felt as though it had been ripped from her chest, cut into pieces, being stabbed over and over and over…

She sobbed, but there was no comfort, no James to hold her in his arms, to tell her that everything was going to be alright, because it wasn't. He was gone, and nothing would be alright, ever again. Never. Snape was still standing there, and Lily was gripped by an insane urge to hurt him as much as possible, to kill him, even. How dare he stand there, still looking at her, when if it weren't for him, James would still be alive.

"Get away, Snape" Lily told him, hanging onto her baby as if he were a lifeline. Her eyes met his, and there was hatred in them. Severus felt physical pain shoot through him as he saw her expression, and slowly walked away, disappearing around the corner, a dark figure against the gold of the sunset.

………………………………………………………………………….

The funeral came and went, and Lily still felt that same suffocating sense of grief she had done at the moment of his death. No many how many comforting words, hugs, and offers to help came her way, it didn't change the consuming sadness that filled her up every day. It was made worse by the fact, every time someone praised him, or cried over him, she could imagine James sauntering around, grinning at all the attention he was getting. The only people who were even the slightest comfort were Sirius and Remus, who were just as cut up about James' passing as she was. The difference was that she had had the chance to save him, and they hadn't.

The only reason that Lily Potter could keep going was for the sake of her son, Harry. He still needed caring for, feeding, and loving. He had lost his father, and Lily was determined that he was not going to lose his mother, too. She kept him with her at all times, and despite the fact that Voldemort was gone, she was constantly nervous, terrified that someone would come and take him from her too.

Dumbledore had explained why the curse had failed to kill Harry: James had tried to shield him, he had died in an attempt to save him. Lily was comforted by this when she was feeling particularly miserable. James' last act had protected Harry from Voldemort, should he ever return.

The person other than James that Lily could not forget, was Severus. She had not spoken with him since James' death, and the only acknowledgment she made of his existence was to glare furiously at him. He was more depressed and reclusive these days, and although Lily knew it was because of her attitude towards him, she found she couldn't change it. How could she be nice to him, when he had stopped her saving James? Sometimes she would try to convince herself to forgive him, but it always ended with the fact that, if it weren't for him, James might be alive.

A knock on the door brought Lily back to reality, and she sighed. It was hard to be interested in anything these days. Probably just another member of the Order, come to offer their condolences. She pushed herself up from the sofa, picked Harry up automatically, and brushed her hair out of her face. She knew she looked a mess, but did it really matter anymore?

As the door opened, Severus drew breath in sharply. He hadn't seen Lily for a few weeks now, as Order meetings were becoming far less frequent now Voldemort was gone. Her appearance had changed hugely. Her red hair hung, lank and unkempt, around her face, which was much paler than usual. She was thinner too, her clothes seemed more baggy than usual. Even her vibrant green eyes seemed duller, and permanently red rimmed from crying. She looked at him dolefully, unable even to glare at him. Taking this as a positive sign, he slid through the open door, and let himself into the kitchen.

It was very clean and tidy, which made Severus narrow his eyes in confusion. Normally, Lily had it more cluttered and cheerful than this, but this…it was almost surgically clean.

"My parents always said that I should be more organised," Lily said, watching him scan the room in disbelief "Besides, it helps if I do stuff, it takes my mind off…things."

Severus looked at her sadly. She was so far from the vibrant girl he had known for all these years, sitting hunched and pale on a seat at the wooden table, clutching Harry, as always. He moved towards her, putting his hands on her shoulders, and looking into her eyes seriously.

"Lily, you can't go on like this. You need someone to keep you going."

Lily snorted, and it was almost reassuring to hear: she still had some of her old self left.

"Don't even think that you are going to replace James."

"I'm not, Lily. I just want to help you."

There was a sincerity in his eyes, and in spite of herself, she managed a faint smile. It was much harder to be furious with him when he looked so concerned. Besides, she hadn't the energy to be angry. Severus had an odd expression on his face, as though he were steeling himself to say something. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and said what he had come to say.

"Look – I'm sorry I stopped you going to save him. It was selfish, and well…" he stopped, unsure of how to continue "I only did it because I wouldn't have been able to stand living without you when I could have saved you. But…I guess that's how you feel about James."

Awww, I love our Sev. Despite the fact that in this case, I'm the one writing him. Is that vain? ;)

Reviews are lovely.

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