Didn't see the Xmas episode but my beautiful wife filled me in and said it was very good (and I read the recap on the net). Glad to hear they didn't have everything between Finn & Rachel solved too quickly, but hopefully they'll both develop as individuals before being brought back together (if they ever are, hard to know in television land). But hey, this story is A/U where Rachel was more concerned with Finn lying for two years than who he was with (which I still personally believe would be truer to her character). Hope this chapter is enjoyed by all.


Finn was silently thankful when Rachel admitted she couldn't keep up. He had been starting to see spots in front of his eyes after that last set of 'Up-Downs' and actually surprised himself that he didn't collapse on the ground beside her (and he would never admit that to her, even on pain of death). If he had really pushed, he might have been able to get one more lap around the track out of himself before completely dying in the middle of the school field, but was pretty sure if he died from working out too much that his Mom or Rachel (more likely both) would no doubt find a way to bring him back to life just to kick his ass into oblivion again for themselves.

They began walking back to his place when they decided instead to stop at the Starbucks not far from the school. He stood in line surveying his options for a drink while Rachel excused herself to use the bathroom. The smell of coffee wasn't so appealing to him (despite the early morning hour), but he knew he could get a hot chocolate or something similar, so he didn't mind. Her choice would always be the Strawberry Vivanno Smoothie with soy milk (despite her saying to him yesterday she wanted something other than 'strawberry'; that obviously didn't carry over to smoothies). He was just getting ready to order when he felt his phone buzzing and heard a "Touchdown!", indicating a new text message.

* Finn? * Rachel had texted.

He excused himself and stepped out of line, stomach rumbling in complaint at being so close to food and yet denied. His fingers flew over the keys on his phone. [ Wats up ]

* I need you to do me a BIG favor. *

Finn frowned. Rachel was in the bathroom, so he began to wonder what kind of favour could he possibly do for her when his mind suddenly started filling in the details for him.

Public bathroom?

Locked door?

He pumped his fist in both joy and victory. He could do so many types of favours for her in there. His smile grew wider than a football as the lewd and wicked possibilities flashed before his eyes. He was sure he'd have to endure more than a few not-so-little love-bites along the way (they would want to keep it quiet, after all) but it would be totallyworth it in the end. His thumbs flew over the keys on their own accord.

[ We'd haf 2 B quiet but I LUV the idea ]

He waited a minute before his phone buzzed with another message.

* FINN! I would never do THAT in a bathroom! What kind of perverted fantasies have you been having lately? *

Okay, maybe he got a little ahead of himself on that one. But a guy could dream, couldn't he? He sighed as the images in his mind shattered into a million pieces.

[ Nevermind. Wat u need ]

* It's that time of the month. *

Finn shrugged slightly at the message. He knew in the back of his mind that she must go through her period just like all women in the world, but unlike Quinn or Santana, she'd never used it as a reason to act up or get super intense about everything (probably because 'intense' was her default setting). It did mean his previous fantasy had no way of being fulfilled at that moment, but he never really expected it to happen anyway. That's why they called them fantasies, right? He texted back to her. [ Ok so…]

* I have nothing with me. *

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he read that line. Rachel was the most prepared person he knew, for pretty much any and all situations. And something like this really shouldn't be a surprise to her. She was eighteen! She had to have been going through this once a month for at least, what, a couple of years or so already? (He was a little fuzzy when all that stuff started happening for girls). He really couldn't wrap his head around how this would surprise Rachel of all people.

[ Whers yor purse ] he texted back to her.

* I'm three days early! Besides, did you happen to see my purse on me when I came by your house to WORK OUT? *

Finn got the impression that line of text carried a very sarcastic 'Rachel's upset' tone to it.

* I need you to go across the street to the grocery store and buy me some tampons. *

Whoa!

Wait!

Did I read that right?

He read the last text message again.

WHOOOOAAAAAA!

This was so not happening. He was a dude. There were very few things in the world that dudes would not do for their significant other (he liked that expression of Burt's), but buying them 'feminine hygene' products was definitely at the absolute and complete top of that list.

He swallowed and texted in return. [ cant u use toilet paper ]

* My cycle is too heavy for makeshift panty-liners. You need to get me OB tampons for heavy flow. They're in a bluish box with a yellow stripe on the top. *

Finn's panic started to rise at the mere thought of having to go down the dreaded 'No-Man's-Land' aisle in the grocery store. He gulped another mouthful of air as he texted back to Rachel. [ Wat about paper towels ]

His phone was silent for a couple of minutes. Was she giving his suggestion a try? It would sure save him some serious embarassment. Suddenly, his phone vibrated and he turned it over to see the message.

* FINNEGAN! I AM IN DISTRESS AND NEED YOUR HELP, SO GROW A PAIR AND ASSIST YOUR BELOVED IN HER TIME OF NEED OR I SWEAR I WILL MAKE IT PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE TO OUR ENTIRE SCHOOL EVERY TECHNIQUE WE'VE EMPLOYED TO CURE YOU OF THE 'MAILMAN' PROBLEM! ARE WE CLEAR? *

Finn had never sprinted over to a grocery store faster in his life than he had after that text. He quickly got into the store's parking lot (after narrowly avoiding being hit by an oncoming car), dodged another grocery cart full of items in said parking lot, then stopped himself in front of the entrance, wondering how he could pull this off without drawing too much attention to himself. Guys couldn't just go pick up a box of tampons and not get those odd looks from the everyone. He needed to do this carefully. He needed a plan. His eyes scanned the parking lot quickly until they fell on a grocery cart.

That's it! He decided. Grocery cart. Yeah…I can walk in, buy a bunch of groceries, and it'll just be one of the items on the list. YEAH! That'll totally cover things.

He quickly grabbed the cart and ran inside, running through the aisles getting a bunch of his favourite food items. Oreos, Sour Patch Kids, bread, butter and sliced cheese (for future grilled cheese sandwiches), ketchup, grape juice, some frozen pizzas, Gatorade, until finally he came to the dreaded aisle listing "Feminine Hygene".

(Whether it was planned by Rachel or not, Finn would forever refer to this as Step 5 in her increasingly cruel 7 Step Program)

Taking a breath, he quickly looked both ways, noticing that, miraculously, no one was even watching him. Looking down the aisle a final time, he noticed that the one customer at the other end had walked out and turned the corner into the other aisle. OB Tampons with a yellow stripe. Finn reminded himself mentally. He squared his shoulders and then pushed his cart into 'No Man's Land'.

It was surprisingly easy to accomplish the given task. Whether it be luck or fate, Finn walked into the aisle, quickly saw a bunch of bluish boxes marked "OB" and saw the yellow stripe along the top. He grabbed the box, dropped it in the cart as casually as he could while quickly looking up and down the aisle. No one saw. Great! He quickly pushed the cart out of the aisle and headed to the checkout counter. After counting his ten items, he concluded that it would be easier to proceed to the express counter.

As luck would have it, no other customers were there either. Finn smiled as he got there and began dropping items on the conveyor belt. He had done it, and no one was the wiser! He'd soon have all his groceries in his hands and be able to race back to Starbucks and help Rachel.

"And good morning to you too, White Boy!" Blared a chipper female voice suddenly in front of him.

Finn froze. He knew that voice. And even if he hadn't memorized the voice, he knew that there was only one person in the world who called him 'White Boy' as a nickname. Praying against hope that it wasn't who he thought it was, he looked over to the cashier and felt the blood draining from his face. "Hi, Mercedes." He croaked weakly.

"Damn boy, don't be so happy to see me." She smiled as she began moving the items on the converyor's electronic scanner. "You almost look like you've seen a ghost, and trust me, I know I'm about the last person to ever be mistaken for a ghost. So how's your weekend been?"

Finn swallowed again as Mercedes continued with her work of scanning the itmes and placing them in grocery bags, watching with horror as the last item made its way ever-so slowly towards the scanner. "O..kay, I guess. I…um- didn't know you worked here."

Mercedes smiled again and placed more items in the bags. "I just started last week. Help me raise money for our trip to Nationals this year. My Dad said he could afford it all, but my Mom insists I learn 'the value of a dollar'." Mercedes giggled as she used air quotes around it. "But I don't mind. Extra money means I can keep up with Kurt at the mall."

Finn nodded dumbly as he stood immobile, watching but unable to react any further as Mercedes grabbed the tampons and scanned them. For a brief moment he thought she might be on automatic mode and was just about to throw the bluish box in one of the bags, but suddenly an odd beeping sound came out of the cash register and the monitor flashed "Item Unrecognized".

Finn's face collapsed into the palm of his hand. Why me? For the love of Grilled Cheesus, why me?

"Hunh!" Mercedes hit a few buttons on her keypad and tried scanning the item again, yielding the exact same results. "Guess we'll have to do a price check on this."

"It's okay, really, Mercedes, I'll just go back and-"

"Don't be silly, Finn!" She said, smiling again as she grabbed the phone by her station and flipped a switch. "That's why we have a P.A. system." Suddenly a loud blaring noise echoed over all the speakers in the store. "CAN I GET A PRICE CHECK ON…" she looked down and only then realized exactly what she was holding, and her eyes widened in surprise. "Uh…ON OB TAMPONS. PRICE CHECK ON OB TAMPONS." Mercedes hung up the phone, then cast a questioning glance at Finn. "Something you're not telling me, White Boy?"

"They're for my Mom?" Finn almost asked, shrugging slightly.

"Really?" Mercedes' tone was unconvinced. "Then you must be driving to Columbus soon, because that's where Kurt told me your Mom and Step-Dad were heading last night. And I could be wrong, but I'm almost positive Columbus has stores that sell these."

"Uh…would you believe I'm doing a science experiment on absorbancy?"

"I'm having a hard time believing you even know the meaning of the word absorbancy. Besides, you haven't had a science class since last year." Mercedes put her hand on her hip.

Suddenly Finn's phone started buzzing in his pocket and an unmistakable "Touchdown!" sounded. Mercedes gave Finn a quizzical look as he grabbed his phone.

* WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? AM I GOING TO BE HERE ALL DAY? * was Rachel's seemingly frantic text message.

Finn closed his eyes and he pinched the bridge of his nose, starting to cackle at the hopelessness of his situation, so leaned in and spoke in a low tone. "Alright, fine. They're for Rachel. She's stuck across the street in Starbucks. Her period suddenly showed up and she forgot her purse."

Mercedes looked at him like he was from another planet. "Boy, don't joke with me. She's more prepared than a Boy Scout troop going camping. No way would she forget items like that."

A stock boy came running back from behind the 'No Man's Land' aisle in the grocery store. "Mercedes, did you order the price check on tampons?"

"Yeah, Mike, do you have it for me?"

Aghast, Finn turned quickly around to see Mike Chang with the box in question. "Yeah, they're $7.99. Oh, hey Finn. How you doin'?"

"Swell." Finn replied sarcastically. "Thanks for checking."

Mike's eyes widened in confusion. "What? You mean the tampons are for you? What would you want with them?"

"They're NOT for me! Rachel needs these and the longer I take, the less she's going to be happy with me, so can I please just pay for them and be on my way?"

Mercedes looked at Finn again with wide eyes and an open mouth. "Oh. My. God. You're not kidding, are you?"

Mike snickered. "Rachel's actually got you buying tampons for her? Man, she's whipped you better than a souffle."

Turning on her co-worker, Mercedes gave the Asian boy her best glare, one eybrow raised. "Are you suggesting that a real man doesn't look after the needs of his woman?"

"Uh…" Mike swallowed quickly and grabbed his electronic pricing gun. "I think I'll go back to work now." With that, he turned and fled the scene as fast as he could, giving a quick wave over his shoulder to Finn.

"Thanks Mercedes." Finn said, sighing. "And I'd appreciate you keeping this on the down-low because the last thing I need is Rachel upset at me even more."

Another "Touchdown!" blared from his phone, causing Finn to make a strangled noise in exasperation as he read the message. * FINN! ANSWER ME! *

"Is that Rachel texting you?" Mercedes asked.

Finn nodded and Mercedes grabbed the phone from his hand quickly, her fingers moving between the keys faster than even Rachel's could, which really surprised Finn.

[ Girl, its Mercedes. Ran nto Finn the store as I do $ here. Had 2 price yor item. He is on his way. U ok? ]

* My legs are asleep. Someone is knocking on the door. *

[ He just has 2 pay and he B over ]

Mercedes tossed the phone back at Finn, placed the tampons in the same bag as the grape juice and began ringing up the total. "So Rachel's stuck over there, unprepared and unequipped, and you decided now would be a good time to do grocery shopping?"

Finn rubbed the back of his neck in embarrasment. "I just figured if I bought other groceries with her, you know, item, then it wouldn't be as embarassing at the checkout counter."

Mercedes rolled her eyes while she gaffawed and spoke in a loud voice. "God! Why do men have to treat these sorts of things like it's the Grim Reaper come to claim their life or something? It's just a box of tampons!"

A few people's heads in the grocery store turned towards her and Finn to see what the commotion was about. Finn noticed this and hid his face with the palm of his hand. "Thanks, Mercedes. I need even more attention drawn to me right now."

Mercedes pointed an agnry finger at him. "Boy, if you're embarssed over a buying a box of tampons, you aren't half the man you think you are. $42.34".

Finn looked up in surprise. "Fourty two dollars? I only bought ten items!."

Mercedes turned from her monitor, one hand on her hip (again), and glared at him in a very intimidating manner, making him feel about two feet tall. "Finn, your girl is in trouble right now so if you have even a single brain cell left in that head of yours you won't argue the amount, pay the money, grab your items and get over to her before the fire department is called in with the Jaws of Life. Get it?"

Without another word, Finn handed her all the money left over in his wallet and grabbed the shopping bags. He dashed out the door, jumped out of the way of an oncoming shopping cart, ran across the street (again, narrowly avoiding a car) and burst through the Starbucks doors as quickly as he could, causing the door to fly open wildly and everyone inside to suddenly look up at him. He paused, took a second to collect himself, then squared his shoulders and headed into the back area where the washroom was, grocery bags in tow.

Once he reached the door, he knocked gently. "Rach?"

The door opened a crack and her hand shot out without any words spoken, cupped and waiting for her item. Finn swallowed and grabbed the box she had requested, placed it in her hand, and then her hand shot back in and door was slammed shut again. Finn waited patiently outside the door with the grocery bags hanging off his fingers. After a few minutes, the door opened to show an embarssed Rachel, walking gingerly on legs Finn was sure were full of pins and needles by now, blushing furiously and a spark of anger in her eyes. "About time! What the-" she stopped and her eyes went wide in shock once she noticed the bags in his hands. "What is all that?" she asked.

Finn looked down, a blush starting to creep into his own face. "Well, I was kind of embarssed to be running over there for just…you know…the, uh…item…you needed, so I kinda thought if I mixed it in with some other groceries-"

Rachel held up a hand, palm out, to silence him as she took a breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she stared hard at Finn, making him wonder why, even at one foot and one inch taller than her, he suddenly felt like a silly school boy facing up to a teacher.

"Let me get this straight." She spoke venemously. "I was in the middle of a minor crisis of the feminine nature, in a public bathroom, and when I ask my boyfriend to help by simply buying me what I needed, when I needed it, he was so ashamed to be the picking up one box of tampons that he tried to hide it by buying a bunch of other groceries, and thus keep me waiting in a compromising situation even longer?" Her voice went up an octove or two as she spoke.

"Rach, come on. You're making me sound totally-"

"Ludicrous? Preposterous? Asinine? All of the above?"

Finn returned her icy gaze with a look of pure confusion. "Okay, sorry, I don't know what any of those words mean."

She shook her head, rolled her eyes, threw her arms in the air and brushed past him quickly. "Sorry my emergency wasn't worthy enough for you to forego you desire for pizza and Sour Patch Kids. Enjoy your groceries at your house. ALONE! And don't follow me." With that, she pushed open the door to the Starbucks and walked out, refusing to cast another look at him.

Finn groaned and collapsed on the overstuffed chair beside him, banging his head repeatedly against the backrest behind him. "Perfect. Just fucking perfect."

XXXXX

After downing the coffee Finn had brought from home (his Mom and Burt doing a double-take as Finn poured himself a large travel mug full of the bitter liquid before coming to school) Finn pushed the doors to the men's change room open. 7:00am was far too early for basketball practice, he thought to himself and he tried to wipe the fatigue from his eyes. As Captain though he wasn't able to object to it, instead having to maintain stony silence and set an example. Besides, with a game to play the following night, they could use another run through their drills and game strategy.

Already in the changeroom were most of the the other members of the team in various states of undress, all getting ready for practice themselves. Finn walked over to his locker, wiped his eyes again and started taking off his jacket.

"'Sup, Finnster." Puck greeted from a couple lockers down. "You get things with Berry sorted out?"

Finn made a face. "Sort of."

Puck gave him a confused look. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means I solved the big issue one day, while getting into another issue the next."

"Ah." Puck smiled slightly and then walked away. Finn glanced at his retreating friend curiously. Given the persistence Puck had shown in getting him to confess what was wrong on Friday, he was kind of surprised his mohawked friend didn't say anything else about the 'new' issue, but he shrugged it off. Thanks be for small miracles. Finn thought. As he reached into his locker to put away his jacket, he also suddenly realized the change room had gotten extremely quiet. Looking around in askance, he noticed most of the guys just standing there with huge, shit-eating grins on their faces. Somewhere else in the room he heard the distinct sound of someone pressing a stereo button.

I BLEED IT OUT, DIGGING DEEPER JUST TO THROW IT AWAY,

I BLEED IT OUT, DIGGING DEEPER JUST TO THROW IT AWAY,

I BLEED IT OUT, DIGGING DEEPER JUST TO THROW IT AWAY,

JUST TO THROW IT AWAY, JUST TO THROW IT AWAY….*

"What the-" Finn's eyes widened in anger as the room errupted into laughter, guys doubling over and collapsing to their knees on the floor. The captain's head swung to his left where Mike Chang's change area was, and sure enough, there was his teammate, gasping for breath and holding his sides, laughing while the stereo blared the song from his top shelf. It was obvious from the scene in front of him that Mike had had no problems in revealing Finn's little visit to 'No Man's Land' to the entire team.

"CHANG! YOU ARE A DEAD MAN WALKING!" Finn declared as he grabbed a basketball and ran after the Asian boy, who quickly yelped and hopped up, running away and ducking as the basketball was thrown in his direction.


*Lyrics are from "Bleed it Out" written and performed by Linkin Park.

Reviews are not just appreciated, they're encouraged. Thanks.