Age 19: Goodbyes are the hardest.
Rost awoke in the early hours of the morning, the night birds were still calling outside the cabin as he silently dressed and put on his boots. Aloy was draped haphazardly across her bed, her mouth half-open in her sleep as she laid on her side. He red hair lay strewn across her pillow, unbraided.
Her bow and spear laid near her bed from where she'd left them the night before after meticulously checking everything in preparation for the Proving in two days.
Two days…
Rost stopped near the door, his weathered hand on the smooth wood, worn from years of use. Hanging on pegs near where he stood were his and Aloy's winter gear and quivers of arrows. He reached out and fingered the fletching of one of the nearby arrows, remembering when he'd taught Aloy how to harvest feathers to craft arrows. The old warrior chanced a glance at the still sleeping young woman across the room, as she'd shifted in her sleep, laying on her back now.
He only had two more days with her, and it was tearing him up inside. He swallowed down the tears threatening to break and swiped a hand over his face. Rost had mulled over the last lesson he had to teach Aloy before he said goodbye.
He left the cabin's quiet stillness and headed up to the start of the zipline he'd built a while back. The light of the sunrise had just begun to break over the mountains enclosing All-Mother's embrace. This morning the Goddess had graced her people with a soft rose-glow and Rost watched as the sunlight started to slowly creep over the watchtowers, then Mother's Cradle, and across the paths through the Embrace towards the hunting grounds. As the rays finally reached the place he was standing he heard his name from back up the pathway near the cabin.
Aloy was awake and it was time to begin her training one last time. Rost took in a deep breath and steeled himself for what was to happen tonight.
He could hear Aloy's footsteps and her small grunt of effort climbing to where he stood before he turned to find her standing there. He told her what was needed to finish her training before she stood silently for only a moment, her eyes betraying her thoughts.
"Is something else bothering you?"
Rost denied it and she pressed him further about the Proving and what happens afterwards. He cut her off gruffly and sent her on her way. She rode the zipline down to the valley below and he turned back to the cabin to make his preparations.
As the sun started to reach its afternoon point, he headed towards the campsite near the Southern Gate. He rested there, inspecting his weapons and before long the closely approaching evening brought Aloy to his campfire. She had done as he'd asked, as well as helped Odd Grata.
The sounds of the tribe's Braves fighting off machines pierced the silence near the fire and Aloy impatiently asked after the lesson he intended to teach her. Rost held firm and soon she was moving on to their earlier topic of what happens after the Proving.
True to her usual form, Aloy denied the tribe's laws and stated her intentions to defy them in secret. Rost understood her pain and his heart was heavy at the thought of his adopted daughter working out a plan to see him in secret.
She was so adamant that it pained him. He knew she would never let it go, there was no way to move on from someone who raised you.
She soon chose to rest until night fell and Rost watched the embers of the fire as the wood he'd placed there burned down. In his head he was angry Aloy was already planning to break the tribe's sacred laws, but in his heart - just as he'd placated her fears for years - he didn't want to let her go.
Watching as she slept just feet from him, he was drawn to the face he knew as well as his own. His loyalty to a tribe that had cast him out after he'd taken an oath to kill those… monsters, it seemed futile at times. Especially so in the face of losing his baby girl.
His Aloy...
He had declared after the Matriarchs had given her to him, that she could never replace his daughter Alana. But she had stubbornly worked her way into his heart - passed all of the walls, the codes he'd lived by.
He loved her as his own.
Night had fallen and he knew it was time to finish his last lesson for Aloy, maybe the last thing he had to impart to her before he was sure she was as prepared as she could be for the life ahead of her. He hesitated before kneeling next to her and gently shaking her awake. He brushed a stray hair off her head as she blinked her eyes free of her slumber. She smiled slightly before stretching and gathering her gear.
As they waited for the Braves to open the gates he saw her unsure glances in his direction, and he shrugged his shoulders at the delay.
He led her along the path of destruction before the Sawtooth showed itself. The monstrous machine stretching its forelegs and sinking its metal claws in the dirt. He knew that despite the obvious fear on her face, Aloy could defeat the machine, but he was unsure if she'd understand why he'd brought her out here. As the machine began its patrol route, he watched Aloy drop into the bushes and set her tripwires. All he could do was wait.
Unfortunately he was right about her lack of understanding, and a small sense of disappointment crept into his heart that she was still selfish in some ways and he couldn't impart the same loyalty to the tribe he had. When he'd clapped his hand on her shoulder and told her she may be the only one strong enough to stand up for the tribe, he'd watched her expression shift from one of embarrassment to one of alarm.
As they made their way back into the Embrace and reached their spot near the campfire, neither of them spoke to the other. And when the sun had completely risen, they went their separate ways, as Rost forbid Aloy from following him, instead instructing her to meet him outside of Mother's Heart.
He had lied only a little when he'd said he wasn't going back to the cabin. He was there now, standing by the dead fire, the door open to let in enough light to see the interior room. This cabin had been his home for more than 20 years now, and the walls had watched as he'd raised an abandoned little girl into an ambitious young woman. All of the tears, laughter, and memories within this humble little home he'd built…
In the corner near Aloy's bed were the little machine carvings he'd made for her when she was a toddler. He picked up the little Watcher and decided to pocket it… to at least have something from this old place to keep him company for the journey ahead.
He cleaned out the healing supplies and finished tying up his knapsack before heading out the door and bidding the place goodbye. When he walked out the front gate he stood there for a moment and remembered the early days, when he'd just begun training Aloy.
"Rost, look I hit the bullseye!" Her small hands punched the air in triumph, holding her training bow up above her head. Rost confirmed that yes, she had finally hit her target after months of practicing.
"Good. Now do it 100 times more," he instructed. Aloy had huffed loudly and groaned, falling on her back dramatically in the grass. He'd chuckled and reset the target for her.
She may have fought him tooth and nail along the way, but 'survival equals perfection'.
He found that tears were streaming down his weathered face, the memories were still there and he found the memories of his old life in Mother's Vigil had almost faded away to nothing. He felt like he was betraying his family, but they were gone. Aloy was still here and he still had one more chance to say goodbye to her.
He patted the pouch he knew Alana's necklace was in and headed off towards Mother's Heart. He laid his knapsack along the route and chose a rock to sit and wait on before the gate to the village. The festivities had already begun and he had to admit he was only slightly jealous of the revelry. It'd been so long since he'd entered those gates and participated in the Proving festival.
He took the tiny carved Watcher out of his pocket and ran his fingers across the back. These machines had been the first ones he'd taught Aloy to kill, and he remembered how she'd first thought they were harmless. Until she'd taken a particularly hard hit from one during a fight.
The soft footsteps approaching him from down the dirt path brought him out of his thoughts and just as he'd suspected, Aloy was there at last.
He greeted her and she asked him about the village and whether they'd allow her, an Outcast, to enter. Rost assured her the tribe would honor her right to the Proving, and he was sure High Matriarch Teersa had been eagerly awaiting this day.
"Any final lessons before I head in?" she asked, her hazel eyes searching his face.
He assured her, "No, you've learned everything the wilds have to teach."
"It was you who taught me, not the wilds," she said, stepping forward and trying to meet his eyes. His heart seized a little in his chest at her honesty and he had to look away to keep his composure. He knew if he stood here much longer, he'd regret his decision to leave.
Aloy was more composed than he was, and asked, "I'm ready to do this, see you back home in a few days?" She turned back towards him from her place up the path, so close to her destiny and answers she'd craved for 13 years or more.
This was it, he would have to break his decision to her gently, "You will not find me there, Aloy," he reached into his pouch and held Alana's necklace in his hand, before holding it out to her, "Here, take this to… remember."
Remember him and how much he loved her.
Their life together.
The time he'd spent training her and molding her into the woman she was today.
She took the necklace, confusion flashing across her face. She didn't understand.
"Why are you talking like we'll never see each other again?" She looked down at the necklace in her hand before he turned away from her finally, unable to look at her any longer,
"No…. No," her voice wavered. She still fought him tooth and nail. He knew she wouldn't let go of him that easily. He turned back to her, seeing the beginning of tears in her hazel eyes.
"You should be with the tribe. And I will always be an outcast-"
Again she tried to reason with him, he could see her working the problem, trying to stop him from leaving her to an uncertain future, "But I told you, I have that figured out! I'll come to you in secret. I'll be the one breaking the law, not you! You don't even have to talk to me!"
Rost was slowly growing angry and frustrated that she still hadn't learned the final lesson, "This…attachment to me will only hold you back, it's my wish that you embrace the tribe. You've lived in isolation long enough."
He could see the hurt plainly in her face, "Not until now I didn't…" It finally dawned on him that she thought he was abandoning her as he'd always promised he'd never do.
"For your sake I must go where you will never find me... this is goodbye." He felt the twisting knife in his gut. He had wanted this goodbye to be short, so the two of them could weather it and move on with their lives. She was making this more difficult than it needed to be. In his heart he knew he felt the same way as her, unable to let go. He had promised her so many times it would never come to this.
But it was easier to let go when you'd done it before.
He had turned his back on her again, it was for her own good, he reasoned with himself. She needed to grow and fulfill whatever destiny All-Mother had in store for her. She couldn't do that by coming back to him, to her old life as an Outcast.
Her voice broke the tense silence between the two, "No, it's not. You taught me how to track. Wherever you go, I can follow."
Rost had turned back to look at her and found that familiar spark in her eyes, she was set on doing things her way, "Not this time," he challenged her.
"This time…and every time," she vowed to him, stepping towards him, clutching his daughter's necklace -
His daughter.
There she stood with fire in her eyes the same color as her untamed hair. A small pleading look on her face as she reached out for his arm. He'd turned from her to escape - to run - to leave behind another family and end out his days alone, hunting the lands outside of the Nora tribe's reach.
"I'll be wearing this when I find you."
Her small declaration was too much for him. She had to understand what she was saying…she had to know what that meant as she held almost two decades of his life in her hands and in his heart. He swallowed the emotion and said only what he could,
"May All-Mother bless you, Aloy."
He had to go before he regretted his decision any more, he barely heard her reply. Her voice in a hushed broken whisper.
Rost turned away for the final time and headed down the path towards the Main Embrace Gate. He grabbed his knapsack and decided to wait until morning to leave, settling for a makeshift camp.
When he was out of sight of the watchtowers, he made a fire and waited until the sun went down. In the distance he could faintly hear the drums of the festival and he looked that way just as the first ceremonial lantern rose from the Matriarch's Blessing ritual. Of the small number of aspirants that year, he knew Aloy's lantern was among the group.
Rost picked one and prayed his own prayer for the amazing young woman he knew was standing there in the village, closer than ever before to her life-long goal of finding her mother.
He hoped she would achieve her goal.
As he lay on the ground near the fire, his head propped on his knapsack he prayed to All-Mother in the Sacred lands one last time before falling asleep.
—
When the sun rose, he watched as elegantly-dressed Carja outlanders and their Oseram warrior companions left through the main gate and listened to their gossip about the Proving. A few of the Braves talked about the year's group of aspiring warriors already climbing the mountain to the Proving grounds. The tall Oseram man with a hammer mentioned a fire-haired huntress and Rost instantly knew of whom he spoke. His bit the inside of his cheek.
Deciding against all good judgement, Rost turned and ran towards where the Proving was sure to be underway. He had to make sure Aloy won, before he left the Sacred Lands. He couldn't explain it. This decision to turn back and not let go.
He couldn't be seen by the tribe or by Aloy, so he took an old path towards the Proving grounds, along the mountain.
As he climbed the signs of many recent travelers showed in the new snow, along with cart tracks. He pulled his spear from his back and quietly followed the tracks.
Only Nora Braves knew this trail and they didn't have many reasons to trek along this way, especially with a cart. He could faintly hear the sound of feet crunching through the snow ahead of him, getting closer to the final stage of the Proving. The altar where the contestants would place their trophies to finish their trial and be declared Braves.
As he turned the corner he saw a small group of men, dressed in red and black clothing, a strange circle and line design on their cloaks. The colors of their garb and the design of their hair and clothing gave them away.
Carja? Out this way?
He'd seen the outlanders leave, Carja and Oseram. But none of them had sported this odd symbol. Maybe the Carja had cause to raid the Nora again, now that the Oseram had sided with them.
It mattered little to Rost. He stepped out into the clearing and announced himself as the outsiders turned and upon recognizing him, raised their weapons to attack.
He killed them before they could land a hit on him.
As he inspected the bodies he noticed the same triangular Focus device on their heads that Aloy wore, and he reached to take one off a nearby corpse, but the sound of cracking gunfire drew his attention back to the Proving grounds.
Aloy.
He ran as fast as he could. Flashes of the raid on Mother's Vigil threatening to take his mind off his current task. He swallowed them down, thinking only of his little girl.
Rost heard the sounds of fighting ahead of him as he ran the path towards the final altar grounds. People screaming and orders being barked out by a male voice. Then suddenly, all was silent…
No!
He rounded the corner just as a huge, imposing man grabbed his daughter, his Aloy, by the throat and raised her off the ground, dangling her near the cliff-face, a curved knife to the side of her neck.
Rost! ROST!
The Braves in the War Party all screamed and some cried aloud. The sounds of misery of the Nora tribesman filled the night air.
Just a few strides away from where the Braves stood at the Sacred Lands' border, kneeled the captured Nora. The outlanders had started to slit the throats of the captives methodically.
His little girl was there among those captives.
She looked at him, screaming, "Papa!"
Before the man they had labeled as the Twelve's leader, took his knife and drew it across the little girl's throat.
Rost's vision blurred and kneeling there was Aloy, her wild red hair tied back by a blue bandana, looking just like the day she'd gained the scar over her right eye and started her journey to where she was now.
The hazel eyes full of absolute fear were there in front of him still, with a very real knife being pressed against her throat above where the Carjan man had her pinned. He could see blood dripping down the man's fingers where they gripped Aloy's throat.
He loosed an arrow with his next breath, hitting the man in the back of his shoulder and making him release the struggling young woman. The huge imposing Carjan turned to face Rost, his steel grey eyes full of anger and death.
Rost pulled his spear and ran to fight the man he assumed was the commander of all the dead invaders littered around the Proving grounds. Rost deduced by Aloy being the only survivor she was the one who slayed the invaders. The imposing commander was strong and Rost fought with everything he had. He could hear Aloy gasping for breath and caught a glimpse of the red blood leaking between her fingers as she held them to her throat, struggling against the snow to get up and help him. He shot a warning look her way, desperately,
Stay down please!
He sustained a few blows as he gave them before he was struggling under the steely-eyed Carja commander's knife. The same knife he'd cut Aloy with; Rost could see her blood staining the curved blade as it bore down on him.
Rost knew he couldn't hold on much longer against the man's weight and strength.
He could feel his arms giving way as he gripped the spear, old wounds beginning to ache.
Please forgive me, Aloy.
He couldn't react quickly enough as the man broke his spear and pierced his gut with the blade.
The air left him suddenly as he sunk to his knees, his hand going to the wound. He could feel the warm blood through his clothes and he looked over to where Aloy lay motionless on the ground.
Breathe, please breathe. He watched her and could see her move slightly. The commander snorted and left Rost to bleed out as he clutched his side.
Rost ignored the Carja as they lit what he assumed were barrels of Blaze and ran, the man who'd destroyed the Proving and slit his daughter's throat leaving with them.
Rost dragged himself along the snow-covered ground to where Aloy was lying face down near the edge of the cliff.
He prayed to All-Mother with everything he had as he turned her into his arms, the pain in his gut threatening to take his last breath.
Aloy's eyes were slightly open as he said her name, and she was still breathing, but the wound on her neck was severe and he knew she only had one chance to get out of this alive.
He looked at her face, memorizing every detail he knew so well, hoping that All-Mother was kinder than the Nora made her out to be - that Outcasts had an after-life where he could see his mate and Alana once more. Where someday he could see his Aloy again.
Survive.
He spoke his last words to the young woman he loved with his whole heart and pushed her away from him, over the cliff-face towards the layers of snow built up below.
Rost knew the Blaze barrels behind him would blow any second, but he watched as Aloy looked up at him as she fell,
The last time they would see each other.
The last time he would see her.
The last -
