She frets the entire drive. What is she supposed to do? She wants to be with Robin, she thinks she does anyway, but she can't, that's stupid. It's been two days, but only two days and that doesn't mean it's going to work out, that they will work out. And she also doesn't want to break Daniel's heart, she really cares for him. It's all a mess and it's all her fault and…
Oh god, oh god! Holy lord, she almost swerves off of the damn road lost in her thoughts. She jerks the steering wheel to the left, narrowly avoiding the ditch, heart racing, head spinning. She's gripping the steering wheel so hard her hands turn white as she takes in shaky breaths. The last thing she needs right now is to crash this car. She may have ruined her life but she doesn't want to end it. Not like this.
She's so stupid though, it was ridiculous to come here. How could she do this to Daniel? He is a good man, a good man that she is about to devastate, all because she has no self-control when it comes to Robin. And she hasn't even given herself to Daniel ever, she's been denying him something she just gave freely and repeatedly to Robin. That just makes her feel even worse because she's been denying Daniel that kind of pleasure, and for what reason? She told him she wanted to wait for marriage but then she goes and does it with Robin. What is Daniel going to think? Her mother was right, she is a tramp.
How could she do that to Daniel? Cheat on him. It's unforgivable. But he is so good he just might forgive her and if he does how can she say no, how can she do that to him and then reject him.
She's an awful person and what she did was horrendous. Daniel deserves so much better than her, she's always known that, but that doesn't mean she needed to go set their whole relationship on fire. This was beyond stupid and now not only is she completely unworthy of him, she's broken his trust the one thing she'd earned.
She tried to be that person, the one he deserves, she did. But she's not the perfect wife and all that all of the pretending did was drive her into Robin's arms, when she never even gave Daniel the chance to see and accept that side of her. It's not entirely her fault, her mother has always pushed her to be someone she wasn't and she followed it, mostly, until she met Robin. But then when she ended up with her heart crushed she unintentionally fell back into her old patterns, found herself thinking about what her mother would want, found herself craving her approval, her love.
Daniel is exactly who her mother always wanted for her and because of that she found herself following her mother stupid advice, trying to be someone she wasn't the person she thought Daniel wanted.
But he had proved time and again all he wanted was her and those few times she had expressed her distaste for the high society events, had told him she wanted a simple life he had humoured her. He told her how different things would be once they were married, that she would be free and she had clung to that. But really there was no reason she couldn't have been free the whole time, she sees that clearly now.
She realizes that if she had just been honest with herself and with Daniel about what she wanted things likely would have turned out so differently. She wouldn't be so confused, wouldn't be driving, and a bit recklessly, back to her hotel room so her fiancée can confront her about her obscene and lewd behaviour. She betrayed him in the worst way possible and now she has to pay for it, and unfairly, so does he.
She feels sick with her guilt because he does not deserve this. Now she has to go in there and rip his heart to shreds. The thought of it is torture, makes her want to run away and never come back, but she has to face it, what she's done. At the bare minimum, she owes that to him.
She spots his car when she pulls into the lot and bile rises in her throat, her stomach lurching. Her hand flies to her stomach as she pulls in quick breaths trying to quell the rising nausea. She needs to be strong, needs to do this even though every fibre of her being is begging her to run off.
Her breath is still shaky, chest tight, stomach in knots when she goes to open her hotel room door. The panic rises as she reaches for her key and nearly drops it because her hand is shaking so much. She takes a second, draws a slow inhale as she wills her hand not shake and then goes to unlock the door. As she turns the key she realizes it's already unlocked, which means Daniel is here. She can't avoid him, this is it.
She opens the door slowly and there is Daniel, sitting on the bed, waiting. He looks rundown, haggard, like his whole world has been shattered, and it pulls at her heartstrings to know that it is because of her, she did this. She destroyed him with her foolish and selfish actions, no one else, her. She is the cause of his grief, sadness, of those unshed tears in his eyes as he looks at her.
There's a bottle of Whiskey on the side table and a glass in his hand. The bottle is nearly half empty and she knows it would have been full when he arrived.
He looks at her and he's so pained she wants to wrap her arms around him and take away the pain but she has lost that right. It's not like she can take away the pain anyway because it's all caused by her, by her idiotic, irresponsible and heartless actions.
Daniel swirls the amber liquid in his glass and downs it in one swallow. His eyes water for a second and then his face goes blank, his voice is surprisingly steady and unslurred as he speaks slowly. "The way I see it, I got three choices. One, I can shoot him. Two, I can kick the crap out of him. Or three… I leave you." He sighs and really looks at her, sending another pinch of guilt through her. "Well, all tha's no good. Cause… none of those options get me you."
She can't take it anymore, she has to do something, she can't bear to see him like this. She sits down beside him, wraps her arms around him. His head slumps onto her shoulder as he admits, "And in spite of everything, I love you."
Her heart breaks at that. "I love you too. I do…"
He looks up at her, eyes hopeful, "I meant what I said when I gave you tha' ring."
She lets out a shaky breath, trying her hardest not to cry, she needs to get through this. She knows how much he hates to see her cry, and she shouldn't cause him anymore pain. "I did too. I did too. It's just that when I'm…" she pauses to collect herself, as his face starts to fall, "when I'm with Robin I feel like one person and when I'm with you I feel like someone totally different. And, and I don't know that I want to be that person."
He sighs head falling to her shoulder again. "Iss normal not to forget your firs' love. I love you, Regina, but I wan' you for mysself. I don't wanna haf to convince my fiancée that she shu' be wif me."
He's right, she's awful, a terrible, sorry excuse for a human being, always a disappointment. "You don't have to I already know I should be with you."
His words rush out and she realizes how careful he was being earlier, how much effort he put in not to show that he was drunk. He was still trying to make a good impression, and that pains her as much as his words. "Bu' do you wannabe wif me? Because despie evythin I still wannabe wif you. But when I said I wan you all to myself... I meant I want you to wannabe wif me, and me only. I don' wannabe sharin' your heart with some ol' flame."
She cries then, can't help it, feels the damn burst because that's what she's been doing to him this whole time and he is so good to her and she has treated him like trash.
"God Daniel, I… I-I'm s-o ssorry."
He bends down beside her, grabbing her hands in his, looking up at her sorrowfully, "S'rry cause you love him?"
She sobs loudly, her body shaking from the force of it. "I d-don't… I—I don't deserve you."
He looks at her resigned, his head falling onto her lap, "Bu' you don' wanna me either."
"I… I don't know what I want."
He pulls his face up then and she sees the tears he was hiding. "Don' lie tome R'gina, we bof know tha'snot true, you know wha' you wan' and issnot me."
He stands up, grabbing his bottle and his bag and she cries, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
He turns back at the doorway and tells her sadly, "I'm tooo, we really coulda been somefing ssspecial but I never stood a c-chance, I… I see tha' now. Goodbye Regina."
He closes the door and she breaks down into full-body sobs. She shakes and chokes and tears stream down her face, her nose running. She cries and cries. She can't seem to stop and she deserves it, this pain after what she did. She's a god awful human being who hurt so many people by being so stupid and careless. She doesn't deserve to be happy. Doesn't deserve anyone after everything she's done. She hurt everyone, not just Daniel but Robin too. He told her he loved her and she said nothing, she walked away without giving him any clue of what she was doing.
She didn't know right away that he was what she wanted… or at least she wasn't willing to admit it. Robin should have someone better, someone who would have chosen him right away, not left him hanging in this purgatory. He deserves someone who has it all figured out and that's not her, it never has been. She can't go back to him crying about her mistakes, over her heartbreak from breaking Daniel's heart. She knows she made the right choice. She is distraught because of what she did to Daniel, but when things ended up Robin she was destroyed, it was agony, earth-shattering grief over the loss of that relationship. She's mourning the end of things with Daniel, but more so how it ended, what she did to him, than the loss of being with him. She will miss him she will, but she will get over this in a way she never got over Robin.
Daniel deserved better than her, and Robin deserves better than her, a messed up broken person who can't make up her mind when it really counts. Who only realizes what she wants, what she needs, when it's too late. A person who takes everything they have for granted. She is not good enough for him, for the kind sweet man who somehow always sees the best in her, who pushes her to go for what she really wants regardless of whether it's what he wants.
But she is weak and selfish so when the tears finally stop, when she is all cried out, headache brewing, she changes, grabs her stuff and throws her bag in the car. She checks out of the hotel, her face still red and eyes bloodshot from all the crying. She sees the pity in the concierge's eyes but she pretends not to.
She gets in the car and heads to Robin's. Her nerves build and build as she drives because what is she going to say to him. What can she say to him?
She takes a few breaths when she pulls in the driveway and stumbles up his walkway. She's halfway to the door when he comes rushing out with an exultant "Regina," that she is unworthy of.
Then he scoops her in his arms, plants a kiss into her hair and she loses it again. Turns out she did have some unshed tears left. She cries into his chest as his hands slide down her back. It's so soothing but she feels guilty for feeling soothed, because she is crying in his arms over another man. What kind of a person does that? A terrible one, she's a horrible person and somehow he still wants her.
It doesn't last nearly as long, this little breakdown, and when her sobs subside he holds her closer and tells her it's going to be okay.
She feels an odd sense of peace in his arms, a sense of rightness, despite everything. She soaks up the comfort and finally looks at him, there's love in his eyes and she lets it wash over her, calm her fears and woes.
"I broke up with Daniel."
He nods not breaking the eye contact, "I figured as much."
"And… you're not… mad."
"Darling, why would I be mad?"
How could he not be? "I leave without saying anything, I come here crying over another man."
"But you are here, that's what matters, and I knew it wouldn't be easy, I told you that. It upsets me that you are upset but I understand why. It's okay to be sad about it Regina, it doesn't mean you feel for me any less, it doesn't mean what we had—what we have, is any less."
God he's perfect, she kisses him softly before any more tears spill from how grateful she is for that, for him. "Thank you and I, I do want to be with you, I do, but there's no guarantee this going to work we have to get to know each other again. We aren't those two kids in love, time has changed us. I feel for you, deeply, I maybe even love you but I need time to figure that out. We can't just jump back to where we were seven years ago…"
"I know, all I wanted was a second chance darling, so come on, stay for dinner and we will figure this out."
That sounds good but she doesn't want to give him the wrong impression. "I, I'm not moving in, I can't live here, not yet. I'll, I'll have to find a place in town."
He looks a little flustered, "I can't believe I'm suggesting this but… Tink has an extra room."
She raises an eyebrow, "Tink huh, the woman you were involved with before, you don't think that would be awkward."
He laughs, "I wasn't sure if you had figured that out."
She laughs a little, silly Robin, she's not that naive. "It wasn't that hard to put together, especially when she came here alone at night and you had a set of women's pajamas in your room."
"She likes you, a lot, she pushed me to tell you how I feel, she wouldn't, she doesn't care about that, we were never…"
He's so adorable all flustered she raises onto her toes and plants another kiss on his lips. "It's okay, I know it's not like us, and I'll figure something out."
She does, she ends up staying at Tink's place, for a while anyway. She spends most nights at Robin's, that is, until Tink makes her face the reality she's been avoiding. The two missed periods, sore boobs, constant fatigue but inability to sleep reality that gets confirmed by the town doctor Tink drags her to.
She hadn't wanted to move too fast, but she's in love with him, and with a baby on the way she takes the plunge and moves in. They decide to wait to get married, until after their child is born. Robin hopes for a little girl but falls in love with their son Henry the second he meets him. Regina cuts out her mother, before Cora has the chance to disown her, but her father comes to visit from time to time, gets to know his grandchild. He gives her away at their little wedding in the summer of 1950, on the ten-year anniversary of their first meeting.
After Roland is born in 1956, her father moves into the summer home in Charleston full time. He visits Charlotte every so often for social events Cora couldn't possibly go alone to, but outside of one-off social occasions builds a life in Charleston away from the wife he never could stand.
They end up with that little girl Robin always wanted when Henry is thirteen and Roland is six. She was a bit of a surprise little Margaret Robyn Locksley, but a happy one. Their house is full and happy, exactly what Regina had pictured when she described her dream home to Robin all those years ago.
It's not the life she'd pictured for herself, it's better.
