AN: Life on an island is crazy. I love it, I hate it all wrapped up in one. But its been incredible in spite of it's set backs . Extra long update for my lack of updating!
Hinata felt his lips brush her skin and she smiled in her sleepy daze, instantly feeling loved, cherished; warm as only one can when they are shown affectionate by their most loved one. It was bright and yellow, the bubbles of light and color tickling beneath the surface her skin as she curled closer to that cherished warmth; his light. She could almost feel the tendrils of spiky blonde hair caressing her as his lips dipped downwards lapping at her collarbone. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, encompassing her against him, holding her close. She could feel the smile against her skin and it caused a bubbly giggle to escape. Hinata was in bliss.
Luminescent pearls opened blearily blinking away the last vestiges of sleep, now awake and aware of her lover as she looked up expectantly for that bright blue. Shock coursed it's way through every part of her in a heartbeat with Hinata's gasp of shock. Blue clearer than a summer sky, did not meet her eyes. Instead, heated Sharingan deeper than cinnamon met her lit Byakugan and black spiky hair caressed her skin as Sasuke pulled her close, seizing her lips. Hinata could only stutter into the unexpected kiss as her mind tried to keep up with the coursing heat flaring from the touch of those chapped lips. Somehow she had known he would have chapped lips.
He only pulled her closer, bringing her prone against him as his tongue begged entrance. Instead of being horrified, outraged, Hinata was electrically charged, every hair standing on end from the touch of calloused palms grazing her skin. It wasn't hard to be aware of everywhere his hands touched, where those chapped lips made contact with her skin.
"S-Sasuke" She mewled.
Gasping Hinata snapped awake, sweat trickling from her brow as she clutched her blanket tighter around her, shivering. It had only been a dream. Only a dream… she thought with a shiver. Naruto had been the star of her dreams up until this point. Now Uchiha Sasuke was taking up her time when she was awake or asleep. The real question was this; What did it mean? To say that she was having intimate dreams about the raven haired Uchiha heir didn't necessarily mean anything. She couldn't help what she dreamed, after all.
Maybe she was making a big deal of a small thing. It was only a dream. A silly inconsequential dream, that had absolutely no bearing on real life, or reality. Nothing what so ever. But Hinata felt the flush of guilt, the knowledge of a deeper reality to her subconscious one. She couldn't lie to herself as much as she wanted to. The byakugan gave her insight, even into herself and her own heart and feelings. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was. Hinata should have been able to shake it off…if it wasn't true. She couldn't hide from her dreams though she had never wanted to more in that moment than any other in her life. It was the shadow of truth that caused her guilt. Sasuke…
Hinata shivered for a completely different reason as her cheeks were dusted with a glowing rosy blush. It was doomed, impossible, incredulous that she could hold feelings for Sasuke…
When it had become Sasuke and not Uchiha san? Hinata had completely lost track. She hadn't been spending that much time with him, had she? Was this her fever delusions clouding her thoughts? Hinata bit her lip. She wanted to deny it. It would certainly be easier to bury it deep and ignore it. But the crimson that dusted her cheeks spoke louder than any words could. What had started out with good intent had led her straight into the heart of temptation. She had never even imagined this possibility.
Sasuke. The name conjured up a hundred images and memories of things she kept close to her, things she felt with him. She hurt with him, for him even. It wasn't fair for him to have suffered so much. It was what had started their connection, for lack of a better word. They related on a deeper level, had been drawn to each other because of the deep waters that they were both so deeply lost in. It was only natural that two lost and troubled souls would find safety in the solace of each other. But it couldn't be. Hinata clenched her fists cursing fate for it's cruelty.
He wasn't capable of returning such a feeling. Sasuke was numb because he'd had to become numb. It was how he had survived the ordeals he had. It was either calloused, numb to the void or loose himself. He was a mess, a sinking ship with no hope of return, lost in the middle of a storm filled ocean that always rained, always thundered. The only consolation was that he might wash up, broken on shore in pieces. She couldn't let him drown. He was exactly the same as she was, and she could no sooner abandon herself.
But it wasn't allowed. She couldn't do this. The accusations her family had made against her regarding the dark haired prodigy still stung and ached, pulling the emotional scar tissue that was trying to heal over her heart. The fact that she had spent so much time with him hadn't been the cause of this. Though it was true that Hinata had lost track of the hours, days, weeks she'd been caring for him. In truth, they had gone by so quickly she hadn't had time to.
It was that he knew. Hinata didn't have words for him, or to describe their interactions. Really she didn't need to. It was so simple when she was with him, when they were together…Especially their most recent encounter. Hinata had completely broken down and Sasuke had been her anchor, keeping her grounded from being lost within the sea of her tumultuous emotions. He had helped her as she had helped him.
Had he only done it to return the favor? No, she had seen the look in those Sharingan eyes. He cared. Hinata had felt it that night. She blushed again, burying herself deeper in the blankets lamenting her fate. It was obvious that she couldn't let go. Why? It wasn't logical and yet it made all the sense to her. They needed each other…plainly, and clearly, she needed him. It wasn't what he had accused her of.
She didn't share a connection with him because he was Naruto's killer. That would have been far too sick and twisted. She still didn't understand her feelings in that regard. She didn't hate him, couldn't hate him. Naruto's spirit refused to let her bear him ill will. She should have hated him, but she couldn't hold onto that feeling. She didn't hang around Sasuke in some pathetic attempt to connect with Naruto from beyond the grave. Naruto was gone, where she could not follow and she had no plans to follow him anytime soon. Hinata was clinging to life. That was what he would have wanted for her. But why was Sasuke so…so complicated? What was his role in all of this? She only knew that she was supposed to help him, as part of her promise. When had it become so much more complicated?
Hinata sighed. When had she become so reliant on Sasuke, and in kami sama's name why? It was true that she enjoyed the time she spent with him. She couldn't help it, once she'd scratched beyond the surface, Sasuke had tolerated her. He couldn't banish her because they were the same. Both of them wanted to escape their gilded cages. When she visited him she didn't need to be the leader, or the head. He had never expected her to be anyone other than what she was. She had no need for pretense, to present herself in any way exalting. It was so exhausting, Hinata could hardly stand it. She was so tired of being the head of the Hyuuga clan of people constantly expecting something of her.
Sasuke took her as she was. Sasuke had seen through her from the start. He knew intuitively that she was hurting and called her out on it. And he had been the one to put her broken world back together that night. Thoughts of her dream intermingled with those sharingan red eyes that were ever present in her mind and Hinata blushed. Why couldn't she stop her blush from spreading as she thought of the dream? Why was it that Sasuke had become so important to her? And then Hinata realized with a gasp, hand over her mouth. It was something so horribly obvious what everyone had been trying to keep her from. Oh…OH! Oh…Hinata's mind spun with the implications.
She had feelings for Uchiha Sasuke. Oh no! How had she managed something so complicated? Hinata wanted to bury herself under the sheets and disappear in embarrassment. This was too much. Hinata had lived for years with her feelings for Naruto. This was simply awful! She knew herself. She wasn't the kind to get feelings for someone so simply. Hinata was not fickle when it came to emotions of the heart. Which made this conclusion terrible news.
She couldn't possibly hope to recover from this. There was no going back, nor returning. She had thought her feelings for Naruto were a shot in the dark, had harbored them for years with no hope for fruition but it had and she had been happier than she ever had in her entire existence. But this…this was something else. She was reaching for something, someone she could not possibly hope to return them. For someone who would only rip her feelings to shreds should he learn of them.
Hinata felt the tears fresh in her eyes, but what could she do? When Hinata had feelings for someone she could not wish them away. Denial was no escape. They would come back full force. However she also couldn't, in just conscience, force her feelings on Sasuke. It wasn't fair to him. She didn't want him to think she had ulterior motives for helping him. When all of this began, she hadn't. Hinata couldn't have anticipated something like this happening. But everything had changed now. She couldn't act the same. Her cheeks were warm just thinking about it. Hinata had to end it. She had to tell him she could never see him again. She couldn't take this as her heart ached. It wasn't fair. Rising from her sweat soaked sheets, she wrapped a robe around herself and sneaked out.
Sasuke stalked, pacing, the very picture of an offended cat, eyes boring holes into the floor as every now and then his brows contracted. He kept his anger close, the threadbare control he had reigned over it threatening to break. If it snapped someone would die tonight. It wouldn't be him. His hand tightened on his katana as he paused, conflicted as the thunder flashed across the sky casting an eerie light amongst the shouji doors in the Uchiha compound. It would rain he thought with a derisive sneer. It always rained. Sasuke hated the rain, hated that it reminded him of all of the nights he could never, would never forget. Why did it always have to fucking rain when everything falls apart. It was typical. Hope was the denial of reality. Any time he hoped, he was only met by failure time and time again.
She had lied to him, betrayed him. But he would have been able to, should have been able to tell if she had lied to him. The Byakugan wasn't more advanced than his Sharingan. Her pulse hadn't wavered, her eyes hadn't blinked. Hinata was a horrible liar…or perhaps a very good one if she had managed it. If. He didn't believe she had lied. He didn't want to. And it only stretched that threadbare chord that much further. Perhaps that was his weakness. His desire to want to live in delusion, rather than face facts for what they really were.
He was to blame. He had trusted her knowing the consequences. It was always his fault. He had believed he had found someone like him. It only served to isolate him more. His insides burned, the waves of rejection crashing over his head, echoed in the thunder outside. It seemed a dark rain cloud hovered, following him only to release it's polluted tension when his world grew dark and dim. He couldn't escape it, but the thought of finding someone to share in his sufferings, a kindred spirit had given him false delusions. He had actually believed that things would get better. He was a fool.
He sensed her and he wondered briefly if this was another conjured image in his mind sent to plague him, to haunt him on this night that was so like every other night he'd lived. But it wasn't a ghost. He could sense her. It was late and that should have registered to him as odd, but it didn't. He heard the gentle treading of her footsteps, could nearly smell her familiar lavender scent and it only put him on edge, bristling as he sought to batten down his defenses. She said nothing as she came in. She didn't need to.
Sasuke clenched his jaw, waiting as he eyed her. Her cheeks were flushed, her skin alight with a sheen of sweat. She trembled from the exertion and it was clear that her eyes were glassy. She had been crying, but about what? Dark circles were beneath her luminescent pearl eyes and she bit her lip, tension palatable in the air between them. She couldn't hide from him. He could tell. The hesitation in the way she opened the door and stepped in was there. Sharingan tomoe whirled in conflicted emotion as he waited, anticipating that she wouldn't be the one to break the silence.
Emotion flickered across her face, her cheeks flushing a lovely shade of pink as she caught his eyes and looked quickly away. She was chewing on her lip without appearing to realize what she was doing. She started to move forward, hands reaching out and then dropped them. She paused once more and then straightened, lifting her chin and straightening her shoulders, attempting to move into the kitchen.
Sasuke wasn't having any of it. How dare she think she could just show up in whenever she pleased. He blocked her way into the kitchen and when she tried to side step him, he blocked her again, clenching his fists at his rising anger.
"What is this?" He challenged, Sharingan practically burning her gaze.
"W-what is what, Uchiha san?" Hinata stammered, and she felt the anger radiate off him, surrounding the surface area between them as he grabbed her wrist.
"You've got a lot of nerve showing up in the middle of the night and calling me that" He practically snarled.
"I was afraid you hadn't eaten" Hinata lied, trying to take her arm back. His grip on her tightened and she whimpered in pain.
"Too afraid to face me? To look me in the eyes?" Sasuke challenged, shutting his Sharingan off, slate grey eyes darkening in their intensity.
Hinata gasped, startled by the forwardness of the question and the fact that he had deactivated the Sharingan in her presence. He caught her look for only a second and then she looked away, defeated. He noted with growing irritation that she was still avoiding his gaze. It only made it worse. Sasuke would not be ignored. It simply wasn't tolerated, particularly not from her.
And then both of them flinched, pausing at the feel of the familiar chakra signature telling them who was heading towards the compound. They both knew and recognized the other ki each in their own ways. One Haruno Sakura, medical specialist of Konoha, and former teammate of Sasuke, entered the grounds within seconds, dropping down in the grass outside the compound and entered swiftly through the shouji door.
"Hinata?" She asked. Hinata blinked in acknowledgement.
"Hinata…What are you doing here?" She said hesitantly perhaps looking for an explanation.
Hinata glanced at Sasuke, who looked absolutely livid.
"Get. Out." He gritted, through clenched teeth.
"Normally I wouldn't be paid to set foot in here, but you have one of my patients." Sakura tried to keep her tone neutral but her verdant eyes cold and angry as she stared at the Uchiha prodigy. Her passive aggressive statement only made him angrier.
A kunai slammed into the shouji door by her head, and Sakura whipped her head angrily at Sasuke, jade eyes narrowed at the dark haired Uchiha prodigy, his intentions clear. Sasuke said nothing to reply or excuse his behavior.
The tension in the room tripled easily, as the pressure rose between the two. Hinata flinched, the look of hatred between them too much to bear. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were teammates.
"Last time I checked, I told you to stay away from me" Sasuke retorted, breaking the silence. His grey eyes were dark and blazing as he fingered his katana.
Sakura tensed, fists clenched and Hinata could feel the chakra between the two of them summoning, gathering in response to each other's mounting frustration. Her mouth was wide open, but she couldn't summon the courage to say anything, to do anything.
"Hinata is in no condition to be sneaking off the Hyuuga premises in the middle of the night, Sasuke. Least of all to see you. I'll leave when she does" Sakura said, pink eyebrows pulling angrily together as she gave him her professional assessment.
"It's none of your business who she goes to see and who she doesn't. And you seem to forget that You are not welcome here." Sasuke replied katana flashing in the thunder lit room.
Sakura didn't flinch from his ki, the malevolent energy radiating off of him. Blood red Sharingan pierced the darkness as those black tomoe whirled.
"I take better care of my patients, and in fact better care of my friends than that, Sasuke" Sakura retorted bearing a sneer of her own as she placed her hands on her hips.
Sasuke's eyebrows drew together in a look of sheer hatred and then it was gone, left with a blank look, though his eyes still blazed.
Hinata felt the sinking pit in her stomach, as she watched the two. They were teammates, once closer than blood… and now this is what they had become. It pained her. If Naruto were here, he would be doing something. He would make them stop. But Naruto wasn't here. He wasn't here any longer. He was dead, and his death stood between the two like the pitfall of a cliff, like a chasm that continued to separate the two. She couldn't be Naruto. She could never be him for these two, but she couldn't sit idly paralyzed by fear any longer. But she couldn't even move. Why couldn't Hinata move? She was paralyzed, stiff and stuck.
"Like Naruto?" Sasuke challenged, an evil smirk sliding across his pale features.
"You Bastard!" Sakura snarled, as she launched herself forward. Sasuke flipped over her, landing neatly, Katana flashing as he turned, prepared to launch himself forward.
"BYAKUGAN!" Hinata cried, breaking free of her paralysis and barring the way between them.
Sakura stopped, fists still clenched and glowing green but she wasn't about to attack with her in the way.
"ENOUGH!" she cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.
Sasuke was tensed, coiled, and ready to strike as he eyed Sakura with a predatory gaze.
Hinata was beside Sasuke instantly, gently placing her hand on top of his.
"Please..." She pleaded. "Please stop this" She begged.
Conflicted, Sasuke recoiled her touch, but stopped, stilled by the lavender scent and the feel of her warmth. Pearlescent eyes met his angry Sharingan. She met his look with sad, feverish Byakugan. And she looked pitiful with her tears. He was angry with himself, angry that he didn't want to disobey her. Fighting wouldn't solve anything. It would only shed more blood here and if the truth were told, he was sick of it. But he didn't want to back down either.
Sakura paused, thunderstruck as she watched the emotions flickering between the two. She bit her lip, clenching her jaw feeling the tears and refusing to let them break surface.
"Hinata, you should return home before you're caught." Sakura said, swallowing the hard lump of emotion she felt and the hurt threatening to come through.
"Sakura san, I am not sneaking out. I am here because this is where I need to be right now. I am sorry, but you are not welcome here." Hinata told her. "I will return after I.." She paused a look of hurt flashing through her features "I-I finish my business with Uchiha san." Hinata said.
Sakura felt the blow like a slap in the face, and her step faltered as she backed up. Had Hinata just said that? When had Hinata grown the tenacity to say something like that? She stood in shock of what had just been spoken.
"I will not tell you again." Sasuke warned, both surprised and pleased by the reaction of Hinata. He stood by her side, stepping forward with his katana.
Sakura hesitated her fists clenched, a look of agony on her face. She was obviously torn, unsure of what to do or how to react. And then it was gone as if it had never been and she smiled that sad smile the smile she always smiled for him, and only nodded, numbly as she disappeared in ninja smoke.
Sasuke exhaled the breath he didn't know he was holding and sheathed his katana on his back. He clenched and unclenched his fists, hating it all. Sakura was his teammate, but only his teammate, and even that bond was tenuous at best. He couldn't love her.
He felt the tension melt from the room, and he turned from Hinata making his way into the kitchen as he filled the tea kettle for tea. Hinata didn't move from her spot whatever was bothering was apparent on her face. Sasuke placed the tea kettle on the burner and glanced at Hinata again. She appeared lost in her thoughts, trying to say something. Sasuke broke the silence first.
"Why are you here?" Sasuke asked, softly.
"I already told you, I was afraid you hadn't eaten-" Hinata began.
"In the middle of the night?" Sasuke snapped, Grey slate igniting like coals stoked from a fire, eyebrows drawn as his brow furrowed.
She bit her lip in hesitation and this displeased him further. His face darkened, contorting angry lines playing across his usually emotionless face. He knew that she knew she was lying.
"I-I -" Hinata stammered.
That damn stammer was back from their childhood with a vengeance. Sasuke was angered by her presence, her sheer proximity and the words spoken that he couldn't let go off. Neji's words were like stinging nettle coursing underneath his skin.
Every night she still cries because he's gone. Every night I find the smell of ramen in her room, a cup of it that she has made. She sleeps in his old pajamas cuddling his pillow though she hardly sleeps because of her grief.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Sasuke demanded, he was angry but those eyes spoke and radiated ultimately his hurt, his pain lurking beneath the exterior.
"T-tell you about w-what?" Hinata asked looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Don't play coy with me, tonight, Hyuuga" Sasuke snarled, chakra crackling from his fists. He knew she was lying, it was as simple as that.
"Sasuke san, I don't know what you're talking about" Hinata replied, frowning, unsure of what he wanted to hear. Why was he so angry at her?
"What do you think?" Sasuke snarled.
Hinata's eyes widened in comprehension. The only thing he would be this furious about. He must have been told about the promise.
"Sasuke-" She started.
"So you know now, do you?" He snapped.
"I never meant-"
"Liar! You are so full of shit. I was right about you, all your righteous speeches and bullshit."
"No, you don't understand- Please!" Hinata begged as he turned from her. She grabbed his white haori. Sasuke turned, eyes full of hurt. Hinata couldn't bear that look. It was in that moment, that Hinata realized that she couldn't abandon Sasuke. She couldn't leave him because it would be betraying her nindo. She wasn't going to run away anymore.
"I can't trust a single thing from you." He whispered in anger, in sadness.
"Sasuke …" Hinata pleaded. "Please, I didn't tell you because I knew this would happen-"
"I told you from the beginning I wasn't a fucking charity case. And you almost had me fooled. Get out of my house." Sasuke retorted, shaking off her hold.
And Hinata felt anger that she'd never known she'd ever possessed break through her Hyuuga calm and control. She grabbed his arm, turning him as she forced him to look at her, to face her. She wasn't going to let him walk away from this. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Not this way.
"No! I don't know how you found out, but it doesn't matter. You can't just push me away. You need me…or at least someone to keep you from sinking under. Even if it's not me, that's fine. I don't care if you won't let me in, if you won't let me be that person for you. You're drowning in something Sasuke, and in heavens name I don't know why, but I won't let you sink. I can't let you."
Sasuke's eyes cracked, shattering.
"How dare you promise him that! Who the hell do you think you are coming into my life like some goddamn savior, with your lavender scent and your smiles and your fucking cooking. I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" Sasuke shouted, right into her face.
"Hypocrit" Hinata strangled out.
"What?" Sasuke turned disbelieving what he had heard.
"You do need me. You refuse to see it, but it's alright because I know it." Hinata replied with unwavering conviction.
"Chee" Sasuke retorted, sneer curling.
"You're angry for me not telling you about the promise. But I couldn't, not with my feelings right now. I didn't want you to push me away because of them. Because even if you don't share them, I still want to help" She said, tears streaming down her creamy cheeks.
"But do you know what I'm angry about? You don't even care. I still don't know how he died, or what happened. I have every right to be angry at you, and yet I'm not. But do you know what makes me really angry, Sasuke? Is that Everything is always about you.. isn't it?" Hinata accused, pearlescent eyes unwavering as she stood her ground.
Sasuke suddenly felt his mouth go dry. It was as if the ground he thought he was so firm to stand upon had crumbled. He had fallen through, plummeting, free falling, as his mind raced to catch up with what she had said. Why did he feel sheer terror coursing through his limbs. Coupled with that feeling, was electric charged tension he hadn't known existed at such a word. The word from her, The word that changed the entire course of the conversation and blew his petty indifferences out of the water.
Feelings. She had said the word, Feelings. More specifically she had said her feelings. He hadn't mistaken that word. Feelings. Her feelings. Her feelings about him. Her feelings about him! What. The. Hell. Was. Wait- they weren't talking about the same thing. Sasuke froze under such words. Feelings? Shit..This wasn't-
Hinata eyed him as the myriad of emotions washed over his expressions, eyes dazed as he stumbled backwards. 'S-Sasuke?" She asked, tentatively brushing his arm, though she was obviously afraid of him.
Her touch was pure electric flame, hot and sharp all at once and he recoiled snapping his arm back as if he had been burnt and electrocuted at the same time. Feelings. For him? Sharingan eyes eyed her incredulously. The Hyuuga heiress? Was this some sort of trick or trap? Feelings….
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Sasuke snapped, needing to find some ground to stand on, needing to avoid that dangerous word at all costs. Needing to get away from her touch. It revealed too much, it was offering what he wasn't even sure she was meaning to offer. it was too good to be true, too honest for him to deal with.
Hinata trembled, swallowing the pain of his sentence, but then she saw him tremble. He could not fool her Byakugan, just as she could not fool the Sharingan.
She grabbed his arm, and he tried to retract her grip, but she refused to let go, drawing closer. She gasped, her fever exhausting her, the physical exertion draining her. Sasuke recognized her exhaustion immediately eyes alight, as his arms gathered her unhesitatingly against him, eyes revealing the concern.
"I meant every word I said." Hinata replied unwaveringly as she coughed.
"Liar" Sasuke accused, hating himself, hating her nearness and what it was doing to him. Feelings..
Pearled Byakugan met his unwaveringly, though she could scarcely support her own weight. It didn't matter because Sasuke wasn't going to let her go.
"I never lied to you. I meant every word, Sasuke." She insisted.
She was out like a light, exhausted by her efforts and Sasuke was shaking.
