January , 2013

Santana by now felt numb. She didn't have much in her anymore. She felt like she was dying slowly, the person she loved the most didn't love her at all. Later in January they talked again, only for Santana to be hurt again. Rachel's words of hatred burned in her mind. She was told to die, she was told she was hated by the person who was once her best friend. Every day she would ask herself how she could love someone who hated her and how she could never hate her. She never could. She felt too attached, and when there was no Rachel part of Santana died with that relationship. She had snapped at Rachel and now both were these monsters to each other. But it only occurred to Santana once, Rachel would change between being a nice person and someone completely changed. Santana experienced both people, the cruel Rachel and the Rachel who was in pain. Santana had asked for a story late January, only to be replied to with harsh words. That was the cruel Rachel, and Santana finally decided it was best to move on. She got closer to Brittany, she got worried then because she could see Brittany getting weaker and weaker. She hated to see Brittany in pain; she didn't want to lose the only thing that cared about her.

After Valentine's Day there was a party. Brittany and Santana attended, at that party Santana met a boy. For the first time in almost a month, she smiled. Once the party was over, she learned the boy's name. His name was Christian and the spent the days texting each other back and forth. For once in her life, she had forgotten about the memories with Rachel. She had forgotten about Rachel and for once she didn't look back. Santana felt alright, life was brought back to her.

Though, a week later Rachel texted her. It was a story and an apology. She wasn't sad though, she hadn't ask for one. It was unexpected, but this was the same Rachel she fell in love with. Except she was more vulnerable.

Text From Rachel: Remember how I said I wouldn't make it past June.

Text to Rachel: I remember a lot.

Text from Rachel: I lied to you when I said I wasn't planning it. But I did, and I have. I've been pushing everyone away. I'm done with everything, I'm just done.

Text to Rachel: Don't you look forward to a wonderful career? And your wife and that little boy you always wanted. A boy named Aiden.

Text from Rachel: Not anymore.

Text from Rachel: Why is everything so complicated. I thought I'd be fine with you dating other people but I'm not. All I keep thinking about is that blade.

Text to Rachel: I'm sorry, you did this. You pushed me away.

Text from Rachel: Im not worth it.

Text to Rachel: You're worth everything to me.

Text from Rachel: Im not and I'm not okay either. I have no friends and I don't mind growing old with cats, or finally having a car crash into me and I finally die.

Text to Rachel: Don't say that. Do me a favor and please throw the blades away.

Text from Rachel: I'll try. But I can't I'm too weak, Im not okay. Im just done.

When Santana asked about Quinn, Rachel stopped texting. Rachel was with Quinn again and she knew that, she was told by Clarissa. The girl claiming to now be Rachel's best friend. Santana took a deep breath and deleted the messages between her and Rachel, now texting Christian who somehow made her smile a little. But every now and then when Christian would ask things like "Who wouldn't like you? Youre so adorable" Her mind would go back to Rachel. She wondered why Rachel hated her, why she would lie to Santana. She wondered why Rachel would propose to Quinn in June Rachel planned to be dead by then. She didn't understand her at all. That was the end of that though, Rachel didn't plan on contacting Santana again. Santana hated that, she hated that Rachel broke her promise, she hated that she came into her life again only to leave a few hours later. She hated that she was like a spirit, who could only be seen if she allows you to see her.