Author's notes: please not that Cynthia is an actual dubbed name character in the series. She appears briefly at the beginning of the twelfth episode in season two. From what was shown I believe that she's on the tennis team, too.


Crisscross
By: Stained In Negativity
Rejuvenate


Someone once told me that my eye color has the potential to blend in with the rising sun. Why? Because both have the splashes of marvelous red, orange, and some pink. Both glow intently when there are no clouds covering them like the austere black bedspread that is the night sky. Both have the strong, passionate core that has the power to explode with sheer love or despise. The brightest star in the solar system and my eyes are one.

Or so that person said.

There's a problem, though. I can't remember who that one person was.

This thought bothers me quite a bit. And it hassles me even more that I am not completely sure why. Is my memory that incompatible? Everything that has happened since I first heard of the idea about the divorce has been a blur. It's cloudy and grey. And the feeling and sensations that it bought was not pleasant either.

Now I can feel my feet pushing against the concrete in order to make forward movements possible. There isn't a strain in the lone development. But I can't see where my feet are leading me. Which might make me giggle with psychosis. It's uncanny. I'm not in charge, but my feet are.

I'm getting the feeling that I'm walking pretty fast because I'm aware of my ginger hair swaying back and forth, bumping into my face, as I stride. Out of everything that makes me, Sora, who I am, my hair seems to be the most delicate.

My soul should have been nominated for that award.

There's been a change in this nightmare. Instead of being consumed by nothingness, in the mist of the arctic temperatures, I'm surrounded by blinding white. A bright shade. The kind one gets when a single sheet of print paper is held up to a light bulb. However, this paper must have had watercolors taint its void space because I see faint colors of the rainbow passing, colliding into each other and become one. Then multiplying.

Why can't I hear anything? I know there are things, people, around me, but I can't pick up any sounds of their presence. It's like one of those silent movies, the black and white ones, where everything is expressed through actions. Lively music plays in the background. Yet this movie is piercing white, and the soundtrack is void.

Then realization is thrown at me in form of a somewhat bulky rock. I'm in a daze; a foggy, dreamlike one where words cannot be spoken and ideas cannot be composed. I can't control my nerve endings. My senses are yelling at me, shrieking for me to discontinue walking or else I'll be hit and forced onto the floor, crushed, by rushing vehicles.

I'm just a nameless spirit wondering the land, numb to any of the five senses.

Like a rein on a wild animal, a hand comes forth and takes hold of me, restraining me from stepping off the concrete and walking straight into pounding traffic. The upper half of my body feels as if it is hanging over the black concrete. So I bounce back, my spine ironing into a straight line.

"Sora, if you're not careful and get your head out the clouds you are going to be in a lot of accidents," Tai says as he strides up beside me. The comforting hand doesn't let go of mine, and I do not want him to let go for fear of the vehicles.

"It's a good thing I'm here," he continues proudly.

It's as if he pulled me out of the unidentified realm. The fog that looms over my head and clouds my vision retreats rather quickly. Not a trace of their presence is left. There isn't a smear anywhere. My hearing has been enabled and I'm capable of taking pleasure in the raucous world. The cars' impatient horns have never been so comforting. I inhale deeply, for fear of forgetting how to breathe.

My liberator is curious. "What were you thinking of?"

What do I say to him? I do not fancy the thought of lying to him. That reason is still classified.

"Everything," I finally reply, choosing to go with the general topic.

"Everything," Tai repeats, as if tasting the word, savoring it and all that could lie behind one mere word. "Be more specific."

"Nothing." I change my mind. "Forget it."

"But Sora," Tai glances over at me, "everything means nothing. Nothing is everything."

Everything means nothing. Nothing is everything.

Does that make sense?

Hmm…

Hand in hand, we wait for a chance to securely cross the street, fingers intertwined.


Attention spans are taken over and heads turn as Tai and I make our way through the school campus. It's not because we're walking on the red carpet, or because there's a blinding spot light fixated on us. No, it's none of that. It's because we're holding hands. Tai is clinging on to me for dear life. And so am I.

If being near Tai solely makes me blush, then being in the mist of a staring crowd is indescribable. Or, it was. Now I know what it's like being the focus of a group. It's intimidating and awkward, like someone examining me through a microscope. I worry about what people will think of me and Tai being this close.

Are they going to think that Tai and I are… together?

I feverishly hope so.

Before I know it, I find myself away from the stares of the judging-eyed crowds. Tai has led me to a secluded area behind some trees, and that must explain why the sunny atmosphere was unexpectedly replaced by soft shadows.

Tai is gently holding both of my hands and gazing at me intently. Unlike being in the spotlight of a crowd, having Tai's undivided attention isn't daunting. His dark eyes are not focusing on anything or anyone besides me. I know it's stupid, but it makes me feel… extraordinary. Useful. Wanted.

"Um…"

Tai seems not to know what he is going to say. I wonder if it will be a good thing or not.

"Uh…," he tries again, jittery. "Sora. C-can we hang out after school?"

And then Tai snaps his eye lids shut, as if trying to escape. As if he was trying to escape rejection or whatever negative answer I might give him. But he's wrong. I would never say anything to hurt him. Or do anything. With that thought out of my head I begin to think that Tai is asking me out on a date.

My heart skips a beat.

"I have tennis practice after school," I say, remembering a promise that I made to my mother about not skipping practice anymore. I quickly add, "But since you also have soccer, maybe we can leave together…"

Tai's eyes are opened now and looking at me bashfully. "Oh," he breathes. "Soccer practice. Right. I forgot."

He takes a moment to let it sink it, but when he blinks his eyes are reborn with a new gleam of optimism. "That's a great idea, Sora!"

Off in the distance, I can hear the bell ringing. I'm able to see the crowd stir, all heading towards the doors of the school building. It's a routine that cannot be broken.

I smile at Tai, and he returns it with his trademark grin.

"Great," he half whispers, the gleam still in his eyes as he stares into mine. "See you after practice." Then I realize that he's drifting apart from me, the grip he has on my hands is slipping. I'm about to ask where he is heading when I become conscious that we have to go to school.


"Long sleeves, Takenouchi?"

Hmm. Just when I thought I was going to leave the girls' locker room without difficulties...

Now my apprehension of wearing a white long sleeve shirt under my tennis uniform is confirmed, just when I was beginning to think that I was going to get away with it. Since my tennis uniform has practically no sleeves, unlike my green school uniform, I could not wear it because of my foolhardy actions in the past. The crisscrossing lines running along the inside of my left arm would not allow it.

"Yes, long sleeves," I say, exhausted from dealing with the self proclaimed best player on the team. Or, 'bitch', as I have nicknamed her.

Cynthia narrows her gleaming know-it-all eyes at me and gives me her suspicious, thin smile. She opens her mouth to say something. Now I know she knows that I know she knows something. That last sentence confuses me, throwing me off guard for a second or so.

But it's all right, for the reason that she changes the subject.

"I hear you and Tai Kamiya are dating," she purrs, as if nothing but content for me, but I glimpse past that and see the scorning witch.

A lot of different thoughts scratch through me. I should be happy that my peers see Tai and me as a couple, but hearing it from Cynthia doesn't make me jump in high spirits. I know for a fact that she doesn't think too highly of me.

"Oh?" I say this as if it could go either way, as if it were both a yes and no.

Yet Cynthia merely nods her head elegantly, taking my one syllable response as a positive, reassuring one.

I cannot read her actions, or where she is planning on taking this conversation. "And?"

"And I want to give you some advice," she bursts out cheerily. Then she lowers her stuck up chin, her voice also shimmying into a warning tone, "It's better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all."

Blankly, I stare at her, expecting a comprehensive explanation. But Cynthia seems to have ended the discussion all on her own. Powerless, I watch as she shuffles past me and pushes the heavy locker room door. Of course, I follow her.

It's a surprise to both Cynthia and I to see a chocolate flavored guy leaning against the wall opposite to the girls' locker room door. He starts to grin once his eyes come across me, his faultless, star white teeth showing.

"Hi, Tai!"

The note of overwhelming glee in Cynthia's high pitched voice, contrast to the tone she just spoke to me with less than sixty second ago, is piercing. Annoying. Scorching jealously crawls through my bare skeleton as I watch her practically tackle Tai Kamiya.

But it does my health good to see him cringe at her touch.

"Uh, hey, Cynthia," he mumbles as he picks Cynthia's neatly manicured nails off of him.

It's a silent battle, but eventually Tai wins and she lets him go with a sigh but nonetheless steps to the side. Then his dark, hopeful eyes rest on me again and I swear I see them soar with elation. He then makes his way towards me and rests his hand on my shoulder, still grinning from ear to ear.

When I glance past his shoulder, I get a glimpse of Cynthia. Her face is distorted with anger, puffy red at the sight of me and the chocolate flavored one. Those lips of hers, the ones overdone with lip gloss, are pouting. Her arms are crossed across her chest, fingers digging into her skin.

She may not know it from looking at me, but I am glowing inside.

Mainly at her discomfort.

"Let's go," Tai softly says, careful not to let Cynthia hear.


"Mmm," I hum, my taste buds exploding with bliss. "This tastes great!"

"Yeah," Tai agrees contentedly. "This is my favorite."

After school, Tai had led me all around Odiaba. Whenever he tried to tell me something, just when he started to open his mouth and let his voice ring, he either backed down or spoke about something else. The disappointment I felt was dreadful, especially when I noticed that it was getting dark. Just when I began to lose all hope a grand idea struck me like lightning. Quietly, I asked Tai if we could go eat somewhere. So, we found the nearest McDonald's.

Now we are sitting at a table covered with books and desserts. Since we did have a bit of homework and studying to get done, why not do it while pleasing our taste buds?

I dip my spoon back into the chocolate chip ice cream, scooping up the last portion of it and dropping it into my mouth, savoring the sweetness and frostiness of it.

Tai suddenly slams his textbook shut. "Are you finished with your homework?"

"A long time ago," I reply.

"Are you calling me slow?" but he says this while grinning mischievously.

"Are we playing 'Twenty Questions'?"

"Only if you want to."

Despite my hatred for obvious flirts, I giggle as I toss the empty cup that held the wonderful chocolate chip ice cream into the pile of other trash.

"Let's go," Tai says suddenly, yet softly, almost pained.

He takes care of throwing the trash away while I put our things in our bags. As I put the only text book in Tai's bag, I can't resist peeking at it a bit. But there's nothing in it but a towel, deodorant, and extra clothes. Nothing special. So I quickly zip it up and fling my own bag over my shoulder and carry his with me as we make our way out the double door.

The only thing he does as we step out of the fast food restaurant is grin at me while he takes his sports bag back and slings it over his shoulder.

We're silent as we saunter the sidewalk, the one that will lead me home, the place where I really don't want to go ever again. I've been so delighted being with Tai Kamiya. I have not been home in twenty four hours. Now I don't understand how people can be home sick. I surely don't miss my 'happy' home. But I guess the people who do get home sick actually do have a nice home.

Now I can't help but wonder what Tai is doing. I know he is trying to ask me out on a date, or at least I desperately want him to. Suddenly, I can't take this anymore as we are halfway to the corner that leads to the lane where my apartment complex lies. My hands rise up and rest on Tai's broad shoulders, and I turn him to so as he can face me.

There's a questioning look on his face.

I'm not sure what to say. The only thing I do is stare at him.

"Sora…" Tai also seems to be wordless. Or, I may be wrong. "I really like you," he whispers as he rests his hands on my hips. "Be my girlfriend?"

"Of course," I softly say, which is weird, because when I fantasize about this moment I always picture myself jumping with extreme bliss. But now it's anesthetizing.

Tai grins, leaning in closer to me and blinking a few times before shutting his eyelids. Now his chocolate eyes are hidden. His lips are closing in on mine. I've fantasized about this before too, but now I'm not sure that I want it. I'm not ready. So I softly push away from him.

His chocolate eyes are astonished at my actions, I can tell. In an appalling sort of way, I am also perplexed. The only thing I am able to do is shyly, faintly smile.

"I… have to get home."

"Oh."

I'm able to hear his dismay, and it's unbearable. So I turn around and start sprinting without another thought or word. I hear Tai call out to me as I turn the corner, "I'll call you!"

Now that I've turned the corner, I don't slow down my stride or turn back to catch Tai's chocolate eyes because I know for a fact that I won't be able to see him or anything else besides darkness and headlights.

Quickly, yet noiselessly, I make my way up the apartment complex's stairs and I find the door to my home. There's something telling me that it might be locked, but I find out otherwise. I'm careful in my actions, at caution not to wake my mother, Once I step inside, all I have to do is veer to the right and I'm set.

And all of this was done in the darkness.

A huge barrier was built in the short hours that I was staying overnight at Tai Kamiya's house, and the mere inconsolably hours that I spent at school, was the only thing that blocked the way to the living room. But it does not matter. I have no intentions of going into the living room at this time. So I quickly veer to the side, my fingers wrap around my bed room doorknob. With just a lone rapid spin of my wrist the door creaks open.

Now my ears are ominously buzzing. The darkness overwhelms me. I hear breathing behind me. I whirl around, and I think I see an outline of a man blocking the hallway. So it wasn't a wall. I should have known. Walls don't have broad shoulders or a hairline. Barriers don't have lips that are sketched into a disapproving frown. And those lips don't form hissing words.

"Where have you been?"