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Wanderlust

(Six)

Greg felt a strange mix of panic and anger settle into his system as he drove to the vague location Sara had given him. She was drunk. It was obvious enough from her voice. As much as he wanted to save her from herself Greg realised he was exhausted. He could barely remember a time when he hadn't been saving Sara.

A part of him had wanted to stop the car and turn around- he didn't want to see her in the inevitable broken state she would be in.

She was sitting on the curb her head buried in her hands, her coat by her side, her dark hair hiding her from the world. It was the sound of his car that forced her to look up through her tear blurred vision. She looked broken and as much as Greg wanted to pull her into his arms and make all of this better the resentment that he had been feeling recently got the better of him.

"Get in" He growled slamming the divers side door roughly helping her off the floor; pulling her up by the wrist with little regard to whether the rest of her body followed.

"Greg I'm sorry..." Sara pleaded for him to listen but Greg ignored her as he climbed back into the car leaving her standing helplessly by the passenger side door. She climbed in hoping that he'd calm down by from the way he kept his eyes focused on the road it quickly became apparent this was not a mood she would easily be able to sooth. "Greg please...Look at me..."

"No Sara. I won't." He turned on the ignition bringing the car to life determined to get out of here- to take Sara home so he could be alone and think about all of the things that had gone wrong between them.

Sara fell silent sitting back resting her head against the dashboard- the tears not stopping as she attempted to wish the night away. But she knew that it wasn't enough to want things to change- she couldn't go back in time. And from the way Greg had gritted his teeth against the words that were obviously on in his mind only seemed to reinforce just how much she had hurt him, just how much she had messed up this time.

But after a few moments his expression softened, the car came to a halt at traffic lights and from the way he took a deep breath it was clear Greg was finally going to say something to her. And a part of Sara wanted to hear him shout, be angry because at least that way she knew that he hadn't given up on her- not yet.

"How could you do something like this Sara?" His voice was less angry- more disappointed and that was what hurt. "I thought we were getting somewhere. I'm trying really hard to understand. I can't keep doing this"

"It was a mistake..." She mumbled. "He...it...didn't mean anything"

"Then why..." Greg sounded exasperated as he attempted to understand why Sara had sabotaged everything.

"I don't know..." It was an honest answer- she couldn't understand why she had let herself be pulled into Christian's false charm.

"You don't know. People don't have sex with strangers for no reason Sara. You don't just do that." Greg shot back hurting him to know that what he had believed they had shared during their time in California had not been a promise that Sara had partaken in. It hit like a rainstorm in the desert when he realised he had the only one committing himself whole heartedly in his relationship.

"I...I just...made a mistake..." It was that- nothing more.

"Great- just a mistake. Did you even think about me?" The question came out with more venom than he had intended but Greg couldn't stop himself.

"I did..." Sara closed her eyes taking a deep breath before she began talking again. "And...I felt awful and if I could take it back I would Greg. I'd go back in time and stop it ever happening..."

"That doesn't make it better Sara..." Greg snapped acknowledging just how guilty she felt but making it clear that he wasn't going to let this slide. This was not going to be another thing they swept under the carpet in hopes that things between them would suddenly start working if they didn't honestly consider all of their problems. "It's not just you that you're destroying. You'll lose your job. Then what will you do? I spent over half the day creating lies about why you didn't show up today, Sara"

"Greg it won't happen again..." Sara continued hoping he would see that she wanted to be the woman he wanted- but for some reason she couldn't stop making these mistakes.

"I don't want to see you like this anymore, it's too hard..." He sounded tired. And it became clear that there wasn't going to be anger and fireworks Greg had gone past that point- he needed a break. He needed to get away from her.

"I'll change..." She attempted to cling to him- to the only thing she had left- but Sara could tell it was too late- she'd lost him. "I'll do anything..."

"I think it's time we faced up to the fact that we're not going to work anymore. Not like this." His voice cracked as the amount it hurt him to say those words sunk in.

"Greg...Please, don't leave me..." Sara begged him, moving towards him in her seat. She reached her hand to touch his face, placing kisses on her neck letting her hand slide down her torso towards their intended target. The touch of her hand only seemed to reinforce how empty between them had become. Instead of warming to her he wanted nothing but for Sara to stop trying to convince him. The last thing he wanted was to have sex with her.

"Sara- Stop it!" Greg pulled up on the side of the road, his head a cloud of confused thoughts. He pushed her away with a firm hand sending Sara in the passenger unsteadily her hands reaching too late to stop herself from colliding with the door.

"Sara...I'm sorry...I really am...but I just can't do this anymore" He was asking her to make this easy but after all of these years he should have known that it would never be simple. There was no way they could easily break this off- their connection, their love it had always been so intense. The things they felt for each other were more than something he could simply just abandon.

Sara took a deep breath looking at him while wanting to understand how defeated he was- she needed to know whether it was time to let go of this bittersweet love. Whether it was time to admit defeat and face that she had lost everything; that now not even Greg wanted to be on her side.

"Go" She whispered pushing the door open stepping out into the street not caring where she was because all she wanted was to be lost- to be somewhere no one knew her, knew the things she had done.

Sara knew Greg was right. They were both tired. They had both given up on trying to make this work a long time ago fooling themselves that they could be like other couples- that they could love each other in the way other people did.

But honestly- did they even know what love was?

She looked at his car taking a few steps forward away from him her head bowed abandoning him as she had always expected she would do one day. Sara had broken his heart, worn him down and left him by the road side.

"Sara... please let me take you home..." His car crept beside her the window slowly coming down as he asked her to get in.

She shook her head her eyes focused on the path ahead of her not wanting to look at him knowing that his darkened eyes would stop her in her tracks. That she'd want to give in- to force them to continue doing this because after everything she didn't want to know what it was like to be alone again.

"Just go Greg" Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

"I'm not leaving you here..." He sounded desperate.

Sara stood still for a moment everything she had mustered escaping her as she threw herself back into the now stationary car. She pulled Greg towards her kissing him on the lips for what she swore would be the last time. Greg kissed her back with all of the passion he could muster holding her hand as they melted together for a few peaceful moments.

"I love you Greg. I love you so much that sometimes I think I don't know what I'd do without you. But that's not right- I need to learn to survive. And we're exhausted we can't do this to ourselves any more. Greg..." She slowed down fresh tears stinging her eyes as she breathlessly attempted to explain herself to him. "...You're going to meet someone who deserves you one day. Someone who can love you the way you love them. That person's not me. And after all of this time I'm walking away... I'm doing what we should have done a long time ago...please don't stop me."

Sara turned away climbing out of the car for the second time- she slammed the door shut standing defiantly watching Greg asking him to make his move. He didn't want to leave- that much was clear as he waited still for Sara to change her mind. Clenching her fist tighter she mouthed the word 'go' at him and after a few minutes Greg did something he had never imagined doing- he left.

He could see her still standing there in his rear view mirror and it broke his heart as it sunk in that he'd let her go. He had always wanted to be the man that fought for her- that saved her but he realised that this time he was too tired. They had fought so many battles together but there was so much more and for the first time he realised that perhaps he couldn't keep up. It felt as if they were drowning- he couldn't save the both of them. Not this time.

A lump built up in Sara's throat as she watched the headlights of his car growing ever smaller in the distance. And once he'd taken a turn she realised that this was it. She was completely alone- Greg had gone. She had pushed the last person that cared about her away.

She could feel herself crumbling- descending to the pavement in tears her heart in her throat as she let all of the tears out mourning him. Her hands shook as she wrapped herself up in her coating feeling every ounce of faith abandoning her body.

Things had slowly been crumbling over the past few months but looking around now she could honestly say that everything had fallen apart. All of the things she had pinned her hopes on had disappeared into oblivion and she had hit rock bottom.

It was all over.