It was late.

I had been turning in bed for almost an hour, yet my eyes still didn't want to close.

My mind was crowded by too many thoughts and my body was pervaded by a sense of impotence. I was concerned for the whole situation we had going on with Donatella; it was tearing our class apart. His dad asked our school principal for a teacher, students and parents reunion, to discuss what had happened to his daughter, even though his convocation had to remain "secret", so that we didn't know what we would be talking about. Thankfully, our science teacher decided to inform us on the topics, helping us at least on being prepared.

But I wasn't satisfied with that. I knew deep down that the delicate equilibrium of our scholastic environment would have been destroyed by the end of the year. There wasn't a real overall bonding, and I was convinced that after the reunion our "group" would have ended up shattered and unfixable.

I thought I was in need of some sleep, so I shut my eyes trying to forget.

Holding onto my pillow, I sang a song inside my head:

-Talk to me softly,

there is something in your eyes,

don't hang your head in sorrow,

and please don't cry-

That lullaby was all over the room, and after a few more verses, I was finally asleep.

I was going out, it was break time and I couldn't contain myself.

I had taken four coffees throughout the morning and now I was ready to run a marathon. I flew outside the school, like never before, and I placed my back against one of the walls surrounding the entrance. I took one cigarette between my two fingers and lit it up, dropping a little burning spec over the back of my hand. I was waiting for Rudy to come out, because he'd begged me to leave a fag out for him as well, and in the meantime I was frantically dusting off my cigarette, causing it to bend a little.

When Rudy finally exited the door, he immediately recognized my slouchy figure attached to the wall and so he approached me, putting his sunglasses on in his usual, spotlight seeker way.

I promptly handed him his cigarette, nerves popping out of my flesh, he took it and asked for my lighter.

I turned to my left and threw it at him; he caught it with enough elegance and smiled at me with the cigarette still between his lips. The sides of his mouth curled up vehemently, showing his perfect set of teeth. I suddenly smiled back at him, as if it were contagious.

We started talking, but our conversation remained on a superficial level.

We weren't in the mood for going too deep; our thoughts were wandering silently through our minds, but they didn't feel like coming out. Yet.

We remained quiet for a while, letting the smoke dissolve in the cold air.

I was about to speak again, when, suddenly, a strong noise forced me to turn around and I noticed a blue Ford rushing through the school's parking lot.

The car harshly stopped and a scrawny down to the bone guy, with gaunt cheeks and big staring eyes came out of it.

Matteo, wrapped in a black long coat and a wool scarf, was confidently walking towards me, putting on a big, crooked smile as soon as he recognized me.

He was coming to meet me as if I hadn't seen him in ages.

As soon as he was standing right in front of me, his grin turned into a sweet smile and, without further explanation, he grabbed my chin and intensely kissed me, making me drop the cigarette from my hand in awe.

That was one of those kisses that you can only dream of until you actually get one. I literally wanted to jump on him and leave everything behind my shoulders; in that moment I couldn't permit anything stopping us from having each other. He lit my fire.

He pulled away from me, even though we didn't get enough, and looked down at me with the same, sly smile. He then noticed Rudy was staring at us and, referring to the cigarette I had just thrown to the ground because of his rush, he said:

"I'm glad you're quitting smoking for me… wanna share one?"

And he handed me another cigarette from his silver cigar holder.

I had no idea how he could possibly own anything like that; his taste was always incredibly peculiar, not to say, weird.

His eyes were coruscating with a supernatural sparkle, as if he'd just done something very exciting, the artificial blue of his irises sharply shining in they grey atmosphere.

When I was finally able to rehabilitate myself from his glance, I could notice all the people around staring at us, including Rudy. I tried to get us away:

"Matteo, why don't we go have a walk as we smoke in the meantime?"

"Sure." He briefly replied.

He was always down to escape with me.

Suddenly, though, Rudy grabbed my wrist:

"Hey, where are you going?" He asked.

"I actually really need to talk to him right now."

I tried to avoid the question.

"Yeah but, can't you do it here? And by the way, who is him?"

The questions were multiplied.

Before I could speak, Matteo stepped in front of me:

"I'm Matteo. And your name is…?"

"Rudy."

No 'nice to meet you', no smiles were exchanged and I didn't know what was happening.

I had never seen their aggressive side before, it was all new to me.

Matteo took me by the hand and brought me away from Rudy, directing towards him a winning smile, not before leaving him with a bare "See ya".

I was still shocked by his behavior while we were walking around school.

First, I wasn't expecting his visit, second, I could not have expected his kiss, third, I wasn't expecting he wouldn't like my best friend.

Anyway, my thoughts remained unspoken when he begun talking:

" I came here to ask you something, but I don't know if you'd ever agree. I know you're going to say no, but maybe you still like me enough to do it."

"Just say it Matt."

"I want you to sing. In public."

"Oh hell no! You know what happened last time and I don't want it to happen ever again in my life. I am meaningless enough in this life, I don't wanna become miserable."

"Please, I'm begging you. It's really important."

"How important?"

"Really."

"What even is it for and why me? I'm not that good."

"It's for something I've been planning for a long time, I need you to be in it. Your voice is what gives voice to my music, if you're not singing, I won't even do it anymore, I don't care.

But please, please, please, before saying no again, listen to it."

He handed me a CD with my name written on it in black sharpie.

I could recognize his handwriting, pointy and elongated, kinda like him.

Thinking about his words, I let out a response:

"Okay, fine, I'll listen to it, but it's still a no for now."

He smiled.

"Thanks. I've been missing you. A lot."

"Me too Matty."

His expression didn't look so serious anymore:

"No, not Matty please, anything but Matty!"

I started mocking him:

"Oh I love you so Matty! You're so cute Matty!"

"Shut up!"

He grabbed me by my waist and kissed me in the school's parking lot. I thought it was spring all of a sudden; I felt sun rays kissing me with him and the cold disappeared instantly. He was taking me away, melting me in the air, turning me into air. I was nothing other than free in that moment. I was nothing other than free with him, thanks to him.

He was the wind and I was helpless dust. I couldn't let go.

Home, finally.

Nothing was going to plan for lunch, so I decided not having spaghetti for once wouldn't have killed me.

My room was cold and empty, and I wanted some time by myself, so I closed the bedroom door and opened the window, sat on the window sill and lit a cigarette. Outside the sky was changing its colors into those of a sunset; it was only 3 p.m., but the incoming winter was already playing on the days' length.

Watching the spectacular view made me think about summer again.

Le notti a Rimini kept playing inside my head.

The nights in Rimini. Flashbacks. Over and over again.

I realized that I had never forgotten anything ever, and that I was living on memories.

My mind went places.

Dark, then brighter memories peaked slowly at the back of my eyes. I felt sad, bitter, knowing that I'd lost all of that together with my past.

When I came back to real life, it was time for me to actually put material effort in some kind of activity, so I chose to start studying.

A philosophy paper was due the next day, so I opened the book.

While doing so, my eyes fell on a random page: "Quotes by Sigmund Freud"

I looked at the first quote. It said, written in italic:

"Nothing that is mentally our own can ever be lost."