Chapter 7: Decisions, Decisions

Ana's POV

I am frozen. My feet glued to the ground, and I am gaping at Kate. Holy shit, Kate is going to ream me a new one.

"Um…" I stutter, staring down at the ground. There is no way out of this one. Kate drops her bag and rushes over to me, grabbing my hands.

"Ana, what the fuck was that? You and Mr. Grey? Really?!" She sounds panicked, like she just got rejected from Harvard or something.

"Look Kate, it's all very complicated." I say hoping, but doubting that that will make her back off a little. But naturally, I'm wrong.

"Ana, I know what I saw, and what I saw was you sucking face with our English teacher." Kate is scolding me. Who the fuck does she think she is? This is none of her business!

"Kate you're the one who's always telling me to get a boyfriend." I pull my hands out of hers.

"He's your fucking boyfriend?! Our teacher! Ana, are you out of your fucking mind?" Kate grabs me by my shoulders, trying to shake some sense into me I think.

"Probably Kate, but like I said its complicated. You don't understand and you wont. So just leave it alone, and keep your mouth shut." I can hear the anger in my voice. Kates eyes are wide with surprise. I'm not normally one for the yelling, but I'm mad. Really mad. And I turn on my heel and storm off into the building. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh, but I am pissed. I still have another 6 minutes before class starts, and I run to room 103, open the door and slam it shut quickly and pull down the blind in front of the window.

Christian is sitting at his desk, and his head shoots up when I enter the room. He frowns at me, bemused by my entrance. I drop my bag, and lunge myself at him. Kissing him, I sit on his lap, and at first he is hesitant.

"Ana, what are you doing?" He whispers looking around like the guilty teacher he is.

"Kiss me." I tug on his hair, and start to kiss him again, and this time, he responds, wrapping his arms around me, holding me close to him. He spins around in his wheely chair, making me squeal with childish delight. He then grabs me, lifts me up so that I am sitting on the edge of his desk, he is standing in between my dangling legs, and he pulls me to him, kissing me harder. I pull away for a moment and gaze at him. Lost in his eyes.

"What?" He asks caressing my face.

"I care about you so much. You know that right?" I ask him taking his face in my hands. Christian looks like he doesn't understand. Like no one has ever said it to him before.

"I don't care about anyone else. This is about us. I don't care about what is or isn't right, or what is or isn't ethical. I don't care about the fact that what we're doing is 'wrong' because nothing has ever felt more perfect. You are so amazing, and I never want to let you go." I whisper, against his mouth. Holding him to me.

Christian swallows, looking like I just punched him in the gut. Oh no. Have I gone too far? But then, he kisses me softly on my hair, then on my mouth, and I relax a little.

"What?" I ask him. The bell rings and our heads shoot over to the door, then back at each other. We stare at each other for a brief moment.

"Shit." We both whisper. Christian pulls away, letting me go as I hop off the desk.

The first person to enter the room is Kate. She looks at both of us briefly, then scowls at Christian. Christian cocks his head to one side, then looks over at me, obviously asking me to elaborate.

"Later." I whisper. And we distance ourselves from each other. Other students have started entering the room, and I walk away from him, trying not to give anything away. I grab my bag, and instead of sitting in my usual seat in front, next to Kate, I make my way to the back row, keeping as far away from her as possible. I'm still burning with anger. And desire. I look up and I see Christian looking at me expectantly. I widen my eyes at him, trying to tell him that I don't want to sit up there.

"Ms. Steele, is there a particular reason that you are not in your assigned seat?" Christian asks. And I want to shout at him. What an asshole. Calling me out in front of the whole class?! Everyone turns around and stares at me. This is my worst nightmare. I hate people staring at me. I hate any kind of attention on me. I glare at him and tremble with rage, I can't believe he is doing this to me. In front of everyone! Without saying a word, I collect my things, and slowly make my way back up to the front of the classroom and sit in front of him, not looking at him, or at Kate. I can still feel his eyes on me, but I ignore him and keep my eyes fixed downward.

My favorite class has been excruciating. Kate keeps "psstting" at me and Christian won't stop staring at me. For fuck's sake, doesn't he see how obvious he's being? The bell rings and I jump up, maybe a little too quickly, I pack my books into my bag and quickly make my way towards the door.

"Ms. Steele?" Christian calls after me. But this time, I keep walking, I am so mad at him. How dare he! Was it really necessary for him to do that to me in front of everyone? What a jerk! I am screaming with rage. As I'm walking down the hall, I feel someone grab my hand. Its Kate.

"Ana, we need to talk. I'm trying to understand but how can I when you won't even talk to me?" Kate looks contrite, but I just can't right now.

"Kate, I don't want to talk about this right now in the middle of the hallway. Maybe you can come over after school and we can talk about." She lights up. Obviously delighted that she's gonna get some juicy news.

"Really?!" She grabs my hands.

"Maybe." I give her a quick hug, then stride past her to my next class.

I struggle to make it through the rest of my day. My stomach has been in knots all day. What is Kate going to say? She better keep her big mouth shut. I will never forgive her if she ruins this for me. For us. I never imagined my first boyfriend, if thats what he is, being my teacher. I thought that only happened in books and movies. But I like him. I really, really like him. It's starting to freak me out how much I like him. I know he doesn't feel as strongly as I do, but he is obviously somewhat interested. As I leave my last class, I feel my phone go off. And like clockwork, its Kate.

"Hey, meet me out in the quad." I roll my eyes as I say it, knowing full well why shes calling.

"Okay girl! Seeya there!" Kate's excitement it more than evident. God she's nosey!

Kate drives us to my house in her shiny black Mercedes convertible. The wind blows through my hair giving me whiplash, but I don't care. I finally relax. Feeling free and I feel sixteen again. The past few days have been so intense, having to deal with things and men WAY beyond my maturity level. And it feels good to hang out with Kate.

"Are you okay Ana?" She asks as switches off her car in my driveway, putting one hand over mine and trying to tame my messy hair with the other.

"Lets go inside." I ignore her question so that I don't start crying in the middle of the driveway. Ray isn't home from work yet, thankfully. I don't want to risk him overhearing our conversation about how I'm "hot for teacher." Hopefully he's hot for me too.

Kate and I sit cross legged on my bed. I pick at the lint on my comforter.

"How did this all start Ana?" Kate asks gently. Very unKate, normally when she's digging for info she's very aggressive and intimidating.

"Well, the first day of school I guess." Kate blanches, her eyes widening.

"I thought I saw something going on when he peeled you off the floor, but I just thought you were just checking him out. He is hot, I'll give him that. I glare at her, feeling slightly possessive. Is he even mine to possess? Not really. He's my 26 year old teacher.

"Oh, relax Ana. You'd have to be blind not to see it." Kate pokes me, and I giggle.

"Well I was checking him out. But it went a little further than that. He and I had spoken a few times after, but he was trying to keep his distance, given the situation. But one night he came over, and he kissed me and…" I trail off. Too embarrassed to tell her the rest. Kate looks horrified.

"You didn't Ana!" She grabs my hands. What is she talking about?

"Please tell me you didn't!" I see the panic in her eyes, and it becomes clear.

"No, of course not!" Its my turn to look horrified. How could she even think that?

"Good!" Kate sighs with relief.

"Would it be so horrible?" I ask her. Before really thinking about the question.

"Are you serious, Ana? He's ten years older than you, he's your teacher, he's taking advantage of you! Don't you see that?" Her voice gets higher and higher as she goes on. And its starting to piss me off.

"Look Kate, you don't know anything about him. He's not like that." She raises her eyebrows at me.

"How do you know what he's like, you've known him for five minutes! Ana, for all you know he could be a total psychopath who preys on young girls for his own sick pleasure." I feel the rage creeping over my body, blood rushing to my face.

"Kate, stop it! He's not like that! I know he's not like that!" I stand yelling at her, waving my hands in the air in a fit of rage. Kate looks up, gaping at me. Kate and I haven't fought since sixth grade when I missed her birthday because my dad wanted to take me fishing. Kate stands so that we are eye to eye.

"Ana, how do you know? You've known him for like a week. What he is doing is wrong, how can you not see that? What do you think is going to happen, do you think that you two will keep this under wraps for the next 2 years and then go off and get married once you graduate? Do you really think that this is all going to work out perfectly and that you and your English teacher, who is ten years older than you will sail off into the sunset?" I want to scream at her and tell her to shut the fuck up, but its not like shes wrong. And that makes me even more mad. She does have a point, but I don't care! This isn't about her.

"Kate this doesn't involve you, this is between me and him, and it better stay that way." I glare at her and she blanches. Surprised I think.

"I mean it Kate, you can't tell anyone about this. Anyone!" I look her square in the eye, making myself perfectly clear. She purses her lips, and crosses her arms in her no nonsense pose.

"Kate!" I yell at her again.

"Fine, Ana!" She waves her arms up in the air.

"But if he hurts you…" I hold my hand up, stopping her.

"No Kate, keep your mouth shut. Just stay out of it!" I hear the front door slam. Shit. Ray's home! I walk over to my bedroom door, opening it, letting her know that I'm no longer interested in having this discussion.

"Ana?" Kate's expression changes from angry and nosey, to contrite and scared. For me I think.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow." Kate gives me a hug, I want to hug her back, but I am just too mad. I make no move to return her kind gesture. I shut the door gently behind her. I walk over and flop down on my bed, covering my face with my hands. I want to talk to Christian. I pick up my phone to call him, but then I realize that I want to see him. I want to be in his arms. I leap up, grab my bag and run downstairs.

"Hey Annie, where you going? I was gonna make dinner." I barely stop to speak to him.

"I'm just going to hang out with a friend. Don't worry about dinner, I'll probably be home late." I slam the door before Ray can respond. I get in my car and floor it to Christian's apartment.

I knock timidly on Christian's door. What am I doing here? I look around the hallway guiltily, I should've thought this through. I notice a small camera in the corner of the ceiling, I quickly look away. Hopefully I don't look as young as I am. When Christian opens the door, his mouth drops open.

"Hi." I say shyly, feeling like I'm intruding. He says nothing, but gestures for me to come in.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming by?" I can't tell if he's angry or pleased. His expression is totally impassive.

"I was anxious to see you. I'm sorry, do you want me to go?" Christian smirks and then swaggers over to me, and wraps his arms around me.

"Are you crazy?" He kisses me. And I kiss him back, standing on my tip toes, wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulls away from me.

"Why were you acting so strange today? You seemed fine when I dropped you off." His thumb strokes my cheek. Searching my eyes as I search his. Shit. Do I tell him? I guess he should know.

"Kate saw us in your car when you dropped me off this morning." I say it quickly in one breath. Christian's eyes widen and he steps back, letting me go. No! Don't let me go! This is when I need him most. Is he going to break up with me? Are we even together?

"What?" He asks, his face pales and he starts running his hands through his hair.

"Yeah, but I talked to her and told her there was nothing to worry about, and she promised not to say anything, and she won't." I babble, hoping to ease the tension between us, but am unsuccessful.

"Good." He growls in a harsh tone. I flinch a little. Woah, he's scary.

"Yes." I nod in sheepishly.

"So what did she have to say?" He asks crossing his arms.

"She wasn't happy. She was worried. For me. She thinks its a bad idea." I fiddle with my fingers, too scared to look up at him.

"Shes not wrong." Christian too? How are we supposed to get anywhere if he doesn't even believe in us.

"What exactly do you want from me Christian?" I ask, finally looking up at him, looking him square in the eye.

"What do you mean? I want you, I've told you this." He reaches out for me. But I make no move towards him.

"What do you expect? What can we possibly be?" I ask, thinking about what Kate had said earlier. Christian furrows his brow, trying to figure it out for himself I think.

"I hadn't really thought about it. I was only thinking about us, right now." He looks apologetic and confused. And he's supposed to be the adult here, if he doesn't know, what are we going to do?

"So basically, I'm just yours to do what you want with for the time being, until things start going downhill?" I can hear the hurt and anger in my voice. Christian blanches.

"Ana, where is this coming from?" Christian moves closer reaching out again, but I grab his hand and swat it away.

"Answer the question Christian!" I say, irritation more prominent now. Christian's face is etched with confusion and fear.

"I-I honestly don't know, Ana. I've never been involved with a student before. But I really care about you and I want to make this work." He looks sincere but for some reason, I don't believe him.

"Do you?!" My voice is a little bit louder than I mean, but I'm don't trust him.

"Ana, why are you so mad?" My eyes start to water and I turn away from him. I can't let him see me like this. I quickly wipe away a few tears, and take a deep breath.

"I don't know if I want to do this anymore." My voice cracks a little, but I don't turn to look at him, I don't think I could bare it. I feel Christian's hands on my hips, and he turns me around to face him.

"What do you mean?" He asks looking into my eyes. Looking fearful again. I can tell he is searching mine, trying to understand, but he can't. I can't. This doesn't make sense, and I know its because it's not supposed to. This shouldn't be happening.

"I can't invest so much in something that I know will get me hurt Christian. There is no happy ending to this kind of story. There never is. People either get caught or give up when they realize they're about to get caught. I need to get out now, and so do you. We're not right for each other." I finally got it out. Is he really that surprised? He's the one who should be telling me this.

"Ana, I-" He reaches up, taking my face in his hands, looking into my eyes as I look into his eyes, they are blurry through the water gathering in my eyes again. I pull my face out of his hands and quickly walk past him, and the second I do, the tears pooling in my eyes start to trickle down my cheeks in small drops. I do not turn back to look at him but shut the door quietly behind me. When I get in the elevator, I press the button marked "G" and as they begin to close, I catch one glimpse of Christian. I put my head down and close my eyes so that he can't see me, but mainly so that I can't see him. I know that if I look at him, I'll ruin all of the progress that I have just made. When the doors finally close I let out a deep breath and let the elevator take me down, alone. And I can feel an ache in my chest. An ache that one might call, a broken heart. I guess I wouldn't know would I. This is the first time I have ever felt something like this, and it scares the shit out of me.