A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters
This is Jacob's side of Chapter six...my hubby read it and was like why is he being a jerk off? So hopefully this clarifies that.
JPOV
After Bella left last night, I collected up the cameras from the "Picture War" and wound the film. There wasn't much else I could do in the dark so I went into the darkroom and started to develop the film.
Part of me felt bad for what just happened, but another part of me, the part that craved her, was satisfied for the time being. I felt like a junkie, waiting for her to come back. I cursed Edward for taking her from me.
After I finished with the film I went to bed. I hoped when I woke up the power would have been restored. The last thing I thought of before I fell asleep was the sound of her saying my name.
When I woke up, the sky was gray with the promise of more rain. But the power was back on so I couldn't complain. Bella and I would be able to print some pictures today. I knew Jared was going to be calling soon to find out how the painting was coming along. He was anxious to have a few pieces for his gallery. The last ones I'd done for him had sold fast and made us both a pretty decent amount of money. I dressed and went down the coffee shop on the corner for a cup of coffee and got back to the studio a few minutes before noon.
I was standing at the window looking at the sky when I noticed Bella pull up. She waved and pointed at the phone rolling her eyes.
I nodded and rolled my eyes back, figuring she was talking to Edward. I walked away from the window and went to wait for her at the bottom of the stairs.
"Afternoon beautiful," I said kissing her.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," she shivered, "its chilly today."
I nodded. "Winter's going to come early this year," I glanced at the sky, "Yup, it'll be snowing before we know it. Come on, I developed all the film last night, and we have pictures to print."
"You developed the film war film?" she asked
I shook my head, "And from what I've seen they're pretty good pictures. I don't know what I'm going to do with them, but they're cute."
"You won't be able to have a show or whatever they call it?"
I laughed, "What would I call it? Pictures of a beautiful girl?"
Bella shrugged, "Hey, people have some crazy paintings hanging up in their houses. Why wouldn't they want your photographs?"
"It doesn't work like that. But don't worry about it. I'll figure something out." I grabbed her hand and we walked up the stairs.
"How do you pay your bills if you're not selling your work?" Bella asked.
"I own the building; there are four apartments downstairs that I rent out. The art is just for fun," I said crossly, not like its any of your business, I thought nastily.
"I'm sorry, that was rude of me," Bella apologized.
I pushed the door to the studio open and she followed me inside. "How much trouble did you get in for being gone all night?" I asked.
"None," she replied, "The bastard wasn't even home."
"Where was he?" I asked my curiosity definitely peaked; maybe he was cheating on her.
"San Francisco. He was asked to go to a conference for PTSD by a colleague. He'll be gone for three days." I smiled at the wicked gleam in jakes eyes.
"So, he left you all alone with me for three days?" I sauntered closer.
"Mhmm. He'll be back Sunday night."
"I like it," I said grabbing her waist; the urge to be close to her was undeniable.
"We have pictures to print, mister." she laughed, "We have two days to do all that. Now come on."Bella grabbed my hand and drug me toward the dark room.
We went into the dark room, I turned the red lights on explained the entire process; I walked Bella through the steps a few times and then let her do it herself. I leaned against the table and watched her set the photo into the developer bath.
I got the fourth degree from Alice this morning over breakfast," she said.
"Really? About what?" I asked, grabbing her waist.
"Missing our movie night last night; we were supposed to go out and when she came by to get me I wasn't there. She wanted to know where I was. I had to lie and then the stupid waitress damn near blew my cover; Said I was 'glowing.' Like I'm some kind of firefly or something."
"You do look radiant," I said, laughing. She glared at me from over her shoulder, "Not the point," she said heatedly, "she almost ousted me. I had to lie to Alice and I hate lying."
I stopped laughing, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in a position where you have to lie to everyone."
"You didn't put me in any kind of position," I said, turning to face him, "If we're being honest with each other, I seduced you, I came onto came onto you. You didn't do anything wrong. This one's on me."
"What are you gonna do? About Edward, I mean."
"That depends," she said.
"On what?" I asked.
"You."
"Me?" I looked at her, my eyes wide. Shit, I thought, this can not be good.
"Yes you. What are we doing? What was last night? Was it just sex, the product of sad stories and the blackout? Or something more?" I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and stared up at him.
"Bella," I sighed, this was going to hurt her, "I barely know you-"
Bella took a deep breath, I could see the tears she was fighting, "It was just sex; I get it Jake."
"I'm not going to ask you to leave your boyfriend. I enjoyed last night, I enjoy spending time with you, but asking you to leave Edward is out of the question."
"I don't know what to do," she moaned.
I wanted to grab her in my arms and tell her to leave the scum bag, to be with me. I wanted to tell her that even though I barely knew her, I felt this unexplainable pull to her. I wanted to say, "Your toxic, I know you're probably bad for me but I need you like the air I breathe. When your not here I feel like a fiend, counting the hours until I can see you, be near you again."
Instead I said, "It's easy Bella, stay with Edward, I'm no good for you. You saw that last night. I'm selfish and petty and pretty damn good at destroying anything good that comes my way."
She shook her head at me, "That was the past. You just need someone to love you. Let me love you, let me make it better."
Yes, I thought, love me, and make me better. But I couldn't do that.
"You can't make it better, Bella. You have a life with Edward, he can give you the things that you want, the things you need. I can't give you any of that. I have nothing to give you except what I gave you last night. And as long as you want it, I'll give it to you. That's all I have to give."
"I have to go," she sobbed, and ran for the door.
I felt horrible, but I couldn't let her mess her life up. I was a worthless piece of shit, I would ruin her life; eventually, just like I ruined Leah's. If Leah had never met me, never married me, she'd still be alive and happy and healthy. Her parents would have their daughter, not some vegetable that looked like their daughter.
Bella stepped into the door and grabbed the handle to spin it shut. I fought myself, part of me argued to let her go; let her walk out the door and just go back to the way her life had been. But the other part of me, the addicted part, told me that my life would be ruined if she walked out the door. I grabbed the door before it could close, "Bella, wait," I pleaded. "Don't go."
She sighed and stepped back into the darkroom.
"I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be," I apologized. "Maybe someday I can be that guy, but not today. This is all I have to give you and it's yours if you want it."
I lowered my mouth to hers and gave her all I had, all I could afford to give her.
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