A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing:) you all rock. No long A/N this time. Outfits on my profile. Lemon coming:)

I wanna get to 60 before I post another.

Thanks to Broken Wing114 for betaing, you are my hero.

Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

JPOV

I can see it in her eyes, I can see her struggling between the 2 of us. I could tell as soon as I walked through the door that something wasn't right with her. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach, and her eyes didn't help any.

She looked like she was going through her own personal hell, like she had to make the hardest decision of her life. Edward or Jake.

It's completely irrelevant how I feel at this point, it's not like I could ever tell her how I really feel anyway.

Truthfully she deserves someone like him, she deserves someone who has the guts to tell her they love her every single day. She deserves someone who will tell her she's beautiful on her worst days, that someone just isn't me.

I gave up my chance a long time ago, back when we were really just children. She never really felt that connection with me, not like what I feel with her.

She doesn't associate me with anything more than her best friend, I'll be forever stuck watching her with all those other guys.

I was doing okay with everything until he showed up, he broke me.

I've never seen her eyes light up like that, not in the entire time I've known her. She seemed to be glowing, but she is unknowing to the changes. She doesn't see herself the way I see her.

I could tell you about every inch of her; every freckly, every scar, every tear shed. I was there for them all, always there for her. The best friend, nothing more.

I'll never forget the day she told me it was over, that she couldn't be with me anymore. My whole world shattered around me.

It wasn't serious when it started, we were just experimenting with each other. We were young and curious, I couldn't deny her anything. I still can't, she's the only thing that can make my knees weak. She could ask me to jump into fire and I would do it with a smile.

Unfortunately I could never stand up and tell her how I felt, so she moved on and I followed aimlessly. It's not like I didn't have dreams of my own, but my life was so centered around her that I couldn't walk away. I could never look at any other girl the way I looked at her, the way I still look at her.

We share so much more than just our childhood, she knows everything about me. She's the only one who I actually trust with my secrets, with every little thing that would make another girl run away. Bella sticks it out, she's strong. Stronger than I ever could be, she could fight through anything. And when the time comes, she says how she feels. She doesn't hold back, I envy her for that.

I just couldn't ever say the words, I couldn't force my mouth to spit them out. Every time I thought I was going to be able to say it, the moment would be ruined by something.

When she told me that we weren't right for each other all I could do was agree, I couldn't hold her down anymore. I couldn't sit by and let her spend any more time on me. If she was ever going to find someone who could make her happy I had to let go, I had to let her move on.

I was surprised when she didn't find a boyfriend right away, in fact, she didn't date anyone. All she did was fuck random guys. At first it bothered me more than I ever thought it was, but I grew used to it over time. I figured that it was easier to watch her take random guys home than to listen to her say I love you to someone else.

I know in my heart that when the day comes that I have to hear her say those words to a guy, I'll break completely. I don't think I'll ever be able to recover from something like that. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm burning alive.

I've known her since I was 14 years old, she's the only friend I've ever really had. We share the most intimate moments and I still can't tell her how I really feel. Instead I treat her like a buddy, like what I wish she was to me.

It gets awkward at times, like when I pierced her clit for her. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, too think about another guy fucking her made my blood boil.

I snapped out of the bubble I was in and made my way to Bella. She looked like she was thinking pretty hard about something, obviously about Edward.

They have this sort of unspoken bond, I can't even begin to understand it. It makes me jealous in more ways than I knew were possible, he gets her in a way that I can't.

Just watching them dance at the club I could see it, it was clear to everyone in the room that they were made for each other. I wonder if she's figured that out yet, or if she thinks this is just another guy.

Even if she did let him go, I could never forget the way she looks at him. The way she touches him and he holds her, it's completely foreign to me.

Our relationship was nothing but sex, that's all we ever did with each other. It was great and all, but I always wanted something more. I always wanted to be able to hold her and watch the sun set or some shit. She never saw that side of me though, because she scared the shit out of me.

I was always so afraid that if I told her that I was in love with her she'd laugh at me, she's reject me completely. It was better to have Bella in my life as nothing more than a friend than to not have her at all.

I'm a pretty big guy, but she intimidated me more than anyone I've ever met. It's not the fact that she could probably kick my ass, she just never holds back the way she feels and that scares the shit out of me.

I stood across the counter from her and looked at the magazine she was looking through. It was some piercing catalog or something, she was looking at the belly button rings. I did a double take, she's never said anything about wanting to get her belly button done before. She surprises me more everyday.

"You gonna get your belly button done B?"

"Yeah I think so. Will you do it for me?" Like I said before, can't deny her anything.

"Yeah of course. When you wanna do it?"

"I was thinking we could do it today actually."

"Alright, did you pick out jewelery yet?" I looked around to see if she had any set out yet.

"Not yet, wanna pick it for me?" She gave me a big smile and walked to the case that had the belly button rings.

"Alright."

I looked through all the rings until I found one that was pretty simple, it was just baby pink. The words "Fuck you" were on the bottom ball. So very Bella, I pointed to it and she got it out of the case.

She nodded her head and chuckled a little.

"I'll go get everything ready, give me 5 minutes." I nodded my head and watched her walk back to the piercing room.

I got my sketchbook out and flipped to the tattoo I was gonna have her do, it's Latin script saying "carpe noctem". It means "seize the night", I've wanted to get it for a long time but haven't gotten around to it. I finally showed Bella the other day and planned it for next week sometime.

I decided that I would ask her to do it tomorrow, the sooner it was done the sooner I could start planning my next tattoo.

I made my way to the piercing room and found her sitting in the chair waiting for me. She had the biggest smile on her face, I could tell she was excited for this.

We do the same thing every time I tattoo her, I can tell she enjoys it by the way her muscles relax once she gets into the chair. I love that I can make her relax this way, that I'm the only one she'll let see her like this.

I try to be as gentle as I can with her, I always offer to clean it for her. I take every chance I get to touch her, she never notices when my fingers linger for a few extra seconds. She never notices my little hints anymore, she just sees me as Jake now. I really don't know why I keep trying, I guess I'm hoping that one day she'll really see me. That one day she'll look at me and realize that I'm in love with her and we'll live happily ever after.

I grabbed the needle off of the counter and prepped her stomach for the piercing, there was no need to explain anything to her. She loved getting new piercings, she loves the pain. It's the strangest thing I've ever seen, she almost seems to enjoy it.

I put the needle against her skin and looked into her eyes, she nodded her head. I pushed the needle through her skin and she let out a little moan. My first instinct was that I hurt her and I instantly regretted agreeing to do this.

I looked up for any sign of pain and saw none, she looked completely peaceful. I laughed to myself at how much I worry about her, I forget how well she can hold her own. For some reason I always think she's gonna break, like she's some fragile vase or something.

I slid the jewelery in and went to grab something to wrap it in, she grabbed my arm to stop me.

"It's okay, I'm just gonna tie my shirt up." She always does this, she never wants to cover it up.

"Alright, you gotta remember to clean it though. How's you tattoo doing?" I guarantee she's forgotten all about it.

"Oh shit, I totally forgot." I can read her like a book.

"B, you can't do that. You gotta take care of it." She nodded her head and promised that she would do better before she left for the day.

I watched her walk away never more in love with her than at this moment.

A/N: So here's a little JPOV, I wanna share a little bit of his side of the story. There won't be many, but he plays a huge role in this story so I have to do a few.

I'm totes team Bella by the way...

Click the green button and tell me what team you are.