Kaylie walked into the Rock, bag slung over her shoulder, and paused, looking around. There wasn't anyone except Marty in the gym, which was expected. The only other person that would be at the Rock by six in the morning was Sasha, and he had been AWOL lately, so she wasn't expecting much from him anyway. She threw her bag on the floor, and walked out to the mats and began warming up for the day.

Marty walked down from the office, and bee-lined straight toward her.

"Hey Kaylie," Marty said, unusually upbeat for this early in the morning. "How's it going?"

"Hello," Kaylie said questioningly. "It's going fine. Why?"

"Just wanted to know how your day was going. Anything out of place, out of the ordinary?" Marty asked.

"No," Kaylie replied, a lingering suspicion in her voice.

"Did you eat breakfast this morning?" Marty attempted to ask casually.

Ah, so this is what it's about. What else should I have expected, Kaylie thought.

"Please," she scoffed. "Living with my mother? She practically force feeds me with her own hands."

"Good to hear," Marty replied happily. "Go warm up."

He clapped Kaylie on the back and walked away. She stood with her arms crossed, and looked over her shoulder at his departing figure.

My mother might shove food down my throat, Kaylie thought, but that doesn't stop me from throwing it up.

Kaylie had spent all day training, and by the time lunch rolled around she convinced herself she wasn't hungry at all. She intended on working on the beam for a little, to get her double back dismount. Marty then started walking towards her, and she wondered what he could possibly want.

"Kaylie, let's have lunch," he suggested. Although Kaylie knew it wasn't just a suggestion. It was more of if you don't come eat we're sending you back to rehab, which was the last thing she needed. He had been on her case all day, and she knew something was up, she just wasn't quite sure what.

"Alright," Kaylie begrudgingly agreed.

"Get your lunchbox, we'll eat in the office."

Ten minutes later, Kaylie found herself sitting across the desk from Marty, awkwardly indulging in a banana. There was no conversation, it was mostly looking around and avoiding the elephant in the room.

"How's your mom?" Marty asked.

"She's good," Kaylie replied. "I know about your date last week."

"Oh, so you heard about that," Marty said carefully.

"It's fine, don't worry," Kaylie brushed off. "I gave up hope on my parents getting back together a long time ago. And you make her happy so that's all that matters."

That and being skinny enough to be the best gymnast in the world.

"Really?" Marty said, blowing out a sigh of relief. "Good, because I didn't want to upset you."

"No I'm not upset at all," Kaylie shrugged.

"Good. Now that I know you're okay with it, you mother and I can make it official."

"Sounds great," Kaylie exclaimed. "I don't ever plan on referring to you as my step-dad though, okay coach?"

Marty chuckled, "Sounds alright to me."

"Okay good. I have to go to the bathroom before we start up again," Kaylie said casually.

"Alright, see you on the floor in ten," Marty said in parting.

Kaylie started walking to the bathroom, practically jogging as soon as Marty was out of view. She checked under all the stalls to make sure no one was in there. The bathroom was empty, and she felt compelled to expunge all the unwanted food from her body. As she stuck a finger down her throat, all she could think of was her father. Her mother replaced him like it was nothing and she felt like all she could do was try to a "thinspiration" for a young girl that needed her.


Across the world, Payson Keeler sat alone at a bar in Snagov, Romania. She remembered coming here to find Sasha, who she once thought she would be with for the rest of her life.

But then came the back injury.

And the comeback.

And winning.

Then the pressure started.

The injury that no one knew about.

And more awful than anything she had ever experienced, the addiction.

The operation was supposed to cure her back. She wasn't supposed to have any more issues. But she did. And somehow, she knew it couldn't be fixed this time around.

She called Nicky Russo, and getting him to help her was about as hard as it got, but even that wasn't a challenge. She took a few dollars from her sponsorship money out of her account, made the exchange with Nicky, and her pain was gone for awhile.

With time, she knew she was using too much. And she knew too much cortisone wasn't healthy. She knew that it did nothing to cure the pain, it just masked it. But whenever she used it she felt better. She started using it once a week and before she knew it she was using it three times a day. The pain subsided, her gymnastics was improving, and she finally felt like she had it all under control.

But after the first few weeks, it became harder and harder to acquire the cortisone. She needed more, and the amounts of money missing from her account became more substantial. Her parents were becoming desperate, and they would do anything for the answers she wasn't giving them.

She never thought she would become addicted to anything. She was Payson Keeler. Logical, reasonable, dedicated Payson Keeler.

But she wanted it too much. She knew that. She wanted to be everything everyone expected her to be, and she wanted this dream more than anything. She wanted it so much that she would have died rather than have people believe she had let something compromise her goal. And when her parents found out about her problem, that was what she had to do.

But she wasn't dead. And she still felt the pain of leaving the sport, her family, friends, and coach behind. It hurt everyday.

She had scheduled visits with her parents, and Becca. She hadn't seen them once in the month she'd been in Romania, and she wasn't due to see them until Christmas. She had started her stay in a treatment center, but without the influence of gymnastics, there wasn't anything that her therapist felt, "prompted her to return to unauthorized substances to solve her problems." So she went to therapy for an hour every other weekday, and she went to group therapy twice a week for two hours.

She hated it. She hated how she wouldn't ever be perceived the same way again. She would never be thought of as Payson Keeler, Junior National Champion, National Silver Medalist, or World Champion again. She would never be trustworthy, and she could never be great again. In Romania, she would always be Payson Keeler, the girl who screwed up her life. The girl who almost had it all. The girl who got messed up in something as stupid as a drug addiction. In the United States, she would always be Payson Keeler, the gymnast who tragically lost her life in car accident.

She couldn't live with herself. She couldn't live with all the lies. She couldn't find anything worth living for anymore. There was only the distant thought of Sasha that got her through the days. She hoped that maybe, one day, she'd be healthy enough that she could find him, and they might have their happily ever after.

But she knew that wasn't possible. She knew she was nothing but a forgotten memory to him.


A/N: WOAH. Intense chapter. I hope no one got offended by the thinspiration reference. I just think it's something everyone should be aware about, because it is happening. A lot of people online and in the real world and trying to inspire girls to be thin, and no one should feel like they aren't. It's just something that means a lot to me, and I am trying to kind of explain that by using Kaylie.

Also, I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I don't really have an excuse expect prom & graduation & I was in the Bahamas without my computer for two months. And college just started, so it's been pretty hectic. I'll do my best to update sooner this time!

So we found out about Payson! What do you think? What would you like to see happen next? Leave me review's and let me know! Also, don't be afraid to PM me anything you want!