DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.
...On with the show!
This chapter has a 2 part count down, one will be from the hospital with Liv and the other will be with everyone else so it might say 61 hours for Olivia but then go to 59 hours for whomever else but then back to 60 hours for Olivia. Hope that makes sense!
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70 hours remaining
Olivia had just watched George Huang leave. Her head was spinning as she played with the bandages around her wrists. At the time it had seem like a good thing to do, she'd been in so much emotional pain and she'd read somewhere that cutting was a form of release, it had really seemed like a good idea at the time but now she just felt foolish and ashamed, she had no reason to feel like cutting was the only option, she had no reason to want to hurt herself of her baby ... her baby.
"I'm so sorry baby." She whispered clutching her hands onto her abdomen. "I'm so selfish." She cried.
She knew she'd never be able to abort her pregnancy. The small baby growing inside of her was a part of her flesh and blood and whether or not she could believe it she knew the child had been conceived out of love, she loved Elliot and this baby was going to be living proof of that love.
A nurse came in and smiled gently at Olivia.
"How are you Detective?" She asked as she approached the chair Olivia was occupying.
"Please, call me Olivia and I'm ... better." She decided on the best choice of word for the situation she was in.
Shit! She was on a seventy two hour psych hold! What had she done? This wasn't right! She was a cop for crying out loud, she was supposed to help victims not ... not become a bumbling mess of self loathing ... self loathing? No she didn't ... did she?
Too many thoughts were going around Olivia's head for her to be able to concentrate on one.
"It might be a good idea for you to try and get some sleep Olivia." The nurse smiled as she placed a small bottle of water and a bottle of orange juice on the table beside the bed.
"I'm not tired." Olivia replied weakly, she didn't want to sleep, not yet.
"Your family is still outside, would you like to see them? I know they're dying to see you."
"No." Olivia replied before turning away, that's all she had to say on the matter.
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70 Hours Remaining.
The waiting room had been in silence for the past forty minutes. It was slowly inching closer to the third hour but none of them seemed to notice. No one really knew what to say to one and other or knew how to behave so the silence was almost soothing rather than awkward.
Elliot couldn't sit there anymore looking at everyone's faces, he quickly dove out of his seat and rushed out into the corridor taking in deep grateful breaths, thanking God that the air outside in the corridor wasn't as thick as the air in the waiting room.
"Elliot?" Don Cragen was making sure he hadn't bolted.
"Sorry, I just can't sit in there anymore." Elliot sighed leaning against the wall.
"I know, it's uh it's sombre, no one is sure what to say." Cragen sighed he sort of understood Elliot's pain, he was feeling some of it himself.
"Exactly. How am I supposed to look at her the same knowing what she's done?" Elliot asked avoiding Cragen's gaze.
"When you see her Elliot, you'll realise she's the same woman inside who got lost on the way, it's a little bit like when I was drunk, I wasn't myself but people could still look at me the same when I sobered up, they realised I'd been in trouble but that I was better and better for it." Cragen tried to help but he'd rather wished he'd allowed George Huang to come and talk to him instead, he could probably do a better job.
"You're right... but what am I supposed to do? She could have killed our baby." Elliot couldn't stop the tears from dripping down his cheeks.
"I know but that's not what was going through her mind at that point Elliot, I hope you understand that, why don't you and I go and by everyone some coffee?" Cragen suggested.
"Yeah, would be nice to not be sat around collecting thoughts." Elliot sighed.
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68 Hours Remaining
Two hours. Two hours she'd been sat completely alone with no one to talk to but herself and nothing to do but think. She played with the necklace around her neck and it caught in the dim light of the lamp beside the bed.
Liv + El
She choked back a sob. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about Elliot. Now she had to think about herself and her baby. Elliot's baby. Another sob choked back as she thought to the moment she saw him just after he'd found out about the baby, his baby, her baby, their baby.
Slowly she reached over for the buzzer to bring in a member of staff, she hoped that she was making the right decision.
The nurse came in within ten seconds of her hitting the small red alarm.
"Olivia what can I do for you?" She asked.
"Uh, I was wondering if Elliot Stabler was still here, I need to talk to him." She explained nervously.
"Is he family?" The nurse asked.
"Yeah, he's my next of kin and uh well he's the baby's father." She replied her voice cracking slightly.
Olivia smiled weakly as the door closed. She hoped Elliot wouldn't yell at her even though she knew that he was going to be furious with her. He was Catholic and suicide was a sin, attempted suicide was probably more of a sin because it was failing to complete what you'd set out to do.
She shook her head gently trying to rid her mind of those thoughts, she hadn't want to kill herself, the truth was she wasn't sure what was going through her mind at that moment when she picked up the razor blade and took out the blade, slowly dragging it along the inside of her wrist. She couldn't choke back this sob and as it passed her lips Elliot came into the room.
"Olivia." He sighed rushing over to her.
He slowly pulled her into his arms before sitting on the chair with her in his lap. He didn't know what to say to her and she wasn't in any state to talk so for now he just held her hoping it bought her some comfort.
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68 Hours Remaining
Elliot had just left to go and visit Olivia which raised Cragen and Huang's spirits just a little. Casey was asleep her head on Fin's lap and he was stroking her red hair as he stared off into the distance. Alex's head was resting on Munch's shoulder and his cheek was resting against her head, they were both fighting sleep too. Melinda was curled up under her coat with her eyes closed pretending to everyone that she was asleep when she definitely wasn't.
"You think Elliot and Olivia will talk this out?" Cragen asked Huang needing some confirmation that the two detectives were going to be alright.
"I think they'll talk, I can't tell you how it's going to go Don because I just don't know, they're both fragile and broken at the moment. I'll talk to Elliot and Olivia when they're done talking to each other." Huang replied knowing that both of them would need his support, he knew Olivia couldn't speak with any of the psychiatrists here because they didn't know her and Elliot in the way he did.
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67 Hours Remaining
Elliot had managed to calm Olivia down enough to start talking to her. She was a mess, he knew that, and seeing her bandaged wrists was just a constant reminder of what she'd done to herself.
"Why did you do this Liv?" He whispered eventually.
"I don't know Elliot." She replied her voice cracking and trembling.
"Did you want to die?" He asked her desperate to know.
"No! I don't know! Please don't El I don't want to talk about this." She sobbed.
"Ok it's ok baby I've got you." He whispered gently as he stroked her upper arm as she rubbed her head into the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry El, God I'm such a selfish bitch!" She cried.
"No you're not Liv baby you're sick, you've been sick for a while and none of us who saw it did anything about it." Elliot replied because he was definitely blaming himself for this.
"I don't know what I'd do without you El." She cried.
"I don't know what I'd do without you either Liv, when I heard you were in the hospital I almost died, hearing Fin on the phone saying attempted suicide, God Liv I thought I'd lost you." He finally cracked and broke out into wracked sobs which just made her worse.
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66 Hours Remaining
Cragen and Huang were the only two awake now which was nice for them as they could talk a little deeper without fear of being overheard.
"So it must be going well as he's still in there." Cragen said even though he sounded confident it was more hoping than anything.
"Yeah, it can only be a good sign Don. I just hope it doesn't make her worse." Huang sighed.
"What do you mean make her worse?" Cragen replied snapping his head towards the good psychiatrist.
"Well they're talking that's something but what happens if that talking doesn't lead to where they want it too, if he breaks her heart now she will never recover." Huang explained gently.
"She will recover, Liv is stronger than that." Again he sounded confident but it was more hoping than anything else.
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65 Hours Remaining
"Don't let go of me." Olivia said as Elliot climbed onto the tiny hospital bed.
"Never ever again." He replied firmly as he wrapped his arms around her feeling her swollen abdomen containing their baby. "As soon as you're out of here Liv, you and me are getting on a plane and going away, Cragen can manage without us for a few weeks."
"Few weeks?" Olivia asked in surprise.
"Well at least a week but I think you and I need to make our relationship work before we both get lost completely, just these few hours not knowing what was going on between us was killing me Olivia, what do you think will happen to me if we don't get our acts together and admit what we've been running from for all these years?"
"I'm sorry. A holiday is exactly what we need, a week two hell even three." Olivia replied snuggling into Elliot as much as she could.
"Come on Liv, get some sleep and the hours will pass even quicker." Elliot replied rubbing his cheek into hers.
"Yeah, sleep."
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61 Hours Remaining
Cragen slowly woke up to find that everyone around him were awake. He wasn't sure how or when he'd finally fallen asleep but he was surprised that it was gone nine am. Elliot was back in his seat looking much more relaxed than he had done before going to see Olivia.
"Hey Stabler how is she?" Don asked as he sat up a little straighter.
"She's ok ... I think." He shrugged, she wasn't really ok, not yet anyway.
"She better?" Don asked needing something more.
"Getting there Cap, she was ok when the nurse kicked me out an hour ago." Elliot chuckled.
Everyone was startled by a loud bang followed by Olivia's yells.
"I'm not twelve!" They heard.
Huang and Elliot were the ones who ran into the room. They found Olivia kneeling on the bed with tears running down her cheeks and the wall opposite covered in bright red paint.
"Liv?" Elliot asked as he rushed to her side managing to dodge the pot of blue poster paint she flung quickly followed by the green one.
"Liv!" Elliot yelled getting her attention.
"What?" she snapped.
"What are you doing?" he asked seeing that she was very worked up.
"They wanted me to paint them a fucking picture!" She yelled before throwing the last pot of paint, a lovely summery yellow colour.
Elliot chuckled lightly at her reaction, it was very Benson.
"It's called art therapy Olivia." Huang sighed coming over to the side of the bed as the nurses grabbed the paint brushes and paper from the table and moved them out of the way.
They then grabbed her and Huang quickly grabbed Elliot and pulled him out of the way knowing what the nurses were doing. Olivia yelled and fought against them as much as she could but six nurses against a fatigued fifteen week pregnant woman lost Olivia the fight.
"What are they doing?" Elliot yelled in frustration.
"They're restraining her to make sure she can't hurt herself or anyone else." Huang explained.
"She's not going to hurt anyone George, she's just pissed! Stop them!" Elliot yelled but Huang managed to pull him away and lead him outside into the corridor. "Why didn't you fucking stop them?" Elliot screamed even though Cragen, Munch and Fin were stood right there.
"Come on Stabler calm down." Fin said cupping his hand over the man's shoulder.
"No I won't fucking calm down I've just watched six nurses pin Olivia down and slap restraints on her because she threw a few fucking pain points!" Elliot yelled not realising how ridiculous what he was saying sounded.
"Paint?" Munch asked in surprise.
"Yeah paint, they wanted her to fucking paint a picture of course she was going to flip out!" Elliot continued ranting.
"Olivia never understood the art of grin and bear it did she?" Cragen chuckled as the nurses finally left the room with their hands full of paint covered tissues making the group chuckle.
"Now I'm going to see how Olivia is." Elliot spat before turning around to go into the room only to be stopped by Huang's hand on his shoulder.
"You can't go in there yet Elliot, she needs to calm down." Huang explained.
"Need's to calm down? Need's to calm fucking down?" Elliot repeated his anger reaching boiling point. "She was just asked to paint a fucking picture of course she was going to lose her temper wouldn't anyone? She need's her best friend and the father of her child, that's what she needs!" Elliot snapped before marching into the room.
He didn't expect to see Olivia sobbing uncontrollably with her wrists and ankles bound. It broke his heart, this wasn't the Olivia Benson he knew, it wasn't Olivia Benson at all. She was lost somewhere in her own mind and he was damn sure going to bring her back to him, doesn't matter what it took.
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60 Hours Remaining
Cragen ran his hand over his face, it didn't help that he was completely shattered but hearing that Olivia had to be restrained sickened him, he wanted to do something about it. Slowly he got out of his seat and made his way towards Olivia's room. He held the handle and took a deep breath bracing himself for what he was about to see.
"It's still Olivia in there you know." Huang said from behind him.
"I know." Don nodded knowing that he was overreacting.
"She might be glad to see you." Huang reassured knowing that even though Olivia had denied wanting to see her friends and family that seeing them and seeing that they supported her would help her in the long run.
"I know." He replied before finally opening the door and going inside, glad that Huang didn't follow him.
What he saw broke his heart. Olivia was crying, her body trembling with wracked sobs while Elliot leant over her and whispered sweet nothings to her and stroked her perspiration filled brow.
Slowly he made his way over to them and went to the other side of the bed. Olivia was still restrained and he was dying to take them off but knew better than to interfere with the hospital policy. Elliot's eyes met Cragen's but he didn't stop what he was doing before looking straight back at Olivia who was trying to stop crying.
"I'm sorry." She cried looking up at Elliot as she finally stopped convulsing with cries.
"Stop apologising Liv." Elliot replied dropping a gentle kiss onto her forehead.
"I know but I am sorry Elliot I really am." She whispered as she tried to swallow back more tears.
"I know baby, please stop apologising and just get better for me." He whispered as Cragen finally took a hold of Olivia's other hand.
Her head quickly snapped towards him, she hadn't seen or heard him come into the room.
"Cap?" She croaked.
"It's me Olivia." He whispered trying to choke back the tears that were threatening to spill.
"I'm sorry." She whispered her eyes latching onto his.
Cragen swallowed hard and stole a glance towards Elliot.
"Elliot's right Liv, you need to stop apologising." Cragen replied as he stroked his thumb across her hand.
She just nodded before breaking out into more convulsing sobs just to be comforted by the two most important men in her life.
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58 hours remaining
Elliot and Cragen finally walked back into the waiting room where everyone was sitting talking and eating. Huang passed them both a sandwich and a coffee which they were both relieved to find still warm.
"How is she?" He asked as the two men sat down.
The whole room went quiet as they waited to hear how she was doing.
"Sleeping now." Cragen replied. "Yet how anyone can sleep with the wrists and ankles bound is another thing."
"She cried herself to sleep." Elliot explained to everyone. "She doesn't belong here and as soon as the seventy two hour are up I am taking her away, just me and her for a break."
"That might not be the best thing for her Elliot." George replied quickly.
"It is what's best for her, it's what she wants." Elliot snapped, he wasn't in the mood to have the psychiatrist tell him what was best for Olivia, that was his decision to make.
"She needs her friends and family around her Elliot, she needs a support system and stability." Huang explained further.
"Support and stability is exactly what she is going to get from me, I have already discussed it with Don, we're going for two weeks up to his cabin, if she decides she doesn't want to be there of deteriorates I'll bring her straight home but a break is what the both of us need right now George, don't tell me how to look after Olivia, I know her more than anyone else does and I know this is what she needs a bit of RandR time."
"Ok." Huang nodded knowing it was better not to argue with Elliot when he had his mind set on something, he'd just have to make sure that this is really what Olivia wanted.
"Guys you don't have to stay here you know." Elliot sighed looking around at his friends.
"We're not going anywhere so can it Stabler." Fin snapped, he'd been expecting this.
"Ok, I'm just saying, she will appreciate this though, I know I do." He whispered the last bit but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.
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56 Hours Remaining
"El?" Olivia slowly opened her eyes. "Elliot!" She yelled seeing that she was on her own, she tried to sit up but was forced straight back down by the restraints on her. "Shit." She spat angrily.
Elliot had heard her though and rushed back in.
"Hey you're awake." He smiled rushing over to the side of the bed.
"I thought you left me." She whispered blinking back fresh tears.
"Never." He replied kissing her forehead.
"El?" She asked as her eyes met his. "Could you go to my apartment and get me some clothes, I really would like to get out of this fucking gown." She hissed angrily, she couldn't believe she'd been restrained to the bed in no more than a thin hospital gown and she was freezing.
"Ok anything in particular?" He asked.
"No just clothes and uh maybe you could bring me some pyjamas and my robe if you don't mind." She replied.
"Ok no problem, you want me to go now?" He asked.
"Yeah and uh is uh is George still here?" She asked weakly.
"Yeah want me to send him in?"
She just nodded and accepted a light kiss on her forehead before her eyes followed him out of the room.
She rolled her head so she was looking at the roof and closed her eyes. She wondered if Elliot was only there because of what she had done or was he genuinely there for her, for always as he had promised.
When the door opened she didn't flinch, she knew who it was and as he approached the bed she slowly turned her head towards him and gave him a welcoming smile.
"Hey George." She grinned.
"Calmer now?" He asked as he arrived the side of the bed going straight for the restraints, he'd never agreed with manual restraints but understood that with Olivia they couldn't drug her with her being pregnant so this was their only option.
"Awww." She groaned as she moved her arms and legs properly for the first time in hours.
"Feel better?" he asked as Olivia sat up and pulled the blanket from the end of the bed.
"Much, thank you." She smiled as she wrapped the blanket around herself before relaxing into the cushions.
"Ok so you wanna talk?" He asked as she let out a gentle sigh.
"Nothing to talk about, I just didn't want to be alone." She replied being honest with him knowing it would be better for her in the long run.
"Ok, how about we talk about you throwing paint across the room. Wanna tell me what you were thinking then?" He asked knowing they had to talk about it.
"I was thinking that I am not crazy and I am not twelve so why on earth would they ask me to paint a fucking picture." She spat, she still wasn't over that.
"Ok so you're not a fan of art therapy then." Huang laughed gently.
"Oh I am, just for crazy people or children not for a forty one year old pregnant cop." She hissed.
"That's fine Olivia, what made you decide to throw the paint though?" He asked trying not to laugh at how she'd folded her arms and pouted like a child would.
"One of the nurses said they'd leave the paint in case I changed my mind, I said I wouldn't change my mind and asked her to move the paint before I threw them away. She said I wouldn't so such a thing ..."
"So you proved her wrong huh?" He laughed gently, he couldn't help himself, Olivia was definitely much more herself.
"Exactly, she shouldn't have challenged me." Olivia said before biting her bottom lip and laughing.
"What's funny?" Huang asked her unsure whether she was finding the same thing funny as he had.
"I told her I wasn't twelve and then acted just like a twelve year old would... Jesus George I had a fucking temper tantrum." She laughed, it was a heartier laugh, much like her normal laugh which he suddenly found relaxing him a little.
"Well that's fair enough, I think we're all entitled to act a little childishly sometimes." Huang smiled, he was relieved to see Olivia acting like her old self.
She smiled at him and then sat up right once again, she played with the edge of the blanket nervously and he could see something was on her mind.
"What is it Liv?" He asked using her nickname with a hope that she could see he didn't always have to be the shrink.
"Umm, do you think uh someone could get me uh some custard donuts? I'm having a really bad craving for them." She laughed nervously while George Huang broke out into a grin.
"Anything else you're craving because I think there are some very eager people who would get you whatever it was you wanted in the hopes of helping you feel better." Huang smiled thinking of the people in the waiting room.
"Chocolate milk." She smirked.
"Custard donuts and chocolate milk it is." He smiled. "You ok while I go and send someone?"
"Yeah. Can you ask Don to come in?" She was happy to see him now he'd seen her in her gown and in restraints.
"Of course." He smiled before heading for the door.
"George..."
"Yeah?" He asked turning back to face her.
"Tell everyone that I'll see them once I'm in my own clothes." She told him knowing that it would make them all feel a bit more confident that she hadn't completely lost it.
"I can do that." He smiled before finally leaving the room.
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54 Hours Remaining
With Elliot getting Olivia some clothing, Munch and Fin hunting down donuts and chocolate milk, Cragen talking with Olivia and Huang gone to talk with Olivia's doctors Melinda, Alex and Casey finally had some freedom to talk amongst themselves.
"She's going to be alright isn't she?" Alex started.
"Of course she is Lex, come on its Liv she's like the toughest woman we know." Casey replied even though she was unsure.
"I'm no psychiatrist guys but the fact that she wants a change of clothes and is craving donuts makes me think she's going to be just fine." Melinda interjected, it was at least what she was hoping anyway.
"Yeah, she's got it tough, I didn't know pregnancy could cause someone to have a psychotic attack." Alex sighed, she'd read lots of baby books with her desperate want to be a mother but she hadn't come across anything like this.
"Well there isn't any scientific proof about what causes psychotic breaks, there's no proof it was the pregnancy that caused Olivia's. She's had such a terrible time with Elliot fucking her and leaving her and her job and then the pregnancy, we could blame a lot of things." Melinda explained hoping that what was going on with Olivia wouldn't put any of her friends off becoming parents.
"So what you're saying is this could have happened even if Olivia didn't get pregnant?" Casey asked her heart beating fast.
"Absolutely, you could wake up tomorrow and go into a psychotic state Casey, it's not the same as eating healthy to avoid heart failure." Melinda explained further.
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53 hours remaining
Elliot was the first to return. Olivia had never been so relieved to see a bag of her own clothes ever before in her life as she did now.
"Thank you." She smiled wrapping her arms around his neck as Cragen excused himself so she could get changed.
Elliot helped her into a clean set of pyjamas and he even combed her hair to make her feel a little better about herself. She wrapped herself up in her robe just in time for a knock at the door.
"We've got custard donuts and chocolate milk." Munch grinned coming into the room.
"Oh my God have I ever told you how much I love you?" Olivia asked looking at both Munch and Fin who placed the items in front of her on the bed.
"Nope." Fin smiled. "You're looking good Liv."
"I feel good Fin." Olivia smiled as she opened one of the donut boxes.
"Good, because we can't wait for you to get out of here." Fin smiled as Olivia dug into her first donut.
"Oh so good!" She moaned savouring the flavour.
"I think we've just made her happy Munch." Fin grinned.
"I have to agree with you there, if I knew this is all it took to make a woman happy I'd buy Alex them every day." Munch laughed.
"Alex doesn't like custard donuts." Olivia smirked through a mouthful.
"I know Liv and can you not talk while you've got a mouthful please?"
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Next chapter, the rest of the hours.
