Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Akatsuki or any of the characters/concepts featured. All characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.


Deidara loved fish, and not just for dinner.

He loved the way they looked, the way they hunted, and even the way they darted through the ocean. Regardless of species, they held a certain grace, a certain flair that went unmatched in the animal kingdom. From the great white to the blue-ringed octopus, the mantis shrimp to the lionfish, he adored all marine life.

So you can imagine how happy he was to find man with the same admiration. In fact, Kisame had taken his enthusiasm to a whole new level.

Deidara had first seen him loitering outside the local pet shop, hovering between the various fountains and pond boxes. His appearance had simply been too surreal to dismiss; he looked as though he'd been carved from lapis. His hair had been spiked with gel, dyed a deep midnight blue, and his cheeks had been tattooed with a gill design. His teeth had been filed to points so sharp they'd make Dracula jealous.

He genuinely looked like a thug or a shoplifter, or a shark.

Deidara had chosen the last option. After the last few fiascos, he hadn't intended to meet anyone or strike up a conversation, but the man looked so interesting and artistic. Well, that and he was also tall and muscular, with a chiseled jaw and broad shoulders. If you looked up the word "masculine" in the dictionary, his portrait would be printed underneath in permanent ink.

He drew Deidara in like a bee to a rose.

Apparently the interest was mutual too, because they were now steadily making their way towards the blonde's apartment block.

'So you used to be a lifeguard, un?' asked Deidara, quietly, his eyes wandering.

The man had a finely-toned torso, hidden beneath a thin tank top, and his arms flexed as he moved. He obviously had a gym membership; he looked to be as strong as Zeus and twice as handsome, albeit in an odd way.

He was a fearless killer whale; compared to him Sasori was a... What was the weirdest sea-creature? A sea pig? A dumbo octopus? A blobfish? ...Some squishy, undiscovered eel-sponge thing? Whatever he was, Kisame could crush him in a heartbeat. Even the guy's voice seemed to radiate power.

'Yeah. I started training when I was sixteen; helped out at the local pool with the kids...'

Child-friendly as well. This was proving to be very fruitful.

Deidara bit his lip and fiddled with his hair. 'Pool, hm?'

'Yeah, it was fun for the most part,' said Kisame. His lips twisted into a grimace and he shuddered. 'Except for the...odd customer.'

'Oh?'

'There were a few instances, that's all. Apparently if you look like a fish some people think you deserve to be treated like one...'

Deidara frowned. He wasn't sure he understood those words but he didn't know whether or not to push the subject. In the end, he set his curiosity aside out of politeness. Instead, he asked, 'Do you still go at all, hm?'

Kisame chuckled and flashed him a toothy grin. 'Nah. I quit years ago; wanted to be an aquarist.'

'Aquarist, un?'

'Yup. Tropical fish, freshwater fish, saltwater fish; you name it, I've probably handled it.'

He paused and scratched the back of his neck, a sheepish smile on his face. 'You don't mind, do you? I mean, sometimes my hands can be a bit...wet.'

Deidara laughed and sent him a flirty look, cerulean eyes gleaming. 'Oh and what are you going to be doing with your hands, un?' he asked, playfully, unable to pass up the opportunity.

A deep purple blush spread from the bridge of Kisame's nose, all the way across to his gill tattoos. He averted his gaze and ran his teeth over his bottom lip, clearly embarrassed. Then he began to get flustered. Given his Herculean physique, it was actually very endearing. 'W-well, I never thought... Not that I wouldn't want to... I mean, if y-you...'

Deidara hummed and sidled closer to him, touching his elbow. 'I'm teasing, hm,' he said, a smug smile on his lips. 'I like that you work with fish...'

Kisame gave a nervous laugh as they rounded a corner in the street. 'Thanks. Y'know, you'd be surprised how much of a turn-off it is for some people...'

'I don't see how; working with animals is amazing, un...'

'Mhm, I recently got a redeye piranha; named the li'l guy Samehada.'

Deidara blinked in surprise. By now they'd reached the apartment block and Kisame, being the gentleman he was, had moved to hold the door open. 'Thank you,' whispered Deidara, shyly, as he entered the building. 'But aren't piranhas dangerous, hm?'

'Horror films give 'em a bad rap, that's all,' said Kisame, carefully closing the door behind him. Spots of indigo returned to his cheeks. 'Maybe...maybe you could, I dunno, stop by and see him sometime?'

Deidara smiled. He found such courteousness to be a very attractive quality. Kisame truly was a gentle giant.

'I'd like that, un. Just...don't let me get bitten.'

'Oh I won't, I promise-'

'Unless it's by you, hm.'

Well that statement turned Kisame into a violet lava lamp.

Deidara laughed and led him upstairs. He could have endless fun with this man; the guy was just too adorable for his own good, and so kind and chivalrous too. Not only that, but his size and build completely surpassed those of the previous men; he made Itachi look like an uncooked noodle. Deidara could picture it clearly; Kisame would waltz into the apartment, tread on Sasori, and turn the creep into a mini throw rug. Then they'd be able to have a peaceful evening and perhaps arrange a date or something of that nature.

Deidara grinned evilly as the door to his apartment swam into view, the handle looking a lot less intimidating this time. In fact, he didn't even have to pause before opening it; he felt invincible with Kisame behind him. It was almost as if he had his own personal bodyguard, one with jagged fangs and a sweet centre.

Sasori turned to face them upon their entry. He had curled up on the sofa, a bundle of red hair wrapped in a Snuggie. His eyes were lazier than those of a drugged sloth and he was leafing through a magazine that was either about a) puppetry, or b) fur coats.

When he saw Kisame, he seemed to contract a fault in his programming. He stared at the man, his eyes like a deer caught in headlights. Thinking the redhead was frightened, Deidara smirked and turned his nose up. Then the sicko said something that made his heart sink.

'Kisame? Is that you?'

Deidara's jaw dropped like bowling ball from a skyscraper.

He heard Kisame respond over his shoulder with a very uneasy laugh. The guy sounded petrified. 'Ahaha... Sasori. It's...it's been a while, hasn't it?'

Deidara's turned to face him with a gobsmacked expression. He could scarcely believe what was going on; fate had to be screwing with him!

'You know each other, hm?!'

Kisame ran a hand through his hair, the spikes falling beneath his palm like felled trees. He'd turned a very sickly duck-egg blue. 'Sasori was...a regular at the pool,' he mumbled, quietly. 'He was the one kid that floated around pretending to be seaweed...and about what I said earlier, he-'

'I don't do that anymore,' interjected Sasori, curtly. 'Now I pretend to be coral.'

Kisame sent him a wary look. '...Coral?'

'Yes, in the bath, and sometimes, if I try really hard, I can imagine a family of Nemos are living inside me...'

A loud slap was heard as Deidara facepalmed. He glared at Sasori from between his fingers, his cheeks redder than concentrated wine. How could someone be so stupid? Was he born that way or did he grow into his stupidness? Or was he just an asshole? Deidara strongly suspected the last option.

Meanwhile, Kisame seemed extremely uncomfortable. He cowered like an elephant in front of a mouse. 'Y-you haven't changed a bit, have you?'

'You have. You grew and that's good. Very good.'

Kisame faltered a little. His brow twitched. '...E-excuse me?'

Suddenly Sasori's face lit up in devilish delight, as though a switch had been flicked. All he needed was a torch beneath his chin and a dark atmosphere. He reached over the arm of the sofa and plucked something from the floor. A fishing rod.

'I've been waiting to meet you again, Mr. Lifeguard-fishy. You always swam away before I could catch you but now here you are...'

Deidara stared at the scene before him with a flat expression. Was that the best Sasori could come up with? A cheap, flimsy stick with a lure attached? It was pathetic. Then something clicked at the back of his mind. He turned as white as a sheet.

"Apparently if you look like a fish, some people think you deserve to be treated like one."

Shit.

He turned to Kisame. The aquarist was frozen in place, his face a picture of panic. The poor stud looked as though he'd just witnessed a double murder. Deidara lowered his voice, keeping his tone steady. He didn't want to lose, not this time, not again.

'Kisame...'

The man gulped and turned to face him, fear burning in his pupils. It was the look of someone who'd been to Hell and back. 'I gotta go,' he whispered, shakily. 'Things happened at the pool, Dei; things that can't be unseen...'

'But-'

'Look, I can handle a stingray, and I can deal with a barracuda, but Sasori is just...just...'

'Just...?'

'He's fucking nuts!'

'Well I knew that but - hey, wait! Kisame, please!'

But Kisame had already retreated out the door faster than a sailfish. Had he been submersed in water, he'd have left a trail of bubbles in his wake. Royally pissed, Deidara turned back to Sasori. The freak was now fiddling with the reel handle of the rod, pawing it and making it spin out of control. He was like a kitten with a ball of string, his mouth hanging open in awe. 'Look, Deidara... Look how it spins...'

Deidara exploded.

He stomped over and roughly yanked the fishing rod from his roommate's grasp, throwing it into the adjoining kitchen. There was a loud clunk as it hit the draining board, and a clatter as it landed on the tiled floor. Deidara stood in front of Sasori with his hands on his hips. 'Really, hm? Really? I don't know what crazy shit you did at the pool but that was out of order! He was 100% human and you know it, un!'

Sasori stared up at him with a pair of complacent brown eyes. 'Of course he's human. I just hadn't seen him in a long time; I wanted to catch him and show him something, that's all...'

Deidara's scowl deepened and he folded his arms. 'Oh really? And what did you want to show him, hm?'

Sasori reached over the arm of the sofa for a second time, heaving a large jar onto his lap. It was transparent, with speckled pebbles in the bottom, and a small collection of fluffy, green balls were floating around inside it. Sasori held it out as though it were a medal. 'I'm collecting moss balls now,' he stated, proudly. 'Because working with marine life is amazing and-'

'Good; you need balls,' muttered Deidara, storming towards the corridor that led to the bathroom. 'Don't bother me; I'm taking a shower, un.'

'How about we have a bath together? I can be the seaweed and you can be the coral.'

'...Bitch, fuck your coral, hm.'


What did Sasori do at the swimming pool? Maybe it involved a net...and a hook...and a large plank of wood. XD Thank you, D3m0nDarks. *Nudge* XD

A lot of you guys suggested Dei bring home a girl; the idea is amazing! You're all legends. XD I have something special planned for that though, so let's give it another chapter or two. :D In the meantime, who shall be next? Maybe Kiba or Kakuzu? I love hearing you, bros! X3

I hope you enjoyed, and I wish you an awesome summer! :D