A year passed since Ryukmaru and Sapira were married and moved into their own home near Kuro tower. Hidan still lived with Hiro and Atsumi, but he spent so much time out on missions or at the hospital that he was barely home. He had also started teaching medical ninjutsu classes at the academy. But today, he was having a cup of tea with his best friend.
"I've been thinking about your scythe," said Hidan.
"What about it?" asked Ryukmaru.
"It's not a very efficient weapon, is it?"
"Blasphemy!" Ryukmaru exclaimed. "This is the weapon that our Lord Jashin used!"
"Sorry," Hidan said, hanging his head.
Ryukmaru threw his head back and laughed. "I'm just joshin' you. You're actually right. It sucks most of the time. It's big, and it doesn't reach. That's why I need Aka so much."
"Unfortunately," admitted Hidan. "I think, though, that it could be improved. What if the head were detachable?"
"Like a boomerang?" asked Ryukmaru.
"Kinda like a boomerang," said Hidan. "I think I could rig something up to where you could put the head of the scythe on a rope or something. Then you could just throw the thing at someone and pull it back to you."
"Hm," said Ryukmaru, intrigued. "I'll ask Dad if I can lend you one to mess with. Of course, they're supposed to be for confirmed Jashinists-"
He stopped because Sapira had come threw the door. "Ryukmaru," she said sweetly, "have you told Hidan our news?"
"I haven't," he said, brightening. "Hidan, Sapira and I are pregnant!"
"Oh, wow!" Hidan exclaimed. "Congratulations!"
"Naturally, you'll be the godfather," Sapira said.
"Oh my," said Hidan. "I'm practically still a child myself, and now you want me to be a godfather!" Involuntarily, tears overwhelmed him. "I don't know what I've done to deserve all of this."
Suddenly, Aka was standing in the lawn. "Hey, dorks! Ahh, geez, what'd I stumble into?" she asked as the three were embracing.
"Ryukmaru and I are pregnant," Sapira explained.
"So of course Hidan is the one crying," said Aka. "Hidan, Ryukmaru, bromance time over. We've got a mission."
Hidan groaned. "Another one? We've barely been back a day!"
"The Daimyo requested us personally. I guess we're intimidating or something," she said, tossing Ryukmaru the scroll.
He unraveled it and glanced over its contents. "An escort mission? Ah, this will be cake," said Ryukmaru, tossing the scroll to Hidan.
Hidan read it and sighed. "I guess I'll go pack. Fuuuuuck! I was planning on sleeping in tomorrow."
"Oh, wahhhhh," Aka mocked.
Their mission was to escort the Daimyo across the Land of Wind to the Land of Rivers, a tedious journey through the desert made even more tedious with the presence of the royal court.
"It's hot," they whined.
"Take off some of your fucking clothes," Hidan muttered. Most of the court wore thick, layered clothing. Meanwhile Hidan had foregone his shirt, and Ryukmaru had even removed his black robe. He looked like a ghost walking across the desert in nothing but his pants and mesh tank.
Aka was finding the weather agreeable, as she typically wore only some mesh, a woven skirt and crop top. She was amusing herself with allowing the various men of the court to flirt with her.
Night descended, and they made camp. Aka slid into Ryukmaru and Hidan's tent.
"What, not sleeping with one of the pretty boys?" Hidan teased.
"In their dreams," said Aka. "Like I'd ever sleep with a civilian, anyways."
"Hey now," said Ryukmaru. "My wife's a civilian."
"You're a guy," sighed Aka. "It's different when you're a guy."
"How?" asked Ryukmaru.
"One word," said Aka. "Stamina."
Ryukmaru chortled and climbed into his sleeping bag, then let out a cry of pain.
"You alright?" asked Hidan politely.
"Holy fuck!" Aka cried. "Ryukmaru!"
Hidan spun around abruptly to face his friend. Ryukmaru was seizing, his body jerking violently, foamy saliva pouring out of his mouth. Hidan ripped his sleeping bag as he jumped out of it and pulled Ryukmaru out of his. A black scorpion with red spots crawled out of the bag. Aka threw a kunai at it, and it bled red pus.
Hidan rolled Ryukmaru on his side. "Aka," Hidan cried helplessly, "do you have anything to calm him?"
"I have a serum that should stop the seizure, but he's gonna need an antidote for the venom, and I don't have a clue how long we have to get that," said Aka, pushing a dart into Ryukmaru's neck. Ryukmaru stopped seizing and coughed up blood.
"Shiiit," said Aka.
Hidan passed his glowing hands over Ryukmaru's body. "He has internal bleeding. I can stall the effects, but unless we get him an antidote, I can't cure it."
"We'll take him to the next village," said Aka. "They should know their scorpions."
"No," Ryukmaru wheezed. "We can't leave the convoy unprotected."
"WE'RE NOT LETTING YOU DIE, DAMMIT!" Aka shouted.
"You stay with the convoy," said Hidan. "I'll carry him myself." He picked up and cradled Ryukmaru. Hidan's whole body glowed with healing chakra that poured into his friend.
"Hidan," wheezed Ryukmaru. "Bring my scythe."
"Why?" asked Hidan. "You can't fight."
"Not for fighting, you idiot," said Ryukmaru. "We don't know for sure there's an antidote."
"Oh, hell no!" exclaimed Aka, grabbing the scythe.
"Internal bleeding is a very nasty way to go," said Ryukmaru.
Hidan looked into his friend's eyes, then at Aka's mean ones. He held out his hand to Aka. "Give it to me."
"Don't you dare, Hidan!" Aka seethed.
"We don't know for sure there's an antidote," Hidan repeated.
"Motherfuck," said Aka, reluctantly handing it over. "Why do you guys always have to be so dramatic?"
Hidan took his katana out of its sheath on his back, handed it to Aka, and slipped the scythe in. Its head poked his neck, and he fumbled to keep it strapped in. "We'll see you at the village," he said.
"You better," Aka said.
The oasis town was a hundred miles away. Hidan collapsed of exhaustion at a pool of water and started drinking greedily, then offered some to Ryukmaru.
"Geez, where are you boys from?" asked a woman who had been feeding the birds.
"Please," Hidan gasped. "My friend was poisoned. Scorpion."
'What'd it look like?" she asked.
"Small," he said, approximating the length with his fingers. "It was black with red spots."
The woman gasped. "And he's still alive?"
"I'm a medical nin," Hidan said, picking up Ryukmaru again and pushing healing chakra into him.
"That's some power," the woman said. "You'll want to take him to the apothecary over yonder." She gestured. "But that antidote'll cost you."
"Fuck," Hidan cursed. They hadn't thought to bring any money. "Well, thank you, ma'am," he said, and he carried his friend to the building she'd pointed out.
The apothecary was sleeping when Hidan barged in all aglow, and the old man picked up a sword and waved it at Hidan threateningly. "Now now now what's the big idea? I'm but a humble man. I don't want no trouble now from no shinobi folk."
"I don't want to hurt you," said Hidan. "Please. My friend was bitten by a scorpion."
"Oh, oh, yes, now, what kind was it now?"
"Small, black with red spots."
"ARE YOU SURE?!" the man exclaimed. "Your friend is dead, sonny."
"I can sustain his life," said Hidan, "but I can't do it forever."
"No, that you can't, now, see here, that's the Shinigami Scorpion. I don't got nothing for that here."
Hidan clenched his muscles. "As in there's nothing that can be done, or you just don't have the ingredients?"
"Oh, well now, you see, that particular scorpion being what it is, all the antidote is stored at the mayor's, and he won't be handing it over to just anybody now then."
"Do you have the ingredients or not? Can you make me some?"
"It takes days, sonny."
"I'll wait," said Hidan.
"Hidan, you'll drain yourself," Ryukmaru choked.
"No, I won't," said Hidan.
The apothecary nodded. "Well then, I'll get to work."
Hidan and Ryukmaru caused a bit of a stir in the oasis. They sat outside of the apothecary's hut, Hidan constantly healing Ryukmaru. Women brought them food and water on the regular and requested the strangers visit them "when they were done," with a wink. Others brought their sick children and pets for Hidan to heal, which he did.
On the day the antidote was ready, two armed men came to the apothecary's. "We heard you made a new batch of Shinigami antidote," said the man.
"Well, yes, but-" the apothecary started.
"Excellent. The mayor thanks you warmly for your services," the man said, handing the apothecary a coin and snatching the vial of antidote.
"But sir, please," the apothecary stammered.
Hidan overheard the conversation and approached the armed men calmly. "He was making the antidote for us, kind sirs," Hidan explained. "My friend here is dying of a Shinigami bite."
"And what are you?" asked the man. "We trade this stuff to the capital, and the profits keep this oasis thriving. You're not even from around here, are you, shinobi?" The man took his sword and tapped Hidan's headband. "Run along now."
Hidan grabbed the man's sword by the blade. "I'm going to ask you again," he said calmly. Blood started dripping down his hand as he yanked the sword away from the man.
"Oh, you don't want to be doing that, now," said the man, but the other was staring wide-eyed as Hidan flipped the sword around. Hidan took a towel out of his bag and wiped the sword and his unscathed hand.
"Perhaps, a compromise? We'll give you the antidote, if you can pay," said the second man.
"Sure, we could forward you a payment," said Hidan. "I don't have any money on me, but my village would surely-"
"Forget it, kid," said the first man. "This stuff is rare, and its reserved for VIPs. You're just gonna have to scram."
Hidan looked at the second man. "Is this guy for real?" he asked. "Well, I suppose you can't be persuaded, then." He handed the sword back to the first man.
The man flinched, then, seeing Hidan wasn't stabbing him, bowed slightly and took the sword. "So glad you underst-"
Hidan's spear flew through the man's mouth. The second man slashed at Hidan with his sword, and Hidan blocked it with his arm while reaching for the scythe. The man backed up when he saw yet again Hidan was unflinching as metal pierced his skin.
"What are you?" he gasped.
Hidan laughed and licked his wound. It steamed as his flesh repaired itself. Hidan swung the scythe, and it met the man's sword. Hidan was able to pry the sword out of the man's hand with a flip of the blade. The second man fell to his knees and threw up his hands just as Hidan was swinging the scythe downward, but Hidan stopped before it made contact with the man's head.
"You're a coward," Hidan spat.
"Yep," said the man. "Take what you want."
Hidan retrieved his spear, then found the vial still enclosed in the first man's hand. He returned the spear and the scythe before tossing the sword back on the ground for the man, and he exited the shop.
