Author's Note: This chapter is another visit with the inimitable Sergeant Duncan. It's not as intense as the previous one, but if you are particularly sensitive you might want to skip it.


"WAKE UP YOU STUPID MAGGOT! ON YOUR FEET!"

I was out of bed on pure reflex before my brain even engaged. Thank god I sleep in a shirt and skivvies.

"STAND STRAIGHT YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF CRAP! DO NOT ALLOW THE THOUGHT OF MOVEMENT TO CROSS YOUR TINY MAGGOT BRAIN OR I WILL DIG THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN THROUGH YOUR EYEBALL!" Duncan's face was about half an inch from my nose; his spit was flying all over me and his breath stank to high heaven of garlic and onions, so bad it made my eyes water.

"ARE YOU CRYING YOU WUSS-ASS LITTLE PANSY? BADASS RULERS OF THIS PROUD NATION DO NOT CRY LIKE MOMMA'S BOYS! IF I WANT YOU TO CRY, I WILL GIVE YOU CAUSE!" He belted me in the stomach, knocking the wind right out of me. I doubled over, arms crossed over my belly as I tried and failed to suck in a breath.

"I SAID STAND STRAIGHT, YOU FESTERING DOG TURD!" He grabbed my collar and yanked me upright, but I physically could not straighten up. When I failed, he backhanded me across the face, knocking me to the ground again.

I was still trying to get air in my lungs; he gave me a couple of seconds, then kicked me hard in the thigh. "I SAID UP!" Another two or three seconds, another kick. "UP, YOU GOATLICKER!" Nine or ten kicks later my leg felt like pulped meat but I was finally able to get a breath again.

Another kick, another insult; I could have stood up and just taken it, but red rage was pouring through me and washing away any concern for consequences. I tangled my legs in his and rolled to the side to bring him crashing down.

Or, at least, I tried to. I made him fall, but he rolled smoothly out of it and came up on the other side of the room.

Where he proceeded to stand up straight, smiling beatifically. Damnit.

"Finally! I was wondering what it was going to take to get you to hit back!"

I was still fuming, but I kept myself still. Yesterday had taught me that attacking Sergeant Duncan with anything less than a howitzer was a losing proposition. After a moment, something occured to me; I smiled evilly at him. "Out of curiosity Sergeant, what time is it?"

His response was prompt. "Three a.m. Your Mighty Lordship sir; time for eager young trainees to be up and about, learning to man up." It was positively revolting how disgustingly chipper he sounded. Evil, but chipper. Someone ate his Evil-O's this morning.

"Ok, look. Clearly, I still can't handle this stuff when I'm surprised, but I can if I've got thirty seconds to myself to get prepped; I think I showed that in the War Room, with Duke Frederick. Will you give me a chance to show you?"

Duncan stared at me for a long moment, considering. Finally he shrugged fatalistically and crossed his arms, tossing his head head slightly to the door. I limped past him and stepped outside, closing the door gently behind me. Right outside were four Landguard that I didn't recognize, standing guard at my door. Much like Robert, Rob, Bob, and Aerith, these four all looked like heavily armed walking walls.

"Excuse me, guys. Which one of you is senior here?" I asked.

The one at the left front stood to attention. "Sergeant Madison sir. What can we do for you?"

"Would you please go get...oh, let's say, ten Landguards and have them report here on the double? When they get here, all of you come right in. Don't bother to knock."

He didn't bat an eye. "Certainly, M'Lord." A few brief words and one of those smoke sparrows went winging off.

I limped back inside, closing the door slowly and softly. Duncan was waiting with a positively thunderous expression on his face. "Done with your little breather, pissant? 'Cause we sure ain't done here."

"Thanks for giving me a second to gather up. I'm fine now, and good to go. Before we start, though, could you just answer a couple questions for me? I learn faster when I understand the context."

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Fine. What d'you want to know, wuss?"

"Well," I paused, collecting my thoughts. "You've been doing this—training new recruits, that is—for a long time, right?"

"Twenty three years. What's that got to do with anything?"

I shrugged. "Just getting a sense of things. You're good at your job, I just wanted to understand how you got that experience, why you do it this particular way, what kind of problems most of your recruits have—that kind of thing. If I know, then I can avoid those mistakes and get where we're going faster. Was this the way you were trained?"

He snorted. "Nah. My DI was a hardass; nowadays there's this new idea that recruits should be coddled. 'Use the stick and the carrot, Sergeant' says the Commander. So I have to be all soft on 'em."

I whistled and shook my head slowly with a rueful smile. "If this is soft, Sergeant, I shudder to think what you consider hard."

He grunted with just the tiniest hint of shared humor. Then he stepped forward. "Ok, pissbucket, that's enough jawing. Time to get back to work."

I held up my hands in a 'stop' gesture. "Hang on, hang on. Just a couple more things."

He shifted his weight back, one toe tapping. "Make it quick."

"Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to waste your time. My bad. Anyway, um..." I paused, frowning as though I'd lost my train of thought. "Ah, right, I remember. You're teaching me to deal with confrontation, right?"

"Damn straight. Can't have a ruler that lets people walk all over him."

"You're absolutely right. Thanks for the training, by the way...it hurts like hell, but I think it's helping, don't you?"

He snorted again and tossed his head in a small shrug. "Damned if I know. Yesterday I had to actually stand at attention before you'd man up and do anything but get your ass kicked. Today you just lay there while I kicked the crap out of you. Eventually you at least tried to hit back but it was the most limp-wristed attack I've ever seen. If you keep going at this rate we'll all be dead of old age by the time you learn."

I smiled sadly. "Yeah, probably true. It's been a problem all my life, honestly. Anyway, the real thing I wanted to ask you was—" Just then the door opened and two full squads of Landguard piled through.

"Gentlemen, please come in," I grinned, inviting the armed and armored defensive line of the Greenbay Packers farther into the room.

Duncan didn't look even vaguely surprised. If anything, he seemed to sigh.

"Would you all be so kind as to restrain Sergeant Duncan for me?" They moved in on him, looking none too sanguine about the idea. A moment later, all eleven of them were in a frenzied scrum, moving too fast for me to follow. It took a few seconds, and when it ended five of the new arrivals were disabled on the ground, but Duncan was face down on the carpet, two men kneeling on his legs while a third cranked his arms up behind him with a knee on his neck for control.

I walked up to Duncan, gently getting down on the carpet and stretching out in front of him, my chin on my folded hands and my legs kicking up behind me like a kid watching cartoons. I knew taunting was tacky, but I really couldn't help myself. I smiled at him sweetly. "Sergeant, I'd like to thank you very much for the teaching you've been giving me. It's really helping a lot," I told him in a butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth tone. "If you don't mind though, I'd like to offer a few suggestions. First off, you might want to learn the difference between three a.m. and noon. Second, go look up the word 'stalling'. Third...don't mess with engineers. We're sneaky, and we always keep our promises."

I turned to the Landguard who were restraining Duncan. "Would you all be so kind as to throw Sergeant Duncan in the nearest dungheap?"

The one I had spoken to didn't bat an eye. "Face up or face down, M'Lord?"

"Oh, face down, by all means. And please make sure he's conscious for it."

Duncan was struggling now and cursing a blue streak, but the troops didn't seem to care. One of the ones that had been on the floor pushed himself to his feet with a groan and led the way out the door; three of the others carried Duncan out face down, his arms and legs securely tied. There was a little trouble getting them all out the door while carrying Duncan, but they managed. A few minutes later, a pair of clerics came in, fixed my leg, healed the unconscious 'Guards, and led them away.

Me? I went back to bed and slept the sleep of the righteously avenged.