As Women Are Prone To Do
Two weeks passed. The senior staff went to the Manchester house with the President and came back without anyone punching Josh or making CJ too nervous. She still had days when touching her was likely to result in a black eye, and most of them were while they were up in New Hampshire, thanks to the closer general proximity to Josh. Also, the rumblings of grand jury indictments grew closer, and CJ, aware that she would be investigated very closely, was dreading her testimony even more than she had before.
Slowly, she was able to sit in the same room with Josh without panicking. Staff meetings went more smoothly after that, although she almost never addressed him directly. Josh was visibly uncomfortable, nearly as much so as CJ herself. Sometimes he missed having CJ's wit directed at him, but he was pretty sure Toby would knock his teeth out if he addressed her anywhere besides staff, and Sam would probably break his arm, then Donna would act as CJ's proxy by breaking his kneecaps. They all seemed to have magical powers that let them detect when he was around CJ; once he'd stood outside her office for a minute, debating going in, and Toby appeared out of nowhere (he was supposed to be in a meeting in the Roosevelt Room), and stared at him.
That morning, Donna caught Josh pacing inside his office. "You're supposed to be at the thing," she informed him, shoving two folders at him.
"What? Yeah." Josh shrugged on his suit jacket and looked down the hall to CJ's office. Her door was open, and he could see her bent over her desk.
Donna followed his gaze. "What's eating you?"
Josh looked down. "I wish I could apologize," he admitted. It was the first sign he'd shown of wanting to not stay this way forever, kept at a careful distance from CJ by Toby, Sam, Donna, Leo, and possibly the Secret Service and the 82nd Airborne.
She folded her arms. "Josh... you have to be at the thing."
"I want to apologize." He actually started out of his office; Donna stepped in front of him, and he backpedaled so rapidly he nearly fell over. She stared at him.
"Joshua..."
"I did this." She could barely hear him, but she heard the month of concentrated Josh guilt very well.
"Josh, you can't walk down there and apologize."
"I know." He ran a hand through his hair. "And I... I'm so scared of doing anything like that again... I don't know whether to run away or hug you right now, Donna. Did I scare you?"
"No, Josh, you didn't scare me." Donna smiled a little, and raised an eyebrow. "Hug me?" she asked.
He smiled shyly, showing a bit of dimple. "Yeah." He took a step forward. "Can I?" he asked. Donna had no way of knowing, but except for shaking someone's hand or an accidental brush as a file was passed to or from him, it would be the first time in a month he'd touched anyone.
Donna gave him one of her mild 'are you crazy?' looks, but she stepped forward. "Yeah. That's fine, Josh." They wrapped their arms around each other, and she heard Josh sniffle a little before pulling back.
"The door's open," he said.
"So? If anybody saw, I'll just tell them my hamster died."
"You have a hamster?" The smirk was back.
"No, but they don't need to know that, do they?"
"Okay." He stood there. "I should apologize," he said again after a minute.
"Josh..." Donna took a close look at her boss. "Okay."
"What?"
"You can't go down there. You can write it." She pulled a blank sheet off a shelf and presented it to him as formally as if it were an award. "Here. Write it. I'll take it down."
"You said I have to be at the thing," he answered, his voice possibly shaking just a bit. "It's an important thing."
"I'll take care of it. Sit down and pick up a pen."
"Impertinent, that's what you are," he returned, sitting down nonetheless.
"I think you meant impervious, Joshua," she riposted, tossing a smirk at him and heading out the door.
"Okay."
Fifteen minutes later, Donna tapped on CJ's door, two sheets of paper folded in her hand. "CJ?"
"Yeah." CJ's glasses were perched on her nose as she studied the screen, carefully tapping the keyboard. "Stupid shift key... my goldfish for some voice recognition software..."
"I, uh, have something for you to read." Donna came to stand in front of CJ's desk, looking terribly nervous.
CJ looked up, took note of Donna's body language, and shut her email down. "What is it, Donna?"
The younger woman fidgeted. What Josh called her puppy dog face was making an appearance; finally she said "Um, I have something for you to read."
"What is it?" CJ stretched her hand out for it; Donna pulled it back a bit. "Donna, is it for me to read, or are you messing with me?"
"It is." Donna seemed to waffle for a moment, then sighed. "It really is. It's just... it's from Josh. I wanted you to know before you read it."
"Donna, I read memos from Josh's office every day and I don't freak out and curl into a ball."
"No, this is from him." Donna placed extra emphasis on the last two words.
CJ's eyebrows went up, and she swallowed. "Okay. Give it here."
"You sure?"
"Give it here before I change my mind."
"Okay." Donna held it out. "Do you want me to stay?" she asked.
"You don't have stuff?"
"He's at a meeting."
CJ considered it. "I don't think this counts as being alone in a room with him," she said dryly, glad that she could finally say it without shaking. "Donna, I'll, um, I'll be okay." She fingered the paper. "When is he back?"
"Depends. Could be half an hour if it goes really bad or really well."
"Okay. I'll let you know when I'm done."
"I'm down here if you need me." Donna retreated.
"Carol," CJ called. Her assistant put her head around the corner. "I'm unavailable for the next... I'll tell you when I am, okay?"
"All right. Can I interrupt you if the world's ending?"
"Just for that."
"You want the door closed?"
"Please. Thank you, Carol." The door shut, and CJ was in her office, holding two sheets of paper. She considered it, started to unfold them, and moved onto her couch instead. Only in the past week had she been able to walk at all, and the distance from her couch to her desk was all she usually tried to manage.
Finally, she unfolded the paper, unsurprised to find Josh's own writing on it. He'd done this; not Donna, not an intern, not a word processor. It was from Josh to her; between them alone, the only such thing for a month. She took several deep breaths, and started to read.
Half an hour later, the phone on Donna's desk rang. "Office of White House Deputy Chief of Staff," she said.
"Donna?" It was CJ. She got a sudden prickle of deja vu.
"CJ, are you okay?"
"Yeah." She didn't say anything for a little bit. "Is Josh in?"
"Yeah, he just got back."
"How'd his thing go?"
"It appears that it went well."
"He's in his office?"
"Yeah."
"He with anybody?"
"Nope." Josh was reading several memos.
"Okay. Don't let him go anywhere." CJ hung up. Donna blinked in surprise, then put the phone back.
Josh's office door was open, and he kept shooting nervous glances down the hallway; Donna said she'd given the thing to CJ, but her door was still closed. He rubbed his forehead, wondering what he'd done to deserve reading a report that was, quite literally, full of crap: it was on using the feces of farm animals for fuel.
He glanced up again in frustration, and did a double take.
Then he looked again.
No. No way. He got up and came around his desk to the door, mouth open in shock.
CJ was walking down the hallway. CJ. Was. Walking.
By White House standards, she was moving at a snail's pace, and her steps were very uneven; it was clear her leg was bothering her. There were two sheets of paper held between her fingers. She saw him looking, and returned the look, head up, determined.
Josh stepped forward. CJ shook her head at him and kept going.
He wasn't the only one looking now. Donna had spun around to get something out of a cabinet, and stood up in astonishment. Clearly, she hadn't thought CJ was ready to walk yet, either.
Josh had no idea how long it was before CJ was standing in front of him. He backed into his office, and she took two slow, careful steps forward, so she was just inside his office door.
He took a good look at her face. There were tears brimming in her eyes, but she didn't seem frightened, although her face was tense with pain. She looked directly at him, and took another slow step forward. Her left leg wobbled, and Josh stepped forward automatically to catch her, realizing in a fraction of a second what he'd just done. He started to let go, but CJ put a stop to this by wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder.
Slowly, Josh returned the gesture. "CJ?" he asked, concerned.
She lifted up her head a bit, weeping, and looked at him again. Carefully, she lifted her right hand and brushed it lightly through his hair. "Thank you, Josh," she whispered, her voice so choked that he wasn't sure at first he'd heard her right.
"I meant every word of it, CJ," he returned, rubbing her back very gently.
"I know," she said into his shirt. They stood like that for a few minutes. Donna came to the door upon hearing CJ crying, then retreated to ward off any visitors. Unfortunately, Toby came along shortly, and would not be redirected. He looked inside and took a step forward. Josh looked up and stiffened, looking almost guilty; CJ felt it and turned around. "Toby, it's okay."
"CJ." He looked right at Josh, who flinched from Toby's very potent gaze. "Josh."
"Toby, I am so sorry," Josh said over CJ's shoulder.
Toby narrowed his eyes, but turned to Donna. At that moment Sam, who had poked his head into CJ's office, looked down the hall and saw them. He dashed down the hall and nearly bowled over Toby in his haste and fury.
CJ turned around before Josh could say anything. "I'm okay, Sam," she said. "It's okay."
Sam looked completely taken aback, and turned to Donna and Toby. "What's going on?" he asked.
"I was about to ask the same thing."
Donna said hesitantly, "I think I know... let's move back a little, okay?" She pulled them gently over to her cubicle. They looked over their shoulders some more, but went. "It started with Josh wanting to apologize," she began.
In the office, CJ pulled away from Josh a little, wiping at her eyes a little. He smiled at her. "Hey."
"Hey yourself," she returned, stepping back very slightly and bringing the two sheets of paper between them.
"I, um. God, CJ, I am so sorry."
"Shh. The best thing you did in this was not starting out by apologizing. And I will still get pissed at you, Josh, but... I've actually missed you sometimes, secret plan to fight inflation and all."
He winced. "I understand."
"I have good days and bad days, Josh, and on the bad days, I won't want you around. But..." she actually bit her lip, "I think, Josh, that this is, you know... one of those things."
He raised an eyebrow. "One of those things?" he asked.
"Yeah." She smiled.
"CJ, you've kinda been crying and stuff, there. My shirt's all wet..." he brushed at it.
"Yes, I have... as women are prone to do?"
"Yeah, as women are prone to do." He actually smirked.
"Josh, I hope you come up with a better explanation than that you're a woman, too," she said, brushing a finger across his cheek and holding it up for him to look at. "Because I'd really hate to have to explain that."
Josh stared for a second, thinking about arguing or making a joke. "I guess I've been crying too, huh?"
"Yes." She lifted her eyebrows, waiting for him to put his foot in his mouth.
"Okay, perhaps men are prone to do that too?" he asked, looking a little nervous.
"Perhaps they are," she said dryly.
He leaned forward, slowly, waiting to see if CJ would stop him. She didn't, so he kissed the left side of her forehead. "You okay?" he inquired quietly.
She sniffled a little more. "Yeah," she answered, suddenly smiling. "Yes, Josh. Now go back to work."
This felt better.
