I'll be your host!
K is for Knocked Out, Pein is left unconscious.
Hello peopolz! Lolz I was in a great mood when writing last chapter! Lolz I really liked it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and am very sad of it. And I DON'T own the Discoverykid's crap that I am using in this chapter… don't sue or else…
Well, I haven't got much to say after that, so here you go!
Wile Itachi was worrying, Sasori and DeiDei where changing their underwear, Kakuzu and Pein were discussing over if they were going to continue and why they needed poppy seeds for, Konan went totally out of her mind, Hidan was screaming happily as a dragon ripped his asshole out, Tobi and Kisame talked about why and the sadness Kisame felt that he hadn't died, Zetsu was the only one that was sitting down without complaining or anything. Well, not complaining with anybody else.
"This is simply great. Death-donno is drunk and drugged. Pein hates me. Kakuzu is the district's drug dealer and Itachi is a worrywart. Konan is turning Hidan into minced meat and Tobi has taken his mask off. AND I MISSED IT! This simply couldn't get absolutely any better." Black Zetsu complained. White Zetsu clucked it's tongue with anger.
"Shit is all your fault. We could be in the shop, helping with the little plants. But NOOOO you had to help a guy who, I bet, has piercings in his ass. No wonder Mother never liked you." White Zetsu whined. Black Zetsu opened his half-mouth with surprise.
"OUR MOM WAS A BISEXUAL FREAK! WE ARE LUCKY WE ARE BOTH MALE! SHE FUCKED HERSEL-" He screamed defensively.
"NOT TRUE!! MOM WAS GREAT!! DON'T YOU DARE TO SPEAK LIKE THAT OF OUR DEAD MOTHER!!" White Zetsu made his angry argument as he cut off Black Zetsu's black comment. Konan was about to chop his head off and turned to look at him because she was sick of his mad-ass screams.
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP, ALOE VERA!?" She was the one screaming now. Bad timing for telling Zetsu something mean. Zetsu was in his boiling point and was sick and tired of the insults so he stood up violently and went to face Konan. He almost pushed her, but then remembered she was a woman. And plan-guys are polite gentlemen.
"I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN!" He bellowed, looking down at her. He was several centimeters taller than her. Zetsu was expecting her to do three things:
Slap him
Insult him once more
Call her bitch (a.k.a: Pein)
But as he waited, he received a kiss in his black cheek. His yellow eyes widened a great deal as a calmed down Konan looked at him. She was blushing and he was too.
"Well, I liked your piercings…dude…" She said shyly. Zetsu's heart was beating as hard as the herd of paper lion's ran.
MEANWHILE
"AHHH! I AM MELTIIIING!!" Pein screamed as he fainted.
"Man…" Kakuzu said as he poked him with a stick.
END OF MEANWHILE??
"What the hell was that?!" He asked surprised.
"SHUT UP, MORONIC DUNCE! IT'S OUR FIRST KISS!!" White Zetsu squealed as he made Black Zetsu clap his hand with his. He snatched it away.
"Well, can you stop ripping Hidan apart, Konan?" He asked nicely.
"Oh… Yeah, whatever…" And she raised her hand and the group of blood-covered paper animals all unfolded and flew to inside of her cloak sleeve.
"Well, I better go to where Tobi is. I haven't scold him yet for being such a pain." Black Zetsu spoke as he scratched his head nervously.
"Ok…"
"But please, don't call me aloe vera. Would you?" White Zetsu pleaded.
"Dude, it was a joke. I wasn't going to attack you with paper. Not you, anyway. If you eat people, I bet you can eat paper exactly as well and I am not as masochist as Hidan…Remember I'm the paper." She spoke mockingly.
xxx
Hidan was laying on the floor. His ass was separated of the rest of his body, enormous streams of blood spouted from the hole where his ass used to be.
"AWWW!! I wanted more pain!! T.T" Hidan moaned sadly. Kisame was still with Tobi, trying to make him talk a more about himself. They walked to where Hidan was.
"No, Hidan. To much masochism for today. You are scaring Obi-er-Tobi again." He said reproachfully as he helped Hidan to stand up.
"Yo, shit-dip, can you help me find my ass?" Hidan asked as he removed a little of hair that fell in his eye. Kisame nodded.
"Ok, I'll help you fi- WHAT!? YOUR ASS!?" Kisame yelled out, stunned. Hidan nodded.
"Yeah, my ass. Are fucking helping me or what!?"
-.-U "Ok, ok. I am, but I simply refuse to touch that shit…" Kisame assured as he helped Hidan.
Tobi was standing aside, trying not to step on the blood puddles.
:) "Hidan-san, can I help you find you ass? I am a goood boy!" He jumped up and down.
SPLASH!
"AAAHHHHH! I HAVE BLOOD IN MY CLOAK!" Tobi screamed as he ran in circles waving his hands in the air. Hidan and Kisame looked at him.
-.-U
"Shit, the kid-er-guy is nuts…" Hidan said. Kisame looked a Tobi some more. He turned to look at Hidan and then he nodded.
"I can't believe he is actually the eldest one between us all..." Kisame said incredibly.
"Ok, guys, and girl, Super-secret Akatsuki meeting! Yo, Hidan! Hurry up and come here so that Kakuzu can sew your ass back! Come, hurry up, we are having a Super-secret meeting, really important! Serious issues! MEET HERE!" Pein called and pointed to the ground, standing up in his seat.
"Meat? WERE!?" Zetsu called as he shook his head violently in search for meat. Pein didn't bother. He was too interested in what he could see from where he was. The whole studio was fucked up. There was no ceiling now and the floor had several, large no wait, ENOURMOUS cracks. Not to mention that all of the people were either dead, or had fled. Except for the camera girl.
"Ok, great. We just need to wait for the feedback and…" Pein couldn't hear what else she said because she was walking through the studio's door.
"Oh my god. I forgot they were fucking filming us…" Pein said warily and then looked down. The whole Akatsuki group was looking up at him or/and talking to somebody else.
"Well, I was going to tell you that I wanted to go to Pizza Hut later…" They all mumbled and nodded, saying how tired they were and the famous "I'm fucking starving". "…but I've just remembered that we've been on air all of this time." All of the Akatsuki's looked at him with a stupid face.
"Yeah, so what?" They all said in unison, except for DeiDei that added a "hn", Hidan that added a "fucking" before "what" and Konan that changed the "Yeah" for a "Dude".
"Well, I bet the cops know where is this show's studio…" He looked around. "… or what it used to be the show's studio…so there's a great opportunity they'll come. What I propose is that we get the hell out of here before they find us." All of the villains high-fived and cheered and then Pein explained his plan.
"Well we can get out two different forms. We can either use our super villainic powers to poof and we are at the Lair's lobby OR we can ask Konan and Deidara to make birds." They all mumbled and then a hand stuck up.
"But why two birds?" Itachi asked. Pein then said.
"Well, I don't want to share a ride with you guys. You all fucking sweat. And smell. Konan doesn't. And still, me and my girl-er-Konan are special." All of the villains nodded again and they all were discussing in which way they wanted to go to their hotel. Quickly and discreetly.
X-X-X-X
"Zetsu-san is in G-L-A-M-O-U-R-O-U-S!" Tobi squealed. Zetsu had told him about the Konan incident and he didn't want Itachi hearing because he would pick on him so he had decided he wasn't going to go in the end and then told Itachi if he wanted to change places.
Flashback
Hey, Itachi, do you want to change places?" Zetsu asked when he looked at the clay owl Deidara had fixed
"Nope! I like being hugged by Tobi!" Itachi answered stubbornly
"Oh, come on! I'll tell Tobi to leave you hug him! "
"OK THEN!" And the two ninjas jumped to the crammed bird.
End of Flashback
"But Tobi, that spells glamorous…" White Zetsu told him. He just changed place because he trusted Tobi. He was quite a good friend if you eliminate his stupidity and goodboyness.
:( "Yes but still! I missed you first kiss, Zetsu-san! I am such a bad boy!" Tobi regretted. Zetsu took some sympathy.
"No you are not, now, why you think Konan kissed me? And still it wasn't a proper kissBut still!I mean, It's not that I'm pretty!" (A/N:THAT'S B.S!) Both sides continued. Tobi gasped under his mask.
"WHAT!? But Zetsu-san! You are the hottest guy I've ever met!" Tobi blurted out.
Zetsu gave him a WTF stare.
"What!?" Black Zetsu said, startled.
Tobi didn't see what he had done wrong so he just shrugged.
"I still think you are hot, Zetsu-san…" Zetsu just thought and though and fought with himself over the thoughts.
As Zetsu though and fought and Tobi was simply singing a bunch of random stuff, Itachi was completely red in the face.
Should I hug him? The younger Uchiha thought. I think…I will.
And then he reached for Tobi's waist. He hugged him closed as the singing ninja turned red under his mask.
"Itachi…kun??" He asked. Itachi looked up with a grin in his face.
"Yes Tobi?" "You are really warm, you know?" He told Itachi. Itachi kept smiling.
"You smell really nice…" Tobi suddenly reached mask to reveal his real identity to him. Itachi just gawped as looked at him. Tobi slid on his Sharingan. Had he fall for his cousin? Yeah, it seemed like it. Itachi didn't loosened the grip though. He actually made it tighter.
"You smell nice too, cousin." He said in a sweet voice.
"Thanks, Tachi-kun." Tobi said as he let the powerful, young Uchiha hug him.
Meanwhile, in the other bird…
"Konan, why are we surrounded by so many stupid people?" Pein asked the bluennet (XD). Konan was in the same position that Deidara, she was standing in the paper eagle's head wile Pein rested in the back.
"Dude, how am I supposed to know?" She asked Pein with an ignorant voice.
" Man, this was such a waist of time. I just came because I knew Zetsu was going to eat me in my sleep if I denied. We are going to get so sued for property destruction and for vandalizing. Not to mention that your fury attack killed the whole fucking audience and created emotional distress to the few that fled…" Pein commented heavily.
Konan didn't even twitched at her partner's remark. She did feel bad for killing people for the hell of it, but she didn't regret ripping Hidan into pieces. She had a clear mental picture and she started to chuckle.
"What now?" Pein asked annoyed. Konan glared at him and then he looked away muttering a "Sorry, ma'am…"
"Dude, now that you are speaking about what we are going to get sued on, Saso and DeiDei drugged and drunken up Death till he turned unconscious. Tachi told me Death slipped right through the whole world. I bet he is in China by now… " She said annoyed. Deidara heard his name being called and went near, to where Konan's eagle was flying.
"You said my name, hn?" He asked and Konan just shook his head. Sasori, that refused to be made fun of wile Kisame build him up again, was sitting down in the owl's head and was kicking his legs. He lifted his head up and looked at Konan.
"That's bullshit. I heard my name too, so spit it out." He said acidly. Konan looked at them wile frowning and then she clucked her tongue and looked infront.
"Tch, I only told him about you little "incident" with the poppy-seeded vodka." She told the pair of handsome ninjas that were hearing her. Sasori just grinned.
"You just didn't see him. He was so high and so wasted, he started to wobble like a fish on the floor." Sasori said calmly. Deidara wasn't laughing, but he really wanted to, because he was leading the bird's movements and if he lost concentration, they all died. Wel, it wasnt like he cared but he just didnt want anybody dead.
"Yeah, man. He was really drunken and stuff. If we get caught we get to go to jail, though, hn." Deidara agreed with his transport partner. They exchanged glances.
"Man, I don't want to get sued. If they give me a for-life thingy, I would stay there till the world ends." Sasori told Konan warily. Konan just laughed.
"Yeah, as if…" She laughed at Sasori and his dumbness. They hadn't got caught yet for doing worst stuff other than drugging somebody else and the pair of idiots were worrying about that.
"But when we get to the hotel, we might need to nail planks to the windows. Just in case the F.B.I deiced to jump from helicopters, like the movies, you know. I mean, after all they are the F.B.I "Pein told the chatting threesome. They all looked at him with a "screw-you" face.
"No way in hell I am doing the job…" Sasori commented.
"No, Danna. We just need to tell Tobi that the Backyardigans, Elmo and Barney are going to come and give a concert and the work is done. Hn." Deidara explained his plan and Sasori smiled.
"You had to be my partner, brat." He said smartly.
"Yeap."
"Well. So it's decided, Pein and Tobi are doing the plank-nailing." Konan told. Pein looked at her with a fulminating face.
"I'm not planking anything."
"YES YOU ARE!"
"NO IM NOT!" Pein revealed himself against Konan.
PUNCH!
o.o"Yes ma'am..." Pein muttered before falling unconscious. DeiDei sweat-dropped.
"Tch, owned bitch…" Sasori commented to himself.
X-X-X-X
"Well, we are getting near to the Lair now, so I am going to tell my bodies to go over there and start the work." Pein told Sasori and Deidara a few minutes after waking up.
"Ok, but take your time because Tobi gets the work done quickly when he is scared, hn."
-.- U
"So Tobi is scared of...Discoverykid's fictional characters??" They all asked and DeiDei nodded.
"Yeap. He is mostly scared of the Backyardigans though. But have you seen them?! They are sorceresses and stuff. I mean, they can turn their backyard into a mansion if they so wished, hn!" Deidara spoke both, matter-of-factly and scared.
-.-U
"OOOOOKKKKKK…"
As the two pilots and their companions spoke, Hidan was whining like always.
"Oh shit, my ass hurts, Kakuzu you dip-shit. Why couldn't you find a thinner thread!? Now I've got a tremendous ass. AND IS NOT FUNNY SO DON'T LAUGH!!" Hidan was screaming at his partner that was laughing in his back (no, I mean, literally).
"Of course it is funny, man! You look like if your ass was pregnant!" Kakuzu was laughing madly and Hidan was boiling.
"IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY!"
"Guys…"
Kisame was receiving all of the yells and whines and screams and stuff.
"HIDAN! Would you just SHUT UP!? You wanted pain, you got pain so STOP FUCKING YELLING IN MY FACE!" Kisame asked, pissed.
"Guys…"
"WELL, FISH-BOY SHIT-DIP! TELL KAKUZU TO STOP FUCKING LAUGHING, OR ELSE I WONT STOP!" Hidan screamed angrily in Kisame's ear.
"SHIT, KAKUZU STOP-"
"GUYS, GODAMMIT!" Zetsu screamed at the almost-back. They stopped screaming and looked at him. "Could you stop fighting!? Hidan, your ass looks fine for me, Kakuzu, stop being such an annoying bitch and Kisame, you just don't interfere with their fights."
Zetsu was trying to make them calm, but instead of that they screamed even louder.
"AND WHO THE HELL YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL US TO SHUT UP!?" All of them screamed. Zetsu just slapped his face.
"You know what? Whatever. Fuck you, screw yourself, sniff glue until you die, I really don't care but please, just shut the fuck up because you are scaring me, and Tobi." Zetsu informed. The three looked at him.
Blink, blink
"FUCK YOU KAKUZU!"
"OH HIDAN, SHUT THE HELL UP!!"
"SCREW YOU KISAME, NO-ONE INVITED YOU TO OUR DISCUSION!"
"Oh shit." Black Zetsu slapped his head again.
"This is hell, Zetsu-san." Tobi told Zetsu.
"I know Tobi, I know…" And they kept talking.
Sorry this chapter doesn't have that many funny stuff, the thing is that the next chapter they are going to have a surprice in their sweet lair for once and for all! The next chapter is "I" so that means that will be the end of this story…
…Will it??
